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me ready to assist you. Bond, note, bill, or indorsement~ I'm your man-am called dashing Bob-am the first in town at an annuity-can drive four in hand. Nothing like dashing-dash is the word, colonel, now-a-days.
Addle. Admirable! egad, Bob, you'd make an excellent mail-coachman. You're a devilish honest fellow. [Aside.] A damned rogue. Come, come along, dashing Bob, you are my agent.
Squeeze. I will introduce you instantly to my banker. Here, John, call a coach.
Addle. I'll call one-I beg your pardon-I meant I'd go order my own; but mine's at Madras. But, Bob, where's your taylor? I must have clothes befitting a Nabob -- gold, spangles, and embroidery. For, you know there is nothing like dashing, my fellow. Hem! the servants, too, must have new liveries. But the banker, the banker.
Squeeze. So you shall, colonel. Dash is the word : and here's a check on my banker for a couple of hundreds. You'll condescend to eat a family dinner with us.
Enter PALMIRA.' Addle. Who, in the name of the Ganges, have we got here?
Squeeze. To her, my friend, to her. 'Tis my aunt
a great lawyer and fine poet! a prodigious great fortune ! - plead your cause and claim a verdict. ' This, aunt is
Palm. I know, nephew, who the gentleman is but I am overcome ---so agitated
Addle. And I'm so agitated, madam, at your agi
tation-that-ihat-[ironically.) Fine eyes--elegantly made (smothering a luugh) tall and genteel.
Palm. Oh! Sir! [languishing.)
Addle. [Aside.] Yes; she's as beautiful as á dried alligator. I wonder if she wears camphor*, Bobbut her purse has ten thousand attractions--and 'tisn't my place to be over nice. Madam hem!-your beauty is of that extraordinary nature, that those divine charms have overcome me so much, that-pray, ma'am, will you grant a favour?
Palm. A favour, Sir!
Addle. The favour of your smelling-bottle, madam. [Fans himself with his hat.]
Palm. I present you with some otto of roses, each drop of which cost
Addle. Don't talk to me of drops, angelic fair one! --Though each drop should cost a guinea, I shall instantly order my agent to India, to ship a puncheon of that odoriferous liquid, to perfume even the ambient air that my fair Palmira condescends to breathe.
Palm. How gallant! .
* The reader will readily recollect the event of a recent date to which this stroke of wit alludes. It is sufficiently notorious, that a beautiful and chaste Lucretia was torcibly taken from her house in the beginning of this year, by two Tarquins, that conveyed her into Oxfordshire; and that this disconsolate and much-injured lady, to prevent the “compunctious visitings of nature," threw away her protection, a small bag of camphor, which her philosophy had recommended in preference to the duties and doctrines of Christianity.
phants, and a dozen of camels--a brace of tortoises, or a kangaroo?
Squeeze. My aunt can give you an airing in her chariot--if you can condescend to be drawn' with two of the prettiest bays in England.
Palm. My custom is to drive through Hyde-Park to Kensington-Gardens-you have been in Kensington-Gardens, I presume, Sir?
• Addle. Can't say I have ma'am- [Aside.] Was obliged to stop at the wrong side of the door.
Enter Simon. Simon. Sir, a man from the East Indies sent up this letter.[Gives Addle the letter and exit.] i
Addle. A letter! [Reads.] : Why 'tis a challenge. Bob! [Aside.] your aunt must leave the room.
Squeeze. A challenge! Aunt, a gentleman is coming about a little annuity, you'll retire. . .
Palm. Must I leave you? Oh! [Sighs.]
Addle. But for a moment, sweet alligator! Oh! [Sighs.]
[Palmira erit.] Addle. Confound me if I like this duelling at all.
Squeeze. What a glorious opportunity for a dash! But who can this be, colonel? · Addle. He does not sign his name! .
Squeeze. To be sure he doesn't the case is plain -if he did, you might move for an information. Fight a duel! Zounds, what a dash how I envy your situation!.
Addle. Do you? do you, indeed?
Addle. Take it-it's at your service, Bob.
Squeeze. Oh! I esteem you too much to deprive you of the honour.. ... ... . .
Addle. Honour !-never mind my honqurmto satisfy a friend, on such an occasion, even that's at his service. : :
Squeeze. No could not take a brief out of my friend's hand after he had received a retaining fee.
Addle. I say, Bob, it would be a good joke, if you were to meet this fellow in my stead-it would be a devilish good take in-ha! ha! for you're such a little mark, that there's not a duellist in England would be able to hit you. A man' might as well fire at a pea on the dome of. St. Paul's as at you, Bob. .
Squeeze. Wouldn't deprive you of the honour for millions. Make up your mind to the matter, while I go and prepare your case..
Addle. My case! —what case ?
Scene. The Park, near the Manor House.
Squeezeall. Sir, which is the plaintiff?--that is you understand me the principal in this action ?My friend is come according to his wish. [Taking out pistols.] If you please I'll open the case.
Addle. , What are you about? --what are you about ? -keep those cursed pistols from my sight.
Gov. Pray, Sir, who are you? and who is your friend?
Addle. Bully him, Bob-bully him;-talk devilish loud. .
Squeeze. I will. Colonel Ormond is my friend; I am his amicus curiæ; there he is—and ; - Goo. Ormond! impossible! · Squeeze. I say 'tis not impossible: that's my friend
you subpoenaed him to attend. I'm dashing Bob, his second, a crack shot and a crack whip. Take your ground, Colonel. [Addle takes his ground.] You can't [to the Governor) put in a plea against your own notice.
· Gov. Ormond, surely, can never have hired that bravo to fight his quarrel. . - Addle. A bravo! now, Bob (trembling), do I look like a bravo, or a bully?-I did'nt mind fighting at sea -but, then, to take away a fellow-countryman's life, you know, when there are so many enemies to kill do keep those cursed pistols out of my sight! I feel monstrous warm now, Bob. Suppose you were to ask him to beg my pardon: or if he wont--why sooner than spill a countryman's blood, do you see-say--say -say, I'll beg his..
Squeeze. Where's your courage, Colonel? · Addle. Why, you know every man has a certain portion of courage; and I fear all mine was exhausted during the fight at sea. Had you ever an ague in your knees, Bob?
Gov. Why all this trifling?
Squeeze. That's right, Colonel. [Slaps him on the back.]