50 The most criminal not always the most unhappy. tended that nobleman, and, for his gal lant behaviour in the field, was knighted, at Memoth in Ireland, by the Earl. Edward Ofborne, the fecond fon, was a bencher of the Inner-Temple, London.. Edward Ofborne, who married Sir William Hewit's daughter, ferved member of parliament, in the 28th of Queen Elizabeth, for the city of London, and was knighted by that princess, Feb. 2, 1584. By the circumstance abovementioned, the family of the Osborne's foon after became ennobled; and it were to be wished, that some of our new-made nobility had any thing that reflected fo much honour upon their family. Thomas Osborne, the first Duke of Leeds, was prouder of the circumftance of his ancestor, Sir Edward Ofborne's jumping into the Thames, than of any of the fervices rendered by himself to this kingdom, and once in particular he related the particulars of it to Charles the Second, adding, that he hoped pofterity would do fo much juftice to their family, as always to give it a place in the hiftories of peerage. The most criminal not always the most unhappy. A MORAL TALE. By the cele brated HELVETIUS. W number of men in the defarts of Tartary. Deprived of all, faid one, we have a right to all. The law which ftrips us of neceffaries to augment the fuperfluities of fome Rajahs is unjuft. Let us ftruggle with injuftice. A treaty can no longer fubfift, where the advantages cease to be mutual. We must force from our oppreffors the wealth which they have forced from us. At thefe words the Orator was filent; a murmur of approbation ran through the whole affembly: They applauded the fpeech; the project was noble, and they re folved to execute it; but they were divided about the means. The braveft rofe firft. Force, faid they, has deprived us of all; it is by force we muft recover it. If our Rajahs have by their tyrannic injustice fnatched from us even what is neceflary, fo far ANT formerly affembled a as to require us to lavish upon them. Let us ravage, let us pillage the Nations. We confent to all, cried thofe, who, having more wit and lefs courage Of the ancient Scandinavians. courage feared to expose themselves to danger; yet let us owe nothing to force, but all impofture. We fhall receive without danger from the hands of credulity, what we fhall in vain perhaps attempt to fnatch by force. Let us clothe ourselves with the name and the habits of the Bonzes or the Bramins and encompass the earth. We fhall fee every one eager to fupply our wants and even our fecret pleasures. This party appeared base and cowardly to thofe who were fierce and courageous. Being divided in opinion, the affembly feparated: One party fpread itself into India, Tibet, and the confines of China. Their countenances were auftere, and their bodies macerated. They imposed on the people; they divided families, caufed the children to be difinherited, and applied their fubftance to themfelves. The people gave them lands, built them temples, and fettled great revenues upon them. They borrowed the arm of power, in order to make the man of understanding bow to the yoke of fuperftition. In fhort, they fubdued all minds by keeping the fceptre carefully concealed under the rags of mifery, and the ashes of penance. 51 During this time their old brave Companions retired into the defarts; furprifed the Caravans, attacked them fword in hand, and divided among themfelves the booty. One day, when doubtless the battle had not turned to their advantage, the people feized one of thefe Robbers: They conducted him to the next city, they prepared the fcaffold, and they led him to execution. He walked with a firm ftep, till he fouud in his way, and knew again, under the habit of a Bramin, one of those who had feparated from him in the desart. The people refpectfully furrounded the Bramin and conducted him to his pagod. The Robber stopped at seeing him: Juft Gods! cried he, though equal in crimes! what a difference is there in our destiny! what do I fay! Equal in crimes? In one day he has, without fear, without danger, without courage, made more widows and orphans figh, and deprived the Empire of more riches, than I have pillaged in the whole courfe of my life. had always two vices more than I, cowardice and falfhood: Yet I am treated as a Villian, he honoured as a Saint: They darg me to the fcaffold, and him they lead to his pagod : Me they impale, him they adore. He H For the OXFORD MAGAZINE, Of the Ancient SCANDINAVIANS, from Mallet's Northern Antiquities. ISTORY informs us, that Harold, furnamed Blaatland or Blue Tooth (a king of Denmark, who reigned in the middle of the tenth century) had founded on the coafts of Pomerania, which he had fubdued, a city named Julin or Jomburg, where he fent a colony of young Danes, and bestowed the government on a celebrated warrior named Palnatoko. This new Lycurgus had made of that city a fecond Sparta, and every thing was directed to this fingle end, to form complete foldiers. The author who has left us the history of this colony affures us, that "it was forbidden there fo much as to mention the same of Fear, even in the most im of minent dangers." No citizen No Some 52 the unhappy Mr. O'Neil. head is cut off I ftrike it towards you it will fhew I have not loft all fense: If I let it drop, it will be a proof of the contrary. Make hafte therefore, and