himself, by biting his lips? Oh continually, till they are perfect vermilion.-Have you obferved him to use Familiarities with any body? "With none but himself: he

"often embraces himfelf with folded arms, he claps his "hand often upon his hip, nay fometimes thrufts it into his breaft."

Madam, faid the Doctor, all these are strong fymptoms; but there remain a few more. Has this amorous gentleman presented himself with any Love-toys; fuch as gold Snuff-boxes, repeating Watches, or Tweezer-cafes? those are things that in time will foften the moft obdurate heart. "Not only fo (said the Aunt), but he bought the other "day a very fine brilliant diamond Ring for his own “wearing.”—-Nay if he has accepted of this Ring, the intrigue is very forward indeed, and it is high time for friends to interpofe.--Pray, Madam, a word or two more: Is he jealous that his acquaintance do not behave themselves with refpect enough? will he bear jokes and innocent freedoms? "By no means; a familiar appellation "makes him angry; if you shake him a little roughly by "the hand, he is in a rage; but if you chuck him under "the chin, he will return you a box on the car." Then the cafe is plain; he has the true Pathognomick fign of Love, Jealousy; for nobody will fuffer his mistress to be treated at that rate. Madam, upon the whole, this cafe is extremely dangerous. There are fome people who are far gone in this paffion of felf-love; but then they keep a very fecret Intrigue with themselves, and hide it from all the world befides. But this Patient has not the leaft care of the Reputation of his Beloved, he is downright fcandalous in his behaviour with himself; he is enchanted, bewitched, and almoft paft cure. However, let the following methods be tried upon him.

First, let him *** Hiatus. *** Secondly, let him wear a Bob-wig. Thirdly, fhun the company of flatterers, nay of ceremonious people, and of all Frenchmen in general. It would not be amifs if he travelled over England in a Stage-coach, and made the Tour of Holland VOL. III.

in

1

in a Track-scoute. Let him return the Snuff-boxes, Tweezer-cafes, (and particularly the Diamond-Ring,) which he has received from himself. Let fome knowing friend represent to him the many vile Qualities of this Mistress of his let him be shown that her Extravagance, Pride, and Prodigality, will infallibly bring him to a morfel of bread: Let it be proved, that he has been false to himself, and if treachery is not a fufficient caufe to difcard a Miftrefs, what is? In fhort, let him be made to fee that no mortal befides himself either loves, or can fuffer this Creature. Let all Looking-glaffes, polifhed Toys, and even clean Plates be removed from him, for fear of bringing back the admired object. Let him be taught to put off all those tender airs, affected smiles, languishing looks, wanton toffes of the head, coy motions of the body, that mincing gait, foft tone of voice, and all that enchanting womanlike behaviour, that has made him the charm of his own eyes, and the object of his own adoration. Let him furprize the Beauty he adores at a difadvantage, furvey himself naked, divefted of artificial charms, and he will find himfelf a forked ftraddling Animal, with bandy legs, a fhort neck, a dun hide, and a pot-belly. It would be yet better, if he took a ftrong purge once a-weck, in order to contemplate himfelf in that condition: at which time it will be con, venient to make ufe of the Letters, Dedications, etc. abovefaid. Something like this has been obferved, by Lucretius and others, to be a powerful remedy in the cafe of Women. If all this will not do, I muft e'en leave the poor man to his deftiny. Let him marry himself, and when he is condemned eternally to himfelf, perhaps he may run to the next pond to get rid of himself, the Fate of most violent Self-lovers,

CHAP.

CHAP. XII.

How Martinus endeavoured to find out the Seat of the Soul, and of his Correspondence with the FreeThinkers.

