need not wonder, that all the experiments of all the alchymists of the last four centuries, founded on so ridiculous a poetical invention, should have lamentably failed in discovering that which is a non-entity-their aurum palpabile! This incredible opinion, that there really was such a metal as gold, was further strengthened by the cunning of the Poet, who compares the succeeding age to silver, a metal which we know, by some few proofs still remaining, is to be found in the bowels of the earth. And, again, by likening the third age he treats upon to lead, a metal which all the plumbers in England can verify upon oath is to be had some way or otherwhether the truth lies in a well or not, is immaterial to our argument. The elixir of life, the longitude, the perpetual motion, and the way to square a circle, have all equally had their followers, advocates, and admirers; but the wiser part of mankind have invariably laughed at all such pursuits-whether of those who hunted after immortality, in a mortal world; certainty, where nothing is certain; perpetuity, where every thing decays; an exception to a physical certainty ;, or, what was of the same description," the philosopher's stone, or gold,” as a substance which we have reason to believe is nothing more than an immaterial phantasy. The wisdom and purity of the British Parliament has of late been arraigned and brought into question more than in former times, and we must confess, in our opinion, with greater justice than ever; for it evinced no ordinary share of folly, in the Senate of a great nation, to fall into a vulgar opinion, and appoint a Committee, as they did last Session, to inquire into its truth or falsehood, and report to the House whether there was any foundation for the belief in the philosopher's stone, or not. In no other light can the Bullion Committee be considered; and any man of sense might have have anticipated their Report, viz. That there was no such thing in creation as the metal they were deputed to discover! And yet this Report made a noise in the country, and set all the yelping fellows of the nation' at work, to prove that the Committee were wrong. We shall not enter into a controversy so evidently ridiculous, but, satisfied in our own mind by the evidence of our own senses, remain convinced that there is no such thing as gold to be seen. Would to Heaven the precious ore did exist, and that the age of peace, pleasure, and plenty, resembling it, were restored! But, alas! even the silvery age is past, and we do not enjoy the secondary degree of happiness with which mankind were blessed during the period so designated: nay, the very age of lead, when rapine, injustice, and discord, began to infest the world when bellum, horridum bellum, cried havoc, and let slip its bloodhounds-even that dull heavy time is over, and worse has succeeded; in which, unfortunately for our generation, we are the actors. But what name shall we give this "Age we live in?" Were we to follow the example of Ovid, and add another metal to the list, nothing would be found applicable but that compound-brass! Impudence and assurance prevail over modesty and talent, and brazen presumption leads to honours, wealth, and fame! Another phenomenon of our times might be happily compared with that semi-metallic combination which is employed in Galvanic experiments, and the preva lence of universal Corruption find an apt counterpart in the fluid wonders wrought in these curious philosophical treats by Professor Davy. We might observe how, by this medium, the dead were made to move about, as by the influence of Corruption they are made to vote at Elections; and many other singular and similar appearances might be produced and explained. But, But, perhaps, after all, it would be more applicable to dismiss Metals altogether from our simile, and at once to bestow on this age the name it so obviously merits-that of the PAPER AGE! How well by this appellation will its nature be demonstrated to posterity! Exquisitely true, our children's children's children shall read the record; and, when they mention the Paper Age, it will be understood to mean that period when Waste Paper, Religion; or, rather, vice versa, Religion, Waste Paper ! Lords forefend any one should carry the comparison any further than we have now done; and after saying we had Paper Men for Rulers, go up and up, and find all a-cold!" PARODY, ON READING A MOST PATHETIC APPEAL IN THE DEBATE OF FRIDAY. [From the Morning Chronicle, Dec. 27.] SOME mortals are to feelings given, With less of earth in them than heaven. If there's a tear-a human tear, T. EPIGRAMS, EPIGRAMS, BY THE AUTHOR OF THE BERNE BEAR [From the same, Dec. 27.] 1. MINISTERS do not like my Bear at all; [From the same, Dec. 29.] EPIGRAM THE SECOND. CRIES Perceval, when Eldon wish'd to learn And let the common hangman-burn the Bear !" EPIGRAM THE THIRD. THIS Bear perhaps has point, but what defence To palliate it the Author says" Alas! EPIGRAM THE FOURTH, "Aн me!" says Camden, "but for our division. This Bear it then had been our boast to tame, For Canning's wit would not have miss'd his aim; *See p. 82. + The Noble Earl, to whom this couplet alludes, must pardon the Author for not having been able to hitch the Irish title which his Lordship bears into the Epigram. EPIGRAM ta EPIGRAM ON OUR BUNCH OF NEW KINGS. As [From the British Press, Dec. 29.] SPIRING Faction mounts so high, * ANTI-JUNTA. ON THE MARRIAGE OF A GENTLEMAN WITH THE WIDOW " GHOST" AN EPIGRAM. [From the same.1 "WHAT a desperate fellow !" the neighbours all say, "To marry a Ghost, that will haunt you each day." "No ghost do I fear," cries the spouse," while 't is light, And the Parson permits me to lay it by night." BREVIS HINDUSTANI LORE. [From the same, Dec. 26.] TRANSLATION OF MUTANABI'S ODE ON HIS SWORD. BY MIRZA-COZIM-ALI-JAWN, Who has successfully infused into the Urdh Dialect all the Boldness and Spirit of the Original. Addressed to a certain fighting General of Challenge Notoriety +. ODDS bullets and brains, General, what a Pistol of a fellow is this bloody-minded Arabian Poet Mutanabi!—Wide-Nostrils, the Swallower of Windmills, *See Lord Moira's speech in the British Press of Dec. 28. was |