NEW CASTLE PRESBYTERY-ST. GEORGES-CAPT. GRANT. 235 Tuesday.-Rode to the Presbytery at Fagg's Manor, solitary and pensive. Was refreshed in the company of my dear brethren. Lodged at Mrs. Blair's, where every thing suggested to me the image of the incomparable Mr. Blair, once my minister and tutor, but now in superior regions. Wednesday.-Mr. Hog, who has been discouraged by the Presbytery hitherto, lest his genius should not be fit for the ministry, was licensed, having given more satisfaction as to his abilities than was formerly expected.-Voted that Mr. John Brown should be ordained to-morrow, and that I should preside. Alas! I am confounded at the prospect of such a solemnity, as I have no time for proper preparations, and my thoughts are scattered amid so much hurry. Thursday.-Spent two or three hours in study, and went and preached a sermon on Acts xx. 28, with a good deal of inaccuracy and confusion; though with some tender sense of the subject. Mr. Brown was ordained; and I have hardly ever thought myself in so solemn a posture, as when invoking the God of heaven with my hand upon the head of the candidate. May the Lord be his support under the burden of that office which he has assumed, I doubt not with very honest and generous intentions. Parted with my favourite friend, Mr. Todd, not without tears. Friday. Continued attending on the Presbytery. Messrs. Harris and McAden were examined with a view to trial, and acquitted themselves to universal satisfaction. The complaints of the many vacant congregations are so affecting, that the growing number of promising candidates is a most pleasing sight. Rode in the evening in company with Mr. Charles Tennent and Mr. Rodgers to Whiteclay Creek. Saturday.-Was much disordered with a lax and a wind cholic, and could do little worth mentioning. In the evening had a fit of the fever and ague. When I am not relieved by a humble dependence on divine Providence, I am shocked at the thought of being taken ill abroad. Sunday.-Was very much pained with the cholic, and in that condition preached two sermons, in Mr. Tennent's meeting-house, to a people I formerly lived among, on Deut. xxix. 10-13. I had a little freedom considering with how much pain spoke; and that last night I had very little sleep, but was in a kind of delirium. Rode in the evening to my dear brother's, Mr. Rodgers, but found that even the pleasures of friendship cannot always support a sinking spirit. Monday, October 15.-Stayed at Mr. Rodgers's much indisposed. Wednesday.-Preached a sermon on Isaiah lxvi. 1, 2-but alas! I had but little freedom or tender affection. My soul was rejoiced to see my old friends, and observe the continuance of their respect for me. Thursday.-Stayed in St. George's. Read in Mathew Mahew's Sermon on the Death of the Christian, &c.-through divine goodness I am much recovered; though still out of order with a cold. O that my soul might prosper. Friday.—Mr. Rodgers and I intended to begin our journey to New York to attend on the committee; but Mrs. Rodgers was unexpectedly taken ill, and this morning delivered of a daughter, about a month before the expected time. I found a disposition to bless the Lord on her account. How great is his goodness! My own indisposition, and Mr. Rodgers not going along with me, will prevent my going to New York. Rode in the evening to New Castle, and spent some time with Mr. Bedford; but alas, felt little disposition to religious conversation. I am confounded when I think how I trifle away my time. Saturday.-Rode to Philadelphia in solitude-my thoughts were trifling, or distressed me with anxieties about my dear friends in Hanover; and in company with a parcel of gentlemen, I perceived myself too much a coward in the good cause of God. Lodged at Mr. Hazzard's. Sunday. Preached in Philadelphia, first on Jer. xxxi. 18, 19, 20, then on verse 3d, (“I will be their God, and they shall be my people") and in the last sermon had a little freedom and solemnity. Was refreshed with an information from my dear and valuable friend Captain Grant, of a person that was awakened by my sermon on Isaiah lxvi. 1, 2. O! it is unspeakable mercy, that such a creature is not wholly thrown by as useless. Had much satisfaction in a free and affectionate conference with Captain Grant, upon experimental religion, &c. Lodged at his house. Monday, October 22.-Visited Mrs. Johnston in sickness, and had some free conversation with her about her state. I was secretly afraid of her piety, and yet I could find no sufficient evidence to disprove it. Mrs. Rodgers unbosomed herself to me, and gave me an account of some affecting, overwhelming views of the wisdom of God in the work of redemption, which she had lately had, it was really astonishing. How good is God to his poor children even in this melancholy world! in some happy hours they rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory. Dined at 236 DAVIES IN PHILADELPHIA-CHESTER. Mr. Macky's with Captain Bowen. Spent an hour at Mr. Bradford's. Saw my translation of Cleanthus Hymn to the Creator, published in the Virginia Gazette. Thursday, November 8.