Slen. O heavens! this is mistress Anne Page. [Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt all but SHALLOW, SLENDER, and EVANS. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here: Enter SIMPLE. How now, Simple! where have you been? I Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; There is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here ;~Do you un derstand me? Sien. Ay, Sir, you shall find me reasonable; Era. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:- Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt SHALLOW and Sir H. EVANS. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, Sir. Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. wait Anne. The dinner attends you, Sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, A justice of peace sometime may be beholden upon my cousin Shallow : [Exit SIMPLE.] to his friend for a man :-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, Sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you; bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; Era. But that is not the question; the ques-hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of tion is concerning your marriage. here. Shal. Ay, there's the point, Sir. Era. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Evan. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth ;-Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, Sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Era. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, Sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. : Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. * An intended blunder. be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think, there are, Sir; I heard them talked of. soon quarrel at it, as any man in England.— Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, Sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackersont loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd :-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter PAGE. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, Sir. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Anne. I pray you, Sir. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II-The same. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden in dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Simp. Well, Sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:- -give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Anne Page: pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar, I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit HOST. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman, a fresh tapster: Go; adieu. thrive. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will [Exit BARD. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: Is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a mi nute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh; a ticot for the phrase! Fal. Well, Sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why then let kibes ensue. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun on dung-hill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheatert to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour letter; I will keep the "haviour of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to ROB.] bear you these letters tightly; go; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.Rogues, hence avaunt! vanish like hail-stones, Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, [pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullams holds, And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Nym. With both the humours, I: I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. His dove will prove, his gold will hold, cense¶ Page to deal with poison; I will possess Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will inhim with yellowness,** for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I the waist two yards about: but I am now second thee; troop on. [Exeunt about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy SCENE IV.-A Room in Dr. CAIUS' House, entertainment in her; she discourses, she Enter Mrs. QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY. carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can Quick. What; John Rugby!-I pray thee, construe the action of her familiar style; and go to the casement, and see if you can see my the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Eng-master, master Doctor Caius, coming: if he lish'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour ⚫ pass? do, i'faith, and find any body in the house here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English. Gold coin. + Escheatour, an officer in the Exchequer. Instigate ** Jealousy. Rug. I'll go watch. L Exit RUGBY. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate:* his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevisht that way: but nobody but has his fault;-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is ? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, ike a glover's paring knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; bear the truth of it: He came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to Caius. Peace-a your tongue :-Speak-a you tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, yo maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper:-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Quick. I am glad he is so quiet it he had Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man been thoroughly moved, you should have heard of his hands, as any is between this and his him so loud, and so melancholy;-But nothead; he hath fought with a warrener.§ withstanding, man, I'll do your master what Quick. How say you?-O, I should remem-good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the ber him? Does he not hold up his head, as it French Doctor, my master,-I may call him were? and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, 1 will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter RUGBY. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent :|| Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.] He will not stay long. What, John Rugby! John, what, John, I say! -Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes not home :-and down, down, adown-a, &c. [Sings. Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; Depeche, Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. "Tis ready, Sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! at is in my closet?Villany? larron! [Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself;— Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late ;-but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it ;) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make :-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:by gar, I vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit SIMPLE. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat :-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?-by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well we must give folks leave to prate : What, the good-jer!* Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me ;By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door :-Follow my heels, [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? The goujere, what the nox! Quick. In truth, Sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, Sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you :-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tail;-good faith, it is such another Nan :-but, I detest," an honest maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that maid's company?-But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly+ and musing: But for you-Well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and 1 will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other SCENE I-Before PAGE's House. Enter Mistress PAGE, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisiun, he admits him not for his counsellor: You are not young, no more am 1; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; Ha! ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, John Falstaff. What a Herod of Jewry is this?-O wicked, wicked, world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!-What should I say to aim?-I was then frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me!-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress FORD. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour: What is it?-dispense with trifles ;what is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest!-Sir Alice Ford!- -These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light-here, read, read-perceive how I might be knighted.-f shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty and gave such orderly and wellbehaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth Psalm to the tune of Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.-Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs !-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt: for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: It makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he self, he would never have boarded me in this know some strain in me, that I know not myfury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was villany against him, that may not sully the going to your house. chariness of our honesty. O, that my hus She means, I protest. + Melancholy. Most probably Shakspeare wrote physician, * Caution band saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Ford. Why, Sir, my wife is not young. Both young and old, one with another, Ford; Pist. With liver burning hot: Prevent, or go Like Sir Acteon he, with Ringwood at thy Ford. What name, Sir? Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell. [heels: Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see; we haw an hour's talk with you. [Exeunt Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Mrs. QUICKLY. Page. How now, master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the othe told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together: A man may be too confident: I would have nothing Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo- lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. birds do sing. Away, Sir corporal Nym. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true. [To PAGE.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours; I should have borne the humoured letter to her: but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. Tis true-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's the humour of it. Adieu. [Exit NYM. Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fellow frights humour out of its wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. Ford. If I do find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, tho' the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. Twas a good sensible fellow: Well. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George ?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George !-Look, who comes yonder she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. FORD. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Quick. Ay, forsooth; And, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? A dog that misses his game. : Consider. +A medley. Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so mer rily.-How now, mine host? Enter HOST and SHALLOW. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentleman: cavalero-justice, I say. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even, and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him bully-rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor. Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you. Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier? Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for á jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Puge. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, Sir, I could have told you more: In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. * Stout, boll |