« PreviousContinue »
Long. Look, how you butt yourself in these Ros. Good madam, if by me you'll be advis’d, sharp mocks!
Let's mock them still, as well known, as disWill you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.
guis'd: Kath. Then die a calf, before your horns do Let us complain to them what fools were here, grow.
Disguis'd like Muscovites, in shapeless* gear ; Long. One word in private with you, ere I die. And wonder what they were; and to what end Kath. Bleat softly then, the butcher hears Their shallow shows,and prologue vilely penn'd,
you cry. [They converse apart. And their rough carriage so ridiculous, Boyet. The tongues of mocking wenches are Should be presented at our tent to us. as keen
Boyet. Ladies, withdraw; the gallants are As is the razor's edge invisible,
at hand. Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen; Prin. Whip to our tents, as roes run over land. Above the sense of sense : so sensible
[Ereunt Prin. Ros. Kath. and MARIA. Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings,
Enter the King, Biron, LONGAVILLE, and Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, DUMAIN, in their proper habits.
swifter things. Ros. Not one word more, my maids ; break
King. Fair Sir, God save you! Where is off, break off.
the princess ? Biron. By heaven, all dry beaten with pure Command me any service to her thither? (ty,
Boyet. Gone to her tent, Please it your majesscoff! King. Farewell, mad wenches; you have
King. That she vouchsafe me audience for simple wits.
one word. (Exeunt King, Lords, Mota, Music and
Boyet. I will; and so will she, I know, my Attendants.
(Erit. Prin. Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovites.
Biron. This fellow pecks up wit, as pigeons Are these the breed of wits so wonder'd at?
pease ; Boyet. Tapers they are, with your sweet and utters it again when God doth please : breaths puff'd out.
He is wit's pedlar; and retails his wares (fairs, Ros. Well-liking wits they have; gross, And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
At wakes, and wassels,t meetings, markets, gross; fat, fat. Prin. O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
Have not the grace to grace it with such show. Wil they not, think you, hang themselves to- This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve; night?
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve: Or ever, but in visors, show their faces ? He can carve too, and lisp: Why, this is he, This pert Birón was out of countenance quite. That kiss'd away his hand in courtesy; Ros
. O! they were all in lamentable cases! This is the ape of form, monsieur the nice, The king was weeping-ripe for a good word.
That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice Prin. Birón did swear himself out of all suit. In honourable terms; nay, he can sing Mar. Dumain was at my service, and his A means most meanly; and, in ushering, sword:
Mend him who can: the ladies call him, sweet; No point,* quoth I, and my servant straight was The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet: mute.
This is the flower that smiles on every one, Kath. Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his To show his teeth as white as whales' bone : And trow you, what he call'd me? [heart; And consciences, that will not die in debt, Prin. Qualm, perhaps.
Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet. Kath. Yes, in good faith.
King. A blister on his sweet tongue with my Prin. Go, sickness as thou art!
heart, Ros. Well, better wits have worn plain sta- That put Armado's page out of his part!
tute-caps.t But will you hear the king is my love sworn.
Enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET; RosaPrin. And quick Birón hath plighted faith
LINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, and Attendants. to me.
(born. Biron. See where it comes !-Behaviour, Kath. And Longaville was for my service
what wert thou,
[now? Mar. Dumain is mine, as sure as bark on tree. Till this man show'd thee? and what art thou
Boyet. Madam, and pretty mistresses give King. All hail, sweet madam, and fair time
King. Construe my speeches better, you Prin. Will they return!
may. Boyet. They will, they will, God knows; Prin. Then wish me better, I will give you And leap for joy, though they are lame with leave. blows:
King. We came to visit you; and purpose Therefore, change favours ;f and, when they
To lead you to our court: vouchsafe it Blow like sweet roses in the summer air. Prin. This field shall hold me; and so hold Prin. How blow? how blow? speak to be
your vow: understood.
Nor God, nor I, delight in perjur'd men, Boyet. Fair ladies mask'd are roses in their King. Rebuke me not for that which you bud:
(shown, provoke; Dismask’d, their damask sweet commixture The virtue of your eye must break my oath. Are angels veiling clouds, or roses blown. Prin. You nick-name virtue; vice you should Prin. Avaunt, perplexity! what shall we do, have spoke; If they return in their own shapes to woo? For virtue's office never breaks men's troth. * A quibble on the French adverb of negation. 1 Better wits may be found among citizens.
t Rustic merry-meetings.
