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glad to see 'em ; paternize them intuition would soon bend that to as long as they are here; but at least a warrantable degree of seems to us they do hang on. One

curve. We

say

this without at all was drownded last week in Sa- meaning to reflect on Mr. Oüel, mon's mill-pond. He duv off a whose playing-hand no doubt conhigh post, and hit his head onto a scientiously follows the school in log. When he come up there which it was fetched up, and is war n't no life into him; and bu- far from meaning to do wrong. ried with military honors. Ano- To compensate this, his slide is ther who lives near to us died day wonderful; and in some instances before yesterday from eating cu- we thought he would be flat down, cumbers; and others are in the lapsing considerably beyond the poor-house. Sic transept gloriam slight tromulo which would have undi.

been sufficient. We would re

commend a shake-and-a-half more MRS. BUTLER'S READINGS.

in the à fortiori passage of the This lady read a play to Bunkum

caveat tu Luscreechia, and a little a-Monday week. She done it with more firmness in the cadenza; as transcendant loveliness. Ham

this is only in accordance with pered as we are with incessant the tictacs of the very best violin. toil in our office for your instruc- players during the last fifty years. tion, kind readers, (delinquent sub- It is, however, a mere shadow on scribers included,) it was a sooth- the general sunlight of that ex. ing quietus to our jaded faculties. quisite caveat, for which we thank We rose on her inflections, sank

friend for rendering it so well in her die-away, startled at her terror, blackened in her scowl, instrument, M. Oüel is, in the up

as he done it. In handling the palpitated in our heart at her ca- ward stroke, firm and judicious ; dences, and swelled to bursting his downward stroke might be with her rage; and rose, sank, floundered and foundered' in the praps a leetle whittled away, we

think; not, however, without danstorm of her tumultuous

passages. When we returned to our office cal arrival in the last year has

ger to the equipoise. No musiwe said to Mr. Thomas : • Put us

produced so much excitement in to bed! We cannot take off our

Bunkum, the Puffingtons not excoat!'

cepted. We have only one fault Musical CRITICISM. - On last to find with him : he wants tact.

His short advertisement we could night M. Screitch Oüel played the violin before a select few. The not print at the amount offered ; last time we heard this difficult but he sent us a free ticket. instrument was in the hands of Cuffi. Apart from the ruddy

MURDER is where a man is murflesh-color of the style of playing derously killed. Murder by poiso prevalent nowadays, we thought son is as much murder as murder we perceived a sombre cast of in- with a gun. It is the killing that tonation which marks the school makes murder, in the eye of the of Banjoelli. His fingering we law. Fellow.de-Sea is another thought a trifle defective in the thing. management of the second joint Be virtuous and you will be of the little finger, although some happy.

LORD BACON.

CATO.

for him to write onto. Hope it is true, New Publications.

and that we shall be there at the time

they ’re handed to him, for there 'll be FESTUS : A Poem. Printed first in London, and a'terwards in the United'n States'n. In elegant speakin'. We will contribute, even one volume. pp. 1871.

out of our not very full puss, the price of We have received the following critique for that chair and table.

one year's subscription to the Flag-Staff'

If he ever of the above, also written in blank verse :

comes to our office, we will, to make use 'Tis a great poem. Tallest man in a crowd of a 'umerous expression, give him three Is Bailey, and that crowd the men of an age, cheers! He always means well. Lesser or larger. Milton, broad of shoulders, Without no eye in his head, but eye in his soul, Sweeping a circle big as a cart-wheel : Avon, sweet bard) with natur' in his train, Poems: by J. SOMEBODY, Esq., Author of The And so on, many others. Let that pass.

