friend, to speak his mind, and that his mistress expected it.' Upon which Florimel acts a virgin-confusion, and with some disorder waits his speech. Here ever follows a deep silence; after which a loud laugh. Mr. Barebones applies himself to me on this occasion. All the advice I can give him, is, to find a lover for the confidant, for there is no other bribe will prevail; and I see by her carriage, that it is no hard matter, for she is too gay to have a particular passion, or to want a general one. Some days ago the town had a full charge laid against my Essays, and printed at large. I altered not one word of what he of the contrary opinion said, but have blotted out some warm things said for me; therefore, please to hear the counsel for the defendant, though I shall be so no otherwise than to take a middle way, and, if possible, keep commendations from being insipid to men's taste, or raillery pernicious to their characters. As I always looked upon satire as the best friend to reformation, whilst its lashes were general; so that gentleman must excuse me, if I do not see the inconvenience of a method he is so much concerned at. The errors he assigns in it, I think, are comprised in "the desperation men are generally driven to, when by a public detection they fall under the infamy they feared, who otherwise, by checking their bridle, might have recovered their stumble, and, through a self-conviction, become their own reformers: so he that was before but a clandestine disciple, (to use his own quotation) is now become a doctor in impiety." The little success that is to be expected by these methods from a hardened offender, is too evident to insist ou; yet, it is true, there is a great deal of charity in this sort of reasoning, whilst the effects of those crimes extend not beyond themselves. But what relation has this to your proceedings? It is not a circumstantial guessing will serve the turn, for there are more than one to pretend to any of your characters; but there must at least be something that must amount to a nominal description, before even common fame can separate me from the rest of mankind to dart at. A general representation of au action, either ridiculous or enormous, may make those winch who find too much similitude in the character with themselves to plead not guilty; but none but a witness to the crime can charge them with the guilt, whilst the indictment is general, and the offender has the asylum of the whole world to protect him. Here can then be no injustice, where no one is injured; for it is themselves must appropriate the saddle, before scandal can ride them. "Your method, then, in my opinion, is no way subject to the charge brought against it; but, on the contrary, I believe this advantage is too often drawn from it, that whilst we laugh at, or detest, the uncertain subject of the satire, we often find something in the error a parallel to ourselves; and being insensibly drawn to the comparison we would get rid of, we plunge deeper into the mire, and shame produces that which advice has been too weak for; and you, sir, get converts you never thought of. . As for descending to characters below the dignity of satire; what men think are not beneath commission, I must assure him, I think are not beneath reproof: for, as there is as much folly in a ridiculous deportment, as there is enormity in a criminal one, so neither the one nor the other ought to plead exemption. The kennel of curs are as much enemies to the state, as Gregg for his confederacy; for, as this betrayed our government, so the other does our property, and one without the other is equally useless. As for the act of oblivion he so strenuously insists on, Le Roy s'aviserat is a fashionable answer; and for his modus of panegyric, the hint was unnecessary, where virtue need never ask twice for her laurel. But as for his reformation by opposites, I again must ask his pardon, if I think the effects of these sort of reasonings, by the paucity of converts, are too great an argument, both of their imbecility anduns uccessfulness, to believe it will be any better than mis-spending of time, by suspending a method that will turn more to advantage, and which has no other danger of losing ground, but by discontinuance. And as I am certain of what he supposes, that your lucubrations are intended for the public benefit; so I hope you will not give them so great an interruption, by laying aside the only method that can render you beneficial to mankind, and, among others, agreeable to, Sir, 'Your humble servant, &c.' St. James's Coffee-house, October 3. Letters from the camp at Havre, of the seventh instant, N. S. advise, that the trenches were opened before Mons on the twenty-seventh of the last month, and the approaches were carried on at two attacks with great application and success, notwithstanding the rains which had fallen; that the besiegers had made themselves masters of several redoubts, and other out-works, and had advanced the approaches within ten paces of the counterscarps of the hornwork. Lieutenant-general Cadogan received a slight wound in the neck soon after, opening the trenches. The enemy were throwing up entrenchments • William Gregg was an under-clerk to Mr. Secretary Harley, in 1708, and was detected in a treasonable correspondence. He discovered to the court of France, the design on Toulon, and was executed for that crime. ti. e. The king will consider of it. between Quesnoy and Valenciennes, and the | a lady's entrance into the play-house, you might chevalier de Luxemburg was encamped near Charleroy with a body of ten thousand men. Advices from Catalonia by the way of Genoa, import, that count Staremberg having passed the Segra, advanced towards Balaguier, which place he took after a few hours resistance, and made the garrison, consisting of three Spanish battalions, prisoners of war. Letters from Bern say, that the army under the command of count Thaun had begun to repass the mountains, and would shortly evacuate Savoy. 