decide the difpute." Thorchill, adds the hiftorian, cut off his head in a moft expeditious manner, but the knife, as might be expected, dropt from his hand. The fifth fhewed the fame tranquility, and died rallying and jeering his enemies. The fixth begged of Thorchill, that he might not be led to punishment like a fheep; "Strike the blow in my face," faid he, "I will fit ftill without shrinking; and take notice whether I once wink my eyes, or betray one sign of fear in my countenance. For we inhabitants of Jomburg are used to exercise ourfelves in trials of this fort, fo as to meet the ftroke of death, without once moving." He kept his promife before all the fpectators, and received the blow without betraying the leaft fign of tear, or fo much as winking his eyes. The seventh, fays the hiftorian, "was a very beautiful young man, in the flower of his age. His Copy of a Letter from Some of them having made an irruption into the territories of a powerful Norwegian lord, named Haquin, were overcome in fpite of the obftinacy of their refiftance; and the molt diftinguished among them being made prifoners, were, according to the cuftom of thofe times, condemned to death. The news of this, far from afflicting them, was, on the contrary, received with joy. The first who was led to punishment was content to fay, without changing countenance, and without expreffing the leaft fign of fear, "Why should not the fame happen to me, as did to my father? He died, and fo muft I." A warrior, named Thorchill, who was to cut off the head of the fecond, having afked him what he felt at the fight of death, he answered, "that he remembered too well the laws of Jomfburgh to utter any words that denoted fear." The third, in reply to the fame queftion, faid, "he rejoiced to die with glory, and that he preferred fuch a death to an infamous life like that of Thorchill's." The fourth made an anfwer much longer, and more extra-long fair hair, as fine as filk, floated ordinary. "I fuffer with a good heart; and the prefent hour is to me very agreeable. I only beg of you," added he, addreffing himself to Thorchill," to be very quick in cutting off my head; for it is a queftion cften debated by us at Jomfburg, whether one retains any fenfe after being beheaded. I will therefore grafp this knife in my hand; if after my in curls and ringlets on his shoulders. Thorchill asked him what he thought of death? I receive it willingly, faid he, fince I have fulfilled the greatest duty of life, and have feen all those put to death whom I would not furvive. I only beg of you one favour, not to let my hair be touched by a llave, or stained with my blood." The following is a Copy of a Letter from the unhappy Mr. O'Neil, who lately committed an Act of Suicide, to Bingham Ellifon, Efq; No. 3, Suffolk-street, Charing-crofs, ་ Dear Friend, my cups; you behaved as a friend, "I AM forry to part with you in fo and a worthy one; you ftrove to dif abrupt a manner; it must be done, providence has decreed it. It is a folly I am going to commit, I fee it in its proper light, but I am weak; I have not ftrength enough to difpel the gloomy and melancholy thoughts that continually hover about me. This is no new intention, I have had it ever fince I landed in England; I discovered it to you one night in fuade me off from from fo vaft an enterprize; I feemed in appearance convinced of my error, put on a smil. ing countenance, but to no purpose; I never fet the refolution out of my head; with this intention I went to the country, but never found a proper opportunity to put it in practice, and before hand wrote a few letters to the very few friends I have. The day you went Thoughts on Quacks. went to London I determined fhould be my last, but your carrying the key of your trunk prevented me, the piftols being locked up in it; this was the reason that carried me yesterday to your lodgings in fearch of them, and this the reafon I wrote you this morning fo plaufible a letter, in order to get them, now I have got them, now I am going to put an end to this life. Alas, dear friend, I must die; if I do not now I muft in a few days hence, the all--feeing providence when he sent me into the world, forefaw my end. Scripturarians, divines, &c. will all condemn me to hell, for putting an end to my own life; let them talk and bark, my reafon convinces me of the contrary. Did God ever create a man to be damned? No. Wherefore did he then fend me into the world, when he forefaw that my end would be fuch as deserved damnation. This makes me easy, this makes me depart contentedly; it is a folly to think that men must be cracked or non compos to put an end to themselves; no fuch thing: I am as much in my fenfes now as ever I was in my life; you may reply, why then you never 53 was in your fenfes: I have prefumption enough to be of a contrary opinion; fo have fools you may fay. Enough of this. "The trifle I owe you'll not get at prefent, I have wrote to Mr. Caller of Lisbon to pay it to your order, who will inftantly do it. I beg, my dear friend, that you will fee me put under ground; this is all I request of you. I hope you will meet with all the fuccefs in the world, a long and happy life, a friend, and a good bottle to give him, and after all a happy death. I beg you will infert this unhappy circumftance, as it may, perhaps, hinder fome young