by that time the cafe appeared more hopeful. Yet fuch turns were in it now and then, as made me reel and stagger again. Next Friday morning, rifing fomewhat early for my studies of my fermon; hoping I would now get accefs thereto, I was called down by the time I had got out of bed. And I having, the night before, expreffed great confidence in her cafe, fhe defired me to let go fome of my confidence with refpect to it, telling me what the felt as to the cafe of her body. This brought me under a great damp, heightened by my falling to ftudy that day, as I could get accefs, how prayer might be accepted, and yet not granted. By that means an embargo was laid on my spirit, in private and fecret, which continued till Sabbath morning; at which time there was a blowing on me. In the time of this damp, I turned to the promise, Rom. viii. 28. to believe that with application whatever should come. She feems now, by the good hand of God, to be returned to her ordinary.

During this additional trial in my wife's cafe, the Lord was very gracious to her. Before its coming on, she had a fecret impreffion or intimation of a trial abiding her; and this word, If xliii. 2. " When thou paffeft through "the waters, I will be with thee," &c. which was given her at her entering many years ago into the long dark valley, was made fresh on her fpirit. About the beginning of the week, after falling into the fever, awaking out of fleep in the night, fhe found herself fo very low, that the could hardly have spoke to awaken her daughter lying befide her, but ftill having the exercife of her judgement. She thought, that looked very like death, and therefore turned her thoughts towards the word; and the foundation of faith was cleared to her from John iii. 16. "God "fo loved the world," &c. She faw the promise as a boat on a water, free for any finner to go into; and as a rope fixed on both fides of the water, free to them to take hold of, for their fecurity, to be thereby wafted over; and she was helped to lay hold on it for her fecurity, believing it. Then the thought with herself, O that I had comfort too! And confidering, that when the promise comes not in, the finner may go out unto it, and feek it, fhe fet herself to feek accordingly but then was brought in to her, as with- . out feeking, that word, Cant. iv. 8. Come with me from "Lebanon," &c. and that chap. ii. 11. " For lo, the f winter is past," &c. That time appeared to her to be a

gathering

gathering time; and accordingly fhe fet herself to gather promifes, and got them abundantly; and fhe fung in her heart, "To thefe long defolations, thy feet lift, do not Co tarry, for all the ills thy foes hath done within thy fanctuary." It was as it were faid to her, What is thy petition? She found that all that time the body of death had not made its ufual moleftation; that the as it were looked about for it, faying, What is become of the body of death now? And it was as it were answered, It was in the stocks. She looked about for her melancholy, to fee what was become of it; and faw it as it had been a fpark of fire under afhes; faid within herself, Lord, if I fhall be returned to life, and be fet again on the gaping waters, I will fall adoubting, and difhonouring thee again; and that bolted in on her, "My grace is fufficient for thee."

During the fame time, the gravel hanging about me, I rode a little ordinarily every day, on that account. Twice I took horfe with the fit on me, and the riding carried it off. I had refolved to fettle my affairs anew by teftament, and on the Monday after fhe fell ill I attempted it; but could do nothing to purpofe; and hitherto I have had no access to effect it. On the laft of February, my MS. on the accentuation was returned, being transcribed; and a letter by Mr Wilfon to Jervifwood was concerted.

On the 8th of March, the fever began to recur with the inflammation, but was mercifully carried by. That word has been much on her fpirit, "Be ftill, and know that I "am God:" fometime that, "Stand ftill, and fee the

falvation of the Lord." And the voice of God to her with respect to her melancholy feemed to be, That the fhould ftand to her poft. Whatever be the iffue, the Lord has fo kindly managed this additional trial, that neither the nor I have been put behind the hand.

March 14. Since the first of this month, I have been fenfibly easier as to my gravel, and in better health than before. Yesterday we kept a congregational fast for the feafon, and bodily ftrength was furnished me to my wonder.

March 25. Howbeit, after it, the weather turned very 'bad; fo the Lord has anfwered us by terrible things in righteousness. I am now near the end of my preaching on the hearing of prayer, but no appearance of my wife's deliverance, the trouble rather increafing; withal I am turned worse as to my own body. Thefethings have fhaken

me

me fore; and now for fome time it hath been my defire andaim, to be refigned, and to be content to fit still under my cloud the Lord has caft over me. Howbeit, the latter end of last week, the Lord renewed his comforts to my wife's foul, and made her to fay, He hath well compenfated all her feven years trouble, her foul being carried out with full bent to Jefus Chrift in the promise: fhe faw the Lord her dwelling-place, and tasted the sweetness of his relations, particularly that of a husband: in which cafe beginning to fay, Might the not look for a deliverance? it was laid on her fpirit, that the ftood more in need of patience and refignation; and therewith a fweet calm went through her foul: particularly fhe gave me an account, which I have here fet down in her name, as follows.