—I have been so extremely hurried for about fifteen days, that I have not had leisure nor composure to keep a regular diary. I must therefore content myself with a general review. Mr. Tennent treats me with the utmost condescension, and the unbounded freedom of friendship; and my anxieties at the prospect of the voyage are much mitigated by the pleasure of his conversation. I have been treated with uncommon kindness during my stay in Philadelphia by many, and have contracted sundry new friendships, from which I hope to receive happiness hereafter, and especially to enjoy the benefit of many prayers. I have preached about twenty sermons in Philadelphia; and though my being so long delayed was extremely disagreeable as well as unexpected to me; yet, if Providence intended my stay for the good of but one soul, I desire to be content. In sundry sermons the Lord departed from me, and I know not when I have preached so often with so much languor. But in my six last sermons, I had more freedom, and my popularity increased, so that the assemblies were very large.-Last Sabbath evening in particular, I was solemnized in preaching on that dreadful text, Hebrews vi. 7, and though I was afraid it would shock many of the audience, that they would not hear me again; to my pleasing surprise, I found them much more eager to attend afterwards than before. At the final judgment it will be known what was the effect. Mr. Kinersly and Mr. Jones, gentlemen of very good sense, and of the Anabaptist persuasion attended upon my ministry constantly, and showed me much respect. There are a number of Antinomians in town, who have been long finding fault with Mr. Tennent. They generally attended and approved, except one sermon: and I cannot but think it somewhat remarkable, that though my sermons were studied three hundred miles distant, and long ago, yet they are generally as well adapted to oppose the Antinomian notions, as if they were designed for that end. To-day I left the city, conducted by Messrs. Hazzard, Spafford, Hall, Beaty, Chambers, Bedford, Chief, Man, seven or eight of my friends, and came to Chester. Alas! I find the insurrection of sin violent in my heart; and my anxieties about home are sometimes extremely severe, especially when I forebode a long absence. I find my heart at once so exceeding sinful, and insensible of its own depravity, that I am really shocked at myself; and the prospect of death, or the dangers of the sea, in my present temper, strikes me with a shuddering horror. It is sin, alas! that intimidates me: and this removed, I could face death in its most tremendous forms, with a calmness and intrepidity. To be miserable and to be a sinner is the same thing, and I feel that I can never be happy till I am more holy. Friday, November 9.-Was unexpectedly detained in Chester by bad weather. Spent the day in pensive sadness, "stung with the thought of home" and distressed with my own corruptions-" Behold I am vile." Enjoyed Mr. Rothwell's company. Sin haunts my steps, where'er I fly, In every place is ever nigh. As streams from mountain springs attend So sin the source of all my woe, Still bubbles up where'er I go. Sin spreads a dark, tremendous cloud Presents a thousand forms of death And makes old ocean louder roar: Saturday, November 10.-Rode from Chester to my dear friend Mr. Rodgers, thoughtless alas, of the exceeding depravity of my heart. Fell into company with Mr. Ross, an Episcopal minister, who asked me what objections I had against being episcopally ordained, and when I mentioned some of my objections in the most calm manner, fell into an unreasonable passion. Sunday, November 11.-Heard Mr. Rodgers preach a very good sermon on this text, "Herein is love, not that we loved God, &c.," and my mind was deeply impressed with such thoughts as these, "We have heard a great deal of the extreme sufferings of one Jesus; and what effect has the pathetic representation upon the hearers? Why, the generality hear it with dispassionate negligence and stupidity, though a few here and there drop a tear at the relation. Thus it is when the agonies of the Redeemer are represented; but were we informed that a dear friend or relative was seized by a company of ruffians and put to the most extreme torture; what horror would strike us! what tender passions rise in every heart! Why then are we no more affected with the sufferings of this Jesus? Who is he? is he some worthless being that we are no way concerned with? Or is [he] a criminal that deserved all the agonies he suffered? If this were the case our stupidity would not be strange. But how strange must it appear, when we are told that this Jesus is the man that is God's fellow! the Saviour of sinners! crucified for our sins !-Received the Lord's supper with some degree of dispassionate solemnity and calmness of mind, and counted it my happiness to have an opportunity of joining in so solemn an ordinance with my dear Mr. Rodgers. Preached in the evening on John vi. 37, in an unstudied, confused manner; yet some seemed encouraged by it to go to the Redeemer. Monday, November 12.-Went to see my relations in the tract; and when I passed by the places where I had formerly lived, or walked, it gave a solemn turn to my mind. Ah! how much have I sinned wherever I have been! and what solemn transactions have been between God and my soul in these my old walks! Visited two graveyards in my way, to solemnize my mind among the mansions of the dead. O how solemn eternity appeared! how frail and dying the race of mortals! and how near my own dissolution ! Returned to Mr. Rodgers', and unbosomed ourselves to each other with all the freedom of Christian friendship. Tuesday, November 13.