NIOW THEY MANAGE MATTERS IN THE MODEL REPUBLIC.

G

In our last April number —on will do the thinking of our people the appropriate Day of Fools-we upon a great variety of subjects. laid before our readers a few stray They make no money, indeed, diflowers of speech, culled with little rectly, by their circulation here; but labour in that rich garden of oratorical their conductors cannot but feel the delight—the Congress of the United importance, and value the influence of States. Sweets to the sweet -We having the whole American literary confess that we designed that salutary area to themselves. Blackwood, whose exposure less for the benefit of our circulation on this side of the Atlantic readers and subscribers in the Old is, on account of its cheapness, double World, than of those who are our perhaps that which it can claim in the readers, but not our subscribers, in British islands, is more and more the New. For, in the absence of an turning its attention to American international copyright law, Maga is subjects, which it handles generally extensively pirated in the United with its wonted humorous point, and States, extensively read, and we fear witty spitefulness.” very imperfectly digested. This ar- This is very fine ; but we can assure rangement appears to us to work our friendly critic, that we feel no call badly for all the parties concerned. whatever to undertake the gratuitous It robs the British publisher, and im- direction of the American conscience. poverishes the native author. As to Our ambition to 66 do the thinking" the American public, if our precepts of our Yankee cousins is materially had exercised any influence upon their damped by the unpleasant necessity practice, they would have learned long which it involves, of being “done" ago that ill-gotten goods never pros- ourselves. They seem, however, to per, and that they who make booty claim a prescriptive right to the works of other men's wits, are not excepted of the British press, as well as to the from the general condemnation of funds of the British public. They wrong-doers. Some day, perhaps, they read our books, on the same principle will consent to profit by what they as they borrow our money, and abuse prig, and thus, like the fat knight, their benefactors into the bargain with turn their diseases to commodity—the more than Hibernian asperity. After national disease of appropriation to all, however, we believe that the canthe commodity of self-knowledge and dour of Maga has as much to do with self-rebuke.

their larcenous admiration of her An American journalist, however, pages, as the cheapness” to which has put the matter in quite a new our New York editor alludes. To light, so far as we are concerned. use their own phrase, “ they go in for Lord Demus, it appears, like other excitement considerable;" and, to be despots, is a hard master, and exacts told of their faults, is an excitement from his most oppressed slaves a which they seldom enjoy at the hands tribute of constant adulation. We of their own authors. Now, we are too, are invited to applaud his felo- accustomed to treat our own public nious favours, and assured that the as a rational, but extremely fallible honour and glory of being read by personage, and to think that we best him on his own free and easy terms, deserve his support, by administering is enough for the like of us.

to his failings the language of un“So long,” says the editor of the palatable truth. And we greatly New York Gazette and Times - as our mistake the character of Demus, and National Legislature refuses to give even of that conceited monster the the Republic an International Copy- American Demus,right Law, so that American periodicals of a higher class may be sup- άγροικος οργήν, κυαμοτρώξ, ακράχολος ported among us, the English reviews

υπόκωφος

the sun.

if this be not the direction in which wanting in the United States; but it is the interest, as well as the duty, of the a kind of courage altogether too moral, public writer lies. Certain it is, that and sadly deficient in animal spieven in the United States those books rits. The New Englanders especially, circulate most freely, which lash most set up, in their solemn way, to advigorously the vices of the Republic. monish the vices of the Republic, and Honest Von Raumer's dull encomium to inoculate them with the virulent fell almost still-born from the press, virtues of the Puritanical school. The while the far more superficial pages of good city of Boston alone teems with Dickens and Trollope were eagerly transcendental schemes for the total devoured by a people who are daily and immediate regeneration of mangiven to understand, by their own kind. There we find Peace Societies, authors, that they are the greatest, the and New Moral World Societies, and wisest, the most virtuous nation under Teetotal Societies, and Anti-Slavery

