"whom my Son is lineally defcended, boafts to have

performed this warlike Dance in the prefence of the "Emperor, to the great admiration of all Germany. "What would he fay, could he look down and fee one "of his pofterity fo ignorant, as not to know the leaft ** of that noble kind of Saltation ?”

The poor Lady was at laft inured to bear all these things with a laudable patience, till one day her husband was feized with a new thought. He had met with a saying, "that Spleen, Garter, and Girdle are the three impediments <to the Curfus." Therefore Pliny (lib. xi. cap. 37.)` fays, that fuch as excel in that exercise have their Spleen cauterized. "My fon (quoth Cornelius) runs but hea-:

vily; therefore I will have this operation performed, " upon him immediately. Moreover it will cure that, immoderate Laughter to which I perceive he is ad"dicted; For Laughter (as the fame author hath it, ❝ibid.), is caused by the bigness of the spleen." This defign was no fooner hinted to Mrs. Scriblerus, but she burst into tears, wrung her hands, and inftantly fent to her Brother Albertus, begging him for the love of God to make hafte to her husband.

Albertus was a difcreet man, fober in his opinions, clear of Pedantry, and knowing enough both in Books and in the World, to preserve a due regard for whatever was useful or excellent, whether ancient or modern: If he had not always the authority, he had at leaft the art, to divert Cornelius from many extravagancies. It was well he came speedily, or Martin could not have boasted the entire Quota of his Vifcera. "What does it figni"fy (quoth Albertus) whether my Nephew excels in the Curfus, or not? Speed is often a fymptom of "Cowardice, witnefs Hares and Deer."-"Do not "forget Achilles (quoth Cornelius :) I know that Run"ning has been condemned by the proud Spartans, as

maniæ, repræsentavimus. Quo tempore vox illa Imperatoris, Hic puer aut thoracem pro pelle aut pro cunis habuis,

afelefs

* useless in war; and yet Demofthenes could fay, Ap σε ὀφεύγων καὶ πάλιν μαχήσαι; a thought which the Englif "Hudibras has well rendered,

For he that runs may fight again,

Which he can never do that's flain.

"That's true (quoth Albertus) but pray confider on the "other fide that Animals * fpleened grow extremely fa"lacious, an experiment well known in dogs." Corne

lius was ftruck with this, and replied gravely; " If " it be fo, I will defer the Operation, for I will not encrease the power of my fon's body at the expence of

his mind. I am indeed difappointed in moft of my "projects, and fear I muft fit down at laft contented "with fuch methods of Education as modern barbarity "affords. Happy had it been for us all, had we lived "in the Age of Auguftus! Then my fon might have "heard the Philofophers difpute in the Porticos of the “Palæftra, and at the fame time formed his Body and his

Understanding." "It is true (replied Albertus) we << have no Exedra for the Philofophers, adjoining to our "Tennis-Courts; but there are Alehouses, where he "will hear very notable argumentations. Though we "come not up to the Ancients in the Tragic-dance, we "excel them in the six, or the art of Tumbling. The "Ancients would have beat us at Quoits, but not fo "much at the Jaculum, or pitching the Bar. The Pugi

latus + is in as great perfection in England as in old "Rome, and the Cornifh-Hug in the Luctus is equal to "the volutatoria of the Ancients." "You could not "(anfwered Cornelius) have produced a more unlucky inftance of modern folly and barbarity, than what you say of the faculum §. The Cretans wifely forbid their fervants Gymnafticks, as well as Arms; and 66 yet your modern Footmen exercise themselves daily "in the Faculum at the corner of Hyde Park, whilst their

66

* Blackmore's Effay on Spleen.

Wrestling

VOL. III.

N

+ Fifty Cuffs. Ariftot. politic. lib. ii. cap. 3. enervated

"enervated Lords are lolling in their chariots (a fpecies "of Vectitation feldom used amongst the Ancients, ex"cept by old men.)" "You fay well (quoth Alber"tus) and we have feveral other kinds of Vectitation "unknown to the Ancients; particularly flying Cha"riots, where the people may have the benefit of this "exercise at the fmall expence of a farthing. But fup"pofe (which I readily grant) that the Ancients excelled "us almost in every thing, yet why this fingularity?' "Your fon muft take up with fuch mafters as the pre"fent age affords ; we have Dancing-mafters, Writing"mafters, and Mufick-mafters."

