how differently are our defires inclined! You figh outs in the ardour of your heart, Oh playhouses, parks, operas, affemblies, London! I cry with rapture, Oh woods, gardens, rookeries, fifh-ponds, arbours! Mrs. M-

LETTER III,

To a LADY.

Written on one column of a Letter, while Lady M. wrote to the Lady's Hufband on the other.

'THE 'HE wits would say, that this must needs be a dull letter, because it is a married one. I am afraid indeed you will find, what fpirit there is, muft be on the fide of the wife, and the hufband's part, as ufual, will prove the dulleft. What an unequal pair are put together in this sheet? in which, though we fin, it is you must do penance. When you look on both fides of this paper, you may fancy that our words (according to a Scripture expreffion) are as a two-edg'd fword, whereof lady M. is the fhining blade, and 1 only the handle. But I can't proceed without fo far mortifying Sir Robert as to tell him, that the writes this purely in obedience to me, and that it is but one of thofe honours a husband receives for the fake of his wife.

It is making court but ill to one fine woman to fhew her the regard we have for another; and yet I must own there is not a period of this epiftle but fquints towards another over-againft it. It will be in vain to diffemble: your penetrating eyes cannot but difcover, how all the letters that compose these words lean forward after Lady M's letters, that feem to bend as much from mine, and fly from them as faft as they are able. Ungrateful letters that they are! which give themselves to another man, in the very prefence of him who will yield to no mortal in knowing how to value them.

You will think I forget myself, and am not writing to

you; but, let me tell you, 'tis you forget yourself in

that

that thought, for you are almoft the only woman to whom one can fafely addrefs the praises of another. Befides, can you imagine a man of my importance fo ftupid, as to fay fine things to you before your husband? Let us fee how far Lady M. herself dares do any thing like it, with all the wit and address she is mistress of. If Sir Robert can be fo ignorant (now he is left to himself in the country) to imagine any fuch matter, let him know from me, that here in town every thing that lady fays, is taken for fatire. For my part, every body knows it is my conftant practice to speak truth, and I never do it more than when I call myfelf Your, etc.

LETTER IV.

You OU have put me into fo much gayety of temper, that there will not be a ferious word in this day's letter. No more, you'll fay, there would, if I told you the whole ferious bufinefs of the town. All last night I continued with you, tho' your unreasonable regularity drove me out of your doors at three o'clock. I dreamed all over the evening's converfation, and saw the little bed in spite of you. In the morning I waked, very angry at your phantom for leaving me fo abruptly.-I know you delight in my mortification. I dined with an old beauty; fhe appear'd at the table like a Death's head enamell'd. The Egyptians, you know, had fuch things at their entertainments; but do you think they painted and patched them? However, the laft of these objections was foon remov'd; for the lady. had fo violent an appetite for falmon, that fhe quickly cat all the patches off her face. She divided the fish into three parts; not equal, God knows; for fhe helped Gay to the head, me to the middle, and making the reft much the largest part, took it herself, and cried very naively, I'll be content with my own tail.

My fupper was as fingular as my dinner. It was with a great Poet and Ode-maker (that is, a great poet out of

his

his wits, or out of his way.) He came to me very hungry; not for want of a dinner (for that 1 fhould make no jeft of) but, having forgot to dine. He fell moft furiously on the broil'd relics of a fhoulder of mutton, commonly call'd a blade-bone: he profeffed he never tasted fo exquifite a thing! begged me to tell him what joint it was, wondered he had never heard the name of this joint, or feen it at other tables; and defir'd to know how he might direct his butcher to cut out the fame for the future? And yet this man, fo ignorant in modern butchery, has cut up half an hundred heroes, and quartered five or fix miferable lovers in every tragedy he has written. I have nothing more to tell you to-day.

LETTER V.

The Anfwer.

