252 Proteft of the Irish Lords. try, and examine; and upon trial, examination, and perufal thereof, to make full, perfect, and juft accounts or declarations of the account containing briefly the fum and fubftance thereof in charge and difcharge, as hath been heretofore ufed, the faid feveral accounts to be fairly engroffed, in two parts, and by the faid Commiffioners, or any two or more of them, figned and vouched, the one part to remain of record in the Court of Exchequer there, and the other part to be delivered to the parties accountable, and to be to them, and every of them, their heirs, executors, and adminiftrators, against the King, his heirs and fucceffors, a fufficient warrant and difcharge; and the faid Commiffioners, and every of them, are required to have fpecial regard, that all fuch petitions and demands as fhall be by them allowed, have good and probable reasons to maintain and prove the fame, provided always that the faid parts of the faid account fo as aforesaid, to be delivered by the faid Commiffioners, or any two or more of them, fo figned and delivered, fhall not exonerate or difcharge the faid accountants, or any of them, their heirs, executors, or administrators, of any fuch debts, as fhall be by the faid Commiffioners, or any two or more of them found due; and by the faid Accomptants, owing upon their faid accounts, until fuch time as the faid Accomtants and every of them, thall first take order with the King, for payment thereof, either by installments or otherwife, as to the faid Commiffoners, or any two or more of them, 1hall be thought meet and convenient." Which faid powers of allowing petitions and demands, and granting difcharges to Accomptants, we conceive will amount to a determination of matters incident to the jurifdiction of the faid Court of Exchequer, and will alfo effentially interfere with the faid jurifdiction, inafinuch as Accomptants, having obtained fuch difcharges, will not, according to the tenour of the faid patents, be obliged to render any account to the faid Court of Exche quer; but may, if the provifion of the faid patents, fhall be confidered valid, plead such discharges in bar of any account, demanded of them 9thly. Becaufe there are, in the the faid Court of Exchequer, cer tain Proteft of the sain ancient Clerks or Officers called Auditors of Impreft, whofe duty it is to take all foreign and imprefted accounts, and to perfect the fame; and we conceive, that all fuch matters touching the faid accounts as are minifterial, may be well and effectually tranfacted by the faid officers, and do of right belong to their office;-fo that the Inftitution of New Commiffioners of Accounts, fo far as they are ministerial, is at leaft fuperfluous; and fo far as they are judicial, is, we conceive, manifeftly illegal. 1othly. Because the faid new Commiffioners, or any two of them are impowered by the faid letters patent, to give and allow, at difcretion, to any perfon or perfons employed in or about the faid accounts, or in any thing concerning the fame, fuch fum or fums of money, or other recompence as to the faid Commiffioners fhall feem meet and convenient.-And we apprehend, that to delegate fuch a difcretionary power, over the revenue, to any perfons whatfoever is repugnant to the first principles of law, and of moft dangerous example. 11thly. Because we conceive, that whatever new inftitution, tends to the difquietnefs, mifchief, and delay of the fubject, and is no advantage to the King, is therefore against law. But this new inftitution appears to us manifeftly to tend to the difquiet, mifchief, and delay of the fubject, inafmuch as it requires perfons to account before Commiffioners, who are not bound by any oath to adminifter juftice impartially or according to lawneither have they any certain Rules of Law, or approved Ufage, by which to govern their proceedings; neither is their Court to be open at all times, for receiving accounts, and regularly difpatching the fame, they being only authorized to take accounts once in every year. And the faid inftitution appears to us on the other hand to contribute in no fort to the advantage of the King, but on the contrary, to the manifeft injury of his revenue, inafmuch as no power is given to the faid Commiflioners to examine any Ac comptant upon oath; neither as we conceive is there, or could there be, any power granted to them by the fame patent, to enforce the appearance of any Accomptants, or others, nor to examine any perfons, not parties to the faid accounts; nor to punish for any forged receipts, or other frauds; nor in any wife, to compel payment of any balance that may appear to be due, and alfo inafmuch as the faid Commiffioners, are authorized at their pleasure, to permit Accomptants to dif charge their balances by instalments; whereas by the course of the Exche quer, according to the oaths of the Barons, and of the old Law of the Land, none of the King's debts, were to be put in refpite, or payment thereof allowed to be poftponed, where the fame might be goodly levied-From all which we draw this general conclu fion, that this Novel Courfe, tendeth to the Difquietnefs, Mifchief, and Delay of the Subject, is no advantage to the King, and therefore is against Law and ought not to be allowed. 