And in such indexes, although small pricks Of things to come at large. It is suppos'd, As 't were from forth us all, a man distill'd What heart from hence receives the conquering part, ULYSS. Give pardon to my speech ; Therefore 't is meet, Achilles meet not Hector. That ever Hector and Achilles meet; For both our honour and our shame, in this, Are dogg'd with two strange followers. NEST. I see them not with my old eyes; what are they? ULYSS. What glory our Achilles shares from Hector, Were he not proud, we all should wear with him: But he already is too insolent; And we were better parch in Afric sun, Than in the pride and salt scorn of his eyes, The sort to fight with Hector: Among ourselves Who broils in loud applause; and make him fall Yet go we under our opinion still But, hit or miss, Our project's life this shape of sense assumes,— To Agamemnon: go we to him straight. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I.—Another part of the Grecian Camp. Enter AJAX and THERSITES. AJAX. Thersites,— THER. Agamemnon-how if he had boils? full, all over, generally? AJAX. Thersites, THER. And those boils did run?-Say so,-did not the general run? were not that a botchy core? AJAX. Dog, THER. Then would come some matter from him; I see none now. AJAX. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then. [Strikes him. THER. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beefwitted lord! AJAX. Speak then, thou vinew'dest leaven, speak: I will beat thee into handsomeness. THER. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks! AJAX. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. THER. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strik❜st me thus? AJAX. The proclamation,— THER. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think. AJAX. Do not, porcupine, do not; my fingers itch. THER. I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another. AJAX. I say, the proclamation,— THER. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou bark'st at him. AJAX. Mistress Thersites ! THER. Thou shouldst strike him. AJAX. Cobloaf ! THER. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit. AJAX. You whoreson cur! THER. Do, do. AJAX. Thou stool for a witch! [Beating him THER. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego may tutor thee: Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! AJAX. You dog! THER. You scurvy lord! AJAX. You cur! [Beating him THER. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS. ACHIL. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do you this? How now, Thersites? what's the matter, man? THER. You see him there, do you? ACHIL. Ay; what 's the matter? ACHIL. So I do; what's the matter? THER. Nay, but regard him well. ACHIL. Well! why I do so. THER. But yet you look not well upon him: for whosover you take him to be, he is Ajax. ACHIL. I know that, fool. THER. Ay, but that fool knows not himself. AJAX. Therefore I beat thee. THER. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! is evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain ore than he has beat my bones: I will buy nine sparrows ›r a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of sparrow. This lord, Achilles, Ajax,—who wears his wit in is belly, and his guts in his head,—I'll tell you what I say f him. ACHIL. What? THER. I say, this Ajax,- THER. Has not so much wit— ACHIL. Nay, I must hold you. [AJAX offers to strike him, ACHILLES interposes. THER. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom e comes to fight. ACHIL. Peace, fool! THER. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will hot: he there; that he; look you there. AJAX. O thou damned cur! I shall ACHIL. Will you set your wit to a fool's? THER. No, I warrant you; for a fool's will shame it. PATR. Good words, Thersites. ACHIL. What's the quarrel? AJAX. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me. THER. I serve thee not. AJAX. Well, go to, go to. THER. I serve here voluntary. ACHIL. Your last service was sufferance, 't was not voluncary; no man is beaten voluntary; Ajax was here the voluncary, and you as under an impress. THER. E'en so; a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch if he knock out either of your brains; 'a were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel. ACHIL. What, with me too, Thersites ? THER. There's Ulysses and old Nestor,—whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes,—yok: you like draught oxen, and make you plough up the war. ACHIL. What, what? THER. Yes, good sooth. To Achilles! to Ajax! to! AJAX. I shall cut out your tongue. THER. "T is no matter; I shall speak as much as the afterwards. PATR. No more words, Thersites; peace. THER. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids m shall I? ACHIL. There 's for you, Patroclus. THER. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come & more to your tents; I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools. PATR. A good riddance. [Es ACHIL. Marry, this, sir, is proclaim'd through all our hos That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, Will, with a trumpet, 'twixt our tents and Troy, ACHIL. I know not, it is put to lottery; otherwise, AJAX. O, meaning you:-I'll go learn more of it. [Exer SCENE II-Troy. A Room in Priam's Palace. Enter PRIAM, HECTOR, TROILUS, PARIS, and HELENTS PRI. After so many hours, lives, speeches spent, Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks: "Deliver Helen, and all damage else As honour, loss of time, travel, expense, Wounds, friends, and what else dear that is consum'd Shall be struck off:"-Hector, what say you to 't? |