'Whereas, Mr. Bickerstaff has received intelligence, that a young gentleman, who has taken my discourses upon John Partridge and others in too literal a sense, and is suing an elder brother to an ejectment; the aforesaid young gentleman is hereby advised to drop his action, no man being esteemed dead in law, who eats and drinks, and receives his rents.' No. 77.] Thursday, October 6, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines see tubes immediately levelled at her from every quarter of the pit and side-boxes. However, that mode of infirmity is out, and the age has recovered its sight: but the blind seem to be succeeded by the lame, and a janty limp is the present beauty. I think I have formerly observed, a cane is part of the dress of a prig, and always worn upon a button, for fear he should be thought to have an occasion for it, or be esteemed really, and not genteelly a cripple. I have considered, but could never find out the bottom of this vanity. I indeed have heard of a Gascon general, who, by the lucky grazing of a bullet on the roll of his stocking, took occasion to halt all his life after. But as for our peaceable cripples, I know no foundation for their behaviour, without it may be supposed that, in this warlike age, some think a cane the next honour to a wooden leg. This sort of affectation I have known run from one limb or member to another. Before the limpers came in, I remember a race of lispers, fine persons, who took an aversion to particular letters in our language. Some never uttered -nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85. 86. the letter H; and others had as mortal an Whatever good is done, whatever ill By human kind, shall this collection fill. From my own Apartment, October 5. As bad as the world is, I find by very strict observation upon virtue and vice, that if men appeared no worse than they really are, I should have less work than at present I am obliged to undertake for their reformation. They have generally taken up a kind of inverted ambition, and affect even faults and imperfections of which they are innocent, The other day in a coffee-house I stood by a young heir, with a fresh, sanguine, and healthy look, who entertained us with an account of his claps and diet-drink; though, to my knowledge, he is as sound as any of his tenants. This worthy youth put me into reflections upon that subject; and I observed the fantastical humour to be so general, that there is bardly a man who is not more or less tainted with it. The first of this order of men are the valetudinarians, who are never in health; but complain of want of stomach or rest every day until noon, and then devour all which comes before them. Lady Dainty is convinced, that it is necessary for a gentlewoman to be out of order; and, to preserve that character, she dines every day in her closet at twelve, that she may become her table at two, and be unable to eat in public. About five years ago, I remember, it was the fashion to be short-sighted. A man would not own an acquaintance until he had first examined him with his glass. At * The name given to an affected invalid lady by Colley Cibber, in his play of The Double Gallant, or Sick Lady's aversion to S. Others have had their fashionable defect in their ears, and would make you repeat all you said twice over. I know an ancient friend of mine, whose table is every day surrounded with flatterers, that makes use of this, sometimes as a piece of grandeur, and at Que This humour takes place in our minds as well as bodies. I know at this time a young gentleman, who talks atheistically all day in coffee-houses, and in his degrees of understanding sets up for a free-thinker; though it can morning and evening. But this class of modern be proved upon him, he says his prayers every wits I shall reserve for a chapter by itself. Of the like turn are all your marriage-haters, who rail at the noose, at the words, for ever and aye,' and at the same time are secretly pining for some young thing or other that makes their hearts ake by her refusal. The their wives, and boast how ill they use them next to these, are such as pretend to govern when, at the same time, go to their houses, and you shall see them step as if they feared making a noise, and as fond as an alderman. As fawning as lap-dogs. I do not know but sometimes these pretences may arise from a desire to conceal a contrary defect than that they set up for. I remember, when I was a young fellow, we had a companion of a very fearful complexion, who, when we sat in to drink, would desire us to take his sword from him when he grew fuddled, for it was his misfortune to be quarrelsome. Boufflers to the French king, after the late battle in the woods, which I translate for the benefit of the English reader : 'SIRE, This is to let your majesty understand, that to your immortal honour, and the destruction of the confederates, your troops have lost another battle. Artagnan did wonders, Rohan performed miracles, Guiche did wonders, Gattion performed miracles, the whole army distinguished themselves, and every body did day, I can assure your majesty, that though you have lost the field of battle, you have not lost an inch of ground. The enemy marched behind us with respect, and we ran away from wonders. And to conclude the wonders of the them as bold as lions.' There are many, many of these evils, which