244

THE VIGIL OF LOVE.

Helen hopes to be blessed with the hand of her lover, if he be converted; but he is so ready to admit all she urges, that Father Fraser "suspects him," and says, "Delay will prove the mind's conviction."

And she must "submit" to the will of Heaven; for is not Father Fraser its instrument?

Thus she reasoned with herself, weeping alone. The heavy day has crept away evening is come: 'tis night.

Helen has prayed.

She prepares for rest: but there she stands, doubtful whether she will not sit a little longer, and think of him.

She has decided she will sit up.

:

Her cheek resting on her hand; her hair let loose and streaming on her neck, the maiden recalls a pleasant evening-walk amid the ruins, in company with her lover. He had commemorated that evening. They had parted in sadness-both seemed to have thoughts which they would eagerly expressbut how?

On the day after that evening, Helen received from her lover some verses expressive of his feelings on that occasion. On these verses her eyes are now bending: they feed her heart.

"I saw thee, and my eyelids fell-a cloud
Belike, that veil'd their future sun;

And could I then have thought aloud,

Thou wouldst have known my doom begun.

THE LIFE-NERVE.

"We parted: 't was a cold, a bleak farewell;
We met once more, and oh, how sweet!
For absence will enforce the mutual spell,
Till kindred hearts together meet.

"Since then, an age is number'd in my soul;
An age of thought and bitter pain:
Thoughts that my will can ne'er control ;-
I hope, despair, then hope again.

"For I would die-and then the thought of thee Makes me love life, and shrink from death: And I would live-but what is life to me,

If thou 'rt not mine? my only life!

"Visions of bliss anon beguile : meseems
Thou, my Undine, art sent to bless,
To cheer me in my night of toil with gleams
Of light, thy voice, and sweet caress.

"Swooning as often thus entranced in bliss,
I live, not I, but thou in me;

And I would die by that unearthly kiss,
For ever thus to be with thee.

"Oh, bliss! to find, each hour, my love expand-
Finding its heaven, yet craving more.

Oh, pang! to know the love thy charms demand,
Must ever prove me debtor poor.

"Yes, 't is in loving thee that I can feel

How angels love their God above;

Where, blest and blessing, words can not reveal
The boundless gratitude of love!

"For what am I?.... Nay, rather let my heart
Reflect thee, love! so sweet, so kind!
Importraiture by Love's own gentle art,
There, by its life-nerve intertwined.

245

246 IMPORTRAITURE BY LOVE'S OWN Gentle art.

THE PORTRAIT.

"I stood beside her: 't was a star-lit eve,-
When, longing for the rising moon,

She sat and watch'd, and oft her breast would heave
Some thought, by sighing check'd too soon.

"Reclining on the hand that kiss'd her cheek,
Her sweet bright eyes the heavens read;
Seeming some mystic solace there to seek,
For grief, wherein her heart was dead.

"Thus heavenward arose her ardent eyes,
Fringed by their lashes into shade:

Still bright with light their own, amid their skies
Her oval brows in thought array'd,

"Her ample tresses negligently fell,
Seemingly scatter'd down her face:
'Twas only art conceal'd by art, so well
That negligence was perfect grace.

"And I beheld her features change the while,
Like wavelets of the restless sea:

Now dark, then sad, and then the seeming smile
That mocks a hope in misery!

"Yes, in thy lineaments I see thee traced;
Thy flash of mind, thy flame of soul-
Thy soul, a giant in the world's wild waste,
That nought but love shall e'er control.

"And I have loved thee; and have felt my soul
Ennobled by my love,-my mind
Illumed I pant to reach high honour's goal
For thee, my mind and heart combined.

LOVE'S MIRROR'D FRAME.

"Oh! dwell within my soul a mirror'd frame,
Wherein I'll gaze to read my praise,
What time I shall achieve an honour'd name,
And see thee bless'd with happy days.

"And thou wilt smile on me, and none may blame
The transports of thy gen'rous breast:

And thou wilt proudly bear and bless my name,

And on my grateful bosom rest.

247

"Sweet hope! though twinkling through the haze of years, Beyond a sea without a shore,

Still thou art there, sweet hope, to dry my tears,

And point to coming bliss in store.

"My friend! my sister! angel! Paraclete-
My all! for thou hast fill'd my heart,
Ne'er fill'd before, with gushing joy, as sweet

As heaven only can impart."

Again and again Helen read the verses, more and more affected at each perusal, her tears flowing as from a fountain that would flow on for ever. Why did she weep? Is she not beloved? Ardently beloved? But listen :

"Oh, yes!"

:

"the seeming smile

That mocks a hope in misery!"

How

"Yes, yes; I remember those feelings that racked my heart on that evening, and yet made me feel so happy. Happy and wretched every moment. Oh, how near was I then the fatal confession! weak at that moment! Yet, he knew it not. yet, has he not described almost all that I felt? Had he then pressed the question-Oh, could I

And

248

SELF-REPROACH AND A RESOLUTION.

have resisted? What could I have refused at that moment? How my soul burns even now at the remembrance of that gushing emotion, so painful and yet so sweet, of love's unspeakable madness! Oh, why did he not seize the auspicious moment? My dissimulation, my vile hypocrisy, would have been at an end. What silenced him then? Did an angel protect my weakness?

"Oh! to love him as I love, and thus be forced to seem indifferent. His love has made a torrent of my soul, and I must seem a stagnant pool. His love-the strong, serious thought of my soul, I must make my pastime; must meet his burning protestations of love with flat insipid controversy. What is his "belief" to me, if I believe that he loves me?

"Oh! had that cruel man not entered so soon this morning, I would have confessed my love. Wretch that I was to let pass so many moments of bliss! Why should I obey this man? Why should he rule my heart? What evil can there be in pledging myself to my lover? He must be converted first. Well; he shall be converted-he'll be converted to please me I can promise that; but they will not take my word for it; he must be converted first.

---

"Meanwhile, they will have me feign indifference; conceal my ardent love; play the hypocrite. Till I become a thing of deceit, contemptible to myself. Well; if it be right in one case, it must be so in another: my resolution is taken.