Owlets of Goose-Creek,' Get.u-göhna, or With Festus we pull up; put it into our pipes the Yelled-to-Death of the Wyckenquok,' an And smoke it; chew it like a cud,

Indian Legend, etc. New-York: SMITH AND Put it in our cheek like a quid,

SMITHSON. Roll it like a sweet morsel under the tongue. 'Tis true we oft have seen the devil's pictur', With a most elegant snow-white be. But never herd the ole gen'lman speak so welí

, spangled paper cover, delicately stitched, As if he sot in his own parlor talking,

with a wide margin, plenty of blanks, and And a.puttin' on the angel; light in visage, With a heart as black as soot, and his long tail of a luscious workmanship, indicating the Like a Mandarin's cue tied up.

extreme modesty of Mr. SOMEBODY, who Stupendous Festus ! full of great big thoughts, deems his poems to be such refulgent gems Hurled and detached like masses from the that they must have a settin' to match.

mainland, Brooded over by a spirit bold and daring, We suspect Mr. SOMEBODY will turn out Mr. BAYLEY!

to be Nobody. This remark is severe, but

it is deserved. CLARK'S KVICKERBOCKER MAGAZINE FOR JULY. In one volume. pp. 96. Published by Mr.

LOVE-SICK TALES: Collected from all the SAMUEL HUESTON, (not the Texas General,) at Number 139 Nassau-street, New York.

Magazines. By ELIZABETH SPINSTER. This periodical Magazine comes out A LABOR of love. Time would fail to with a pictur' of the man himself, HYPE- characterize the volume as it deserves. RIUM's curls onto it, and a small black We therefore pass it by, and en passong, watch-chain, and his signatur', with cus- as the Frenchmen say, we must say it is tomary bird's-claw, underneath. It's as quite passable. like him as two peas; featur's extr'ordinary correct, but somehow or nother it only looks like him as Lake Meopac with

Communications. out no breeze onto it looks like Lake Me. opac when there is a little breeze onto it. Mr. Editor: Sir :- I notice that the He was in a very sedative humor, guess, Rev. Mr. Hanks in the Ark of Noah,' when that was taken ; but a single hair- speaking of my invention of the Bobble, stroke would 'gin it all it wants. Gash alludes to it as the work of a Mr. Gums. that crease in the forward a little deeper, I beg to inform him that the Mr. Gums Mr. Cheney - no matter if the blood who done it is well known to community, comes - and chisel out that nick in the and to the continent of Europe ; and with corner of his meöuth, and then you have all due respect to Grammar, the definite him in the attitude of telling that story article might be as well applied to him as about Mr. MacREADY; and if Mr. Ma- others worthy of the same notice. CREADY do n't laugh when he sees that,

Truly yours, we do n't know. Very much obliged to him for the compliment of copyin' out a THE definite article is so small Jarge portion of the Flag-Staff.' Let him keep on in the way he's been a-doin a matter about which to quarrel in his• Editor's Table’ the last fifteen years about, that we trusted to see it or so, and he 'll get the love of commu- righted, especially as we think that nity. We was told last week by Mr. the Gums, is better grammar

than Smith, that some of OLD KNICK.'s ad. a Gums, and sounds better, and mirers in the city was about to present looks better, and in fact is better. to set into, and a han’sum editor's table Howsomever, for to compromise

PHILIP GUMS.

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A CONSTANT SUBSORIBER.

the matter, we propose that he be

Her form is straight as Indian reed,

And all her footsteps lightly fall; simply alluded to as Gums.

SUSANNA will make hearts to bleed,
ED. B. F. 8. AND I. E.

If men have any hearts at all.
Oh! could the beaux exact the bliss

To sip her lips of honey.dew, Mr. Flag-STAFF: I am stopt of my A shining guinea for each kiss, rest o' nights by my neighbors' dogs, roos

Methinks there would be money due. ters a-crowin', and a little screech-owl onto a bough. With the dogs, it is • ki-i! ki-i!'

