« PreviousContinue »
OUTLINES OF PHACEOLOGY.*
'Let me have a luncheon of bread, and about four pounds of raisins, for really and ruly, I cannot live without eating. The stomach supports the head, and not the head the stomach.
be some cap
PHACEOLOGY is the science which treats of the appetites, and certain marks upon the human countenance corresponding with them. This science cannot fail to commend itself to every inquisitive mind. An acquaintance with it will reveal the habits of men by a glance at the countenance, so that the main points in the character of an individual may be known almost instantly. Upon the importance of such an acquaintance to the merchant, the mechanic, the professional man, the lover, the lovee, the bachelor, the maid, in fine to all classes of persons, it is unnecessary to expatiate. It is true that Phrenology, in this respect, is in a measure useful; but when we consider that the head is almost invariably covered with hair, natural or artificial, we shall decide, once and for all, that Phaceology is the science on which we are to rely for an immediate knowledge of the human character.
There are implanted in the breast of every individual of the human family, appetites; and these appetites acquire strength in proportion to their gratification. Between them and the physiognomy there is a connection so mysterious, that the indulgence of the former, to an improper extent, will produce evidence thereof in legible marks upon the latter. These marks are organs. There may tious individuals disposed to doubt this, or even deny it in toto ; to such I will say, that I cannot waste my time and talents in endeavoring to prove what is self-evident. Phaceology is divided into : I. MASTICATIVE PHACEOLGY, which relates to the appetite for
food. II. BIBATIVE PHACEOLOGY, which relates to the appetite for
drink. Masticative Phaceology has two organs : those of GUSTIFULLNESS, and GORMANDIZABILITY.
I. GUSTIFULLNESS. This organ is a lateral distension of the mouth, accompanied by a sly, inquisitive, cast of countenance. It is pecu liar to individuals who are in the habit of tasting whatever of an eatable nature is within their reach, and continue tasting to the great gratification of their palate, and to the great annoyance of the owner of the thing tasted. Such individuals are egregious nuisances in society, and may be readily known by a little attention to the organ. Good housewives and retail grocers will find an acquaintance with the organ particularly useful; the former in ascertaining the character of 'help' that may offer for employment, and the latter in acquainting themselves with the habits of their visitors!
II. GORMANDIZABILITY. There is a great inclination in some men literally to cram themselves with food. They have a peculiar relish
The original spelling of this word is FACEOLOGY, I have changed it, that it might correspond with those of its sisters, Phrenology and Physiognomy. It may be divided into four or five syllables, as the 'student shall choose.
for the good things of the table, and indulge their appetites to such excess, that soon the countenance loses its naturally healthy look and proportions, and becomes inflated and inflamed. The organ of gormandizability may be traced in each direction, from the summits of the cheeks, to points between the eye-brows, and in the chin. It is of a Spanish-brown hue, and is scabbed. A knowledge of this organ will be of vast importance to gentlemen who are in the habit of having dinner-parties and suppers; especially if they are economists, from choice or necessity.
The organs of Bibative Phaceology are :
1. SANGAREETIVENESS, II. EGGPOPSTABILITY, III, VINEFRETABILITY,
VII. BRANDIFORMITY, VIII. CARBUNCLIVITY, IX. POTHEASIVENESS.
I. SANGARE ETIVENESS. There is a luscious drink, the chief ingredients of which are port-wine and loaf sugar, known by the musical cognomen of sangaree. This drink is sipped with much gusto by people just indulging in the use of alcoholic stimulants. Its flavor is such, that the drinkers of it, frequently before they are aware, become victims to insensibility. The organ of Sangareetiveness is a slight flush of the countenance. It will not be recognized by any one who is not familiar with the science of Phaceology.
