and I got fome help. I heard the fermons preparatory for the facrament in fome good frame: but near the clofe of the laft prayer, thoughts of my difficulties bore in themselves on me; which, as they came, I rejected again and again; and after thefe repulfes they got, I became more ferious. But Satan was in earnest, would not let me pafs fo; but in came other thoughts, which raised my heart into a violent paffion, and in a ftrange manner I rejected them, repelling one fin with another, wifhing evil to the perfon of whom I thought. This with came in moft fuddenly upon me as lightning, and did very much confuse me, was heavy to me, and marred my confidence with the Lord. So when I came in from the kirk, I was most ugly and hell-hued in my own eyes, and verily believed there was none fo unworthy as I. Then my heartmonsters, pride, worldly-mindednefs, difcontent, &c. ftared me in the face, and my poor heart was overwhelmed with forrow. In the mean time that word, If. xli. 17. 18. "When the poor and needy feek water," &c. came fweetly to me, and was a little fupporting; but I found it a great difficulty to believe. Being diverted, much of this wore off my fpirit, and a dreadful deadnefs fucceeded, To-morrow morning I got a revival; and through the day, for the most part, it was not very ill. But being to preach without in the afternoon, I got up to Mr Stark's garret betwixt fermons, and at the fouth-eaft corner of it, I converfed with Chrift, and it was a Bethel to me. Longlooked for came at laft. If ever poor I had communion with God, it was in that place. The remembrance of it melts my heart at the writing hereof. And accordingly my public work was fweet; for God was with me, and, as learned afterwards, it wanted not fome fuccefs. God's voice was difcerned in it. I fhall only remark further, that at the communion-table I mainly fought, not comfort, but grace and ftrength against corruptions. I got both in fome measure.

I had determined to go from Stenton to Clackmannanfhire and coming home on the Monday, I received a letter from thence, advifing, that the elders of Dollar had applied once and again to the prefbytery; but nothing could prevail with them, till the parith thould get a new confent from Argyle. This confirmed me in my purpose, as fhewing the prefbytery not to be fond of my fettling there, nay, nor in carneft for it. I went to God for help,

to carry right in my difficulties; and was encouraged. After which, providentially falling on Flavel's mystery of providence, I got my own cafe feafonably difcuffed therein, p. 201. And by the means of refignation there propofed, I endeavoured to bring my heart to that difpofition; and fo went to prayer with confidence in the Lord. I found also spiritual advantage in this cafe, by reflecting on former experiences; fo that I came to be content to follow the Lord implicitly, as "Abraham went, not knowing whither he went."

That afternoon, being at Langton, Mr Balfour told me, that the Laird had not taken the method laid down by Mr Colden and him; whereby the call of Simprin might have been before the prefbytery that day fortnight; and thereby I faw, that I would not know before I went to Lothian, whether that affair would iffue in a call or not. Coming along the way with Mr N H, then minifter of Preston, a man of great parts, but not proportionable tenderness, and now feveral years ago depofed,. I was much fatisfied with his converfe; fo that the night was far fpent ere we parted. And as we were about to part, he told me of a defign fome had for another to Simprin; with which I was furprised and amazed but in the progress of our discourse, I found that defign to be, only in cafe I would not accept. Whereupon he advised me to accept, and against going to Galloway. After I came home, reflecting on thefe two things, I took both of them to be intended by Providence, letting me fee what were my thoughts under both, to clear me towards accepting of the call of Simprin, if offered. That night I lay down, meditating on that word, "Abraham went "out, not knowing whither he went."

On the morrow after, conferring with Mr Balfour, we judged the affair of Simprin could now hardly be expeded before Michaelmas. And finding the hardship of my being in a fixed charge, for a whole year, without receiving any ftipend, which in that event behoved to be the cafe, would render my fettling there at all impracticable; I thought it neceffary to intimate the fame to Mr Dyfert before I went out of the country.

Next day, being the 20th, I began to ftudy for Stenton communion, having the night before gone to God for a text, with confidence and particular truft; and in a little got one; being to go away the following day. But be

twixt ten and eleven forenoon I was fent for to a monthly meeting for prayer, at Polwarth, two miles from Dunfe. Being ftrained with this meffage, I laid it before the Lord, and was determined to go; confidering that the day and way were ordinarily alike long with me, as it has continued to be in my experience to this day; and judging that my fpirit might thereby be the more fitted for that communion-work; and that going at God's call I might expect neceffary furniture for what I had to do after. Accordingly I went away, ftudied by the way a part of the forenoon's fermon, was countenanced of the Lord there, and returned home again about fix o'clock. I completed what I minded to deliver, before or in time of the action; and having prayed again, went on and ftudied the fermon to be delivered after the action, without, having burnt a candle. Thus as much was got done, as I would have done had I been no where abroad that day. I found my fpirit bettered by all, my foul fomewhat heavenly, and raifed towards the Lord: I faw it was good to follow duty, and truft God; and that it is "not by might nor by power," but by the "Spirit" of the Lord, things are got comfortably done.