-Went to Mr. Stuart's, at Reedy Island, in company with dear Mr. Rodgers, to wait for the ship coming down. Had a free conversation with him about my religious exercises. My worthy friend, Mrs. Dushane, desired me to write an epitaph for the tombstone of her sister, lately deceased, and I had neither leisure nor composure. I wrote three, leaving it to the friends of the deceased to make their choice. my Or, Or, Does beauty spread her charms? does wealth o'erflow? Are all earth's blessings in profusion pour'd ? And all their sweets with no affliction soured? Ye that in beauty or in youth confide, This monument proclaims this solemn truth, And all is fleeting vanity below. Careless spectator! learn from hence to die ; Wednesday, November 14.-Continued waiting for the ship, and the delay made me uneasy; as I have been now about ten weeks from home, and yet my embassy is as much undone as when I left home. I find the enterprise to which Providence seems to call me more and more difficult; for my anxieties about my dear family, and about my life as necessary to their comfortable subsistence, are hard to be borne. May the God of heaven support me and them! Communicated to Mr. Rodgers some new thoughts of mine about the Divine government, as adapted to the nature of man, and about the Divine Providence towards men and angels; with which he was pleased. Thursday, November 15.-The ship is not yet come down, and the wind is contrary, which affords me some uneasiness; though blessed be God, I feel myself habitually resigned to his Providence. O! that I might, with cheerful fortitude, endure the painful rupture of the tenderest bonds of affection for his sake, and encounter danger and death undaunted in his cause! Friday, November 16.—Mr. G. Tennent is come down here to wait for the ship; and my spirit was revived with his facetious, and in the meantime spiritual con versation. Saturday, November 17.-On board the London.-12 o'clock, A. M., the ship came down, and we went on board; and as I went along endeavoured to commit myself to God, and to implore his blessing and protection in this voyage. Perhaps I may never set foot on shore more, till I land in the eternal world; solemn thought! Father, into thy hands I commit my spirit. I now seem to enter upon a new state of existence, when I leave my native land, and enter upon the dangerous element of water. May I live to God while tossing upon it! may the sickness of the sea, which I expect, be sanctified to me! and may our conversation and preaching be useful to the company! Sunday, November 18-5 o'clock, A. M.-The wind blew up fair and we set sail. The novely of my situation and the noise on deck hindered my sleeping, so that I am heavy and indisposed. I bid farewell to my native shore with a kind of pleasing horror; pleased that Providence has given us an opportunity of sailing after so long a delay, and shocked with the thought that I may never see my dear friends, and particularly my other self, any more. I cannot but be deeply sensible of the kindness of heaven in ordering my father and friend, Mr. Tennent, to be my companion in the embassy, not only for the right management of it, but for my social comfort. O that I may retain a consciousness of integrity in the cause of God, and universal devotedness to him! It is this, I find, can best support me amidst the dangers of sea and land. When the storm thickens, and the ocean rolls, Wrote some letters, particularly one of friendship to Mr. Rodgers. I never parted with any one in a more solemn and affectionate manner than I did yesterday with him. We retired, and each of us prayed in the tenderest and most pathetic manner, giving thanks to God, for that peculiar friendship which has subsisted between us, and committing each other to the care of heaven for the future. The hurries of preparation for the ocean deprived Mr. Tennent of an opportunity of praying, and speaking to the company; and I was incapable of it by reason of sea sickness. About 3 o'clock, P. M., the pilot left us, and we entered the vast Atlantic. Monday, November 19.-We are now out of sight of land-Cœlum undique et undique pontus. It would be particularly pleasing to me to survey the wonders of the majestic ocean; but have been confined to bed most of the day, and am so much out of my element that I am neither fit for conversation nor curious observation. However, I feel calm within, and resigned to the divine will-O Lord, bless my dear family. Tuesday.-Continued in the same condition as yesterday.-Fair weather.-In the evening was very low spirited, and had most solemn thoughts of my own state and the eternal world. Alas! how shocking a companion is a sense of guilt. Wednesday, Nov. 21.-The wind is contrary, and the waves run high. My sea sickness continues; and I am a very heavy companion to Mr. Tennent, which is particularly afflictive to me; but through the goodness of God he is cheerful and courageous. Monday, Nov. 26.