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A MODERN WRITER AND TOURIST,

A Dialogue between Dr. Scribble, a Book-maker, and

Sir Edward H- ,M.P.

Hor.

........." Ab ova
Usque ad mala ......."
" From eggs which first are set upon the board,

To apples ripe, with which it last is stored."

: Dr. Scribble. Sir Edward H- Ideem myself happy in the honour of your acquaintance, and should rejoice very much in an opportunity of rendering my. self beneficial to a young gentleman, whom I think destined to be an orator and a statesman.

Sir Edward H. (ironically.) Sir, praise from Dr. Scribble must be always adequately valued by every one who has discernment to appreciate his character, which is too strongly marked not to be easily comprehended.

Dr. Scribble. Sir; you do me infinite honour: you have heard of me then before; you have, I presume, read my · History of Jack the Giant-Killer.' History, however, is not my only fort; indeed I can write every thing: for instance, what a fuss there's about that fellow, Moore's Travels;' I can write travels better than he; I will show you a specimen of a new work I am bringing out for Mr. Nincompoop, the famous bookseller. Its title is, 'A curious and interesting Tour to Maidenhead; back by Windsor, Staines, Sunbury, Hampton-Court, Kingston, Twickenham, and home by Richmond.' I flatter myself you will find in it novelty, ingenuity, and humour.

Accordingly the baronet read.

Tuesday, June 24th, we set off on horseback from the Black Bear Inn, Piccadilly, before six; when we passed St. James's church, the clock wanted seven minutes; meet turnip carts coming to market; arrive before the Duke of Queensberry's house ;-fine prospect of St. James's Park and the Surrey hills.

Dr. Scribble, (interrupting Sir Edward H.) You see I make observations as I go along, Sir.

Sir Edward H. Che continues reading.) Arrive at .the turnpike-find it is exactly six; compare our watches with the clocks;-we have taken seven minutes from St. James's church.

N.B. A wise man rides more slowly over the stones than on the road.

Proceed on our tour-arrive at Knightsbridge; to the left there turns off a new street, called Sloane Street, from Sir Hans Sloane.

N.B. He was a great naturalist.

Dr. Scribble, (interrupting Sir Edward.) Biography, you observe, Sir.

Sir Edward H. Oh, yes! (He continues to read.) Another road turns off to Fulham;-Latin pun on two soldiers who went to Putney: Ibant tinctores anince duo ponere juxta. Explanation: duo two, animæ soul, tinctores dyers, ibant went, ponere to put, juxta nigh! A little farther on is the pound.

Curiosities. Beyond Knightsbridge, Hyde Park wall; -crowd of strawberry-girls in the footpath ;meet long coaches.

N.B. That road a great thoroughfare; Kensington, George II. died here; I give my companion a sketch of his history;-Holland House, not in the modern style of building; – dissertation upon architecture; -my companion observes 1 know every thing. Attending too earnestly to my subject, run against a carterscoundrel hits me with his whip; I turn about and swear at him. He comes back;— I ride on. .

Dipping into another page, the baronet found Brentford, said to be a royal city; entrance not remarkable for royal magnificence.

Dr. Scribble. You observe, (looking with urch surcasm,) my friend advises me, as a great antiquarian, to write the history of the monarchs of Old and New Brentford. Sion-House, my remarks on the Percies, and the battle of Chevy Chace.

Approach Smallberry-Green; inform 'my companion of my extreme intimacy with Sir Joseph Banks ; my comrade happens to know him a little. Observe a person before his house, whom he insists to be, I not to be, Sir Joseph; I ride on my companion certainly mistaken.

The baronet, rather tired of this, turned over a good many pages, and found:

Chertsea, St. Ann's Hill; house of Charles James Fox-Fox no orator.

Dr. Scribble, (interrupting.) Original discovery!

Sir Edward H. I perfectly agree with you, Sir, it is. · Dr. Scribble. The world is totally mistaken in him.

Sir Edward continues to read the journal. Demonstrate to my companion that I surpass Fox in every thing; comrade hard-headed, won't be convinced, less agreeable than I thought him..

The baronet skipping again, dipped into Hampton

Fishery; they catch gudgeons here; I observe they also catch gudgeons in town.

Dr. Scribble. Bon mot, for you. I excel in wit as much as in philosophy.

Sir Edward H. That I can perceive; I see, Sir, this is just such a performance as I should have expected from Dr. Scribble.

Dr. Scribble. · Since you do me the honour to entertain. so very high an opinion of my abilities, how happy I should be in devoting them to your information and instruction. I should with much pleasure, Sir, on any important question, make such speeches as would astonish the senate, if you were to speak them. I am very happy in imitating Burke; that's not difficult; Burke is, after all, but shallow I could enliven a speech with better wit than Sheridan's.

Sir Edward H. But there comes Sir Joseph, shall we go and meet him?

Dr. Scribble. Not at present, being particularly

.

engaged.

Sir Edward H. (To Sir Joseph, after the common salutations.). I have just parted with your friend, Dr. Scribble.

Sir Joseph. My friend! I have not the least acquaintance with the man,

POLITE BEHAVIOUR DEFINED AND COMMENDED.

Hor.

“Reddere persona scit convenientia cuique."
He knows what best befits each character.

I WILL NOW, my dear nephew, say a few things to you upon a matter where you have surprisingly little to learn, considering you have seen nothing but Boconnock; I mean BEHAVIOUR. Behaviour is of infinite advantage or prejudice to a man, as he happens to have formed it to a graceful, noble, engaging, and proper manner, or to a vulgar, coarse, ill-bred, or awkward and ungenteel one. Behaviour, though an external thing, which seems rather to belong to the body than to the mind, is certainly founded in considerable virtues : though I have known instances of good men, with something very revolting and offensive in their manner of behaviour, especially when they have the misfortune to be naturally very awkward and ungenteel, and which their mistaken friends have helped to confirm them in, by telling them, they were above such trifles, as being genteel, dancing, fencing, riding, and doing

all manly exercises with grace and vigour. As if the · body, because inferior, were not a part of the compo

sition of man, and the proper, easy, ready, and graceful use of himself, both in mind and limb, did not go to make up the character of an accomplished man. You are in no danger of falling into this preposterous error: and I had a great pleasure in finding you, when I first saw you in London, so well disposed by nature, and so properly attentive to make yourself gen. teel in person, and well-bred in behaviour. I am very

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