For oh! they're ripe, and oh I they 're red,

But sighing is of no avail, the whole blessed nocturnal watches; with They higher hang above our heads the roosters, an unceasing dhudal-dhu!' Than all the grapes of Rosendale. till Dan Phebus' luminary, and the little owl most dismal. The dogs I won't stand. This is to give my neighbors warning that if they don't tie their curs' throats tite and

HISTORICAL SOCIETY OF BUN. hermetically seal them, I shall herewith KUM : Monthly Meeting. Old enter upon a crusade with six-shooters, Mr. Snaps read a paper on the following it up with sharp sticks and warm philosophical connection there is applications.

between Historic Lore and the

development of a nation's PrinciDear Mr. EDITOR : – If you think ples. It lasted for two hours, durthe enclosed copy of verses will do credit ing which, it enchained the audi. to your paper, you are welcome to publish ence in the stillness of death, from them. Please send me a dozen or twenty which the bursting of all the guns copies for my friends, and put it in a con. in the arsenal wouldn't wake them. spicuous place. It is my first attempt in print, and if you see any thing in it com.

The main design of it was to make mendable, please say so. It has been much a great effort, and to show the inadmired by those who have read it in Ms. tellectual strength of Mr. SNAPS. I should feel much reluctance to venture The effect was profound. Those with it in print, had I not been pressingły who remained vake at the end requested to do so by a number of friends, who think it will subserve the cause of of one hour, were seized with a letters. I beg to premise, that it was writ- violent fit of coughing, which aften in great haste, and is not so good as flicted them to a really painful dethe author can write, if needs be. I expect a compensation. Please say, in an

gree. But the orator, with a kindly swer to this, whether you wish me to write sympathy for them, was tender for your newspaper, as I have a large col- enough to wait until they had parlection of Mss., which will be offered on tially recovered, which time he reasonable terms, both poetry and prose. P. S. Would you have the kindness to with a glass of cold water.

spent in gargling his mouth out

He exert your influence with the Bunkum bookseller to publish a uniform edition of then proceeded to a consumma

tion, not until he had built

up

and Dear Sir: I open this again after it is compacted his subject with all the closed, to say if you will send me the proof- nails, and screws, and metaphysical sheet, and also direct attention to it in a hammers, so that it cannot at all be little editorial, as it is my first attempt in hoved, but stands forever, monuprint, you will oblige, William G. NOKER.

mentum ærius — a brazen monuOf all the girls in Rosendale,

ment. The fair SUBANNA beats them all;

Mr. DUMBIDIKES followed in an When at the ball, or on the green, The fair SUSANNA meets them all. elaborate essay on the clam-banks

of Long-Island, with an allusion to No word of mouth, no tongue can tell, Her sweet ingenuous, modest grace;

clamb-aches, and respect to DANWhen blush on blush comes rippling o'er | IEL WEBSTER, all of which was

SUBANNA's charming face.

my works?

mov

well received. He explained why and a few seconds old. Charley was a sad

, it was that the abdomens of the

No longer seek his merits to disclose!' soft-clam-eaters on the south-side

On the 1st prox., WILLIAM, son of the Editor rose and fell with the tides of the of this paper, aged three months, just as we

are going to press. Atlantic. It was the simple prin

SWEET infant flower, too whilom snatched away, ciple of expansion and contraction, To grace a blooming coronet on high.

Printer's please copy. arising out of supply and demand. Neither electricity nor magnetism had nothing to do with it. Mr. Von Wiebel notified the

Answers to Correspondents. society that he had received a pre

TOMMY.' - In answer to TOMMY,' who wants to

know how much tail for his kite, we have only sent of a couple of old chairs from

to say, pattin him on the head with the hand of Amsterdam, and they were now

our mind, make the tail according to your kite,

my boy, or if you have only so much rags, then brought in in a shackly condition.

your kite according to the tail. On motion it was resolved, that •x. Y. Z.!. We can procure you a jackass, but

none with such long ears by half a foot as you the thanks of the Society be re- want. There are plenty of jacks with ears long turned, and that they be deposited

enough for a reasonable man.

Write your

wishes by the next post. in the cock-loft till wanted.

• UMBRA.' -' Our suffering Sir.' Tell us who Mr. FLIPKINS read a paper on

took your umbrella, and we shall see what we

shall see. Putty, its discovery, early uses,

V. Z. Q.' Your request is inadmissible. We fluctuations in the price of the can't lend you our tooth-brush for a day's joursame, and the present mode of

ney. We have had experience in that way. Mr.

