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Land. No, I guess we did n't. And so they threatened to

fire into us.

Trav. Land.

What did your captain do?

"Fire, and be darned!" says he, "but you'd better

not spill the deacon's ile, I tell you."

Trav. And so you ran off, did you?

Land. No; we sailed off a small piece. But the captain said it was a tarnal shame to let them steal our necessaries; and so he right about, and peppered them, I tell you.

Trav. "Mem. Yankees pepper pirates when they meet them.' [Aloud.] Did you take them?

Land. Yes, and my shear built this house.

Trav. "Mem. Yankees build houses with shears."

Land. It's an ill wind that blows nowhere, as the saying is. And now, may I make so bold as to ask whose name I shall enter in my books?

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Land. Hem!-if it's not an impertinent question, may I ask which way you are travelling?

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Land. Faith! have I not as good a right to catechize you, as you had to catechize me?

Trav. Yes. "Mem. Yankees the most inquisitive people in the world, impertinent, and unwilling to communicate information to travellers." [Aloud.] Well, sir, if you have accommodations fit for a gentleman, I will put up with you.

Land. They have always suited gentlemen, but I can't say 'll like 'em.

how you

Trav. There is a tolerable prospect from this window. What hill is that, yonder?

Land. Bunker Hill, sir.

Trav. Pretty hill! If I had my instruments here, I should like to take it.

Land. You had better not try. It required three thousand instruments to take it in '75.

Trav. "Mem. A common Yankee hill cannot be drawn without three thousand instruments." [Aloud.] Faith, Landlord, your Yankee draughtsmen must be great bunglers. But come, sir, give me breakfast, for I must be going; there is nothing else in the vicinity worthy the notice of a traveller.

Anon.

OLD F.

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What reputation, what honor, what profit can accrue to you from such conduct as yours? One moment you tell me you are going to become the greatest musician in the world, and straight you fill my house with fiddlers. Tri. I am clear out of that scrape now, sir.

Old F. Then from a fiddler you are metamorphosed into a philosopher; and for the noise of drums, trumpets, and hautboys, you substitute a vile jargon, more unintelligible than was ever heard at the tower of Babel.

Tri. You are right, sir, I have found out that philosophy is folly; so, I have cut the philosophers of all sects, from Plato and Aristotle down to the puzzlers of modern date.

Old F. How much had I to pay the cooper, the other day, for barrelling you up in a large tub, when you resolved to live like Diogenes?

Tri. You should not have paid him anything, sir, for the tub would not hold. You see the contents are run out.

Old F. No jesting, sir; this is no laughing matter. Your follies have tired me out. I verily believe you have taken the whole round of arts and science in a month, and have been of fifty different minds in half an hour.

Tri. And, by that, shown the versatility of my genius.

Old F. Don't tell me of versatility, sir. Let me see a little steadiness. You have never yet been constant to anything but extravagance.

Tri. Yes, sir, one thing more.

Old F. What is that, sir.

head may have wan

Tri. Affection for you. However my dered, my heart has always been constantly attached to the kindest of parents; and, from this moment, I am resolved to lay my follies aside, and pursue that line of conduct which will be most. pleasing to the best of fathers and of friends.

Old F.

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Well said, my boy, well said! You make me

happy indeed. [Patting him on the shoulder.] Now, then, my dear Tristram, let me know what you really mean to do.

Tri To study the law.

Old F. The law!

Tri. I am most resolutely bent on following that profession. Old F. No!

Tri. Absolutely and irrevocably fixed.

Old F. Better and better. I am overjoyed. Why, 't is the very thing I wished. Now I am happy. [Tristram makes gestures as if speaking.] See how his mind is engaged!

Tri. Gentlemen of the jury,

Old F. Why Tristram,

Tri. This is a cause,

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Old F. O, my dear boy! I forgive you all your tricks. I see something about you, now, that I can depend upon.

tram continues making gestures.]

Tri. I am for the plaintiff in this cause,

[Tris

Old F. Bravo! bravo! excellent boy! I'll go and order

your books directly.

Tri. "T is done, sir.

Old F. What, already!

Tri. I ordered twelve square feet of books when I first thought of embracing the arduous profession of the law.

Old F. What, do you mean to read by the foot?

Tri. By the foot, sir; that is the only way to become a solid lawyer.

Old F. Twelve square feet of learning! Well, –

Tri. I have likewise sent for a barber,

Old F. What, is he to teach you to shave close?

Tri. He is to shave one half of my head, sir.

Old F. You will excuse me if I cannot perfectly understand what that has to do with the study of the law.

Tri. Did you never hear of Demosthenes, sir, the Athenian orator? He had half his head shaved, and locked himself up in a coal-cellar.

Old F. Ah! he was perfectly right to lock himself up after having undergone such an operation as that. He certainly would have made rather an odd figure abroad.

Tri. I think I see him now, awaking the dormant patriotism

of his countrymen, lightning in his eye, and thunder in his voice: he pours forth a torrent of eloquence, resistless in its force the throne of Philip trembles while he speaks; he denounces, and indignation fills the bosom of his hearers; he exposes the impending danger, and every one sees impending ruin; he threatens the tyrant, they grasp their swords; he calls for vengeance, - their thirsty weapons glitter in the air, and thousands reverberate the cry. One soul animates the nation, and that soul is the soul of the orator.

Old F. O! what a figure he'll make in the King's Bench. But, come, I will tell you now what my plan is, and then you will see how happily this determination of yours will further it. You have [Tristram makes extravagant gestures, as if speaking,] often heard me speak of my friend Briefwit, the barrister, — Tri. Who is against me in this cause? Old F. He is a most learned lawyer, Tri. But as I have justice on my side,

Old F. Zounds! he does n't hear a word I say! Why, Tristram !

Tri. I beg your pardon, sir, I was prosecuting my studies. Old F. Now, attend,

Tri. As learned friend observes, my

attention.

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Go on, sir, I am all

Old F. Well, my friend the counsellor,

Tri. Say learned friend, if you please, sir. We gentlemen

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Old F. Well, well, my learned friend,

Tri. A black patch!

Old F. Will you listen, and be silent?

Tri. I am as mute as a judge.

Old F. My friend, I say, has a ward, who is very handsome, and who has a very handsome fortune. She would make you a charming wife.

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Old F. Now, I have hitherto been afraid to introduce you to my friend, the barrister, because I thought your lightness and his gravity,

Tri. Might be plaintiff and defendant.

Old F. But now you are growing serious and steady, and

have resolved to pursue his profession, I will shortly bring you together; you will obtain his good opinion, and all the rest follows of course.

Tri. A verdict in my favor.

Old F. You marry and sit down, happy for life.

Tri. In the King's Bench.

Old F. Bravo! Ha, ha, ha! But now run to your study, run to your study, my dear Tristram, and I'll go and call upon the counsellor.

Tri. I remove by habeas corpus.

Old F. Pray have the goodness to make haste, then.

[Hurrying him off“]. Tri. Gentlemen of the Jury, this is a cause. [Exit.] Old F. The inimitable boy! I am now the happiest father living. What genius he has! He'll be Lord Chancellor one day or other, I dare be sworn. I am sure he has talents! O!

how I long to see him at the bar!

Allingham.

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