than usual sweetness and fervency, arising from a persuasion that he can prove better to me than the dearest earthly relation, and not without some hope that he will do it; while at the same time I would cast myself, and my poor motherless infant on the riches of his grace, and the care of his Providence, hoping that he will take care of us both, as our new covenant God and Father. During this trying providence, if my heart does not deceive me, I have not thought the worse of God I have not felt any alienation of love to him, or of confidence in him; rather methinks I would desire to love him more fervently, to cleave unto him more closely, and trust in him more confidently. The Lord will not cast off for ever; but how justly am I and my relations punished in this visitation. I fear we prized the gift more than the giver, the creature more than the Creator. I must condemn myself, and acknowledge that the Lord has afflicted me in righteousness. Yet, blessed God, do not break the bruised reed-do not make a full end of me: O turn unto me, have mercy upon me. Give thy strength unto thy servant, and rejoice me with the smiles of thy countenance. In this dying world I would look to the living Redeemer, and hope, when my time comes, to sit down with all my deceased fellow-Christians in the kingdom of God; but especially to be ever with the Lord, grant it gracious God, grant it. Amen.

Sabbath Evening, Sept. 20, 1789.-Preached this and the two foregoing Sabbaths with some degree of enlargement. Now and then received a smile of his countenance. Commonly I experience both a downcasting and an uplifting every Sabbath, meeting with

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either the one or the other in some part of my work, sometimes in praying, sometimes in lecturing, and sometimes in preaching; but let me be thankful for the smallest mite of mercy, I am unworthy of a crumb. Sitting now in solitude and sorrow, I have attempted to take the Lord for my God. Felt this day in secret prayer a persuasion that he is my God, saying, I think with the heart, yea, mine own God is he; felt also a strong desire to be with Christ. Woes me! that I dwell in this land of distance and absence, in this state of sin and suffering; but I will wait till the Lord's time come, hoping to receive from him sufficient grace for performing the duties and bearing the trials of my Christian and ministerial course. My heart yet bleeds when I reflect on the loss I have sustained-I wish I may not offend-I pray that I may not faint in the day of adversity; and I hope that the Lord Jesus Christ himself, who hath loved me, and hath given me everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, will yet comfort my heart, and establish me in every good work,-a text which, besides several others, hath, I think, been of great use to my grieved mind in this time of afflic tion. Did I but know more of the comforts of religion, I should bewail less the want of temporal joys.

Tranent, Oct. 22, 1789, the day in August in which my calamity began.-Have felt very flat to day; thoughts rise forcibly in my mind, and keep alive a painful remembrance of my affliction, which casts an almost perpetual gloom on my spirits. This is my infirmity, let me bewail my attachment to creature comforts, and beg that the Lord would elevate my affections, and enable me to find all in himself; reflecting

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a few moments by myself, I perceive much darkness within, but think it would be the joy of my heart to enjoy fellowship with God in secret, private, and public. Come, my soul, let me encourage myself in the Lord my God; he does all well for thee, and this is enough-I shall praise him yet.

Tranent, November 28, 1789. My birth-day.—What important occurrences have fallen out since the day in which I was born!-what mercies, what deliverances, what trials, what distresses, have met in and made up my lot!-what a chequered scene is the present state! I will sing of mercy and of judgment, unto thee, O Lord, will I sing. I was early cast on thy care, thou art my God from my mother's belly; hitherto thou hast borne, and carried, and delivered; I would hope thou wilt continue thy loving kindness till my race, my labours, my years, and my days, are finished. When I reflect on the times which have gone over me, and, in particular, on the revolutions in my lot during this and the preceding year, then I may say, vanity of vanities, vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Married 29th February, 1788; a child born August 22, 1789, a wife dead August 26; and buried August 29, 1789: what a changing, dying world, true only in its inconstancy and uncertainty! My mind is far from being suitably affected with these providential events, but would hope it is settled in its habitual disposition on the unchangeable God.

Tranent, Dec. 12, 1789.-Ah! what a wretched world, filled with tribulations and deaths; yet, woes me, my soul cleaveth to the dust. Why am I not willing, at the Lord's call, to part with father and mother, wife and child? Religion tells me it is my

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duty, and my judgment assents to it, with a wish it were also my full attainment. Yet corrupt affection recoils, and would retain some will of its own. "If any man come to me," says our Lord, and hate nothis father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple; and whosoever doth not bear his cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple." Sure, I am not to look for an exemption; let me cheerfully submit to the will of my heavenly Father. If, as presently threatened, I should be again visited with the death of a near relation, forbid, gracious God, I should become hardened under these afflicting dispensations; but grant that I may learn obedience by the things which I suffer; let me rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and continue instant in prayer, hoping that although father and mother, wife and child, and all my earthly relations should forsake me, then the Lord will take me up; so be it. Amen.

Tranent, Dec. 30, 1789.-Spent this day in observing a fast and thanksgiving with the congregation, ap pointed by the session; felt rather languid and heavy in the public exercises; but blessed be his name that I am not struck dumb, or dead, or confounded, before the people. Surely it is owing to his unbounded and unmerited mercy I am allowed to breathe, to live, to preach. Reflecting by myself in the evening, I would desire to be affected with the providences of God towards the land and church; but think those providences which respect my personal and relative concerns strike me more sensibly. Again visited with another breach, the death of my mother; who, after a lingering illness, which brought on an excessive weakness both of body and mind, expired on the 16th of

this month. Thus the parents of our numerous family are both laid in the dust. O that my surviving brothers and sisters, and especially myself, to whom God hath spoken once, yea twice, were made to hear the word, and prepared for a blissful immortality! This year is on the verge of expiring: what changes, what revolutions, what marriages, what deaths, have happened in the course of it and the preceding one! three marriages, three deaths, among my nearest relations-a true representation of this world, and of what I am to expect in it. Considering these things, I am ready to bewail my situation here; woes me, that I sojourn in Mesech, and dwell in tents of Kedar! But Lord make me willing to be, to do, and to suffer whatever thou wilt-it is of thy mercies I am not consumed. Let my motherless child live before thee; I beg to be kept from offending thee by anxiety and distrust on her account. Let me sincerely and cordially leave myself and her, and all my concerns, on him who is able to perfect that which concerneth me. This is the point at which I aim; the Lord enable me to reach it. Amen.

Tranent, 26th January, 1790.-Five months to-day since death divided between me and the wife of my youth. This, I hope, was to her better than the day of her birth; to me it is commonly a dull and an insipid day. But why am I so selfish? Let me rejoice in her welfare, and trust that the Lord will provide for and take care of me in my destitute condition. On former occasions he hath dealt wonderfully with me; his arm is not now shortened that it cannot save, neither is his ear heavy that it cannot hear; cheer up, my drooping spirit, and encourage myself in the power, promise, and providence of the Lord thy God. Ah! that my faith and comfort should be so small in