pagne corks should be distinctly and regularly heard every two minutes, like the Tower guns firing for the birth of an heir-apparent, he retired to his study, to take what he called "a snooze" before the company arrived. Mrs. Hoskins being on a visit in the house, all bride though she was, thought she ought to make herself useful; and after having manufactured a sort of galvanized white satin pyramid to wear that evening as a headdress, and placed the three black hollyhocks in the front of it, she very kindly offered to make lemonade with cream of tartar, and farther hinted that soap-suds well beat up, it was impossible to tell in appearance from trifle; and as few people eat sweet things, it saved a great deal of expense; but this motion was negatived by Mr. Tymmons, who said it savoured too much of close shaving for his taste. Mrs. Tymmons herself had been in a perfect mosaic of fusses since seven in the morning, although her new blue satin dress (blue being the De Clifford colour) had arrived quite safely from London, and only three inches too tight across the back and shoulders. And Grimmy had been so good, having only spilt an inkstand over one sofa, and stuck three pins into an air cushion that had been placed at a cardtable for Mrs. Wrigglechops, the mayor's wife, to sit upon, as she was apt to be unequivocal in her demonstrations of displeasure when everything was not arranged according to her satisfaction.

Those abominations, white cravats, having again come into fashion, and travelled by easy stages down to Blichingly, Mr. Joseph Tymmons had spent the whole morning in essaying what he had so often tried before, to tie the happy knot; and Mr. Rush was equally occupied with experimental philosophy, by calculating how far he might venture to bare his throat without endangering his life.

66

The young ladies had remained in their bedrooms all day with their hair in paper, and had not gone down to dinner for fear of making their noses red, as the officers" were all coming from Triverton; but the worst of it was, more than half of them were married men; but there was one comfort, however, which was, that Miss Isabella knew to a certainty, for she had heard them say so, that neither Captain Cub nor Major Dragglefar admired any of the Simmonses. The candles were at length lit, the ringlets at length uncased, the blue satin dress

at length squeezed together, Mr. Joseph's cravat at length tied, and Mr. Tymmons, just ten minutes before the arrival of the first guest, at length awoke, when he was alarmed by a loud scream underneath his study, which could proceed from no other quarter but the kitchen.

"God bless my soul !" exclaimed Mr. Tymmons, rushing down stairs, followed by Mrs. T., tucking up the blue satin, while even the young ladies ventured as far as the head of the stairs; "bless my soul! I hope nothing has happened to the white soup or the mulligatawny. Mary, Hannah, Sarah, what is the matter?"

"Alontho! Álontho! what on earth's the matter?" cried Mrs. Tymmons.

Nothing at all, ma'am," said Alonzo, working himself into a new livery, and shaking the powder, whose first appearance it was in that quarter, out of his hair, "it's only Mr. Rush a trying to kiss the maids."

"And do you call that nothing! Alontho?" said Mrs. Symmons, turning up her eyes with horror; "but ladies can't interfere in thuch things. Mither, I hope you'll notice such conduct ath it detherves."

"Glad the soup's safe, though; certainly, my dear, certainly," added Mr. Tymmons aloud. "Rush, come here, sir; follow me to my study."

"Oh, Rush," sighed Mrs. Tymmons, as her son followed his father into the study, and she walked on to the drawing-room, "who'd have believed you could do anything of the thort!"

"Shut the door, sir," said Mr. Tymmons, placing himself majestically in an armchair; "how comes all this uproar, sir, on a night that your mother has company too?"

Mr. Rush looked at the carpet, and remarked what he had never done before, though he had known it for the last ten years, i. e., that it had blue in it as well as orange and green; but answer he made none.

"How comes it, I say, sir?" reiterated his sire; but he was still silent.

"I'll tell you how it comes," resumed Mr. Tymmons, senior; "it all comes of your being such a confounded ugly dog. When I was your age, sir, the maids never screamed when I kissed them. You may go now, and kiss your sisters if you please, but never attempt to kiss any one else, as long as you live, until you can do it without sending them into fits."

Mr. Rush had scarcely closed the study door after him before a loud knock was heard at the street door, and Alonzo having been ordered not to move from behind it the whole night, before the knock had well ceased the door was opened, and, according to the most approved fashion of all the country towns, one of the waiters announced

"Mrs. Major Tadpole !" Next followed, "Mrs. Colonel Crumpet."

Then, "the Mayor and Mrs. Wrigglechops, Miss Catfuss, and Miss Priscilla Catfuss."

"Dr. Snackemall."

Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Tymmons stood like Gog and Magog, at each side of the door, to receive their guests, while the young ladies sat ranged on a neighbouring sofa in their white muslin frocks, divided by their black-coated brothers like the keys of a piano, and anxiously listening for the dulcet names of Cub and Dragglefar; but, as Miss Seraphina remarked to her sister, they were too genteel (!) to come early. Presently, "Mr., Mrs., and the Miss Simmonses" were announced. The Miss Tymmonses rose, making a face, but greeted them with a most affectionate "how de do, dears?"

