"The editors of all the London papers have determined, that nothing but ascertained truths shall appear in their columns.-N. B. It is intended to reduce the papers to one-fourth of their present size." I am, Mr. Editor, your obedient servant, I SIR, M a justice of peace, and lives at Hackney, and my wife is a very genteel lady, I assure you, and was bread up at Camden House Boarding School, which takes its name from that great nobleman, whose abili ties have entitled him so justly to the high situation he now holds. Now, my wife always reads the newspaper to me at breakfast, and frightens me terribly, by saying, that we live in such alarming times, no one can tell what will become of us; and then to-day, dear me, how she screamed out when she came to that paragraph, which mentioned, that a hackney-coachman had run away with the papers of some great man, and that all the state secrets might be made public, and then there would be an end of us all. "Let us, my dear," says she, "be upon the lookout; to be sure Sukey will be gossipping to-day; but watch every coach that passes.' She had scarce said these words, but who should drive by but our Bob, who robbed Sukey of her wedding ring, and took Jenny's thimble and nutmeg out of her box; and, sure enough, he pulled up at the Man in the Moon. "Oh! "Oh! oh!" says I to myself," then I have caught you, by gosh, and my fortune is made, if you are the man;" and sure enough it was so. "You rascal," says I to the constable, "I seize you in the King's name, and the Regent's too;" so down upon his knees he plumps himself, and cried out "Mercy, and I will tell all." So he opened his horse bags, and, sureenough, instead of oats, out tumbled a parcel of papers, and a little red trunk, just like what our little prattling Jeffery keeps his playthings in. "So, so, Coachy," says I," where does all this come from?" "Why, please your honour's worship," says he, "I'm a poor honest man, and we cannot always drive those who are like ourselves; so, an't please you, as I was plying top o' St. James's, up comes a thick jolterheaded sort of a chap, and wants me to take him to King Street, Westminster, for a shilling- No,' says I, I'll have two, if I tips you the long trot.'- Well, then,' says he, 'I'm your man, for I want my dinner sadly, and am in a hurry.'- Hurry,' says I, that's good indeed! hurry no man's cattle; you may have a jack-ass of your own some of these days, and perhaps have got one when you're at home now.' So in I packs him, and mortal heavy he was, ballast behind and before. I thought, howsomever, I seed him smouch, as it were, somewhat under his coat, as thoff he was after no good; and, says I to myself, Why, my pig-headed one, you got up in a hurry this morning;' for he had one garter over his stocking. So off I drove him to K-g S-t. Now my fare, your honour, was two shillings, without the long trot; and, would you believe it, he gave me one bad one;, so when I found out how he had rummed me, I thought it was but fair to dash him. So,' says I, 'I'll keep your little trunk for you, Master Jolter; for I see you be but a raw one, to leave your matters in my coach.'" This, Sir, is the account I got from this insolent fellow, whom 6 I have committed to jail, till the pleasure of His Majesty's wise Ministers shall be communicated to me. I have little doubt that when the public shall know what I have done, through the channel of your entertaining paper, that every one will agree that some high honour is due to the person who has been the means of recovering papers of so much consequence to the public at large. The moment I can investigate the contents of the red box, I shall not fail to communicate to you as much as shall appear prudent to be generally known, without injury to the state. I am, Sir, Your very obedient and very humble servant, TIMOTHY MITTIMUS, Justice of the Peace of Hackney, Marsh, and. Hackney Marsh, Oct. 3, 1811. THE HIEREU-MANIA. [We have received the following letter; whether it be genuine, or a hoax, we leave our readers to determine.] TO THE EDITOR OF THE MORNING CHRONICLE... SIR, [Oct. 11.] ALTHOUGH we are not in the habits of commu nication, I am, nevertheless, desired by Mr. P-r--, to trouble you with a letter, to request you will have the goodness to inform him how he can address a Scotch physician, who, he understands, has lately written on the Hiereu-Mania. With this disorder our good and pious Premier, as you well know, has long been grievously afflicted; at present it smarteth him sore. It is, indeed, a dangerous disorder for a Minister, and he begins to fear, that, if it shall continue, it may carry him off, as it has already done Viscount Sh. Oh, that my patron could recover! Is there no balm in Gilead?” I should should rejoice greatly within my heart, and sing with the brotherhood at Clapham, canticles of joy, if I saw any prospect of amendment; but there is none. Alas! Sir, should Mr. P-I go, great will be the tribulation of the saints. They ne'er in office will see his like again. Who like he will bind our kings in fetters? Although naturally meagre, you cannot imagine how much poor Mr. P. is reduced he is brought quite low. He has never suffered so much as at present from this Hiereu Mania, and the fit having ceased for a while, he feels more strongly its effects. It prevents his paying his daily court at Y-k House, where he has to make up for many. former inattentions which cannot easily be forgotten. The P-R is also known to have expressed his dislike to persons subject to attacks from this horrible complaint. He conceives, moreover, that they did much harm to his Royal Parent, and were principally the cause of the melancholy calamity, which we all, yourself included, equally deplore. Apropos, Mr. PI requests me to express his hopes, that your known good nature will kindly excuse the trouble you were occasioned some time ago. in Westminster Hall, because you conceived the Prince of Wales capable of wearing the Crown, and making himself gloriously popular among his subjects. I had nearly forgotten this part of my commission. If you have any copies remaining of your trial, Mr. P will readily now take them off your hands. We have, during a long time, heen making a collection of many rare and curious tracts, which the Premier thinks of presenting to H. R. H. Mr. Thornton, the new Marshal of the Admiralty, promises to procure many via Hague. Poor Mr. P.! he certainly is in a bad way. The Doctors themselves, they who have so long attended him with flattering- hopes, even they begin to shake their heads in silence and they think of taking leave we -we shall have none to comfort us. I wish Mr. P. had never taken prescriptions and bilious bills from clerical mountebanks. He would have continued the eircuit; in time the attornies would have given him briefs; and I should have gotten my half-crowns. No good things remain for me. We must absolutely try a new regime. If Mr. Pl could only keep within the house in Downing Street, he has half a mind to try Jesuits beans. He was talking of this the other day, whilst playing with the little Pls in the nursery. But the maids cried out, "Lord, Sir! they are poisonous, they were found out by the wicked Popish priests to destroy heretics at the time of that there Popish plot, when there was all that fuss and noise about Titus Oates, just as when you went down to Northampton about No Popery.' Mr. P. was frightened, and stood aghast. The council had been waiting below; and the Marquis Wy came up stairs to find the Premier, who immediately consulted him about what the maids bad told him. The Marquis burst into a loud fit of laughter, and eried out," Why, Pl, they are patent pillsdo you want them?" Mr. P. did not at first understand the Marquis, but, upon explanation, was angry, and assured him on his honour his Lordship was mistaken. Lord El-n hearing a noise, came in, and the matter was resumed. Mr. P. declared he firmly believed all that the nursery-maids and old women had told him. The Chlor had his doubts, and required time to make up his mind. He would not take with him, however, any papers (the first time, I believe, when he declined reading any thing handed to him), but said that he had at home many collections of the Jesuits upon conscience and casuistry, to which he was partial, and that he should find there information how to advise.-N. B. His Lordship is rather friendly to the Order, and would have made an excellent confessor to Lewis XIV. As |