I have often aimed at embracing the everlasting covenant held forth in the gospel, and faw my welcome thereto; was willing alfo to betake myfelf to it, with my whole heart, and often effayed it. My defect still lay in the want of that confidence of faith, that the covenant fhould be made forthcoming to me, according to my needs, for time and eternity; fear still prevail. ing, and keeping me as it were standing on loose ground. But on March 21. betwixt two and four o'clock in the morning, on my bed of affliction, it pleafed the Lord to ftir me up, and help me to effay it again, and to get that gap in fome meafure filled up. Being deeply convinced of the fin of my nature, and judging it to be the fource of my unfixednefs, I did, in the first place, make confeffion of the fin of my nature, life, and practice, being as particular therein as I could reach; especially confefling my predominant fin, and laying my heart open to the omnifcient God, to fearch and try it, in the most retired corners thereof; that if there was any luft or idol that I knew not of, I might be made fenfible of the fame: and I judged and condemned myself, as deferving nothing but the utmost of God's indignation. Then I looked to the way of falvation held forth in the word of the gofpel; beheld Jefus Chrift, a Saviour every way fuited to my needs, my loft and un• done condition. I faw an abfolute need of him, in all his offices; and a glorious fitness in them, and each of them, for my cafe. So I did, with the whole bent of my foul, embrace the everlasting covenant held forth to me in the word of the gofpel of grace; caft myself over

• од

on the Lord Jefus Chrift, and receive him in all his of fices; take God for my God in him; and, with my whole heart, gave up myself, foul and body, to be the Lord's for ever: my foul going out after Chrift in his kingly office, as much as in the reft, for the fanctification of my nature, and fubduing of my ftrong corrup⚫tions, without referve; efpecially my predominant, which I faw head and shoulders above the reft; being fincerely defirous, in the fight of God, never to entertain peaceably, but, through his covenant-grace, to war against every luft whatsoever, though a right hand, or right eye. And I was in a good measure brought to a confident perfuafion, that this foundation of the everlafting covenant, on which I had bottomed my foul for ⚫ time and eternity, had all things in it needful for me; ⚫ and that it should be made forthcoming to me, for my • feveral needs for time and eternity, according to his faithful word of promife: pleading, that my failings fhould not make void this transaction, and that I be al'lowed to remember it, and renew it, as often as need requires. And having for my exercife a more than ordinary load on my fpirit, I did, with all the folemn feriousness I was capable of, beg and request for the 'Lord's pity and help in that particular; that if he faw it ⚫ meet he might remove it, but if it must continue, that • he would keep me near himself in it; that his grace be fufficient for me, and I may be kept from inking defpondency, ftill believing, in the worst of times, that God is my God in Jefus Chrift the Mediator, and will with the temptation give an outgate, or ftrength to bear it. And with the fame folemn ferioufnefs, I begged, that his Spirit, whom I was helped to look to for affiftance in this my addrefs, might all along direct, guide, and affift me in my addreffes to him for the fup. ply of my wants, and to aim at and feek my fruit, by fticking to the root Jefus Chrift, and not from my fincerity, nor any thing elfe in myfelf; looking on the Lord Jefus as the head of influences, and as made of God unto me, wifdom, righteoufnefs, fanctification, and redemption; from whence I was led in unto a sweet view of my union and communion with him.'

may

My work on the catechifm ftill lying by without a return to it, I have been feeking of the Lord, that he will clear me as to what I am to do. I would fain be helped

to be doing something for my Mafter while I am in life; yet defiring to fubmit, if he will take no more in that kind off my hand, but that I might glorify him now by fuffering. And now my way begins to clear fomewhat towards revifing the notes on the covenant of grace: and it is encouraging, that, whereas I found myfelf quite out of cafe for ftudy on Friday and Saturday, yet was obliged to preach twice yesterday, the Lord helped thereto, allowing trength for his work.

April 2. I have been still seeking to be cleared as aforefaid, three things being before me. 1. Going on in the work on the Hebrew text, which I can find no freedom to enter on at prefent, confidering it as the chief, to make way for which other things are to be difpatched. 2. Going forward on the catechifm; as to which, I find I was providentially carried in to it without defign; and having finished the first part of the catechifm, I was stopped after the fame manner; and there appears a kind of justice in leaving the reft of it unto my two brethren: it answers not my defign for the parifh, as to a form of examination, being after the first questions quite too large: and for my children, as much is done in it, as will ferve them a good time. I have nevertheless found it to be of valuable use to me fince that time: and I blefs the Lord, who led me to it, in the manner above related. 3. Writing on the covenant of grace; to which my light doth chiefly open: For, (1.) Thefe fermons, moft of them at least, were indeed ftudied with a defign of more public usefulness. (2.) It feems fitter than new study, in refpect of my bodi ly weakness. (3.) Great difficulty having appeared as to the modelling of the first part of these notes, fome light for getting through the fame begins to break, which does in a manner neceffitate me to eflay this work, ere that go out of my head. I have fmarted, as ufual in time of my being unfixed to fome particular bufinefs.

April 8. Yesterday I ended my fermons on the hearing of prayer; but there is no appearance of my wife's deli verance. As to the frame of my fpirit on that trying occafion, it was and is a refolutenefs to wait on the Lord, with a contentment and pleafednefs too, with what way he fhall be pleased to take in it, as that which will be the beft. Last week, as I had opportunity, I attempted the fettling of my affairs; and I did reach the way of difpofing of the Latin effay on the accentuation, and the par