demand my observation; but because I have of late been thought somewhat too satirical, I shall give them warning, and declare to the whole world, that they are not true, but false hypocrites; and make it out that they are good men in their hearts. The motive of this monstrous affectation, in the above-mentioned and the like particulars, I take to proceed from that noble thirst of fame and reputation which is planted in the hearts of all men. As this produces elegant writings and gallant actions in men of great abilities, it also brings forth spurious productions in men who are not capable of distinguishing themselves by things which are really praise-worthy. As the desire of fame in men of true wit and gallantry shows itself in proper instances, the same desire in men who have the ambition without proper faculties, runs wild and discovers itself in a thousand extravagances, by which they would signalize themselves from others, and gain a set of admirers. When I was a middle-aged man, there were many societies of ambitious No. 78.] Saturday October 8, 1709. young men in England, who, in their pursuits after fame, were every night employed in roasting porters, smoking cobblers, knocking down watchmen, overturning constables, breaking windows, blackening sign-posts, and the like immortal enterprises, that dispersed their reputation throughout the whole kingdom. One could hardly find a knocker at a door in a whole street after a midnight expedition of these beaux esprits. I was lately very much surprised by an account of my maid, who entered my bed-chamber this morning in a very great fright, and told me, she was afraid my parlour was haunted; for that she had found several panes of my windows broken, and the floor strewed with half-pence. I have not yet a full light into this new way, but am apt to think, that it is a generous piece of wit that some of my contemporaries make use of, to break windows, and leave money to pay for them. St. James's Coffee-house, October 5. I have no manner of news more than what the whole town had the other day; except that I have the original letter of the marshal Letters have been sent to Mr. Bickerstaff, relating to the present state of the town of Bath, wherein the people of that place have desired him to call home the physicians. All gentlemen, therefore, of that profession are hereby directed to return forthwith to their places of practice; and the stage-coaches are required to take them in before other passengers, until there shall be a certificate signed by the mayor, or Mr. Powel, that there are but two doctors to one patient left in town. Quicquid agunt homines -nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 26. Whatever good is done, whatever illBy human kind, shall this collection fill. From my own Apartment, October 7. As your painters, who deal in history-pieces, often entertain themselves upon broken sketches, and smaller flourishes of the pencil; so I find some relief in striking out miscellaneous hints, and sudden starts of fancy, without any order or connexion, after having spent myself on more regular and elaborate dissertations. I am at present in this easy state of mind sat down to my scrutoire; where, for the better disposition of my correspondence, I have writ upon every drawer the proper title of its contents; as hypocrisy, dice, patches, politics, love, duels, and so forth. My various advices are ranged under such several heads, saving only that I have a particular box for Pacolet, and another for Monoculus. I cannot but observe, that my duel-box, which is filled by the lettered men of honour, is so very ill spelt, that it is hard to decypher their writings. My love-box, though on a quite contrary subject, filled with the works of the fairest hands in Great Britain, is almost as unintelligible. The private drawer, which is sacred to politics, has in it some of the most refined panegyrics and satires that any age has produced. I have now before me several recommenda- a cat, and died worth three hundred and fifty tions for places at my Table of Fame. Three thousand pounds sterling, which he left to an of them are of an extraordinary nature, in only daughter three years after his mayoralty. which I find I am misunderstood, and shall, If you want any further particulars of ditte therefore, beg leave to produce them. They alderman, daughter, or cat, let me know, and are from a quaker, a courtier, and a citizen. per first will advise the needful, which concludes, your loving friend, ISAAC,. 'Thy lucubrations, as thou lovest to call them, have been perused by several of our friends, who have taken offence; forasmuch as thou excludest out of the brotherhood all persons who are praise-worthy for religion, we are afraid that thou wilt fill thy table with none but heathens, and cannot hope to spy a brother there; for there are none of us who can be placed among murdering heroes, or ungodly wits; since we do not assail our enemies with the arm of flesh, nor our gainsayers with the vanity of human wisdom. If, therefore, thou wilt demean thyself on this occasion with a right judgment, according to the gifts that are in thee, we desire thou wilt place James Nayler at the upper end of thy table. EZEKIEL STIFFRUMP.. LEMUEL LEGER.' I shall have all due regard to this gentleman's recommendation; but cannot forbear observing how wonderfully this sort of style is adapted for the despatch of business, by leaving out insignificant particles; besides that, the dropping of the first person is an artful way to disengage a man from the guilt of rash words or promises. But I am to consider, that a citizen's reputation is credit, not fame; and am to leave these lofty subjects for a matter of private concern in the next letter before me. 