-I have been so extremely sick and low spirited, and the sea so boisterous, that I have been unable to keep a diary for these four days; but now through the great goodness of God, I am somewhat recovered, and the violence of the winds and waves is somewhat abated. Though my bodily disorder has not been very painful, it has. utterly indisposed my whole frame, and in all my life. I never felt such a degree of lowness of spirits, proceeding not from any gloomy imaginations, but entirely from the disorder of animal nature. I affected solitude, had no relish for conversation, no tender passions, no lively anxieties about any thing, but seemed dead to all things in the compass of thought. I had no appetite, and the little I eat I vomited up immediately; and the smell of the ship, whenever I entered into the cabin was nauseous beyond expression. Now and then I forced a little cheerfulness, but it was wholly unnatural. The perpetual motion of the ship, which vastly exceeds all the ideas I could form of it upon land, kept me in a constant confusion, and I could neither walk nor stand nor sit with safety, nor lie in bed composed. Last Friday the wind blew hard, and the sea run very high, and frequently dashed over the ship; but on Saturday the violence was greatly increased. We sailed about eight or nine knots an hour, over watery valleys and mountains, that seemed insurmountable. This vast ship so deeply laden is tossed about like a little cork, and the passengers reeled like drunken men. This morning we had no wind, though the waves swelled high; but about ten o'clock it blew fresh and fair. My spirits are more lively, and my appetite is something better, though I am still universally disordered. There is one thing I have reason to bless God for, in a particular manner, viz. that though the ocean was extremely turbulent, and dangers threatened on every hand, and though my spirits were sunk to such an unusual degree of dejection, yet I was hardly at all terrified with danger, but calm and resigned. Yesterday Mr. Tennent sung and prayed, and made a pertinent, plain address to the sailors, and they seemed attentive. Yesterday and to-day we prayed together alternately in our room; and felt some tenderness and importunity in so doing. O that we may in this inactive season be laying up proper furniture for active life upon shore! It is a most majestic survey, to see how the waves rise in ridges of mountains, pursue each other, and dash in angry conflict; and it is most amazing how we can possibly live upon so turbulent an element. To form and rule such an ocean is a work becoming a God. Tuesday, November 27.-Since yesterday, in the afternoon, I have had a tolerable flow of spirits, and been pretty well, except a lingering fever. The time begins to pass away agreeably in conversation with dear Mr. Tennent, and the captain, who is a very pleasant companion. The wind not very hard, and we have a little respite from the intolerable perturbations of the angry deep. Prayer in our rooms together, in the morning and afternoon, with some freedom. Wednesday, November 28.-Was more refreshed with sleep last night, than since I have been on board, and find myself to-day more free from fever than yesterday. Blessed be the God of my mercies. It is almost quite calm, and the little wind that blows is not fair. We are now and have been-[Here a leaf is entirely lost, and the corner of another so torn as to render it impracticable to decýpher it.] Friday, November 30.-To-day so much distressed with a sense of guilt that I have no turn for reading or religious conversation, nor am I anything but a burden to myself. This evening the wind is fair; but we have had some dangerous squalls. We now sail about knots an hour. Read an account of the shipwreck and the amazing deliverance of Joseph Baily and company; and was more sensible of the goodness of God in our preservation. Saturday, December 1.—I am in better health than since I have been on board. Slept comfortably last night. We have sailed before a fair wind for about thirtysix hours and have made good way. Read a sermon of Mr. Taylor's to young men against the errors that some Antinomians maintain, and Mr. Dickinson's able defence of his sermon in answer to Mr. Beach. Sunday, December 2.-This day has passed by very unprofitably, as we had no opportunity of carrying on any thing like public worship, till about seven o'clock in the evening, when I sung a psalm, gave an exhortation to the company and prayed. Had some sense of divine things, and a desire to affect the hearers, but no freedom of speech in proportion. Read a chapter in the Greek Testament, and Mr. Dickinson's second vindication of sovereign grace. To-day I have been much discouraged with a view of my unqualifiedness for the important business I am going upon. Had sundry intervals of tender thoughts about my dear family. O that my painful absence from them may be of service to the public! this would be more than a sufficient compensation. To-day the wind is squally, but drives us on our course seven or eight knots an hour. Last night was very turbulent, and I could sleep but very little, which made me indisposed to-day. Monday, December 3.-Was out of order. The wind turbulent, and the sea run high. Alas! how unprofitably my life glides by in this state of inactivity. Tuesday, December 4.-Had very little rest last night by reason of the violent tossing of the ship. I laboured under a sense of guilt, which made me very fearful of the dangers of the sea. God pity me of little faith. Read Mr. Dickinson's Vindication of Sovereign Grace, &c. Since I noticed it last, Mr. Tennent and I have prayed each of us twice in our room, and one of us alternately in the cabin in the evening. The tossing of the vessel is utterly inconceivable to one that never felt it. Wednesday, December 5.-The wind favourable; and my habit of body better than usual. It undoubtedly rains more upon sea than land; for there has not been one day (that I remember) since we left the capes, but we have had some rain. I am very pensive about my dear family and congregation.-May the God of heaven bless them! Thursday, December 6.-Last night I was so pained with the toothache, that I was but about an hour in bed, and then had no sleep; and all this day I have been |