says of you?"there's no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck:"-Now, let us set upon them: Villains! your money! Well done, Ned! Cudgel old Jack. What, does he run, too? But where's the money, Ned? [Poins.] Here it is, my lord,-all— [P. Henry.] Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse. Away, good Ned! Falstaff sweats to death, How the rogue roar'd! But come! for Eastcheap! come. The prince and Poins ride directly to London, and spend the rest of the day at the tavern. Falstaff and the others probably avoid the open road by day-light, and do not arrive till the following midnight. The prince and Poins are amusing themselves with playing tricks on the waiters, or drawers, as they were then called, when the vintner tells them that old Sir John and half-a-dozen more are at the door, and asks, if he shall let them in; the prince answers: [P. Henry.] Let them alone awhile, and then open the door: Poins, Poins, come out of that fat room: here are Falstaff and the rest of the thieves. Shall we be merry? [Poins.] As merry as crickets, my lad. [P. Henry.] Ned, I am now of all humours, that have shown themselves humours since the old days of goodman Adam, till this pupil age of-midnight I think.Francis, what's o'clock ?-" Anon, anon, Sir"—that's his answer. The fellow has fewer words than a parrot, and yet is the son of a woman: his industry is, up stairs and down stairs, and his eloquence, the parcel of a reckoning. Well, I am not yet of Percy's mind, that Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife," Fie upon this quiet life, I want work." "Oh, my sweet Harry," says she," how many hast thou killed to-day ?" "Give my roan horse a drench," says he. Well, tell them to call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and he shall play dame Mortimer his wife; call in ribs, call in tallow-sides. Here they come, the whole four of them.-Welcome, Jack: Where hast thou been? [Falstaff] A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I'll lead this life long, I'll sow nether stocks, and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!-give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?—You rogue, here's lime in the sack too : there is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous man yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it: a villainous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack; die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot on the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat, and grows old, heaven help the while! a bad world, I say! a plague of all cowards, I say still. [P. Henry.] How now, woolsack? What mutter you? [Falstaff] A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects before me like a flock of wild geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You prince of Wales! [P. Henry.] Why, what's the matter? [Falstaff] Are you not a coward ?-answer me that: and Poins there? [P. Henry.] You fat paunch, an you call me coward, I'll stab you. [Falstaff] I call thee coward! I'll see thee hanged ere I call thee coward; but I would give a thousand pound : I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders: you care not who sees your back call you that backing of your friends? a plague upon such backing! give me them that will face me; give me a cup of sack; I am a rogue if I have drunk to-day. [P. Henry.] O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. [Falstaff] All's one for that:-a plague of all cowards, still say I. [P. Henry.] But what's the matter? what's the matter? [Falstaff] What's the matter! Here are four of us have taken a thousand pound this morning. [P. Henry.] Where is it, Jack? where is it? [Falstaff:] Where is it ?—taken from us it is :—a hundred upon poor four of us! [P. Henry.] What, a hundred, man? [Falstaff] I am a rogue if I were not at half sword's length with a dozen of them for two hours together. I have 'scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet; four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a handsaw-ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. [P. Henry.] Ay, speak, sirs, how was it? [Bardolph.] Why, my lord, we four set upon some dozen. [Falstaff] A dozen? sixteen at least. [Bardolph.] We bound them, and, as we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us― [Falstaff] And unbound the rest; and then came in the others. [P. Henry.] What, fought you with them all? but if I [Falstaff] All? I know not what you call all; fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish : if there were not two or three and fifty upon Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. poor old [P. Henry.] 'Pray heaven, you have not murdered some of them. [Falstaff] Nay, that's past praying for! I have peppered two of them: two, I am sure, I have paid-two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,-if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me a horse :-thou knowest my old ward: here I lay, and thus I bore my point;-four in buckram let drive at me, rogues [P. Henry.] What, four? thou saidst but two, even now. [Falstaff.] Four, Hal,—I told thee four. [Poins.] Ay, ay, he said four. [Falstaff] These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me: I made no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target thus,— [P. Henry.] Seven? Why there were but four even now. [Falstaff] In buckram ? [P. Henry.] Ay, four in buckram suits. [Falstaff] Seven, by these hilts, or I'm a villain else. [Poins.] 'Prythee, my lord, let him alone: we shall have more anon. [Falstaff] Dost thou hear me, Hal? [P. Henry.] Ay, Jack, and mark thee too. [Falstaff.] Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of, their points being broken, began to give me ground: But I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. [P. Henry.] Oh, monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! [Falstaff] But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves wearing Kendal green, came at my back, and let fly at me:—for it was so dark, Hal, thou couldst not see thy hand [P. Henry.] These lies are like the father of them,—gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brain; thou knotty-pated fool! thou greasy load of tallow! [Fal.] What, art mad, art mad? is not the truth, the truth? [P. Henry.] Why, how couldst thou know that these men were in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, your reason; tell us your reason, [Poins.] Ay, Jack, your reason, your reason. [Falstaff] What, upon compulsion? give you a reason upon compulsion? no: were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I'd give no man a reason compulsion;-I? on [P. Henry.] I'll no longer be guilty of this sin: this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back breaker, this huge hill of flesh,— [Falstaff] Away, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you stock fish,—Oh, for breath to utter what is like to thee!-you tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck,— [P. Henry.] Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again; and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this: [Poins.] Ay, mark, Jack; mark this: [P. Henry.] We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth :-mark, now, how a plain tale shall put you down-then did we two set on you four, and, with a word, outfaced you |