On the 21ft I went to Stenton, where that night, in meditation, I got a view of the tranfcendent glory and excellency of Chrift, with the emptinefs of all things befides him; and the defire of my heart was towards him. How it fared with me at that communion, I have related above. Under the deadnefs there mentioned, which was on the Saturday's night, being to make public exercise in the kirk, I went to fecret prayer; but really could not pray, yea not fo much as groan fenfibly unto the Lord: only I was fenfible of my hardness of heart, and in a fort grieved for the Lord's abfence. So entering on the work in this heavy cafe, the tears broke out with me: but all along I was under desertion. When I came in from that exercife, I went to prayer; but could not pray; and joined but very lifelessly in family-prayer. But afterwards reading over my notes, which were on Jer. xxix. 13. “ And "ye fhall feek me, and find me," &c. I got fomewhat above that deadnefs, and reached to fome confidence in the Lord in prayer. The Lord lifted me up in that place; but thus low was I laid before it. Sitting down at the Lord's table on the morrow, I took it for a fure fign I should yet fit down at the table above and among other particular requests there, I had one for light in the call of Sim

prin,

prin, if offered; and came away with hope, but no more. The remaining part of the night, after the happy afternoon's work and entertainment mentioned above, I was kept in a heavenly frame, with love to Christ, and admiration of his goodnefs, loving the very place where he manifefted himself. And on the morrow having infifted on the requests I had at the table, I found afterwards the Lord had made my foul fatisfied, as to what way he might difpofe of me, efpecially with respect to Simprin.

Being refolved to go from Stenton as above faid, on that Monday's afternooon, Mr Stark having given me a compliment of two dollars, and the ufe of his horfe for my journey, I went to Edinburgh: and being engaged to rereturn on the Saturday, and in the morning fought of the Lord a text for the following Sabbath, I did by the way think on, and get fome infight into Pfal. cxix. 32. "I will "run the way of thy commandments, when thou fhalt "enlarge my heart." On Tuesday I went to Barhill; and on Wednesday to Clackmannanshire, where I met with one of my correfpondents, who told me, that the elders of Dollar, whom he had discharged to come near me, were wrestling as eagerly as ever to accomplish their defign, and were waiting the return of a letter to Argyle. 1 fhewed him my fituation, and committed to one to thew the prefbytery of Stirling, that I looked on myself as abfolved from my promife to them. On the Thursday I went back to Barhill, on the morrow after to Edinburgh, and returned to Stenton on Saturday about four o'clock. Mr Stark had come back from fome intended journey, but would take no part of the Sabbath's work: fo after prayer, being cleared and fatisfied as to the text aforefaid, I ftudied my fermons with cafe in the space of little more than three hours; the Lord laying things to my hand, and that with enlargement of heart. So ftill day and way were alike long; and I had much of the Lord's help in the whole Sabbath's work.

On the morrow, Mr Stark invited me to go next day to their prefbytery of Dunbar, on defign I might be appointed to preach at Innerwick a day, then vacant. I had fome difficulty about it, in respect of my fituation; but endeavoured to confult God in it once and again; and was cleared, that my staying another week in Lothian, would be more ufeful thin going home; but referred the full determination of the point aforefaid till the morrow. Which day

proved rainy; and Mr Stark went off, without moving again my going along: this I took in ill part, not knowing the kind defign of Providence therein. There Mr Stark having moved for my preaching at Innerwick, it was oppofed, particularly by Mr John Forrest, an old man, and rejected, on pretence, they had not feen my licence. Some time after, vifiting the Lady Prefmennan, fhe took occafion to clear herself of her having taken any offence at my afternoon-fermon without on the communion-day, injuriously imputed to her; but declared, that at the Monday's dinner fhe did fay to Mr Forrest, fhe thought the covenant would be up yet. This feemed to point at the fpring of the oppofition to the motion forefaid.

I had been much fatisfied in converse with fome ferious Christians in that country: and efteeming the Merfe an overgrown piece of the vineyard, there fat down on my fpirit a great averfion to fettling in it; infomuch that I prayed against it, but with fubmiffion.

In the middle of the week, one came from Dunbar inviting me thither, intimating it to be the defire of fome to fee me there. I went along with him, and spent the time in vifits; but moftly with Bailie Kellie, who was in diftrefs, and converfed fuitably as a good man. At night feveral coming in to the exercife, I lectured. There was an Epifcopal incumbent then in their kirk: and the Pref byterians had a meeting-houfe. This meeting-house they propofed to me, and urged: but finding that their preacher was to continue in the character of a probationer, while with them, I could not relifh the motion; and their prefbytery's coldnefs to me juftified the refufal.

On Saturday Aug. 5. being at Stenton, where I was to preach on the morrow, after I had begun my studies, we were called to family-worship. Being defired, I prayed with compofure for a while: but being in the kitchen, where was a great heat, my heart began to fail, so that I was obliged to break off; and going straight to the door for air, fainted away there. Lying in which cafe I lifted up my heart to the Lord, boding kindnefs on him; recovered, and was eafed by vomiting, as ufual. I had rested little that week, but had been riding hither and thither; which kind of toffing I have feldom been the better of. Being confufed through the remains of my indisposition, my ftudies took all my time. Meanwhile this new experience of my frailty, made the little charge of Simprin

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