Now the eldest Miss Simmons had very fine hair, and, from dressing it low, had got a village "renommée" of being like Grisi, especially as she sang after a manner. On that evening her hair happened to be particularly well arranged; and though Captain Cub did not admire her, he had been once guilty of admiring her hair. This Miss Isabella Tymmons remembered, and, under the plea of settling a hairpin that was visible, nearly pulled it all down. However, malice generally defeats itself, and poor Miss Simmons, not dreaming it had been done on purpose, good-humouredly twisted it up again, even in a more becoming form than it had been before; at the very moment, too, when Major Dragglefar and Captain Cub entered the room! The latter immediately secured Miss Isabella for the first quadrille; but she pathetically lamented that the dancing could not commence till Lord de Clifford and his mother arrived. However, they had not long to wait, for soon after the whole party from Blichingly made their appearance. The dowager and Lord de Clifford first, with their best popularity smile, bowing and shaking hands with every one, and Messieurs Nonplus, Fuzboz, Feedwell, and De

Rivoli bringing up the rear, the latter having been announced as

"Mister Drivler."

"Law! what a pity," remarked Mrs. Major Tadpole to Mrs. Colonel Crumpet, "to wear those beautiful diamonds with that dowdy old cap and morning dress." "What beautiful diamonds ?"

"Why old Lady de Clifford's."

"Ah, so it is; Crumpet has long promised me a diamond sprig, and you may be sure you won't see me wear it with such a dress as that."

"No, my dear, but you're always so fashnable and dashing in your dress; but if a colonel's lady wasn't, I am sure I don't know who should be."

"Ah, Tadpole, you're a flattering puss; but I thought there was some story about Lady de Clifford's diamonds having been stolen."

66 No, it was some studs of his, and the people are in prison for it now; dear me, he's not at all handsome, is he?"

"No, but he looks fashnable too. I wonder what on earth Cub sees in Isabella Tymmons to flirt with; it will be a shocking bad match for him, with his connexions; I'll really get Crumpet to speak with him.”

66 Oh, it's she who flirts with him; she won't let him alone."

"I really think it will be v-v-v-very dishonourable if he does not propose for her after all the attention she has paid him. Mrs. Tadpole, how d-d-do you do? I am delighted to meet you again," said Mr. Frederic Feedwell, extending his hand..

"Mr. Feedwell," said the lady, turning round, "of all people in the world, I am surprised at meeting you here."

"And I," said Frederic, "am equally surprised at my good f-f-f-fortune in meeting you here."

66

Oh, we are quartered at Triverton," responded Mrs. Tadpole; "but how long is it since you left Brussels ?"

"Very shortly after you went," replied Frederic; "for, when you were gone, of course there was n-n-nnothing worth staying for ;" and, so saying, he jerked` up his two fingers, at the imminent risk of breaking a long willow feather that drooped from Mrs. Wrigglechops's black velvet hat, who gave him a look sufficiently sharp to quarter him for a salmi. Here a sort of

court-circle of the natives began to form, round which Lord de Clifford and his mother went bowing, courtesying, smiling, hand-shaking, and making tender inquiries after the healths of people whom they did not care if dead and buried, provided their votes survived them. With regard to the moral and physical progress of the juvenile portion of the community, Lord de Clifford was peculiarly solicitous; and Master Grimstone Tymmons having indefatigably followed him till he had nearly torn one skirt of his coat off, he turned round to his father with a benign smile, and said,

66

Tymmons, I'm afraid that dear boy grows thin; he ought not to keep such late hours."

66

Very natrel you should wish to see everything plumper just now, my lord," replied Mr. Tymmons, winking his right eye and laughing immoderately at this villanous pun, in which mirth Lord de Clifford was obliged to join with a "ha! ha! ha! very good indeed; I see you're as witty as ever."

"Feedwell," whispered Lord de Clifford, touching Frederic's arm, 66 you must go and talk to the Miss Tymmonses; ask them to dance; and remember, they hate the Simmonses, but, au sage un demi mot." "

"Who the d-d-deuse are the Simmonses, my dear fellow? do all the people's names rhyme in this part of the world, eh? I'll tell you something by-and-by about that Mrs. Tadpole; I knew her at Brussels; that woman I was talking to just now."

"Well, never mind telling me about any women tonight," said De Clifford, peevishly.

"Womens you should say, my dear fellow," replied Frederic, "to rhyme with Simmons and Tymmons, you know; but where are these Simmonses that I am to abuse to the Tymmonses."

"There, those tall, gawky girls in pink; they are Dinelyites, or, as they call them here, pinks."

And, so saying, Lord de Clifford took Mr. Frederic Feedwell up to Miss Tymmons, and said, he was most anxious to have the honour of being presented to her. Miss Tymmons hated Miss Simmons so much, that she always began by admiring her.

"Don't you think Miss Simmons very handsome ?" inquired Seraphina of Frederic.

"Handsome! the very reverse, I should say; but VOL. II.-X