be nonsuited. I do not know whether I make myself understood; but you understand me right when you believe I am Oxford, June 24, 1713. HONOURED SIR, • Your most humble servant, YOUR character of Guardian makes it not only necessary, but becoming, to have several employed under you. And being myself ambitious of your service, I am now your humble petitioner to be admitted into a place I do not find yet disposed of-I mean that of your lion-catcher". It was, Sir, for want of such commission from your honour, that very many lions have lately escaped. However, I made bold to distinguish a couple. One I found in a coffee-house-He was of the larger sort, looked fierce, and roared loud. I considered wherein he was dangerous; and accordingly expressed my displeasure against him, in such a manner upon his chaps, that now he is not able to show his teeth. The other was a small lion, who was slipping by me as I stood at the corner of an alley-I smelt the creature presently, and catched at him, but he got off with the loss of a lock of hair only, which proved of a dark colour. This and the teeth abovementioned I have by me, and design them both for a present to Button's coffee-house. Besides this way of dealing with them, I have invented many curious traps, snares, and artificial baits, which, it is humbly conceived, cannot fail of clearing the kingdom of the whole species in a short time. See inventory of play-house-goods, by Addison, in the Tat. No. 42; and the last letter of this No. 95. This letter refers to Guard. No. 71. an essay on political lions, by Addison. This is humbly submitted to your honour's consideration; and I am ready to appear before your honour, to answer to such questions as you, in your great wisdom, shall think meet to ask, whenever you please to command 'Your Honour's most obedient humble servant, HERCULES CRABTREE". Midsummer-day. SIR, N. B. I have an excellent nose.' READING in your yesterday's paper, a letter from Daniel Button, in recommendation of his coffee-house for polite conversation and freedom from the argument by the Button", I make bold to send you this to assure you, that at this place there is as yet kept up as good a decorum in the debates of politics, trade, stocks, &c. as at Will's, or at any other coffee-house at your end of the town. In order therefore to preserve this house from the arbitrary way of forcing an assent, by seizing on the collar, neckcloth, or any other part of the body, or dress, it would be of signal service if you would be pleased to intimate, that we who frequent this place after Exchange-time, shall have the honour of seeing you here sometimes; for that would be a sufficient guard for us from all such petty practices, and also be a means of enabling the honest man, who keeps the house, to continue to serve us with the best bohea and green tea, and coffee, and will in a particular manner oblige, 'Tom's coffee-house, in Cornhill, June 19, 1713. SIR, Your humble servant, " P. S. The room above stairs is the handsomest in this part of the town, furnished with large pier b See Guard. Nos. 84. and 85. glasses for persons to view themselves in, who have no business with any body else, and every way fit for the reception of fine gentlemen.' · SIR, 'I AM a very great scholar, wear a fair wig, and have an immense number of books curiously bound and gilt. I excel in a singularity of diction and manners, and visit persons of the first quality. In fine, I have by me a great quantity of cockle-shells, which, however does not defend me from the insults of another learned man, who neglects me in a most insupportable manner: for I have it from persons of undoubted veracity, that he presumed once to pass by my door without waiting upon me. Whether this be consistent with the respect which we learned men ought to have for each other, I leave to your judgment, and am, SIR, • Your affectionate friend, 'PHILAUTUS'.' 6 FRIEND NESTOR, I HAD always a great value for thee, and have so still but I must tell thee, that thou strangely affectest to be sage and solid: now pr'ythee let me observe to thee, that though it be common enough for people as they grow older to grow graver, yet it is not so common to become wiser. Verily to me thou seemest to keep strange company, and with a positive sufficiency incident to old age, to follow too much thine own inventions. Thou dependest too much likewise upon thy correspondence here, and art apt to take people's words without consideration. But my present business with thee is to expostulate with thee about a late paper occasioned, as thou i See Tat. Nos. 216. 221, and notes, say'st, by Jack Lizard's information, my very good friend, that we are to have a Public Act. Now I say, in that paper, there is nothing contended for which any man of common sense will deny all that is there said, is, that no man or woman's reputation ought to be blasted, i. e. nobody ought to have an ill character, who does not deserve it. Very true; but here's this false consequence insinuated, that therefore nobody ought to hear of their faults; or in other words, let any body do as much ill as he pleases, he ought not to be told of it. Art thou a patriot, Mr. Ironside, and wilt thou affirm, that arbitrary proceedings and oppression ought to be concealed or justified? Art thou a gentleman, and woulds't thou have base, sordid, ignoble tricks connived at, or tolerated? Art thou a scholar, and would'st thou have learning and good-manners discouraged? Would'st thou have cringing servility, parasitical shuffling, fawning, and dishonest compliances, made the road to success? Art thou a Christian, and would'st thou have all villanies within the law practised with impunity? Should they not be told of it? It is certain, there are many things which though there are no laws against them, yet ought not to be done; and in such cases there is no argument so likely to hinder their being done, as the fear of public shame for doing them. The two great reasons against an act are always, the saving of money, and hiding of roguery.' [Here many things are omitted which will be in the speech of the Terræfilius.] And now, dear Old Iron, I am glad to hear that at these years thou hast gallantry enough left to have thoughts of setting up for a knight-errant, a tamer of monsters, and a defender of distrest damsels. 'Adieu, old fellow, and let me give thee this ad vice at parting. E'en get thyself case-hardened*; for though the very best steel may snap, yet old iron you know will rust. theatrical army. UMBRA. THIS day arrived the vanguard of the Your friend, Mr. George Powel, commanded the artillery both celestial and terrestrial. The magazines of snow, lightning, and thunder, are safely laid up". We have had no disaster on the way, but that of breaking Cupid's bow by a jolt of the waggon: but they tell us they make them very well in Oxford. We all went in a body, and were shown your chambers in Lincoln college. The Terræfilius expects you down, and we of the theatre design to bring you into the town with all our guards. Those of Alexander the Great, Julius Cæsar, and the faithful retinue of Cato, shall meet you at Shotover. The ghost of Hamlet, and the statue which supped with Don John, both say, that though it be at noonday, they will attend your entry. Every body expects you with great impatience. We shall be in very good order when all are come down. We have sent to town for a brickwall which we forgot. The sea is to come by water. • Your most humble servant, This day was published, The Trial and Conviction of Count Tariff. Printed for A. Baldwin, near the Oxford Arms, in Warwick-lane. Price 3d.-Guard. in fol. By the author of the following paper. k A conceit on Steele's name; case-hardening of iron. is a superficial conversion of that metal into steel. See Guard. No. 102, ad finem, by Addison. 1 See Guard. No. 72. and notes. m See Tat. No. 42. Inventory of the play-house; and Guard. No. 72. • See notes on Guard. Nos. 10. and 15. Mr. L. Eusden was perhaps the writer of this and the preceding letter from Oxford. See The Publisher to the Reader. |
