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gout, or a gout of this pox! for the one or the other plays the rogue with my great toe. It is no matter if I do halt: I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use of anything: I will turn diseases to commodity.
Scene III.—York. A Room in the Archbishop's
Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, the LORDS
HASTINGS, MOWBRAY, and BARDOLPH
known our means :
Mowb. I well allow the occasion of our arms;
Hast. Our present musters grow upon the file To five-and-twenty thousand men of choice: And our supplies live largely in the hope Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns With an incenséd fire of injuries. Bard. The question, then, Lord Hastings,
standeth thus: Whether our present five-and-twenty thousand May hold up head without Northumberland.
Hast. With him we may.
Bard. Ay, marry, there's the point: But if without him we be thought too feeble, My judgment is we should not step too far Till we had his assistance by the hand. For, in a theme so bloody-faced as this, Conjecture, expectation, and surmise Of aids uncertain, should not be admitted, Arch. 'T is very true, Lord Bardolph: for in
deed It was young Hotspur's case at Shrewsbury. Bard. It was, my lord: who lined himself with
hope, Eating the air on promise of supply, Flattering himself with project of a power Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts: And so, with great imagination Proper to madmen, led his powers to death, And winking leaped into destruction.
Hast. But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.
Bard. Yes, in this present quality of war. Indeed the instant action (a cause on foot)
Lives so in hope as in an early spring
And waste for churlish winter's tyranny. | Hast. Grant that our hopes (yet likely of fair
birth) Should be still-borne, and that we now possessed The utmost man of expectation, I think we are a body strong enough, Even as we are, to equal with the King. Bard. What! is the King but five-and-twenty
thousand ? Hast. To us no more: nay, not so much, Lord
Bardolph. For his divisions, as the times do brawl, Are in three heads: one power against the French, And one against Glendower: perforce, a third Must take up us. So is the unfirm King In three divided; and his coffers sound With hollow poverty and emptiness. Arch. That he should draw his several strengths
together, And come against us in full puissance, Need not be dreaded.
Hast. If he should do so, He leaves his back unarmed, the French and
Welsh Baying him at his heels. Never fear that. Bard. Who is it like should lead his forces
Arch. Let us on,
The commonwealth is sick of their own choice,
And howl'st to find it. What trust is in these times? They that, when Richard lived, would have him
die, Are now become enamoured on his grave. Thou that threw'st dust upon his goodly head, When through proud London he came sighing on After the admiréd heels of Bolingbroke, Cry'st now, “O earth, yield us that king again, And take thou this !” O thoughts of men accurst ! Past and to come seem best: things present, worst. Mowb. Shall we go draw our numbers, and set
on? Hast. We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.
Scene I.—London. A Street.
Host. Where is your yeoman? Is it a lusty yeoman: will a' stand to 't?
Fang. Sirrah, where's Snare ?
Host. Yea, good Master Snare: I have entered him and all.
Snare. It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.
Host. Alas the day! take heed of him: he stabbed me in mine own house, and that most beastly. In good faith, a'cares not what mischief he doth, if his weapon be out: he will foin
like any devil: he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.
Fang. If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
Host. No, nor I neither : I'll be at your elbow.
Fang. An I but fist him once, an a' come but within my vice,
Host. I am undone by his going : I warrant you he's an infinitive thing upon my score.Good Master Fang, hold him sure: good Master Snare, let him not 'scape. He comes continuantly to Pie-corner (saving your manhoods), to buy a saddle; and he's indited to dinner to the Lubbar's Head in Lumbert-street, to Master Smooth's, the silkman. I pray ye, since my exion is entered and my case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long loan for a poor lone woman to bear : and I have borne, and borne, and borne; and have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and
fibbed off, from this day to that day, that it is a ) what man of good temper would endure this temshame to be thought on. There is no honesty in pest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to such dealing, unless a woman should be made enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to an ass and a beast, to bear every knave's wrong. come by her own ?
Fal. What is the gross sum that I owe thee? Enter l'ir John Falstaff, Page, and BARDOLPH.
Host. Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyYonder lie comes, and that arrant malmsey-nose self and thy money too. Thou didst swear to me knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphinyour offices, Master Fang and Master Snare: do chamber, at the round table by a sea-coal fire, me, do me, do me your offices.
upon Wednesday in Whitsun-week, when the Fal. How now: whose mare 's dead? what's prince broke thy head for liking his father to a the matter?
singing-man of Windsor,—thou didst swear to Fang. Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry Mistress Quickly.
me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou Fal. Away, varlets !- Draw Bardolph ; cut deny it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher's me off the villain's head: throw the quean in the wife, come in then, and call me gossip Quickly! channel.
coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar; telling Host. Throw me in the channel? I'll throw us she had a good dish of prawns: whereby thou thee in the channel. Wilt thou, wilt thou, thou didst desire to eat some; whereby I told thee bastardly rogue ?–Murder, murder! O thou they were ill for a green wound? And didst honey-suckle villain! wilt thou kill God's officers thou not, when she was gone down stairs, desire and the King's? O thou honeyseed rogue ! thou me to be no more so familiarity with such poor art a honeyseed: a man-queller, and a woman people : saying that ere long they should call me queller.
madam ? And didst thou not kiss me, and bid Fal. Keep them off, Bardolph.
me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now Fang. A rescue; a rescue!
on thy book-oath: deny it, if thou canst. Host. Good people, bring a rescue or two. Fal. My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she Thou wo't, wo't thou; thou wo't, wo't thou? Do, says up and down the town that her eldest son do, thou rogue ! do, thou hempseed!
is like you: she hath been in good case, and the Fal. Away, you scullion ; you rampallian; truth is poverty hath distracted her. But for you fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe. these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have
redress against them. Enter the LORD Chief Justice, attended.