Thomas borrowed it, and kept it a week. using the article in putty-guns. .C.P. A. B.,' threatens to pull our nose if we do All those who heard the essay will

not apologize. We have only to say, ' My dear

Şir, we WILL grease our nose with the oil of an not soon forget it. It was on a apology. subject that will stick, to make use "Topɛr.' - If your taste is constitutional, better

swing off altogether. Any how, if you tipple of a facetious remark.

brandy and water in the morning, you 're a

gone case. "STUTTERER.' - If you cannot propose to the girl

without making yourself ridiculous, let your Wymenal.

cyes speak; squeeze her hand; and ten to one she

won't say 'N-11-n-o.' MARRIED, on Tuesday morning, by Rev. JE. PISCATOR.' - Very well. If he do, then he do; let RUBBABEL DIKES, Mr. LION to Miss LAMB :

him do.
YES, the days for which we sighed,

JACQUES.' --Certainly.
Are coming without sham,

MILTON JUNIOR.' Very happy to read your
When warring hearts shall be allied
The Lion and the LAMB !

Epic, and publish portions. Review it in Flag

Staff.' Praise good passages; run down poor By the same Mr. FOURTH to Miss July :

ones.
SCOGEY.'
Thank you.

We think we see our-
O! singular coincidence.
To marry FOURTH to Miss JULY,

seldes travellink fifty miles in order to read over Leading us to conclude from hence

together your series of prose skeeches suitable They could n't, apart, to the realms of glory fly. for the 'Flag-Staff!'' When the 'Flag-Staff' is Wisconsin papers, and those throughout the

in want of your pieces we will let you know. United'n States'n generally, please copy.

" JASPER.' – My friend and pitcher, where are your

ears? We didn't do it. • MACHEATH.' - No Sir : Your play has got double

ontonders into it, and we never will recommend it Obituary.

to the managers. Them vile ontonders is doin' Died, at his late residence on Sky Hill, JOHN

more to keep away decent people from the theater

than a little. I don't mind lookin'at a bad ca-rackSMITH, at the ripe ætas of fifty. He never tra- ter; but a vile sentiment or indecency, like esvelled ten miles from his domicil in all his life,

sence, leaks right into the marrow-bones of the and got his living from selling cabbages, and soul. We like to see a good play, and we like to his death from eating them. He has deceased, see it as it is writ, scenery and lights included ; 'greatly regretted by a large circle of friends.

but we never, never will encourage play.writers 'An honest man is the noblest work of God,

or play-actors in their panderings to make a pit of mere boys in their shirt-sleeves squawk right

out. Let them crack their pea-nuts in the inter. On the sixth instimo, CHARLES GRIMLEY, ludes of decency, say we. Good mornin', Mr. aged thirty years, a few months, a few hours, Macheath!

POPE PIUS.

TIXICUM TONIC.
Advertisements.

CERTAIN CURE FOR SENSE OF GONENESS.
BY
UNKUM MUSEUM. - EXTRAORDINARY THIS invaluable Tonic has now been before

the public for a quarter of a century, and ATTRACTION! Fifty Thousand Curiosi. a century would fail to tell the good it done. ties added! We have now a splendid A friend in whom we can put every confidence

writes from Maunch-Chunk, in Pennsylvania: CAT HARMONICON,

• YOUR Tixicum bitters have riz me right up the only one in Christendom. Mr. PHILIP SQUAWKER, the ingenious mechanic, invented rending sight, sallow, and with a pain in my

onto my legs. From being a most heartthis instrument from a critical comparison of back, and with one of my large toes out of the various notes of house-top cats with the joint, they builded up my natur' till I could notes of the gamut. Their tails are thrust stand as firm as a stone.fence. Your Tonic is through holes in a deal-board, (Tom's base and the best-tasted thing for a drug I ever seen. I TABITHA's treble,) and fastened to a key-board, must inform you that that horrible Sense of on which Mr. SQUAWKER plays, as on an organ. Goneness at the pit of the stomach, to which Also, a

purgatory is a mere solitary touch, and crackers GOOSE,

only afforded a cotemporary relief, has winged born without any teeth. Splendid

its everlasting flight. These attacts of Gone

ness for many years could n't be described by WAX FIGURES,

any dismal language which I am capable of.