Now, by ny maiden honour, yet as pure | I do forswear them; and I here protest,
By this white glove, (how white the hand, A world of torments though I should endure,
God knows) I would not yield to be your house's guest : Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd So much I hate a breaking-cause to be
In russet yeas, and honest kersey noes : Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity. And, to begin, wench,—so God help me, la
King. O, you have liv'd in desolation here, My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw. Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
Ros. Sans sans, I pray you. Prin. Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear; Biron. Yet I have a trick We have had pastimes here, and pleasant of the old rage : bear with me, I am sick; game;
I'll leave it by degrees. Soft, let us see ; A mess of Russians left us but of late. Write, Lord have mercy on us, on those three; King. How, madam? Russians ?
They are infected, in their hearts it lies; Prin. Ay, in truth, my lord ;
They have the plague, and caught it of your Trim gallants, full of courtship, and of state.
eyes: Ros. Madam, speak true:- It is not so, my These lords are visited; you are not free, My lady, (to the manner of the days,*) [lord; For the lord's tokens on you do I see. In courtesy, gives undeserving praise.
Prin. No, they are free, that gave these We four, indeed, confronted here with four
tokens to us. In Russian habit : here they staid an hour, Biron. Our states are forfeit, seek not to unAnd talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord, They did not bless us with one happy word. Ros. It is not so; For how can this be true, I dare not call them fools; but this I think, That you stand forfeit being those that sue? When they are thirsty, fools would fain have Biron. Peace; for I will not have to do with drink.
you. Biron. This jest is dry to me-Fair, gentle Ros. Nor shall not, if I do as I intend. sweet,
(greet Biron. Speak for yourselves, my wit is at Your wit makes wise things foolish; when we
an end. With eyes best seeing heaven's fiery eye, King. Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude By light we lose light: Your capacity
transgression, Is of that nature, that to your huge store Some fair excuse. Wise things seem foolish, and rich things but Prin. The fairest is confession, poor.
Were you not here, but even now disguis'd? Ros. This proves you wise and rich ; for in King. Madam, I was. my eye,
Prin. And were you well advis'd?
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?
respect her. Ros. All the fool mine?
Prin. When she shall challenge this, you Biron. I cannot give you less.
will reject her. Ros. Which of the visors was it that you King. Upon mine honour, no. wore?
Prin. Peace, peace, forbear; (swear. Biron. Where? when? what visor? why de- Your oath once broke, you force* not to formand you this ?
King. Despise me, when I break this oath of Ros. There, then, that visor, that superfluous
Prin. I will; and therefore keep it:-RosaThat hid the worse, and show'd the better face.
line, King. We are descried: they'll mock us now What did the Russian whisper in your ear? downright.
Ros. Madam, he swore, that he did hold me Dum. Let us confess and turn it to a jest.
dear Prin. Amaz'd, my lord? Why looks your As precious eye-sight; and did value me highness sad?
Above this world: adding thereto, moreover, Ros. Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! That he would wed me, or else die my lover. Why look you pale?
Prin. God give thee joy of him! the noble lord Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy. Most honourably doth uphold his word. Biron. Thus pour the stars down plagues for K'ing. What mean you, madam? by my life, perjury.
my troth, Can any face of brass hold longer out?- I never swore this lady such an oath. Here stand I, lady; dart thy skill at me: Ros. By heaven you did ; and to confirm it Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a plain,
[rance; | You gave me this : but take it, Sir, again. Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my igno- King. My faith, and this, the princess I did Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
give; And I will wish thee never more to dance, I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
Nor never more in Russian habit wait. Prin. Pardon me, Sir, this jewel did she O! never will I trust to speeches penn'd,
wear; Nor to the motion of a school-boy's tongue; And lord Birón, I thank him, is my dear :Nor never come in visor to my friend;t What; will you have me, or your pearl again?
Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper's Biron. Neither of either; I remit both twain. Taffata phrases, silken terms precise, (song: I see the trick on't ;-Here was a consent,
Three-pild hyperboles, spruce affectation, (Knowing aforehand of our merriment) Figures pedantical; these summer-flies To dash like a Christmas comedy: [zany,
Have blown me full of maggot ostentation : Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight After the fashion of the times. † Mistress
* Make no difficulis,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, Biron. A right description of our sport, my some Dick,
lord. That smiles his cheek in years ; and knows the
Enter ARMADO. To make my lady laugh, when she's disposid, Told our intents before: which, once disclos'd, Arm. Anointed, I implore so much expense The ladies did change favours; and then we, of thy royal sweet breath, as will utter a brace Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she. of words. Now, to our perjury to add more terror, [ARMADO converses with the King, and deliWe are again forsworn; in will, and error.
vers him a paper. Much upon this it is :- And might not you, Prin. Doth this man serve God?
