The Goffips, not at all inquiring into the cause of his forrow, only afked if the Child had no hurt? and cry'd, "Come, come, all is well; what has "the Woman done but her duty? a tight cleanly "wench I warrant her; what a ftir a man makes "about a Bason, that an hour ago, before this la"bour was bestowed upon it, a Country Barber "would not have hung at his shop door.', A Ba'fon! (cry'd another) no fuch matter, 'tis no

thing but a paultry old Sconce, with the nozzle "broke off." The learned Gentlemen, who till now had flood fpeechlefs, hereupon looking narrowly on the Shield, declared their Affent to this latter opinion; and defired Cornelius to be com forted, affuring him it was a Sconce and no other. But this, inftead of comforting, threw the Doctor into fuch a violent Fit of Paffion, that he was carried off groaning and fpeechlefs to bed; where being quite fpent, he fell into a kind of flumber.

CHA P. IV.

Of the Suction and Nutrition of the Great Scriblerus in his Infancy, and of the first Rudiments of his Learning.

A

S foon as Cornelius awaked, he raised himfelf on his elbow, and cafting his eye on

Mrs. Scriblerus, spoke as follows.

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Wifely was it "faid by Homer, that in the Cellar of Jupiter are "two barrels, the one of good, the other of evil, "which he never beftows on mortals separately, but "conftantly mingles them together. Thus at the "fame time hath Heav'n blefied me with the birth

of a Son, and afflicted me with the fcouring of "6 my Shield. Yet let us not repine at his Difpen"fations, who gives, and who takes away; but "rather join in prayer, that the Ruft of Antiquity "which he hath been pleafed to take from my "Shield, may be added to my Son; and that fo "much of it, as it is my purpose he shall contract "in his Education, may never be deftroyed by any "Modern polishing."

He could no longer bear the fight of the Shield, but ordered it fhould be removed for ever from his eyes. It was not long after purchas'd by Dr. Wood

ward, who, by the affiftance of Mr. Kemp, incrufted it with a new Ruft, and is the fame whereof a Cut hath been engraved, and exhibited to the great Contentation of the learned.

Cornelius now began to regulate the Suction of his child. Seldom did there pass a day without difputes between him and the Mother, or the Nurse, concerning the nature of Aliment. The poor Woman never dined but he denied her fome dish or other, which he judged prejudicial to her milk. One day she had a longing defire to a piece of beef, and as the ftretch'd her hand towards it, the old gentleman drew it away, and fpoke to this effect. "Hadft thou read the Ancients, O Nurse, thou "would't prefer the welfare of the Infant which "thou nourishest, to the indulging of an irregular "and voracious Appetite. Beef, it is true, may "confer a Robuftness on the limbs of my fon, but "will hebetate and clog his Intellectuals." While he fpoke this, the Nurfe looked upon him with much anger, and now and then caft a wishful eye upon the Beef-" Paffion, (continued the Doctor, "still holding the dish) throws the mind into too "violent a fermentation; it is a kind of Fever of "the foul, or, as Horace expreffes it, a fhort Mad"nefs. Confider, Woman, that this day's Suction my fon caufe him to imbibe many ungomay "vernable Paffions, and in a manner fpoil him for

" of

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"the temper of a Philofopher. Romulus by fucking a Wolf, became of a fierce and favage difpo"fition: and were I to breed fome Ottoman Em

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peror, or Founder of a Military Commonwealth, "perhaps I might indulge thee in this carnivorous Appetite." What, interrupted the Nurfe, Beef fpoil the understanding? that's fine indeed-how then could our Farfon preach as he does upon Beef, and Pudding too, if you go to that? Don't tell me of your Ancients, had not you almost killed the poor babe with a Dish of Dæmonial black Broth ?— "Lacedæmonian black Broth, thou would'ft fay,

(replied Cornelius) but I cannot allow the furfeit "to have been occafioned by that diet, fince it was "recommended by the Divine Lycurgus. No, "Nurse, thou must certainly have eaten fome meats "of ill Digeftion the day before, and that was the "real caufe of his diforder. Confider, Woman, "the different Temperaments of different Na"tions: What makes the English Phlegmatick and

melancholy, but Beef? what renders the Welsh "fo hot and cholerick, but Cheese and Leeks? the "French derive their levity from their Soups, Frogs,

and Mushrooms: I would not let my Son dine "like an Italian, left like an Italian he fhould be jealous and revengeful: The warm and folid diet

of Spain may be more beneficial, as it might endue him with a profound Gravity, but at the

"fame time he might fuck in with their food their " intolerable Vice of Pride. Therefore, Nurse, in fhort, I hold it requifite to deny you at present, "not only Beef, but likewife whatsoever any of "thofe Nations eat." During this fpeech, the Nurse remained pouting and marking her plate with the knife, nor would the touch a bit during the whole dinner. This the old Gentleman obferving, ordered that the Child, to avoid the rifque of imbibing ill humours, fhould be kept from her breaft all that day, and be fed with Butter, mixed with Honey, according to a Prescription he had met with fomewhere in Euftathius upon Homer. This indeed gave the Child a great loofenefs, but he was not concerned at it, in the opinion that whatever harm it might do his body, would be amply recompenfed by the improvements of his understanding. But from thenceforth he infifted every day upon a particular Diet to be observed by the Nurfe; under which having been long uneafy, fhe at laft parted from the family, on his ordering her for dinner the Paps of a Sor with Pig; taking it as the highest indignity, and a direct Infult upon her Sex and Calling.

Four years of young Martin's life paffed away in fquabbles of this nature. Mrs. Scriblerus confidered it was now time to inftruct him in the fundamentals of Religion, and to that end took no small pains