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Christ, I was still confufed, indiftinct, and hampered in. it, as to the free, open, and unhampered accefs of finners unto him. And thus, I am fure, it was with me, till the year 1702. How long I continued fo thereafter, I know not. But, through the mercy of God, I was by the year 1704 let into that point alfo; and fo far confirmed therein, that, on the 9th of July that year, at a communion in Coldinghame, I preached on Matth. xi. 28. "Come "unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden," &c. then and there giving the true fenfe of that text, fince published in the notes on the Marrow, and profecuting it accordingly. And by the fame time alfo, I reckon I had the true fenfe of the parallel texts, If. lv. 1. Matth. ix. 12, 13. fince that time alfo published in the notes aforesaid. How I was led thereto, I cannot distinctly tell; but I apprehend I had taken the hint from the Marrow; and I had no great fondness for the doctrine of the conditionality of the covenant of grace.

With relation to the point laft named, I remember, that upon a young man's mentioning, in a piece of trial before the prefbytery, the conditions of the covenant of grace; I quarrelled it, having no great guft for faith's being called the condition thereof, but abhorring the joining of other conditions with it. Thereupon he was appointed to deliver an exegefis on the queftion, An fœdus gratia fit conditionatum? This the young man, in his exegefis, refolved in the affirmative; though, I think, he held by faith only as the condition. I impugned his thefis, ufing this argument, viz. "I will be their God, and they shall be "my people," is not conditional, but abfolute : But this is the covenant: Ergo, The covenant is not conditional. To which Mr Ramfay aforefaid anfwered for the young man, That the covenant of grace was indeed a teftament, and not, properly speaking, conditional. Herewith I was fatisfied, and declared I would not infift, fince I had been in earnest: but withal that I thought it was pity, that fuch an improper way of fpeaking of faith fhould be ufed: fince it was not fcriptural, was liable to be abused, and ready to lead people into mistakes.

These things, in these days, while I was in the Merfe, gave my fermons a certain tincture, which was difcerned; though the Marrow, from whence it fprang, continued in utter obfcurity: but they were acceptable to the faints; neither did brethren fhew difguft of them. I conversed occafionally

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occafionally on fome of thefe points with brethren, particularly with Mr Ramfay, then in Eymouth; and indeed he was ftill on the other fide of the queftion. We had then some of the fame arguments, that, afterwards in the year 1723, were caft up before the fynod, in Mr Wilfon's affair but thefe difputes marred not our friendship, he being still pleafed to call me to affift at the communion with him in Eymouth, though he ufed not to be with me at Simprin on that occafion. The worthy Mr Colden alfo had a difficulty to admit what I advanced on the first question aforefaid: but after fome reasoning, he owned there was fome weight in that argument, If believers were liable to eternal wrath in the cafe mentioned, they behoved to be fo, either by the law and covenant of works, or by the gospel, and covenant of grace: not the firft, for believers are dead to it; not the fecond, for that it condemns no man.

As for the fubject of baptifm; after I was fettled among the people of Simprin, and had entered closely on my work, finding fome of them grofsly ignorant, and hardly teachable in the ordinary way, and cafting in my mind what courfe to take with fuch, I drew up in writing a little form of catechifing in the fundamentals, in fhort queftions and answers, on design to teach it them privately in my houfe. I do not well remember the progress of that affair; nor do I well know where thefe queftions are; but afterward I ufed the fame, in the cafe of my little children, in the first place, when they became capable of inftruction. Among other fuch grofsly ignorant, there was one, who defiring his child to be baptized, I could not have freedom to grant his defire for fome time: neither am I clear, whether, when the child was baptized, it was baptized on a fatisfying account of the fundamental principles from him or his wife. Whatever had laid the foundation of fuch fcrupling, I was, by means of fuch fraitening in practice, brought clofely to confider that point. And having purpofely ftudied the question, Who have right to baptism, and are to be baptized? I wrote my thoughts thereon alfo. And being one day in converfation on that head with Mr William Bird, diffenting minifter in Barmoor in England, he prefented to me Fulwood's difcourfe of the visible church, for clearing me. Bringing home the faid book with me, I confidered it, and wrote alfo fome animadverfions on a part of it. From

that time I had little fondnefs for national churches ftrictly and properly fo called, as of equal latitude with the nations; and wifhed for an amendment of the conftitution of our own church, as to the membership thereof.

There were, befides thefe, other two queftions I bestow, ed fome thoughts on, in like manner. The one, Where hath fin its lodging-place in the regenerate? the occafion whereof was a difcourfe with Mr Mair on that head : but I doubt if I have well understood him in that point. The other, Why the Lord fuffers fin to remain in the regencrate which had its rife from a particular straitening on that head in my own private cafe, as before narrated.