II. EGGPOPSTABILITY. There is another drink, of which rum and eggs are fundamental ingredients, bearing the abrupt name of eggpop, or egg-nog. It is much desired by those who are in the early stages of intenperance. The organ is a slight redness of the eye, added to the organ of Sangareetiveness. Men in whom this organ is found, are inclined to instability of mind, and sometimes of body, and may with propriety be called men of Eggpopstability.
III. VINEFRETABILITY. Persons who indulge habitually in the use of wine, and frequently to excess, are subject to fits of irritability; and ultimately the countenance. assumes a severity which, with the two preceding organs, forms the organ of Vinefretability.
IV. BUSTIVELOCITATIVENESS. Those who are addicted to the use of sangaree, egg-pop, wine, and drinks of similar character, are more or less in the habit of indulging in wild scenes of inebriety, commonly called 'sprees,' or 'bu'sts; probably a contraction of bursts, signifying a breaking away from sobriety. These persons are called 'bus'ters,' and are gregarious. When several of them are congregated together, they indulge themselves to such an extent, and their spirits become so elevated, that they find pleasure only in extreme obstreperousness, jactitations of the body, braggardism, and mischievous caperings. They have gymnasia libonum, (as old Burton hath it,) schools and rendezvous; these Centaures and Lapithæ toss pots and bowls, as so many balls.
So they triumph in villany, and justifie their wickedness, with Rabelais, the French Lucian; drunkenness is better for the body than physick, because there be more old drunkards than old physicians. Such persons may be known by their blowzy countenances, and inflamed eyes, which together form the
organ of Bustivelocitativeness.
V. PUNCHVOLUBLENESS. There is a disposition in excessive drinkers of punch to punch their neighbors, as well as great volubility.
They are known by a slightly contracted brow, fiery eye, and halfopened mouth, which
of Punchvolubleness. VI. TODDYTIVENESS. There is a warm drink called Toddy, of which old bachelors and old maids are extremely fond. The former, especially, imbibe it until their ratiocinative disposition has oozed out, and they are left in a state of blissful obmutescence. The appetite for this drink may be discovered by the organ of Toddytiveness, which is situated upon the nose, and is vulgarly known by the name of Toddy-blossom.
VII. BRANDIFORMITY. It is not difficult to find this organ in the brandy drinker. The deep vermilion hue of his countenance, and the strong development of the organ of Vinefretability, are always sufficient indications of it.
VIII. CARBUNCLIvity. This is truly a wonderful organ. It is almost always to be found upon the nose of the old brandy and gin toper, and is composed of shining pustules, of various sizes and hues. When the possessor of this organ has been long addicted to inebriety, it extends itself to the cheek-bones and forehead. It has been said that it is used in dark nights, as a lantern to light its owner from the bar-room to his cheerless home. Whether we credit this or not, we may safely believe that it is the only lantern with which he should be trusted. For a farther description of the orgau, I refer to Sir John Falstaff.
IX. POTHEASIVENESS. Those persons who make pot-houses their constaut resort, and drink the chief part of their subsistence, are always possessed of this organ. It is too well known to require any description here. Look at the confirmed drunkard, and in his countenance you will see the organ of Potheasiveness. I have thus given some of the outlines of this wonderful science
; a science before which all other sciences will hide their diminished heads; a science which, for simplicity and definiteness, certainly cannot be equalled ; a science which for sublimity is unrivalled, and for usefulness cannot be matched; a science which requires no bombastic parade, no fulsome panegyric, to obtain for it immediate and lasting celebrity. Time shall be no longer, when it shall cease to exist!
2. E. G.
MOMENTS of life there are, in which whole years
Of incident, and thrilling thought combined,
No channel for its deep emotions find.
Big with remembrances which charm the mind,
Past — but whose fragrance lingers still behind.
All that this pen might say, if Time would pause,
And sad adieus be still the final clause :
E. C. 6.
"The beauty of Lebanon shall come unto theo ; the fir tree, the pine tree, and the box, together : to beautify the place of my sanctuary.'