Biron. Why ask you ? Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue? Prin. He speaks not like a man of God's Do not you know my lady's foot by the squire,*
making. And laugh upon the apple of her eye? Arm. That's all one, my fair, sweet, honey And stand between her back, Sir, and the fire, monarch : for, I protest, the schoolmaster is
Holding a trencher, jesting merrily? exceeding fantastical ; too, too vain; too, too You put our page out : Go, you are allow'd ; vain : But we will put it, as they say, to forDie when you will, a smock shall be your tuna della guerra. I wish you the peace of shroud.
mind, most royal couplement! [Exit Armado. You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye, King. Here is like to be a good presence of Wounds like a leaden sword.
worthies : He presents Hector of Troy; the Boyet. Full merrily
swain, Pompey the great; the parish curate, Hath this brave manage, this career, been run. Alexander ; Armado's page, Hercules ; the peBiron. Lo, he is tilting straight! Peace; I dant, Judas Machabæus. have done,
And if these four worthies in their first show Enter COSTARD.
thrive, Welcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.
These four will change habits, and present the
other five. Cost. O Lord, Sir, they would know, [no.
Biron. There is five in the first show.
King. You are deceiy'd, 'tis not so.
Biron. The pedant, the braggart, the hedge
priest, the fool, and the boy : For every one pursents three. Biron. And three times thrice is nine.
Abate a throw at novum ;* and the whole world Cost. Not so, Sir; under correction, Sir; I
again, hope, it is not so:
Cannot prickt out five such, take each one in
his vein. You cannot beg us, Sir, I can assure you, Şir; we know what we know:
King. The ship is under sail, and here she
comes amain. I hope, Sir, three times thrice, Sir, Biron. Is not nine.
(Seats brought for the King, PRINCESS, &c, Cost. Under correction, Sir, we know where
Pageant of the Nine Worthies. until it doth amount. Biron. By Jove, I always took three threes Enter CostaRD armed, for Pompey. for nine.
Cost. I Pompey am, Cost. O Lord, Sir, it were pity you should Boyet. You lie, you are not he. get your living by reckoning, Sir.
Cost. I Pompey am,Biron. How much is it?
Boyet. With libbard's head on knee. Cost. O Lord, Sir, the parties themselves, Biron. Well said, old mocker ; I must needs the actors, Sir, will show whereuntil it doth
be friends with thee. amount: for my own part, I am, as they say, Cost. I Pompey am,Pompey surnam'd the big,-but to parfect one man,-e'en one poor man; Dum. The great. Pompion the great, Sir.
Cost. It is great, Sir ;-Pompey surnam'd the Biron. Art thou one of the worthies ?
great ; Cost. It pleased them, to think me worthy of That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make Pompion the great: for mine own part, I know my foe to sweat : not the degree of the worthy; but I am to stand And, travelling along this coast, I here am come for him.
by chance ; Biron. Go, bid them prepare.
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass Cost. We will turn it finely off, Sir ; we will
of France. take some care. [Exit Costard. If your ladyship would say, Thanks, Pompey, King. Birón, they will shame us, let them not
I had done. approach.
Prin. Great thanks, great Pompey. Biron. We are shame-proof, my lord : and Cost. "Tis not so much worth ; but, I hope, I 'tis some policy
was perfect: I made a little fault in, great. To have one show worse than the king's and Biron. My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey his company:
proves the best worthy. King. I say they shall not come. Prin. Nay, my good lord, let me o'er-rule
Enter NATHANIEL armed, for Alexander. you now;
[how : Nath. When in the world I liv'd, I was the That sport best pleases, that doth least know
world's commander; Where zeal strives to content, and the contents By east, west, north, and south, I spread my Die in the zeal of them which it presents,
conquering might :
[der. Their form confounded makes most form in My 'scutcheon plain declares, that I am Alisanmirth;
[birth. Boyet. Your nose says, no, you are not; for When great things labouring perish in their it stands too right. * Rule.
† Pick out
Biron. Your nose smells, no, in this, most Dum. For the latter end of his name. tender-smelling knight.
Biron. For the ass to the Jude; give it him:-• Prin. The conqueror is dismay'd: Proceed,
Jud-as, away. good Alexander.
Hol. This is not generous, not gentle, not Nath. When in the world I liv'd, I was the
humble. world's commander ;
Boyet. A light for Monsieur Judas : it grows Boyet. Most true, 'tis right; you were so,
dark, he may stumble. Alisander.