My thoughts on these feveral fubjects, written for my own fatisfaction, I had, by the 4th of Auguft this year 1704, all fairly tranfcribed for confervation, in a book purchased for the purpose, and which I have called The mifcellany manufcript; and thereby it was filled up to p. 325. But whereas I had, in May 1703, b-gun exercifes on the Confeffion of Faith, written at large for my own inftruction, and the edification of the people, to whom I delivered them, for the evening-cxercife on Sabbaths for ordinary, that work was continued only to the end of that year 1703. And in the faid fpace of time I went through the first two chapters only. I judge its proving fometimes too ftrong meat for the people; and its requiring more time and ftudy than my other affairs could well allow, contributed to the breaking me off from that defign, that otherwife would have been very profitable to myfelf for my inftruction in the whole fyftem.

I had, on the 3d of September, in my courfe of lecturing, proceeded unto the epiftle to the Romans. And whereas it was not my ordinary practice to write my lectures; yet having confidered that epiftle, as the proper fountain from whence the doctrine of juftification was to be drawn, I had an earneft defire of infight into it, fo far as I could reach: for which caufe, having gathered together fome commentaries upon it, I ftudied the doctrinal part thereof, viz. to chap. xii. with that defign, and wrote fome thoughts thereon, which are in retentis But fticking too precifely unto the lecturing of a chapter every Lord's day, this did, of course, make them the more fu

All these questions were printed in 1753, except the animadverfions on Fulwood; the manuscript of which is now imperfect,

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perficial; and withal the work was interrupted in the 5th and 7th chapters.

As in the former part of this year, I had got a new parcel of books, fo toward the latter end thereof, in October, 1 got another. This parcel I had bought in England. Ere I got them home, they had ftolen away my heart, and I was extremely fond on them. This raifed in me a great fear while the lad was gone to fetch them; and it fent me to God; but I had no confidence. The books were taken, and then I faw well that my fin had found me out. This was a piece of trouble to me for two or three days. At length I refolved to lay myfelf down at God's feet, and to leave caring for the books; which that I might the better do, I applied myfelf to the work of minatorial vilitation of families. Having spent but a forenoon that way, when I came in, it was told me, that the books were in Ladykirk, and I might fend for them when I would. Among thefe books were fome of Lightfoot's picces, the which did efpecially take with me, in refpect of the Jewith learning therein; to which a particular bias feems aiways to have been hung on me, plainly perceiving the fingular ufefulnefs thereof for understanding of the holy icriptures. While I proceeded in acquainting myfelf with thefe, as I had accefs, I ftudied his defeription of the temple, fo as I made a draught of the temple and the altar accordingly, which to this day hang in my clofet. And though, being an utter ftranger to mathematics, I could not reprefent things in their proper figures; yet that draught, fuch as it is, fo fixed the idea of the temple with me in fome meafure of diftinctnefs, that it foon became familiar to me, and hath since that time been of very great ufe to me on feveral occafions.

That winter I visited a woman in Homtoun, who alledged the devil was in her. After I had fpoke and prayed with her, I went out; and in the mean time the got out of the bed, and cried with a moft horrid cry, without intermiffion, near a quarter of an hour. Coming in, and finding her in this cafe, I often defired her but to fay, God help me; and the ftill faid, the could not, and cried again. A weaver-lad had prayed with her; fhe told him the devil had faid to her, the could be nothing the better of that good prayer, because it was not her own prayer, but his. To which the young man answered, The devil

is a liar; for the prayer was not mine, but the Spirit's. I

admired the answer.

Being with E. P. the night before he died, I had not fatisfaction in converfe with her; which affected me exceedingly. Thereupon I came in to my clofet, and fet myself to wrestle with God on her account; and then went to her again, and was much comforted in her; fo that my fpirit was more than ordinarily elevated. She faid, the fixed on that word, "Thou haft played the harlot with "many lovers; yet return again to me, faith the Lord."

In the latter part of the month of December, it pleafed the Lord to threaten to remove my wife by death, being violently fick. I was anxious exceedingly, and above measure grieved on that account. She recovered; but God met me in fuch a manner, that I was moft convincingly made to fmart for that excefs.

After having clofed the ordinary of fubjects for the Sabbath, as before narrated, I handled fome texts for exciting unto exercife to godliness; and, upon a particular occation from the parish, I treated of divine defertion : a fubject which, together with that of communion with God, was, in the early days of my hearing the gospel, much in the mouths of the old experienced minifters, though now much worn out of our practical divinity, through the decay, I doubt, of foul cxcrcife and experience among minifters and people. Afterwards I did, on the 10th of December, enter on the epifle to the church of the Laodiceans, Rev. iii. 14.-22. on which I dwelt till May 6. 1706.

Having administered the facrament of the Lord's fupper in the fummer-feafon, yearly, hitherto from the time I began that courfe, I did, on Jan. 28. 1705, adminifter it again and this courfe of adminiftering it in the winterfeafon alfo, was continued from that time, yearly, till I was removed from that place. And thus we had that foul-ftrengthening ordinance twice a-year from this time. My fon Robert was fick before; and I was laying my account with his death, even in the fore-end of that month. It was the first facrament I gave in the winter-time. I was engaged to that way, for the benefit of the good people in the corner, who through the winter have no occafion of partaking of that folemn ordinance; and I found it was what I could get done. It pleafed the Lord to meet me as an enemy in the way. My child died on the Friday, and

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