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pany; and wear off your dejection; is the best thing, you can do: and so, give yourself no more oneasiness."
But I felt no better, for such coursel; (continwed, my father) however, I soon after, got out of doors to the field: and it came to mind, one day, that I should go to the barn, and fall on my knees, and pray the Lord, to forgive my sins! I left my work, added be, and that I accordingly did. -When, all my trouble quickly vanished away; and my heart was filled, with love, and peace? I was very happy, and my joy continued for some time: but I knew not what to make of it; and the things being strange, also, to all others; I therefore kept it to myself
Nearly twenty years after; the revival began in the town, by the Baptists.* I then found some, for the first time, that understood what I had felt. As they spoke the things, that I knew, I had experienced, I consequently, took great delight, in going to meeting: and I wished to hear none others preach, but them. So I left all; and cared not, what people said; choosing, to go out of town, a number of miles to meeting, rather than bear any other. I used to take so much delight, in the thiogs; that I could seareely wait, for the sabbath to return: and this I did, for a number of years.
In the last revival, which was six years ago, I enjoyed much satisfaction. But I am sensible ! have been, too worldly-minded: and if it should please the Lord, to spare me a little longer; I
* Or Free-willers as they were called.
am resolved not to live, as I have done.” I consequently, took up my cross, and prayed night and morning, with my father; and 'I believe he was thankful, that he had one child, üt least, to come and pray by his bed-side, with him. I then returned to Newbury; believing that God, would yet spare him, a little longer; to be a comfort to his family, and useful in the world.
In the revival, which took place, two years subsequent, to this; he did not appear to enjoy much vital piety: although, he still maintained, the same upright course of life, that he was always inclined to do. Four of his children at the time, becoming the subjects of the work; one would have supposed, a sufficient stimulous to him, to serve the Lord, with the whole heart. But I believe, the chief impediment with him, was, he had ioo much righteousness of his own, to enjoy much of that, which is alone, by the faith of the son of God.
After my leaving the country, for British America; and three years prior, to his decease; he was alarmed by a dream of the night: wherein he saw, “That his end, was come; and he was unprepared, to meet God.” (This, I had in a letter from my sister at the time: and also, from his own lips, upon his dying-bed.) From that, said he, “I was greatly distressed, and thought there was no mercy for me. fessors of religion, were called in, to pray for me, but all to no purpose.
I thought I had been liva ing to no good use in the world; had sinned away the day of grace; and that there now, could be no mercy for me, I was thus on the very hor
ders of despair: and was strongly tempted, to put a period, to my own existence. I finally appointed a time, and place, where I intended to destroy my own life:* and then, I thought the family might enjoy some comfort, if I was gone! But, just before the time arrived; I was in the field, reflecting on my sad state; and, all at once, the words were sent, with mighty force, to my heart, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall
say to this mountain, remove hence, and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Whereupon, of a sudden, my burden was removed; and faith sprang up, that “my sins were all blotted from the book of God's remenbrance. He returned, straitway to the house, and called upon all within; and also, upon some of the neighbors passing by, to praise the Lord with him, that he had gained, a hope in Christ, of everlasting life! From this time, he remained calm and tranquil; but he ever entertained, many doubts and fears, that he never enjoyed, what other christians did. He still insisted, however, that himself, or some member of the family, would soon exchange “time for eternity:' and he consequently, set his family-affairs, in order; made his Will; offered himself, as a candidate for baptism; (and was emersed, by Elder E. Leavitt,) and so, continued, much the same, until his last confinement. He being, naturally of a reserved turn of mind, & apt to converse but little, therefore, (as I have betore said;) he never discovered that degree of confidence, and hope in God, that many others do; and I believe, that if ever he iejoiced in the prospect of future blessedness; it was with trembling. As a christian, I never thought my father, eminent in his attainments; but as a moralist, he would rank with the very chief! Christianity includes morality. But, if morality were sufficient to save the soul, why was not Saul of Tarsus, saved; when, touching the law, he was blameless? When the commandment came, "of sinners,” said he, “ I am the chief.”
* The influence of the tempter, sometimes over the minds, even of the best of christians, is very great; as exemplified, in the case of my father: and therefrom, may the tried and the tempted, be encouraged to hope in God; even in the most ditticult, and dangerous times.
The following is an obituary notice, from the pen of,
DIED, In Hampton, (N. H.) Sept. 7th, of a Cancer in the stoniach, Col. Philip Towle, aged 61: deeply and justly lamented, of a widow, nine children; three sons, and two daughters-in-law; and an only sister. As a husband, he was affectionate: as a father, indulgent: as a brother and neighbor, he was generous and obliging. Ministers of the Gospel, to whom his house was ever free; the poor, and the needy traveller, will readily attest to his benevolence. In principle he was a republican; and ever evinced unshaken confidence, and unhesitating perseverance, in the cause of liberty, and equal rights. His moral character was unexceptionable; and amidst the pursuit of mortal honors, at an early period of life, he was led also, to seek title and treasure in the Heavens, glorious and immortal.” Howbeit, of
religion, he made no profession, until three years prior to his decease; at which time, he was aroused to view, "eternal things impending:" and being with regard to his religious sentiments, a Free-will Baptist, he then professed faith in the Lord Jesus Christ,” by cheerfully submitting to the ordinance of baptism; sat his household affairs in order, alleging, “That he should soon be summoned, to weigh anchor, and unknown worlds explore!" His evidence of acceptance with God, however, was obscure, till within eleven days of his departure; when he expressed, a perfect reconciliation, to the will of the Most High, come life, or come death. After wards, calm and peaceful; while rapidly gliding down the stream of life: his prospects of future glory continued to brighten, and at length, the last solemn day, had ushered in upon him! To his children, all, he gave the solemn charge, That they should meet him in glory! and added, moreover, “I am now ready to go. I desire on earth, time no longer." Shortly after, without a struggle or a groan, his happy spirit quit her tenement of clay; and as we trust, under a glorious convoy, quickly joined; her kindred spirits, in the skies. It is now said of him, ' He is dead;' He died, surrounded by his weeping family; whom he had lived to see, in a very signal manner, blest. of the number aforenamed, twelve, had, with himself, become the hopeful subjects of converting grace. Happy a parent's privilege at the last; that, while two of his sons, as able physicians, ministered to his temporal aid; others, he could hear, with joyful expectation say, “My honored Father, fare you well!"-"But a