Prin. Alas, poor Machabæus, how hath he Biron. Pompey the great,
been baited! Cost. Your servant, and Costard.
Enter ARMADO armed, for Hector.
Biron. Hide thy head, Achilles ; here comes
Hector in arms. Cost. 0, Sir, [To Natn.) you have overthrown Alisander the conqueror!
You will be
Dum. Though my mocks come home by me, scraped out of the painted cloth for this : I will now be merry. your lion, that holds his poll-ax sitting on a
King. Hector was but a Trojan in respect of close-stool, will be given to A-jax : he will be this. the ninth worthy. A conqueror, and afеard to
Boyet. But is this Hector ? speak! run away for shame, Alisander. (Nata.
Dum. I think, Hector was not so cleanretires.] Therē, an't shall please you ; a fool- timber'd. ish mild man; an honest man, look you, and
Long. His leg is too big for Hector. soon dash'd! He is a marvellous good neigh
Dum. More calf, certain. bour, insooth; and a very good bowler: but,
Boyet. No; he is best indued in the small.
Biron. This cannot be Hector. for Alisander, alas, you see, how 'tis ;—a little o’erparted :—But there are worthies a com
Dum. He's a god or a painter : for he makes ing will speak their mind in some other sort.
faces. Prin. Stand aside, good Pompey.
Arm. The armipotent Mars, of lances* the al.
mighty, Enter HOLOFERNES armed, for Judas, and
Gave Hector a gift,
Dum. A gilt nutmeg.
Long. Stuck with cloves. ed canus.
Dum. No, cloven. And, when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp, Arm. Peace.
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus : The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Quoniam, he seemeth in minority;
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of lion; Ergo, I come with this apology.
A man so breath'd, that certain he would fight, yea Keep some state in thy exil, and vanish.
From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
[Exit Moth. I am that flower, Hol. Judas I am,
Dum. That mint. Dum. A Judas!
Long. That columbine. Hol. Not Iscariot, Sir.
Arm. Sweet lord Longaville, rein thy tongue. Judas I am, ycleped Machabæus.
Long. I must rather give it the rein; for it Dum. Judas Machabæus clipt, is plain Judas. runs against Hector. Biron. A kissing traitor :-How art thou Dum. Ay, and Hector's a greyhound. prov'd Judas?
Arm. The sweet war-man is dead and rot. Hol. Judas I am,
ten ; sweet chucks, beat not the bones of the Dum. The more shame for you, Judas. buried : when he breath’d, he was a man—But Hol. What mean you, Sir?
I will forward with my device : Sweet royalty, Boyet. To make Judas hang himself.
[to the PRINCESS.) bestow on me the sense of Hol. Begin, Sir; you are my elder. hearing
Biron whispers CostaRD. Biron. Well follow'd : Judas was hang'd on Prin. Speak, brave Hector; we are much an elder.
delighted Hol. I will not be put out of countenance. Arm. I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper. Biron. Because thou hast no face.
Boyet. Loves her by the foot. Hol. What is this?
Dum. He may not by the yard. [bal, Boyet. A cittern head.
Arm. This Hector far surmounted HanniDum. The head of a bodkin.
Cost. The party is gone, fellow Hector, she Biron. A death's face in a ring. (seen. is gone; she is two months on her way. Long. The face of an old Roman coin, scarce Arm. What meanest thou ? Boyet. The pummel of Cæsar's faulchion.
Cost. Faith, unless you play the honest TroDum. The carv'd-bone face on a flask.*
jan, the poor wench is cast away: she's quick; Biron. St. George's half-cheek in a brooch.t the child brags in her belly already ; 'tis yours. Dum. Ay, and in a brooch of lead.
Arm. Dost thou infamonize me among poBiron. Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth
tentates ? thou shalt die. drawer :
Cost. Then shall Hector be whipp'd, for JaAnd now, forward; for we have put thee in quenetta that is quick by him; and hang’d, for countenance.
Pompey that is dead by him. Hol. You have put me out of countenance. Dum. Most rare Pompey! Biron. False; we have given thee faces. Boyet. Renowned Pompey! Hol. But you have out-fac'd them all. Biron. Greater than great, great, great, great Biron. An thou wert a lion, we would do so. Pompey, Pompey the huge !
Boyet. Therefore, as he is, an ass, let him go. Dum. Hector trembles, And so adieu, sweet Jude! pay, why dost thou Biron. Pompey is mov'd :-More Ates, stay?
more Ates; stir them on! stir them on ! A soldier's powder-horn. a mental buckle for fastening hot-bends, &c. * Lance-men
1 Ate was the goddess of discord.
Dum. Hector will challenge him.