'SIR, 'I am just recovering out of a languishing, sickness by the care of Hippocrates, who visited me throughout my whole illness, and was so. far from taking any fee, that he enquired into In answer to my good friend Ezekiel, I must my circumstances, and would have relieved me stand to it, that I cannot break my rule for also that way, but I did not want it. I know the sake of James Nayler; not knowing, no method of thanking him, but recommend-, whether Alexander the Great, who is a cholericing it to you to celebrate so great humanity in hero, would not resent his sitting at the upper end of the table with his hat on. spirit and sentiments of a man just relieved, the manner you think fit, and to do it with the from grief, misery, and pain, to joy, satisfac-. tion, and ease: in which you will represent. the grateful sense of your obedient servant, 'T. B.' I think the writer of this letter has put the matter in as good a dress as I can for him; yet I cannot but add my applause to what this distressed man has said. There is not a more, useful man in a commonwealth than a good physician: and by consequence no worthier a person than he that uses his skill with generosity even to persons of condition, and compas. sion to those who are in want: which is the behaviour of Hippocrates, who shows as much liberality in his practice as he does wit in his conversation, and skill in his profession. A wealthy doctor, who can help a poor man, and will not without a fee, has less sense of humanity than a poor ruffian, who kills a rich man to supply his necessities. It is something monstrous to consider a man of a liberal education tearing out the bowels of a poor family, by taking for a visit what would keep them of such extortion to set off his generosity; but a week. Hippocrates needs not the comparison I mention his generosity to add shame to such house in Pall-mall, betwixt the hours of eight | impatient with me to despatch the necessary and ten at night, where they may be instructed directions for his marriage; that while I am gratis, with elaborate essays by word of mouth taken up with imaginary schemes, as he calls on all or any of the above-mentioned arts. The them, he might not burn with real desire, and disciples are to prepare their bodies with three the torture of expectation. When I had redishes of bohea, and purge their brains with primanded him for the ardour wherein he extwo pinches of snuff. If any young student pressed himself, which I thought had not gives indication of parts, by listening atten- enough of that veneration with which the tively, or asking a pertinent question, one of marriage-bed is to be ascended, I told him, the professors shall distinguish him, by taking the day of his nuptials should be on the Sasnuff out of his box in the presence of the turday following, which was the eighth instant.' whole audience. On the seventh in the evening, poor Jenny came into my chamber, and, having her heart N. B. The seat of learning is now removed from the corner of the chimney on the left-full of the great change of life from a virgin hand towards the window, to the round table in the middle of the floor over against the fire; a revolution much lamented by the porters and chairmen, who were much edified through La pane of glass that remained broken all the last summer. I cannot forbear advertising my correspondents, that I think myself treated by some of them after too familiar a manner, and in phrases that neither become them to give, nor me to take. I shall, therefore, desire for the future, that if any one returns me an answer to a letter, he will not tell me he has received the favour of my letter; but, if he does not think fit to say he has received the honour of it, that he tell me in plain English, he has received my letter of such a date. I must like wise insist, that he would conclude with, I am with great respect, or plainly, I am, without farther addition; and not insult me, by an assurance of his being with great truth and -esteem my humble servant. There is likewise -another mark of superiority which I cannot bear; and therefore must inform my correspondents, that I discard all faithful humble servants, and am resolved to read no letters that are not subscribed, your most obedient, or most humble servant, or both. These may -appear niceties to vulgar minds, but they are such as men of honour and distinction must have regard to. And I very well remember a famous duel in France, where four were killed of one side, and three of the other, occasioned by a gentleman's subscribing himself a most affectionate friend. condition to that of a wife, she long sat silent. For This, dear Jenny, is the reason that the quarrel between sir Harry Willit and his lady, which began about her squirrel, is irreconcilable. Sir Harry was reading a grave author; she runs into his study, and in a playing bumour, claps the squirrel upon the folio: he threw the animal in a rage on the floor; she snatches it up again, calls sir Harry a sour pedant, without good nature or good manners. This cast him into such a rage, that he threw down the table before him, kicked the book round the room; then recollected himself: Lord, madam," said he, why did you run into such expressions? I was," said he, "in the highest delight with that author, when you clapped your squirrel upon my book;" and, smiling, added upon recollection, "I have a great respect for your favourite, and pray let us all be friends." My lady was so far from accepting this apology, that she immediately conceived a resolution to keep him under for ever; and with a serious air replied, “There is 66 |