Peto. How many be there of them? Fal. Zounds! will they not rob us? P. Hen. What, a coward, sir John Paunch? 9 well contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house.-He could be contented,-Why is he not then? In respect of the love he bears our house :-he shows in this, he loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see some Why, that's certain; 'tis dangerous to take a cold, more. The purpose you undertake is dangerous;— to sleep, to drink: but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety. The purpose you undertake is dangerous; the friends you have named, uncertain; the time itself, unsorted; and your whole plot too light, for the counterpoise of so great an opposition.-Say you so, say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow, cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lackbrain is this! By the Lord, our plot is a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant: a good Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grand-plot, good friends, and full of expectation: an father: but yet no coward, Hal. P. Hen. Well, we leave that to the proof. Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge; when thou need'st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast. Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be banged. P. Hen. Ned, where are our disguises? [Exeunt P. Henry and Poins. Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say 1; every man to his business. fleece them. [for ever. 1 Trav. O, we are undone, both we and ours, Fal. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves; Are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs; I would, your store were here! On. bacons, on! What, ye knaves? young men must live: You are grand-jurors, are ye? We'll jure ye, i'faith. [Exeunt Fals. etc. driving the Travellers out. Re-enter Prince HENRY and POINS. P. Hen. The thieves have bound the true men : Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever. Poins. Stand close, I hear them coming. Re-enter Thieves. Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more valour in that Poins, than in a wild duck. P. Hen. Your money. (Rushing out upon them.) Poins. Villains! (As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them. Falstaff, after a blow or two, and the rest, run away, leaving their booty behind them.) P. Hen. Got with much ease. Now merrily to borse: The thieves are scatter'd, and possess'd with fear [Exeunt. SCENE III-Warkworth. A Room in the Castle. Enter HOTSPUR, reading a letter. excellent plot, very good friends. What a frostyspirited rogue is this! Why, my lord of York commends the plot, and the general course of the action. Zounds, an I were now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my father, my uncle, and myself? lord Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owen Glendower? Is there not, beside, the Douglas? Have I not all their letters, to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? and are they not, some of them, set forward already? What a pagan rascal is this! an infidel! Ha! yon shall see now, in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to the king, and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could divide myself, and go to buffets, for moving such a dish of skimmed milk with so honourable an action! Hang him! Let him tell the king. We are prepared: I will set forward to-night. Enter Lady PERCY. How now, Kate? I must leave you within these two hours. Lady. O my good lord, why are you thus alone? Some heavy business hath my lord in hand, Serv. He is, my lord, an hour ago. Hot. Hath Butler brought those horses from the sheriff? Serv. One horse, my lord, he brought even now, Hot. What horse? a roan, a crop-ear, is it not? Serv. It is, my lord. Hot. That roan shall be my thro -But, for mine own part, my lord, I could be Well, I will back him straight O espérance: 10 Bid Butler lead him forth into the park. Lady. But hear you, my lord. [Exit Servant. What say'st, my lady? Lady. What is it carries you away? My love, my horse. My horse, Lady. Hot. So far afoot, I shall be weary, love. Lady. Come, come, you paraquito, answer me In faith, I'll break thy little finger, Harry, Away, you trifler!-Love?—I love thee not, Lady. Do you not love me? do you not, indeed? Hot. Not au inch farther. But hark you, Kate! Lady. It must, of force. [Exeunt. Head Tavern. Enter Prince HENRY and POINS. pence, and-You are welcome; with this shrill addition,—Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon, or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I pr'ythee, do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my puny drawer, to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling-Francis, that his tale to me may be nothing but-anon. Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent. Poins. Francis! P. Henry. Thou art perfect. Enter FRANCIS. [Exit Poins. Fran. Anon, anon, sir. — Look down into the Pomegranate, Ralph. P. Hen. Come hither, Francis. Fran. My lord. P. Hen. How long hast thou to serve, Francis? Fran. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. Five years! by'rlady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant, as to play the coward with thy indenture, and to show it a fair pair of heels, and ruu from it? Fran. O lord, sir! I'll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heartPoins. (Within.) Francis! Fran. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. How old art thou, Francis? Fran. Let me see,-About Michaelmas next I shall be Poins. (Within.) Francis! Fran. Anon, sir.-Pray you, stay a little, my lord. P. Hen. Nay, but hark you, Francis: For the sugar thou gavest me,-'twas a pennyworth, was't not? Fran. O lord, sir! I would, it had been two. Fran. Anon, anon. P. Hen. Anon, Francis? No, Francis: but tomorrow, Francis; or, Francis, on Thursday; or, indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But, Francis,Fran. My lord? P. Hen. Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, nott-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth tongue, Spanish-pouch,— Fran. O lord, sir, who do you mean? P. Hen. Why then, your brown bastard is your P. Hen. Ned, pr'ythee, come out of that fat room, only drink: for, look you, Francis, your white can and lend me thy hand to laugh a little. Poins. Where hast been, Hal? am sworn P. Hen. With three or four loggerheads, amongst three or four score hogsheads. I have sounded the very base string of humility. Sirrah, brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by their christian names, as,-Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that, though I be but prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff; but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy,-by the Lord, so they call me; and when I am king of Eugland, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call-drinking deep, dying scarlet: and when you breathe in your watering, they cry-hem! and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour, that thou wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned, -to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now in my hand by an under-skinker; one that never spake other English in his life, than-Eight shillings and six goodman Adam, to the pupil age of this present the doublet; four, through the hose; my buckler twelve o'clock at midnight. Re-enter FRANCIS, with wine. What's o'clock, Francis? Fran. Anon, anon, sir. P. Hen. That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! -His industry is-up stairs, and down stairs; his eloquence, the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the north; he, that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife,-Fy upon this quiet life! I want work. O my sweet Marry, says she, how many hast thou killed today! Give my roan horse a drench, says he; and answers, Some fourteen, an hour after; a trifle, a trifle. I pr'ythee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play dame Mortimer his wife. Rivo, says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and РЕТО. Poins. Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been? Fal. A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! marry, and amen!-Give me a cup of sack, boy-Ere I lead this life long, I'll sew netherstocks, and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!-Give me a cup of sack, rogue.-Is there no virtue extant? (He drinks.) P. Hen. Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun? if thou didst, then behold that compound. Fal. You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: There is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous man: yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it; a villainous coward.-Go thy ways, old Jack; die when thou wilt; if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say! I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing: A plague of all cowards, I say still. P. Hen. How now, wool-sack? what mutter you? Fal. A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdora with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You prince of Wales! [the matter? P. Hen. Why, you whoreson round inan! what's Fal. Are you not a coward answer me to that; and Poins there? Poins Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, I'll stab thee. You are Fal. I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound, I could run as fast as thou canst. straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back: Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me.- -Give me a cup of sack :-I am a rogne, if I drunk to-day. P. Hen. O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk'st last. Fal. All's one for that. A plague of all cowards, still say 1. (He drinks.) P. Hen. What's the matter? cut through and through; iny sword hacked like a hand-saw, ecce signum. I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards!-Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness. P. Hen. Speak, sirs; how was it? Peto. No, no, they were not bound. Fal. You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. Gads. As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us,[the other. Fal. And unbound the rest, and then come in P. Hen. What, fought ye with them all? Fal. All? I know not what ye call, all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. [of them. Poins. Pray God, you have not murdered some Fal. Nay, that's past praying for: for I have peppered two of them: two, I am sure, I have paid; two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,-if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward;-here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckrain let drive at me, [now. P. Hen. What, four? thou said'st but two, even Fal. These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus. P. Hen. Seven? why, there were but four, even Fal. In buckram. Poins. Ay, four, in buckram suits. [now. Fal. Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villam else. P. Hen. Pr'ythee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. Fal. Dost thou hear me, Hal? P. Hen. Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. Fal. Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram, that I told thee of,— P. Hen. So, two more already. Fal. Their points being broken,Poins. Down fell their hose. Fal. Began to give me ground: But I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. P. Hen. O nonstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Fal. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves, in Kendal green, came at my back, and let drive at me ;--for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand. P. Hen. These lies are like the father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay brained guts; thou knotty-pated fool; thou whore son, obscene, greasy tallow-keech, Fal. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth! P. Hen. Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell as your reason; What sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at Fal. What's the matter? there be four of us here the strappado, or all the racks in the world, 1 have ta'en a thousand pound this morning. P. Hen. What, a hundred, man would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion if reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine covard, this bed-presser this horse-back breaker, this huge hill of flesh;- Fal. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, bull's-pizzle, yon stock-fish, -O, for breath to utter what is like thee!—you tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck ; P. Hen. Well, breathe a while, and then to it ngain and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. Poins. Mark, Jack. P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth.Mark now, how plain a tale shall put you down.Then did we two set on you four: and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house :- and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done; and then say, it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? [thou now? Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack: What trick hast Fal. By the Lord, I knew ye, as well as he that made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters: Was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest, I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee, during my life; I, for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. -Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow.-Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? P. Hen. Content;-and the argument shall be thy running away. [me. Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest Enter Hostess. Host. My lord the prince,P. Hen. How now, my lady the hostess? what say'st thou to me? Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door, would speak with you: he says he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Host. An old man. Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?-Shall I give him his answer? P. Hen. Pr'ythee, do, Jack. Fal. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Exit. P. Hen. Now, sirs; by'r lady, you fought fair; -so did you, Peto;-so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fy! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. P. Hen. Tell me now in earnest, How came staff's sword so hacked? P. Hen. I do. Re-enter FALSTAFF. Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-boneHow now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? Fal. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: A plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villainous news abroad. here was sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the North, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, aud made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook,-What, a plague, call you him? Poins. O, Glendower. Fal. Owen, Owen; the same;—and his son-inlaw, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'horseback up a hill perpendicular. P. Hen. He, that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Ful. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Fal. O'horseback, ye cuckoo! but, afoot, he will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand bluecaps more Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel. P. Hen. Why then, 'tis like, if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like, we shall have good trading that way. But, tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afeard? thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again, as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it? [instinct. P. Hen. Not a whit, i'faith; I lack some of thy Fal. Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-mor row, when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. P. Hen. Do thou stand for my father, and exFal-amine me upon the particulars of my life. Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and said, he would swear truth out of England, but he would make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded us to do the like. Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and to swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven years before, I blushed to hear his moustrous devices. P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thon hast blushed extempore: Thon nadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away; What instinct hadst thon for it? Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold these exhalations? Fal. Shall I? content:-This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. P. Hen. Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown, for a pitiful bald crown! Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite ou of thee, now shalt thou be moved.-Give me a cup of sack, to make mine eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in king Cambyses' vein. P. Hen. Well, here is my leg. Fal. And here is my speech-Stand aside, no bility. Host. This is excellent sport, i'faith. Fal. Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain. Bance! Host. O, the father, how he holds his counte[queeu, Fal. For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. Host. O rare! he doth it as like one of these harlotry players, as I ever see. Fal. Peace, good pint pot; peace, good ticklebrain.-Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but, also how thou art accompanied: for though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's word partly my own opinion; but chiefly, a villainous trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou be sou to me, here lies the point:-Why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher, and eat blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take purses? a question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also:-And yet there is a virtuous man, whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. P. Hen. What manner of man, an it like your maiesty? Fal. A good portly man, i'faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining to threescore; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in bis looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this onth Fal. 'Sblood, my lord, they are false-nay, I'll tickle ve for a young prince, i'faith. P. Hen. Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness of a fat old man: a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, toat reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villainy? wherein villainous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Fal. I would, your grace would take me with yon; Whom means your grace? P. Hen. That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. Fal. My lord, the man I know. P. Hen. I know, thou dost. Fal. But to say, I know more harm in him than in myself, were to say more than I know. That he is old, (the more the pity,) his white hairs do witness it: but that he is (saving your reverence,) a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know, is damned: ifto be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord; hanish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish pot him thy Harry's company; banish plump Jack, audi banish all the world. P. Hen. I do, I will. (A knocking heard.) [Exeunt Hostess, Francis, and Bardolph. Re-enter BARDOLPH, running. Bard. O, my lord, my lord; the sheriff, with a most monstrous watch, is at the door. Fal. Out, you rogue! play out the play: I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff. Re-enter Hostess, hastily. Host. O Jesu, my lord, my lord!Fal. Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: What's the matter? Host. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house : Shall I let them in? Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit : thou art essentially mad, without seeming so. [instinct. P. Hen. And thou a natural coward, without Fal. sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a deny your major: if you will deny the cart as well as another man, a plague on my bring. ing up! I hope, I shall as soon be strangled with a halter, as another. P. Hen. Go, hide thee behind the arras;-the rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face, and good conscience. Fal. Both which I have had: but their date is out, and therefore I'll hide me. [Exeunt all but the Prince and Poins. P. Hen. Call in the sheriff Enter Sheriff and Carrier. Now, master sheriff; what's your will with me. (lord: Sher. One of them is well known, my gracious A gross fat man. Car. As fat as butter. P. Hen. The man, I do assure you, is not here; For I myself at this time have employ'd him. And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, Send him to answer thee, or any man, For any thing he shall be charged withal. And so let me entreat you leave the house. Sher. I will, my lord: There are two gentlemen Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. P. Hen. It may be so: if he have robb'd these He shall be answerable; and so, farewell. [men, Sher. Good night, my noble lord. P. Hen. I think it is good morrow; is it not? Sher. Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock [Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier. P. Hen. This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go, call him forth. Poins. Falstaff! fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. P. Hen. Hark, how hard he fetches breath: Search his pockets. (Poins searches.) What hast thou found? Poins. Nothing but papers, my lord. P. Hen. Let's see what they be read them, Item, Sauce, 4d. |