Play'd foul play with our oaths ; your beauty, Biron. Ay, if he have no more man's blood ladies, in's belly than will sup a flea.
Hath much deform'd us, fashioning our humours Arm. By the north pole, I do challenge thee, Even to the opposed end of our intents :
Cost. I will not fight with a pole, like a nor- And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,thern man ;* I'll slash ; I'll do it by the sword: As love is full of unbefitting strains ; - pray you let me borrow my arms again. All wanton as a child, skipping, and vain;
Dum Room for the incensed worthies. Form'd by the eye, and, therefore, like the eye Cost. I'll do it in my shirt.
Full of strange shapes, of habits, and of forms, Dum. Most resolute Pompey!
Varying in subjects as the eye doth roll Moth. Master let me take you a button-hole To every varied object in his glance: lower. Do you not see, Pompey is uncasing Which party-coated presence of loose love for the combat? What mean you? you will Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes, lose your reputation.
Have misbecom'd our oaths and gravities, Arm. Gentlemen, and soldiers, pardon me; Those heavenly eyes, that look into these faults, I will not combat in my shirt.
Suggested* us to make : Therefore, ladies, Dum. You may not deny it; Pompey hath Our love being yours, the error that love makes made the challenge.
Is likewise yours: we to ourselves prove false Arm. Sweet bloods, I both may and will.
By being once false for ever to be true Biron. What reason have you for t? To those that make us both,—fair ladies, you :
Arm. The naked truth of it is, I have no And even that falsehood, in itself a sin, shirt; I go woolwardt for penance.
Thus purifies itself, and turns to grace. Boyet. True, and it was enjoind him in Rome Prin. We have receiv'd your letters, full of for want of linen : since when, I'll be sworn,
love; he wore none, but a dish-clout of Jaquenetta's; | Your favours, the ambassadors of love; and that a' wears next his heart, for a favour. And, in our maiden council, rated them Enter MERCADE.
At courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy, Mer. God save you, madam!
As bombast, and as liring to the time : Prin. Welcome, Mercade;
But more devout than this, in our respects, But that thou interruptost our merriment. Have we not been : and therefore met your Mer. I am sorry, madam ; for the news I In their own fashion, like a merriment. (loves bring,
Dum. Our letters, madam, show'd much Is heavy in my tongue. The king, your father
more than jest. Prin. Dead, for my life.
Long. So did our looks. Mer. Even so; my tale is told.
Ros. We did not quotet them so. Biron. Worthies, away; the scene begins to King. Now, at the latest minute of the hour, cloud.
Grant us your loves. Arm. For mine own part, I breathe free Prin. A time, methinks, too short breath : I have seen the day of wrong through To make a world-without-end bargain in : the little hole of discretion, and I will right No, no, my lord, your grace is perjur'd much, myself like a soldier. [Exeunt Worthies. Full of dear guiltiness; and, therefore this,King. How fares your majesty ?
If for my love (as there is no such cause) Prin. Boyet, prepare; I will away to-night. You will do aught, this shall you do for me: King. Madam, not so: I do beseech you, stay. Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed Prin. Prepare, I say.--I thank you, gracious To some forlorn and naked hermitage, lords,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world; For all your fair endeavours ; and entreat, There stay, until the twelve celestial signs Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe Have brought about their annual reckoning : In your rich wisdom, to excuse, or hide, If this austere insociable life The liberali opposition of our spirits : Change not your offer made in heat of blood : If over-boldly we have borne ourselves If frosts, and fasts, hard lodging, and thin In the converse of breath, your gentleness
But that it bear this trial, and last love;
Come challenge, challenge me by these deserts,
My woeful self up in a mourning house;
For the remembrance of my father's death. Forbid the smiling courtesy of love,
If this thou do deny, let our hands part; The holy suit which fain it would convince;
Neither entitled in the other's heart. Yet, since love's argument was first on foot, King. If this, or more than this, I would deny, Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it [lost, To flatter up these powers of mine with rest, From what it purposd; since, to wail friends | The sudden hand of death close up mine eye! Is not by much so wholesome, profitable, Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast. As to rejoice at friends but newly found. Biron. And what to me, my love? and what Prin. I understand you not; my griefs are
to me? double.
Ros. You must be purged too, your sins are Biron. Honest plain words best pierce the rank; ear of grief;
You are attaint with faults and perjury; And by these badges understand the king. Therefore if you my favour mean to get, For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
A twelvemonth shall you spend, and never rest, A clowp. Clothod in wool, without linen, But seek the weary beds of people sick.