IN this Defign of Martin to investigate the Diseases of the Mind, he thought nothing fo neceffary as an Enquiry after the Seat of the Soul; in which, at first, he laboured under great uncertainties. Sometimes he was of opinion that it lodged in the Brain, fometimes in the ftomach, and fometimes in the Heart. Afterwards he thought it abfurd to confine that fovereign Lady to one apartment, which made him infer, that she shifted it according to the feveral functious of life: The Brain was her Study, the Heart her State-room, and the Stomach her Kitchen. But as he faw feveral Offices of life went on at the fame time, he was forced to give up this Hypothefis alfo. He now conjectured it was more for the dignity of the Soul to perform feveral Operations by her little Minifters, the Animal Spirits, from whence it was natural to conclude, that she refides in different parts according to different Inclinations, Sexes, Ages, and Profeffions. Thus, in Epicures he feated her in the mouth of the Stomach, Philofophers have her in the Brain, Soldiers in their Heart, Woman in their Tongues, Fidlers in their Fingers, and Rope-dancers in their Toes. At length he grew fond of the Glandula Pinealis, diffecting many Subjects to find out the different Figure of this Gland, from whence he might discover the cause of the different Tem pers in mankind. He fuppofed that in factious and reftlefs-fpirited people, he should find it sharp and pointed, allowing no room for the foul to repofe herfelf; that in quiet Tempers it was flat, fmooth, and foft, affording to the Soul, as it were, an easy cushion. He was confirmed in this by observing, that Calves and Philosophers, Tygers and Statesmen, Foxes and Sharpers, PeaQ 2

cocks

cocks and Fops, Cock-fparrows and Coquettes, Monkeys, and Players, Courtiers and Spaniels, Moles and Mifers, exactly resemble one another in the conformation of the Pineal Gland. He did not doubt likewife to find the fame refemblance in Highwaymen and Conquerors: In order to fatisfy himself in which, it was, that he purchased the body of one of the first Species (as hath been before related) at Tyburn, hoping in time to have the happiness of one of the latter too, under his Anatomical knife.

We must not omit taking notice here, that these Enquiries into the Seat of the Soul gave occafion to his firft correfpondence with the society of Free Thinkers, who were then in their infancy in England, and fo much taken with the promifing endowments of Martin, that they ordered their Secretary to write him the following Letter.

To the learned Inquifitor into Nature MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS; the Society of Free-Thinkers greeting.

Grecian Coffee-Houfe, May 7%

IT is with unspeakable joy we have heard of your inquifitive Genius, and we think it great pity that it fhould not be better employed, than in looking after that Theological Non-entity commonly called the Soul: Since after all your enquiries, it will appear you have loft your labour in feeking the Refidence of fuch a Chimera, that never had being but in the brains of fome dreaming Philofophers. Is it not Demonstration to a person of your Sense, that fince you cannot find it, there is no fuch thing? In order to fet fo hopeful a Genius right in this matter, we have fent you an answer to the ill-grounded Sophifms of those crackbrained fellows, and likewife an eafy mechanical explication of Perception or Thinking.

* One of their chief Arguments is, that Self-consciousness cannot inhere in any fyftem of Matter, because all

This whole Chapter is an inimitable ridicule on Collins's arguments against Clarke, to prove the Soul only a quality.

matter

matter is made up of feveral diftin&t beings, which never can make up one individual thinking being.

This is eafily answered by a familiar inftance. In every Jack there is a meat-roafting Quality, which neither refides in the fly, nor in the weight, nor in any particular wheel of the Jack, but is the result of the whole compofition: So in an Animal, the Self-consciousness is not a real Quality inherent in one Being (any more than meat roafting in a Jack) but the refult of feveral Modes or Qualities in the fame fubject. As the fly, the wheels, the chain, the weight, the cords, etc. make one Jack, fo the feveral parts of the body make one Animal. As perception or consciousness is faid to be inherent in this Animal, fo is meat-roafting said to be inherent in the Jack. As fenfation, reafoning, volition, memory, etc. are the feyeral Modes of thinking; fo roafting of beef, roafting of mutton, roafting of pullets, geefe, turkeys, etc. are the feveral modes of meat-roafting. And as the general Quality of meat-roafting, with its several modifications as to beef, mutton, pullets, etc. does not inhere in any one part of the Jack, fo neither does Consciousnefs, with its feveral Modes of fenfation,' intellection, volition, etc. inhere in any one, but is the refult from the mechanical compofition of the whole Animal.

Juft fo, the Quality or Difpofition in a Fiddle to play tunes, with the feveral Modifications of this tune playing quality in playing of preludes, Sarabands, Jigs, and Gavots, are as much real qualities in the inftrument, as the Thought or the Imagination is in the mind of the Perfon that composes them.

The Parts (fay they) of an animal body are perpetually changed, and the fluids, which feem to be the fubject of confcioufnefs, are in a perpetual circulation; so that the fame individual particles do not remain in the Brain; from whence it will follow, that the idea of Individual Consciousness must be constantly tranflated from one particle of matter to another, whereby the Particle A. for example