A BOLD STROKE FOR A WIFE. ACT 1. SCENE I. A Tavern. Colonel FAINWELL and FREEMAN over a Bottle. Freeman. COME, colonel, his majesty's health.-You are as melancholy as if you were in love! I wish some of the beauties of Bath ha'n't snapt your heart. Col. Why, faith, Freeman, there is something in't; I have seen a lady at Bath, who has kindled such a flame in me, that all the waters there cann't quench. Free. Women, like some poisonous animals, carry their antidote about 'em-Is she not to be had, colonel ? Col. That's a difficult question to answer; however, I resolve to try: perhaps you may be able to serve me; you merchants know one another.-The lady told me herself she was under the charge of four persons. Free. Odso! 'tis Mrs. Anne Lovely. -Faith, colonel, your con Col. The same-Do you know her? Free. Know her! ay,dition is more desperate than you imagine: why, she is the talk and pity of the whole town; and it is the opinion of the learned that she must die a maid. Col. Say you so? That's somewhat odd, in this charitable eity. She's a woman, I hope ? Free. For aught I know,-but it had been as well for her, had nature made her any other part of the creation. The man who keeps this house serv'd her father; he is a very honest fellow, and may be of use to you; we'll send for him to take a glass with us: he'll give you her whole history, and 'tis worth your hearing. Col. But may one trust him? Free. With your life: I have obligations enough upon him to make him do any thing: I serve him with wine. [Knocks. Col. Nay, I know him very well myself. I once used to frequent a club that was kept here. Enter Drawer. Draw. Gentlemen, d’ye call ? Free. Ay; send up your master. Draw. Yes, sir. [Exit. Col. Do you know any of this lady's guardians, Freeman? Free. Yes, I know two of them very well. Enter SACKBUT. Free. Here comes one will give you an account of them all. Mr. Sackbut, we sent for you to take a glass with us. 'Tis a maxim among the friends of the bottle, that as long as the master is in company, one may be sure of good wine. Sack. Sir, you shall be sure to have as good wine as you send in.-Colonel, your most humble servant; you are welcome to town, Col. I thank you, Mr. Sackbut. Sack. I am as glad to see you as I should a hundred tun of French claret custom free.--My service to you, sir, [Drinks.] You don't look so merry as you used to do; ar'n't you well, colonel? Free. He has got a woman in his head, landlord, can you help him? Sack. If 'tis in my power, I shan't scruple to serve my friend. Col. 'Tis one perquisite of your calling. Sack. Ay, at t'other end of the town, where you officers use, women are good forcers of trade; a wellcustom'd house, a handsome bar-keeper, with clean obliging drawers, soon get the master an estate; but our citizens seldom do any thing but cheat within the walls. But as to the lady, colonel, point you at particulars or have you a good Champagne stomach ? Are you in full pay, or reduc'd, colonel? Col. Reduc'd, reduc'd, landlord. Free. To the miserable condition of a lover! Sack. Pish! that's preferable to half-pay; a woman's resolution may break before the peace: push her home, colonel, there's no parlying with the fair sex. Col. Were the lady her own mistress, I have some reasons to believe I should soon command in chief. Free. You know Mrs. Lovely, Mr. Sackbut? Sack. Know her! Ay, poor Nancy : I have carried her to school many a frosty morning. Alas! if she's the woman, I pity you, colonel: her father, my old master, was the most whimsical out-of-the-way temper'd man I ever heard of, as you will guess by his last will and testament.-This was his only child: and I have heard him wish her dead a thousand times. Col. Why so? Sack. He hated posterity, you must know, and wish'd the world were to expire with himself.—He used to swear, if she had been a boy, he would have qualified him for the opera. Free. 'Twas a very unnatural resolution in a father. Sack. He died worth thirty thousand pounds, which he left to his daughter, provided she married with the consent of her guardian but that she might be sure never to do so, he left her in the care of four men, as opposite to each other as the four elements; each has his quarterly rule, and three months in a year she is oblig'd to be subject to each of their humours, and 3 they are pretty different, I assure you.-She is just come from Bath. Col. 'Twas there I saw her. Sack. Ay, sir, the last quarter was her beau guar- dian's.. reign. Col. She visited a lady who boarded in the same house with me: I liked her person, and found an opportunity to tell her so. She replied, she had no objection to mine; but if I could not reconcile contradictions, I must not think of her, for that she was condemned to the caprice of four persons, who never yet agreed in any one thing, and she was obliged to please them all. Sack. 'Tis most true, sir; I'll give you a short description of the inen, and leave you to judge of the poor lady's condition. One is a kind of virtuoso, a silly half-witted fellow, but positive and surly, fond of every thing antique and foreign, and wears his clothes of the fashion of the last century; doats upon travellers, and believes more of Sir John Mandeville than he does of the Bible. Col. That must be a rare odd fellow! Sack. Another is a 'Change-broker; a fellow that will out-lye the devil for the advantage of stock, and cheat his father that got him, in a bargain: he is a great stickler for trade, and hates every man that wears a sword. Free. He is a great admirer of the Dutch manage. |