Let a European author be Societies, all “in full blast," each never so well disposed towards them, opposing to its respective bane the his partial applause contributes but most sweeping and exaggerated relittle to their full-blown complacency. medies. The Americans never do But, when they hear that the Re- things by halves; their vices and public has been traduced by a foreign, their virtues are alike in extremes, and especially a British pen, their and the principles of the second book vanity is piqued, their curiosity ex- of the Ethics of Aristotle* are altocited, and their conscience smitten. gether unknown to their philosophy. Everyone denounces the libel in At one moment they are all for public, and every one admits its truth "brandy and bitters," at the next, tea to himself—“What!” say they, "does and turn-out is the order of the day, the Old World in truth judge us thus Here, you must “liquor or fight”harshly? Is it really scandalised there, a little wine for the stomach's by such trifles as the repudiation sake is sternly denied to a fit of colic, of our debts, and the enslavement an emergency of gripes. The of our fellow creatures ? Must we moral soul of Boston thrills with give up our playful duels, and our imaginings of perpetual peace, while convenient spittoons, before we can St Louis and New Orleans hope to pass muster as Christians volcanoes of war. Listen to the and gentlemen beyond our own bor- voice of New England, and you would ders? O free Demus! ( wise Demus! think that negro slavery was the only O virtuous Demus! Will you betake crime of which a nation ever was, or yourself to cleanly, and well-ordered could by possibility be guilty; go to ways at the bidding of this scribbler?” South Carolina, and you are instructed Thus“ they eat, and eke they swear;" that "the Domestic Institution” is the vowing all the time that they “will basis of democratic virtue, the cornerhorribly revenge." No doubt, how- stone of the Republican edifice. Cant, ever, the bitter pill of foreign animad- indeed, in one form or other, is the > version, though distasteful to the innate vice of the earnest” Anglopalate, relieves the inflation of their Saxon mind, on both sides of the stomachs, and leaves them better and Atlantic, and ridicule is the weapon lighter than before. But when will a which the gods have appointed for its native Aristophanes arise to purge the mitigation. You must lay on the rod effeminacy of the American press, and with a will, and throw “moral suashow up the sausage-venders and sion” to the dogs. Above all, your Cleons of the Republic in their true demagogue dreads satire as vermin light? How long will the richest field of the avenging thumb- Any thing but national folly in the world remain un- that,' squeaks he, an you love me. reaped, save by the crotchety sickles Liken me to Lucifer, or Caius Gracof dull moralists and didactic pani- chus; charge me with ambition, and phleteers ?

glorious vices ; let me be the evil Not that moral courage is entirely genius of the commonwealth, the tinsel

or

are

66

* Εστίν άρα η αρετή έξι προαιρετική, εν μεσότητι δυσα τη προς ημάς ώρισμένη λόγω

villain of the political melodrama ; ulation as with a garment. From the but don't threaten me with the fool's inauguration of a President, to the cap, or write me down with Dog- anniversary of the faix gradnates of berry ; above all, don't quote me in the Slickville female Institute, no cold blood, that the foolish people event is allowed to pass without a may see, after the fever heat has sub

grand palaver, in which things in sided, what trash I have palmed upon general are extensively discussed, and them in the name of liberty!” Yet their own things in particular extenthis is the way, Jonathan, to deal sively praised. They got the trick no with demagogues. You make too doubt from us, whose performances in much of yours, man. You are not the this line are quite unrivalled in the blockhead we take you for after all ; Old World, but they have added to but you delight to see your public our platform common-places a variety men in motley, and the rogues will and damnable iteration" entirely their fool you to the top of your bent, till

Besides, when Bull is called it is your pleasure to put down the upon to make an ass of himself on show. So now that the piper has to such occasions, he seems for the most be paid, and a lucid interval appears part to have a due appreciation of the to be dawning upon you, to the pillory fact, while Jonathan's imperturbability at once with these “stump” orators, and apparent good faith are quite suband pot-house politicians, who have lime. The things that we have been led you into such silly scrapes ; turn compelled to hear of that “starthem about, and look at them well in spangled banner!”—and all as if they the rough, that you may know them were spoken in real earnest, and meant again when you see them, and learn to be so understood. We look back to avoid for the future their foolish upon those side-rending moments with and mischievous counsels.

There every man feels himself to be, and without saying any thing at all. Upon in fact is, or at least may be, a potential the whole, therefore, this same oneanit in the community. As a man, hour rule is deserving of all praisehe is a citizen—as a citizen, a sovereign, the time of the country is saved by it, whose caprices are to be humoured, the sufferings of the more sensible and whose displeasure is to be depre- members are abbreviated, while the cated. Judge Peddle, for instance, dunces, to do them justice, make the from the backwoods, is not perhaps as most of their limited opportunities. eloquent as Webster, nor as subtile as Who knows, but that the peace of the Calhoun, but he has just as good a world may be owing to it? For as right to be heard when he goes up to there are about 230 representatives, Congress for all that. Is he not ac- we should have had, but for it, just as counted an exemplary citizen "and a many masterly demonstrations of the pretty tall talker” in his own neigh- title of the Republic to the whole of bourhood, and where on the univar- Oregon-and something more. In sal airth” would you find a more such a cause, they would make nothing enlightened public opinion? It would of beginning with the creation of the never do to put Peddle down; that world, and ending with the last prowonld be leze-majesté against his con- tocol of Mr Buchanan! Decidedly, stituents, the sovereign people who but for “the one-hour rule” we Bridwell in Babylon, which is in the tishers should have been“everlastingly county of Lafayette, on the banks of lised up-and no two ways about it." the Chattawichee. Thus endorsed, Poor old Adams actually did begin his Peddle soon lays aside his native Oregon speech with the first chapter bashfulness, and makes the walls of of Genesis. The title-deeds of the Congress vocal to that bewitching Republic, he said, were to be found in eloquence which heretofore captivated the words, “Be fruitful and multiply the Babylonish mind.