You should have my Day too, Sir, but indeed I flept it out, and fo I'll give you all that was left, my laft Night's entertainment. You know the company. I went in late in order to be better receiv'd; but unluckily came in, as Deuce-ace was flinging (Lord H. would say I came in the Nick.) The Lady colour'd, and the men took the name of the Lord in vain: No body spoke to me, and I fat down difappointed; then affecting a careless air, gap'd, and cried feven or eight times, D'ye win or lofe? I could fafely fay at that moment I had no temptation to any one of the seven lively fins; and in the innocent way I was, happy had it been for me if I had died! Moralizing fat I by the hazard-table; I looked upon the uncertainty of riches, the decay of beauty, and the crash of worlds with as much contempt as ever Plato did. But ah! the frailty of human nature! fome ridiculous thought came into my head, wakened my paffions, which burft forth into a violent laughter: I rose from my seat, and not confidering the juft refentments of the lofing gamefters, hurl'd a ball of paper cross the table, which

ftop'd

op'd the dice, and turn'd up feven inftead of five. Curs'd on all fides, and not knowing where to fly, I threw myfelf into a chair, which I demolish'd, and never spoke a word after. We went to fupper, and a lady faid, Miss G. looks prodigioufly like a Tree. and I had not curiofity to fprightly fancy: Find it out,

Every body agreed to it, afk the meaning of that and let me know. Adieu,

'tis time to dress, and begin the bufinefs of the day.

PRAY what is your opinion of Fate? for I must confefs I am one of thofe that believe in Fate and Predeftination.-No, I can't go fo far as that, but I own I am of opinion one's ftars may incline, tho' not compel one; and that is a fort of free will; for we may be able to refift inclination, but not compulfion.

Don't you think they have got in the most prepofterous fashion this winter that ever was, of flouncing the petticoat fo very deep, that it looks like an entire coat of luteftring?

It is a little cool indeed for this time of year, but then, my dear, you'll allow it has an extreme clean pretty look. Ay, fo has my muflin apron; but I would not chufe to make it a winter fuit of cloaths.

Well now I'll fwear, child, you have put me in mind of a very pretty drefs; let me die if I don't think a muflia flounce, made very full, would give one a very agreeable Flirtation air.

Well, I fwear it would be charming! and I fhould like it of all things-Do you think there are any fuch things as Spirits ?

Do you believe there is any fuch place as the Elyfian Fields? O Gad, that would be charming! I wish I were to go to the Elyfian Fields when I die! and then I should not care if I were to leave the world to-morrow: But is one to meet there with what one has moft lov'd in this world? Now

Now you must tell me this pofitively. To be fure you can, or what do I correspond with you for, if you won't tell me all? You know I abominate Reserve.

LETTER VII.

Bath, 1714.

YOU are to understand, Madam, that my paffion for your fair felf and your fifter, has been divided with the most wonderful regularity in the world. Even from my infancy I have been in love with one after the other of you, week by week, and my journey to Bath fell out in the three hundred seventy-fixth week of the reign of my fovereign lady Sylvia. At the present writing hereof it is the three hundred eighty-ninth week of the reign of your moft ferene majefty, in whofe fervice I was lifted fome weeks before I beheld your fifter. This information will account for my writing to either of you hereafter, as either shall happen to be Queen regent at that time.

Pray tell your fifter, all the good qualities and virtuous inclinations fhe has, never gave me fo much pleasure in her conversation, as that one vice of her obftinacy will give me mortification this month. Ratcliffe commands. her to Bath, and fhe refufes! Indeed if I were in Berkfhire I should honour her for this obftinacy, and magnify her no lefs for difobedience than we do the Barcelonians. But people change with the change of places (as we fee of late) and virtues become vices when they cease to be for one's intereft, with me as with others.

Yet let me tell her, she will never look fo finely while fhe is upon earth, as fhe would here in the water. It is not here as in moft other inftances, for those ladies that would please extremely, muft go out of their own eleShe does not make half so good a figure on horseback as Christina Queen of Sweden; but were fhe once feen in the Bath, no man would part with her for the best mermaid in Chriftendom. You know I have feen you often, I perfectly know how you look in black and in

ment.