12thly. Because the faid new Commiffion doth under the general words of the Receivers of the King's Fines and Cafualties, feem to draw all Sheriffs from the faid Court of Exchequer, to account before the faid Commiffioners; whereas the faid Sheriffs are bound by their Oath, their Office, and the Law of the Land, to account in the Exchequer, and there only, and the fubjecting them to any other Jurifdiction would be a manifeft Grievance to them and to the public. 13thly. Because we conceive it of the most dangerous Tendency to Great Britain, as well as to this kingdom, that the fyftem of Jurifprudence, and the Rights and Powers of the great Courts of Justice, which are the fame in both Countries, fhould be violate:1 in either: For that in the Preservation thereof alone, our Liberties can be fecure-as by every Encroachment thereon in former times, the public Freedom hath been brought to the Brink of Ruin, and the Pillars of the Constitution haken to their Founda tion. LEINSTER WIT and SPIRIT of a French Lady, which gained her Queen ELIZABETH's Protection. MR R. Ofby, an English gentleman, was recommended as a lodger to a widow gentlewoman at Paris, whofe daughter, named Elizabeth Dameron, had an uncommon fhare both of beauty and fenfe. By frequent converfations, be fo far ingratiated himfelf with the young lady, that on his promife of marriage, the admitted him to the free enjoyment of connubial rights. Ofby feigned himself very defirous of legitimating and confirming his happiness by the offices of the church; but there was a neceffity of his going to London for his mother's confent, and to fettle his feveral concerns. To London he goes; but foon forgot all his French connections. Mifs Dameron, receiving no answer to her many urgent letters, concluded that he had been deceived; and the indignation confequential to fuch an idea, ftimulated her to cross the feas over to England, with a brother of hers, younger than herfelf, who was then in her twenty-fecond year. Ofby, hearing of her arrival at London, left the town, and roved about the northern parts of the kingdom. Mifs Dameron's fearch after her perfidious ingrate being fruitlefs, the refolved to apply to Queen Elizabeth for juftice, and accordingly went to Whitehall. The charms of her perfon made way for her through the croud, which ever thronged about that idolized princess. She threw herself at the Queen's feet, faying, "that the craved juftice for the vileft of injuries." She was, hereupon, asked who she was, and what injury had been done her? She related the whole affair to the Queen, fo far as to tell her, that Ofby had execrably impofed on her unhappy affection for him, by a moft folemn promife of marriage. "But," fays the Queen, "what will you do, should he refuse to marry you, and not being compellable to it by the laws of the land?". "What will I do," replied the diftreffed lady, "I must then drefs myfelf up like a man, and being rejected as his wife, I must be the mur derer of him; for his perfidy has been fo villainous, I have fuch powerful calls for vengeance, that purfue bim I will to the very gates of hell." Virginity then, faid the Queen, "you hold fo very precious, as to be revenged only by the death of the deceiver. But if it be fo with a private perfon, what must it be relatively to a Queen ?"-" As to confcience before God, and reputation in the world, we are, Madam, all on a level.”. "But," replied the Queen, "virginity once loft, is gone for ever-there's no retrieving it." Though, to my misfortune, I now am not a virgin, ftill am I Elizabeth." All the cour tiers admired the young lady's acute equivocation, as if the only faid, that if not a maid, fhe was fill the fame Elizabeth; though unquestionably meaning her being ftill as much a maid as Elizabeth; and the Queen herfelf was thought to have been fenfible of the point; for, breaking off the colloquy, the faid to the fair plaintiff," Your ingenuity deserves that fomething be done for you; be afsured I'll take care both of your person and your bufinets." Here the Queen withdrew to her room, the Earl of Effex, according to cuftom, handing her Majefty. She talked the affair over to three judges, who all declared against Mifs Dameron's claim, as having neither proof, witness, nor written promite. "No matter," answered Elizabeth, "her proofs are manifeft in her eyes, her countenance, and her fpeech." She then fent for Mr. Ofby's mother, A New Catechism, mother, who was fo taken with Mifs Dameron's perfon and deportment, that the readily agreed to her fon's expiating the injury by a speedy mar riage. Accordingly the wrote to him, who had then withdrawn into Scotland; but, when her letter came to hand, he was on a fick bed, given over by the phyficians. Soon after, on re 255 ceiving advice of his death, the ge- A CATECHISM necessary to be learned and digefted by all True-lovers of this Country. Question. W is practifed at prefent? Anfaver. A jumble of vallainous contradictions. THAT is the law as it 2. What do you mean by an Attorney? A. A fcoundrel, who for the valuable confideration of fix and eight-pence would condemn his father to perpetual imprisonment. 2. What do you mean by a counfellor? A. A man whofe fole excellence confifts in lying with a good grace; a perfon who without the fmalleft regard to truth, juftice, or morality, lets himfelf out to hire, and will, it well paid, attempt to prove vice, whoredom, adultery, or even murder, fo many innocent amusements. 