Achilles shall have word of this intent; So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent: And find the welcome of a noble foe. ULYSS. Nestor! [Exeunt all but ULYSSES and NESTOR. NEST. What says Ulysses? ULYSS. I have a young conception in my brain, Be you my time to bring it to some shape. NEST. What is 't? ULYSS. This 't is : Blunt wedges rive hard knots: The seeded pride In rank Achilles, must or now be cropp'd, Or, shedding, breed a nursery of like evil, ULYSS. This challenge that the gallant Hector sends, However it is spread in general name, Relates in purpose only to Achilles. NEST. The purpose is perspicuous even as substance, Tis dry enough,-will, with great speed of judgment, Pointing on him. ULYSS. And wake him to the answer, think you? It is most meet: Whom may you else oppose, If not Achilles? Though 't be a sportful combat, For here the Trojans taste our dear'st repute In this wild action: for the success, Yes, And in such indexes, although small pricks Of things to come at large. It is suppos'd, He that meets Hector issues from our choice: As 't were from forth us all, a man distill'd What heart from hence receives the conquering part, ULYSS. Give pardon to my speech ; Therefore 't is meet, Achilles meet not Hector. That ever Hector and Achilles meet; For both our honour and our shame, in this, Are dogg'd with two strange followers. NEST. I see them not with my old eyes; what are they? ULYSS. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector, Were he not proud, we all should wear with him: But he already is too insolent; And we were better parch in Afric sun, Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes, Yet go we under our opinion still That we have better men. But, hit or miss, To Agamemnon: go we to him straight. Two curs shall tame each other: Pride alone [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I-Another part of the Grecian Camp. Enter AJAX and THERSITES. AJAX. Thersites, THER. Agamemnon-how if he had boils? full, all over, generally? AJAX. Thersites, THER. And those boils did run?-Say so,-did not the general run? were not that a botchy core? AJAX. Dog, THER. Then would come some matter from him; I see none now. AJAX. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then. [Strikes him. THER. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beefwitted lord! AJAX. Speak then, thou vinew'dest leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness. THER. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks! AJAX. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. THER. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strik❜st me thus? AJAX. The proclamation,— THER. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. AJAX. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. THER. I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. AJAX. I say, the proclamation, THER. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou bark'st at him. AJAX. Mistress Thersites ! THER. Thou shouldst strike him. AJAX. Cobloaf ! THER. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. AJAX. You whoreson cur! THER. Do, do. AJAX. Thou stool for a witch! [Beating him. THER. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee: Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! AJAX. You dog! THER. You scurvy lord! AJAX. You cur! [Beating him. THER. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. ACHIL. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you this? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? THER. You see him there, do you? ACHIL. Ay; what 's the matter? THER. Nay, look upon him. ACHIL. So I do; what's the matter? THER. But yet you look not well upon him: for whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax. ACHIL. I know that, fool. THER. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. AJAX. Therefore I beat thee. THER. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him. ACHIL. What? THER. I say, this Ajax,- THER. Has not so much wit ACHIL, Nay, I must hold you. [AJAX offers to strike him, ACHILLES interposes. THER. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight. ACHIL. Peace, fool! THER. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you there, AJAX. O thou damned cur! I shall ACHIL. Will you set your wit to a fool's? THER. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. PATR. Good words, Thersites. ACHIL. What's the quarrel? AJAX. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. THER. I serve thee not. AJAX. Well, go to, go to. THER. I serve here voluntary. ACHIL. Your last service was sufferance, 't was not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary; Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress. THER. E'en so; a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch if he knock out either of your brains; 'a were as good crack a fusty uut with no kernel. |