They leave all attempts at description and comprising POLLY BODINE, the DUKE OF WEL: scenery far in the back.ground. Sir, you will LINGTON, BURKE the murderer, and General believe me when I tell you that my stomach WASHINGTON. Also, a

felt as hollow as a bucket, and like a wilder.

ness country with nothing into it but the hoot. LITTLE HOG,

ing of owls. Ardent spirits would 'a gin' me which would have saved a whole Irish family ard and having delivered lectur's in that

temperary relief; but I am a reformed drunk. from being starved, but he got out of the pen capacity, and collapsed once or twice in my and fled to the sea.coast. Newts, Snakes, Alli.

effort to shake off this nightmare omnibus, gators, Dead Sea-water in bottles, and Toma; besides all eyes of society fixed on me, I con. hawks. A cow WITH THREE LEGS and sider King Alchy out of the question. If you the beautiful MISS ANGELINA will dance the had looked at my countenance when I was Polka every evening. Also, Statuary and Por sufferin', you would 'a thought I was a lunatic traits by distinguished masters.

hippocondrick and paralittic combined in one

miserable inass of dejection; and like a poor LIKENESSES CUT

dog, with my tail under my legs, I would by Master GOODBOY's big toe.

have bit the head off of the best friend I had

on earth. Though brought up pious in my PERSON'S WEIGHED,

youth, yet when these fits was onto me I have

been known to cuss so as to be a nuisance to together with other curiosities, too numerous the neighborhood. Three bottles of your to mention. Reverend the clergy invited to Tixicum Tonic went right to the spot, and reattend free gratis. Nothing theatrical. Also, lieved my cussing. I said to my wife, it was like to give out in their pulpits that we expect to bottled sunshine to my constitushun, and sent have a

a gleam of light all through me, with a pecu. LEARNED GOAT

liar tinglish sensation of the intestines, as if a

hundred little pitchforks was to work ; very to read writing, now on his way from Pough pleasant; and I kept crying out: 'Go it, my keepsie, and two dozen

little fellers! Make hay while the sun shines! INDUSTRIOUS FLEAS.

Sharpen up the p’ints ! spit onto 'em! Prick

it in, but do n't spile the superficies ! How'll The SWEARING PARROT, however amu

you swap for needles ? Ginger is no touch to

Waxinate the whole inner man; no sing he was to the younger portions of com

fault found, and a wote of thanks passed !' In munity, has been discarded from this estab- this childish way I used to go on, making a lishment, as the proprietor wishes it to be speech to them bitters, while they was a-doin' conducted on virtuous principles, conducive

their work; and all the while my countenance to good morals. The first time he said ‘DAM!' we turned him off; confidently appealing to corn.field. Set me down for ten bottles of

one glow of satisfaction, as would ripen a the public and the approval of our own con

the Tixicum, and make the mixtur a little science for reward.

hotter yit. If the cause of humanity and the Admittance, twenty-five cents. 1tispd.

human species will be at all reinstated by what

I have said of your Tonic, you are welcome to JOHN SCISSORSu respectful mag fopen the publish it as the only thing which did JOHN Hair-Dressing Saloon, where, in addition to clean brushes and taking nobody by the nose The above glowing tribute is one of a thou. in shaving, those who have their hair cut will sand from ministers of the Gospel, lawyers, not be BLOWED ON. Professor SCISSORS doctors of law, foreigners, individuals, me. claims the first honor of the abolition of this chanics, and all classes. $500!- FIVE HUN. nasty custom. The hairs will be wiped away DRED DOLLARS forfeited if it don't cure, by by a soft brush.

those who continue to use it long enough. Ladies with beards will be shaved by Mrs. From an old lady, aged seventy-five, residing SCISSORS every Saturday afternoon. if.j27. at Tipton-on-Turns:

you !

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