men from coming to the fame end; it will be an example to them, likewife an advice to parents not to give their children too much liberty, to avoid letting them have cash if poffible; it was these two circumftances that brought me to this untimely end. "P. S. "Adieu, dear friend, "I am your's, &c. "PHILIP JAMES O'NEIL. If I fhould chance to get into the Elyfian Fields, I will keep you a good place." Thoughts on QUACKS of all Denominations. Tranflated from the French of Questions fur L'Encyclopédie, a new Work, by VOLTAIRE. is. His friends, among whom he di ftributed it generously, obferving the condition required, found its utility, and extolled it. He was thence encouraged to fell it at a crown the bottle; and the fale was prodigious. It was no more than the water of the Seine, mixed with a little nitre. Those who made ufe of it, and were attentive, at the fame time, to regimen, or who were happy in good conftitutions, foon recovered their ufual health, To others, he obferved, "It is your own fault if you be not perfectly cured; you have been intemperate and incontinent; renounce these vices, and, believe me, you will live at least an hundred and fifty years." Some of them took his advice; and his wealth grew with his reputation. The Abbé Pons extolled this Quack, and and gave him the preference to the Marihfcal de Villars: "The latter; faid he, "kills men; the former prolongs their existence.' At length, it was difcovered that Villars' medicine was compofed chiefly of river-water. His practice was now at an end. Men had recourse to other Quacks. Villars was certainly of no differvice to his Patients; and can only be reproached with felling the water of the Seine at too high a price. He excited men to temperance, and in this refpect was infinitely fuperior to the Apothecary Arnoud, who filled Europe with his noftrums for the Apoplexy, without recommending the practice of any one virtue. I knew at London a Phyfician, of the name of Brown, who had practifed at Barbadoes. He had a fugar-work and Negroes; and having been robbed of a confiderable fum; he called together his flaves. "My friends" faid he," the great Serpent appeared to me during the night, and told me, that the perfon who ftole my money should, at this inftant, have a parrot's feather at the point of his nofe." The thief immediately put his hand to his nofe. "It is you," cried the Mafter, "that robbed me; the great Serpent has juft now told me fo." By this method the Phyfician recovered his money. This piece of Quackery is not to be condemned; but, in or der to practice it, one must have to do with Negroes. Scipio, the first Africanus, a manin other refpects fo different from Dr. Brown, perfuaded his Soldiers that he was directed and infpired by the Gods. This piece of fraud had been long and fuccessfully practifed. Can we blame Scipio for having recourfe to it? There is not, perhaps, a perfon who does greater honour to the Roman Republic; but how came it, let me afk, that the Gods infpired him not to give in his accounts? Numa acted better. He had a band of Robbers to civilize, and a Senate that conftituted the moft untractable part of them. Had he propofed his Laws to the aflembled Tribes, he would have met with a thousand difficulties from the Affaffins of his Prealeceffor. He adopted a different me thod. He addreffed himself to the Goddefs Ageria, who gave him a code, fanctified with divine authority. What was the confequence? He was fubmitted to without oppofition, and reigned happily. His intentions were admirable, and his Quackery had in view the public good; but if one of his enemies had disclosed his artifice, and faid, "Let us punifh an impofter, who prostitutes the name of the Gods to deceive mankind," he would have undergone the fate of Romulus. It is probable, that Numa concerted his meafures with great prudence, and deceived the Romans, with a view to their advantage, with an address, suited to the time, the place, and the genius of that People. Mahomet was twenty times on the point of mifcarrying; but, at length, he fucceeded with the inhabitants of Medina, and was believed to be the intimate friend of the Angel Gabriel. At prefent, fhould any one announce himself at Conftantinople to be the favourite of the Angel Raphael, who is fuperior in dignity to Gabriel, and infift that they must believe in him alone, he would be impaled alive. Quacks fhould know how to time their impostures. Was there not fomewhat of deceit in Socrates, with his familar Demon, and the precife declaration of the Oracle, which proclaimed him the wifeft of men? It is ridiculous in Rollin to infift, in his hiftory, on the fincerity of this Oracle. Why does he not inform his Readers, that it was purely a piece of Quackery? Socrates was unfortunate as to the time of his appearance. An hundred years fooner he might have governed Athens. The leaders of philofophical fects have all of them been tinctured with Quackery. But the greatest of all Quacks are thofe who have afpired to power. How formidable a Quack was Cromwell! He appeared precifely at the time when he could have fucceeded. Under Elizabeth he would have been hanged; under Charles II. he would have been an object of ridicule. He came at a period when the English were difgufted with Kings; and his Son, at a time when they were dif gufted with Protectors. Metho |