From the leafless wood we have gathered the pine,
LIMNINGS IN THE THOROUGHFARES.
BY GEORGED. STRONG.
NE WS. MAN
NEWS-BOY. In tracing the progress of the political and social movement which marks the present era, our attention is frequently arrested by specimens of the Genus Homo, created as it were out of the elements of society, as at present organized, and if not new in themselves, yet exhibiting novel combinations of the primal elements of human character.
Conspicuous among these monuments of a remodelled organization, stand the News-Man and News-Boy. In analyzing the distinct claims to notice of these Mercurys of hebdomadal and diurnal literature, we shall find the news-boy to possess the most prominent and piquant attributes. Moving, it is true, with more erratic steps than his senior, but exhibiting in his eccentricities and vagaries those Hogarthian peculiarities which are now readily transferred to the canvass, and when happily sketched, are universally recognized and appreciated.
The news-man is the messenger of the larger newspaper establishments, satirically termed by their Lilliputian rivals, the respectable sixpennies.' The news-boy is born and nurtured in the more exciting purlieus of the penny press, and bears about him no doubtful tokens of his birth-place and lineage. Heir to the wit and slang, the
drollery and impertinence, the humor and frolic, the curiosity and perseverance, of his official parentage, he thrusts his wares alike in the face of the aristocrat and the plebeian, the belle and the slattern; carrying out the principle of equal privileges to its utmost boundary, and hurling defiance alike at the frowns of the haughty, and the menaces of the testy. : The news-man, on the contrary, moves with the sober pace befitting his rank in the social scale ; and in the very whirlwind of excitement, caused by the receipt of important and unexpected intelligence, which serves to throw editors, clerks, pressmen, and compositors into a fever, never for a moment compromises his dignity by exhibitions of undue haste, or nervous anxiety. Scan him narrowly, and you may observe that bis lips are slightly compressed, and his brow is a thought contracted; that his features bear the impress of a consciousness that he is conveying to the ignorant mass tidings of high import: but his gravity of deportment is still admirably sustained, and his cool and practised bearing might serve as a study for even practised diplomatists.
The news-boy is a being of different order; exhibiting not only the spirit, and confidence, and animation of youth, bounding with the spring of that elasticity which is lost in later life, but carrying into public highways and by-ways the evidence of his familiarity with the mysteries of the craft, of which he is at once the type and the ornament. To awaken his enthusiasm, it is not requisite that his sheet should contain important intelligence, foreign or domestic. The editor of the paper of which he is the distributor may vainly have searched for novelties of a quality to arouse the flagging curiosity of bis heterogenous patrons; but let him not despair. The news-boy will remedy the evil. His inventive mind is at work, and ere he has traversed a square, you may recognise his voice, high above the city's din, proclaiming to the gaping crowd the information his sheet im. parts, of accidents and casualties which came not beneath the editorial ken of his employer, and the murderous barbarities of savages, wbich were never perpetrated, except in his own teeming fancy.
Question him closely, and he will give you a wink and a nod; and if he deems you, in his expressive phrase, a knowing one,' will slily thrust his tongue out of the side of his cheek; but of these mysterious movements the inquiring crowd shall not be permitted to take cognizance; and the next moment finds him at another point, heralding a series of novelties of which his former auditors remained in happy ignorance.
If loquacity be the prominent characteristic of the news-boy, his senior may be termed the High Priest of Silence. Follow him in his daily rounds, and no sound will be permitted to escape his lips. Does a dissatisfied subscriber require the delivery of his paper at an earlier hour? The news-man hears the request, but deigns no reply. He has been known, on such occasions to nod intelligence, but his courtesy goes no further.
The news-man, in outward seeming, is decent and staid, and his dress is in keeping with his official character. In summer, it consists of a round jacket and trowsers, of some light material, with a hat so placed as to preserve the equilibrium of the owner's general bearing ; neither leaning to the one side nor to the other; neither thrown back