The bare mention of Mufick threw Cornelius in a paffion. "How can you dignify (quoth he) this modern fidling with the name of Mufick? Will any of your beft Hautboys encounter a Wolf now-a-days "with no other arms but their inftruments, as did that ancient piper Pythocaris? Have ever wild Boars, Elephants, Deer, Dolphins, Whales, or Turbots, fhew'd' "the leaft emotion at the most elaborate ftrains of

your'

modern Scrapers, all which have been, as it were, "tamed and humanized by ancient Muficians? Does "not Ælian* tell us how the Libyan Mares were ex"cited to horfing by Mufick? (which ought in truth®

to be a caution to modeft Women against frequenting "Operas; and confider, Brother, you are brought to "this dilemma, either to give up the virtue of the La"dies, or the power of your Mufick.) Whence pro"ceeds the degeneracy of our Morals? Is it not from "the lofs of ancient Mufick, by which (fays Ariftotle) "they taught all the Virtues? elfe might we turn Newe 66 gate into a College of Dorian Muficians, who should "teach moral Virtues to those people. Whence comes "it that our present diseases are fo ftubborn? whence is "it that I daily deplore my fciatical pains? Alas! be"cause we have loft their true cure, by the melody of

* Ælian. Hift. Animal. lib, xi. cap. 18. and lib. xii, cap. 44.

the Pipe. All this was well-known to the Ancients, "as Theophraftus * affures us, (whence Cælius + calls "it loca dolentia decantare) only indeed some small remains ❝of this skill are preserved in the cure of the Tarantula. "Did not Pythagoras ftop a company of drunken Bullies from ftorming a civil house, by changing the "ftrain of the Pipe to a fober Spondæus? and yet your modern Muficians want art to defend their windows ❝from common Nickers. It is well known, that when the Lacedæmonian Mob were up, they || commonly "fent for a Lesbian Mufician to appeafe them, and "they immediately grew calm as foon as they heard "Terpander fing: Yet I don't believe that the Pope's

whole band of Mufick, though the best of this age, could keep his Holiness's Image from being burnt on "a fifth of November. Nor would Terpander himself

(replied Albertus) at Billingsgate, nor Timotheus at "Hockley in the Hole, have any manner of effect, nor both of them together bring § Horneck to common "civility.""That's a grofs miftake (faid Corneliuś very warmly) and to prove it so, I have here a small "Lyra of my own, fram'd, ftrung, and tun'd after the << ancient manner. I can play fome fragments of Lef"bian tunes, and I wish I were to try them upon the

26

moft paffionate creatures alive."-" You never had a "better opportunity (fays Albertus) for yonder are two "apple-women fcolding, and juft ready to uncoif one "another." With that Cornelius, undreffed as he was, jumps out into his Balcony, his Lyra in hand, in his flippers, with his breeches hanging down to his ankles, a ftocking upon his head, and waistcoat of murrey-coloured fattin upon his body: He touched his Lyra with a very unusual fort of an Harpegiatura, nor were his hopes fruftrated. The odd Equipage, the uncouth Inftrument,

Athenæus, lib. xiv.

Quintilian, lib, i. cap. 10.

+ Lib. de fanitate tuenda, cap. 2. || Suidas in Timotheo.

S Horneck, a fcurrilous Scribler, who wrote a weekly paper called the

High German Doctor.

N 1

the

the ftrangeness of the Man and of the Mufick, drew the ears and eyes of the whole mob that were got about the two female Champions, and at laft of the Combatants themfelves. They all approached the Balcony, in as clofe attention as Orpheus's firft Audience of Cattle, or that of an Italian Opera, when fome favourite Air is juft awakened. This fudden effect of his Mufick encouraged him mightily, and it was observed he never touched his Lyre in fuch a truly chromatic and enharmonic manner, as upon that occafion. The mob laughed, fung, jumped, danced, and used many odd geftures, all which he judged to be caufed by the various ftrains and modulations. Mark (quoth he) in this, the power of the "Ionian, in that, you fee the effect of the Æolian." But in a little time they began to grow riotous, and threw ftones: Cornelius then withdrew, but with the greatcft air of triumph in the world. "Brother (faid

66

he) do you obferve I have mixed unawares too much "of the Phrygian; I might change it to the Lydian, and foften their riotous tempers: But it is enough: learn "from this fample to fpeak with veneration of ancient

Mufick. If this lyre in my unfkilful hands can per"form fuch wonders, what must it not have done in "thofe of a Timotheus or a Terpander?" Having faid this, he retired with the utmoft Exultation in himself, and Contempt of his Brother; and, it is faid, behaved that night with fuch unufual haughtiness to his family, that they all had reafon to wifh for fome ancient Tibicen to calm his Temper.

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