He was

and replenish the earth!" Happily, “raised a leettle too far to the west of the fatal hammer of the Speaker put sun-down” to be snubbed by Down- down the venerable antediluvian, beeasters, any how; he's a cock of the fore he got to the end of the chapter. woods, he is; anetarnal screamer," In the Senate, on the other hand, *band that's a fact”—with a bowie knife which is a less numerous, and someunder his waistcoat, and a patent re- what more select body, things still go volver in his coat pocket, both very on in the old-fashioned way. There, much at the service of any gentleman when a member has once caught the who may dispute his claims to popular Speaker's eye, his fortune is made for or personal consideration.

the day-perhaps for the week. AcTo meet the case of these volcanic cordingly, he takes things easy from statesmen,

the very first-kicks his spittoon to a “ Aw'd by no shame, by no respect controll?d,” cold water to his parched entrails, and

convenient angle, offers a libation of and in order that the noble army of begins. When he leaves off, is dunces (a potent majority, of course) another matter altogether—but not may have no reason to complain that generally till he has gone through the the principles of equality are violated round of human knowledge, explored in their persons, the House of Repre- the past, touched lightly upon the sentatives has adopted a regulation, present, and cast a piercing glance commonly called “the one-hour rule.” into the darkness of the future. Soon Upon this principle, whenever a after three, the Senate adjourns for question of great interest comes up, dinner, and the orator of the day goes each member is allotted one hour by to his pudding with the rest, happy the Speaker's watch-as much less as in the reflectiou that he has done his he pleases, but no more on any con- duty by his country, and will do it sideration, Of course it occasionally again on the morrow. We have happens that a man who has some- somewhere read of a paradise of fools. thing to say, is not able to say it Undoubtedly, Congress is that place. effectively within the hour; but then, There they enjoy a perfect impunity, for one such, there are at least a dozen and revel in the full gratification of who would otherwise talk for a week their instincts. Nobody thinks of

66 ano

"

coughing, them down, or swamping all,” an answer which fully met the them with ironical cheers. There- truth of the case, without in the least

wounding the self-love of the querist. “ Dulness, with transport, eyes each lively

When these malignant pages arrive dunce, Remembering she herself was Pertness once,

in New York, every inhabitant of that And tinsel'd o'er in robes of varying hues,

good city will abuse us heartily, exWith self-applause her wild creation views. cept our publisher. But great will be Sees momentary monsters rise and fall, the joy of that furacious individual, And with her own fool's colours gilds them all.”

as he speculates in secret on the in

creased demand of his agonised Indeed, all the arrangements of Con- public. Immediately he will put forth gress favour the influence of the sable an advertisement, notifying the men goddess. In the first place, the mem- of “ Gotham,” that he has on hand a bers are paid by the day-eight dollars fresh sample of BRITISH INSOLENCE, each. Perinit us to observe, Jonathan, and hinting that, although he knows that you scarcely display your usual they care nothing about such things, * smartness" here. It would be much the forthcoming piracy of Maga will be better to contract with them by the on the most extensive scale. Then, scrape. As for instance-To involving all the little newspapers will take us in the country in a war with Mexico, so hand, and bully us in their little way. much—To ditto with Great Britain, It is perhaps a shame to forestall the so much more. One year you might acerbities of these ingenious gentlemen, lay down a lumping sum for a pro- but we know they will call us tective tariff, with an understanding, nymous scribbler,” and “bagman," that it was to be repealed the next amongst the rest. They called us at a moderate advance. You would bagman” for our last article, and thus insure the greatest possible we were sure they would. The fact variety of political catastrophes, with is, that since Lord Morpeth's visit to the least possible friction and expense. the United States, the Americans Again, the furniture of the Capitol is have taken a very high tone indeed. altogether too luxurious. Each mem- Their gratitude to that amiable nobleber is provided with a private desk, man for not writing a book about stationery ad lib., a stuffed arm-chair, them, is unbounded, and they put him .and a particular spittoon. No won- down (why, it is difficult to say) as der, then, that your Simmses and the aristocratic, and therefore imparChipmans are listened to with com- tial champion of Demus. Whenever placency. It's all in the day's work we fell into the bilious moods to which --it's considered in the wages. While our plebeian nature is addicted, we these worthies hold forth for the be- were gravely admonished of his bright nefit of distant Missouri and Michigan, example, and assured that to speak their colleagues write their letters, evil of the Republic was the infirmity read the newspapers, chew tobacco, of vulgar minds. There is, it would as little boys do toffy in England, appear, a sympathy betwixt “ great and expectorate at leisure. No one - ones ;” a kind of free-masonry becheers, no one groans, no one cries twixt the sovereign people and the Oh! Oh!-all the noise that is made British peerage, which neither party is on private account, and not at all suspected previously, but which is personal to the gentleman on his legs. confessed on the slightest acquaintYet, such is the deceitfulness of the human heart, that the Americans are As generally happens in such cases, much given to boast of the dignity the conceit of the Americans takes and decorum of their Legislature, and the most perverse direction. It is to thank God that it is not a bear- certain that they do many things garden like another place of the kind better than any people under the sun. that they wot of. We must have been Their merchant navy is the finest in asked at least six times a-day during the world—their river steamers are our visit at Washington, “How Con- miracles of ingenuity,—at felling timgress compared with the British Par- ber and packing pork they are unriliament ?!? To which we used to re- valled; and their smartness in the ply, “That they did not compare at way of trade is acknowledged by those