3. To whom are fuch perfons neceflary? A. To all the thieves, highwaymen, pick-pockets, and knaves, throughbut Christendom. 2. Have honeft men then no occafion for the afflítance of such fellows? A. Only when they turn fools, refuse to fubmit their differences to arbitration, and quarrel to the no fmall diverfion of the lawyers, who are fure to plunder both the aggreffor, and the party who fuftains the injury. 2. What do you mean by a court? 7. A place where at ftated periods called Terms, counsellors, attornies, bailiffs, bum-bailiffs, tipftaffs-fellows who roar out filence, and the worthy M. of the K. B. P. all meet together, and form a laughable groupe. 2. Who prefides in thefe courts? A. My Lords the judges. 2. What is a judge? A. A reverend fage who expounds the law, and explains the meaning of an act of parliament. 2. Are then the acts of parliament written in a foreign language? A. No; but the fagacity of a judge only can apply them to different and diffimilar cafes. 2. Are all the counfellors obliged by the nature of their profeffion to attend in Westminster-hall during term time? A. By no means; but as it ferves the purpose of deceiving the vulgar by an apparent fhew of business. In what manner do these counfellors fpend their time, who are unfortunately not hired to lye by the hour? A. They walk up and down Weftminster-hall, smell a to great nosegay, and curfe mankind for being fo peaceable. 2. What do you mean by the prac- A. Certain modes of proceeding not A. They are many and various. A. By a fitious lye, which, accord- 2. Explain yourself. A. If a man owes me ten pounds, and I want to be revenged by caftiug him into prifon, I muit alledge, not that he is my debtor, but that he has broken A New Catechism. 25.6 braken my head, or has broken into my grounds, and fo has been guilty of a trefpafs, for which trefpafs the Sheriff figna warrant to a villain, called a bailiff, who thereupon arrefts the man for having committed the trefpafs, of which he is quite innocent; and then the man is obliged to give bail to the Sheriff, not for what he is apprehended, not for breaking my head, or for forcibly entering upon my grounds (though this is the crime ailedged against him in the writ) but the man gives bail for a debt, and from that hour the trefpafs is forgotten. 2. Do you make oath that the man has actually committed a trespass when he in truth has not? A. Yes, I do; and I fwear also that he is running up and down and hiding himself, though perhaps the man fre quents the Exchange every day, and is denied to no perfon who wants to fee him. 2. Then you are guilty of a glaring perjury? A. What does that fignify; the col our of law cannot be kept up with out perjuries; befides oaths of this fort are very ancient. 2. What does that prove, only that if the practice is a bad one, it ought to be immediately abolished? A. I beg your pardon, imprisonment for debt is a vile custom, but having been practised for four hundred years, it becomes, as Judge Afton justly obferves, on that very account lawful and right: In like manner perjury is a very ancient kind of cuftom, and therefore it receives the fanction of lawyers, by whofe foftering hands it is now arrived in this country at a great pitch of perfection. 2. I think you faid the Sheriff figns this warrant to have people arrested? A. I did. 2. Is not the present Sheriff a patriot, and great lover of Liberty? A. O yes! when it anfwers the end of cajoling well-meaning people out of their money. 2. Are there not two Sheriff's? A. Yes: There names are Wilkes and Bull; but Bull is a meer cypher, poffeffed of property, and Wilkes a great rogue not worth a fhilling. Did not Wilkes oppofe general warrants, and discharge feveral feamen who were impreffed to ferve on board his Majefty's fhips of war? A. He did, because he thereby acquired popularity, but he hourly feizes upon the perfons of men and fends them to jail by a writ, which is contrary to law, the conftitution of this country, and to Magna Charta. 2. I thought he had a great veneration for Magna Charta? A. A prodigious one, when it ferves a private purpose. 2. What excufe doth Wilkes make for iffuing fuch a villainous warrant, which condemns thousands to starve for years in a prison? A. Why he fays that he acts miniferially, and cannot go to the right hand or to the left. 2. Suppofe the courts of law where to fend a warrant commanding this Wilkes as Sheriff to cut off a man's nofe and ears, would he minifierially obey it? A. I have not a doubt but he would fee the fentence executed with great compofure, unless it was more for his intereft to refuse. 2. What is your reafon for think. ing fo? A. Because he affifts a moft infamous Banditti, to murder thoufand of better men than himself, and confines them illegally, even when he knows that by fo doing he acts diametrically oppofite to Magna Charta, which he formerly pretended to make the rule of his conduct. 2. Then you deem him a public impoftor, a felfish creature, who under the borrowed cloak of patriotism converts the good natured credulity of Englishmen to his own advantage? A. I not only think fo, but I fancy it will be apparent to every person of common fenfe in Britain. 2. What punishment doth fuch a fellow merit? A. Why instead of attending at the next execution in the capacity of Sheriff, to be himself fufpended in midair, as an Ecce Signum, for all rafcals to avoid his political crimes. SCOURGE. EXTRACTS |