Ch. Just. Sir John, Sir John, I am well acCh. Just. What's the matter? Keep the peace quainted with your manner of wrenching the here, ho!
true cause the false way. It is not a confident Host. Good my lord, be good to me. I be brow, nor the throng of words that come with seech you, stand to me.
such more than impudent sauciness from you, Ch. Just. How now, Sir John: what, are you can thrust me from a level consideration. You brawling here?
have, as it appears to me, practised upon the Doth this become your place, your time, and easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made her business ?
serve your uses both in purse and person. You should have been well on your way to York. Host. Yea, in troth, my lord. Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang'st thou Ch. Just. Pr'y thee peace.—Pay her the debt on him ?
you owe her, and unpay the villany you have Host. O my most worshipful lord, an 't please done with her: the one you may do with sterling your grace I am a poor widow of Eastcheap, and money, and the other with current repentance. he is arrested at my suit.
Pal. My lord, I will not undergo this sneap Ch. Just. For what sum ?
without reply. You call honourable boldness Host. It is more than for some, my lord: it is impudent sauciness: if a man will make court'sy for all; all I have. He hath eaten me out of | and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord; house and home; he hath put all my substance my humble duty remembered, I will not be your into that fat belly of his :--but I will have some suitor. I say to you, I do desire deliverance of it out again, or I'll ride thee oʻnights like the from these officers, being upon hasty employmare.
ment in the King's affairs. Fal. I think I am as like to ride the mare, if Ch. Just. You speak as having power to do I have any vantage of ground to get up.
wrong: but answer in the effect of your reputaCh. Just. How comes this, Sir John ? Fie! | tion, and satisfy the poor woman.
Fal. Come hither, hostess. [Taking her aside. Fal. Master Gower, shall I entreat you with
me to dinner? Enter Gower.
Gow. I must wait upon my good lord here: I Ch. Just. Now, Master Gower: what news ? thank you, good Sir John. Gow. The King, my lord, and Harry Prince Ch. Just. Sir John, you loiter here too long, of Wales,
being you are to take soldiers up in counties as Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells. you go. Fal. As I am a gentleman :
Fal. Will you sup with me, Master Gower ? Host. Nay, you said so before.
Ch.Just. What foolish master taught you these Fal. As I am a gentleman :-come, no more manners, Sir John ? words of it.
Fal. Master Gower, if they become me not, Host. By this heavenly ground I tread on, I he was a fool that taught them me. This is the must be fain to pawn both my plate and the right fencing grace, my lord: tap for tap, and so tapestry of my dining-chambers.
part fair. Fal. Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking: Ch. Just. Now the Lord lighten thee! thou and for thy walls,—a pretty slight drollery, or art a great fool.
[Exeunt. the story of the Prodigal, or the German hunting in water-work, is worth a thousand of these bedhangings and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound if thou canst. Come, an it were Scene II.—The same. Another Street. not for thy humours, there is not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and 'draw
Enter Prince Henry and Poins. thy action. Come, thou must not be in this P. Hen. Trust me, I am exceeding weary. , humour with me: dost not know me? Come, Poins. Is it come to that? I had thought come, I know thou wast set on to this.
weariness durst not have attached one of so high Host. Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty blood. nobles : i' faith I am loath to pawn my plate, in P. Hen. 'Faith it does me, though it discolours good earnest, la.
the complexion of my greatness to acknowledge Fal. Let it alone; I'll make other shift: you'll it. Doth it not shew vilely in me to desire small be a fool still.
beer? Host. Well, you shall have it, though I pawn Poins. Why, a prince should not be so loosely my gown. I hope you 'll come to supper. You 'll studied as to remember so weak a composition. pay me all together?
P. Hen. Belike, then, my appetite was not Pal. Will I live?-Go, with her, with her [to princely got; for by my troth I do now remem BARDOLPH]: hook on, hook on.
ber the poor creature small beer. But indeed Host. Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you these humble considerations make me out of love at supper ?
with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me Fal. No more words : let's have her.
to remember thy name: or to know thy face to[Exeunt Hostess, BARDOLPH, Officers, morrow: or to take note how many pair of silk and Page.
stockings thou hast; viz. these, and those that Ch. Just. I have heard better news.
were the peach-coloured ones: or to bear the Fal. What's the news, my good lord ?
inventory of thy shirts; as, one for superfluity, Ch. Just. Where lay the King last night? and one other for use ?—but that the tennis-court Gow. At Basingstoke, my lord.
keeper knows better than I, for it is a low ebb of Fal. I hope, my lord, all 's well: what 's the linen with thee when thou keepest not racket news, my lord ?
there : as thou hast not done a great while, beCh. Just. Come all his forces back?
cause the rest of thy low-countries have made a Gow. No: fifteen hundred foot, five hundred shift to eat up thy holland. And God knows
whether those that bawl out the ruins of thy Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster,
linen, shall inherit his kingdom: but the mid Against Northumberland and the archbishop wives say the children are not in the fault: where
Fal. Comes the King back from Wales, my s upon the world increases, and kindreds are noble lord ?
mightily strengthened. Ch. Just. You shall have letters of me presently. Poins. How ill it follows, after you have laboured Come, go along with me, good Master Gower. so hard, you should talk so idly! Tell me how Fal. My lord !
many good young princes would do so, their fathers Ch. Just. What's the matter?
being so sick as yours at this time is ?
P. Hen. Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins ? two holes in the alewife's new petticoat, and Poins. Yes; and let it be an excellent good peeped through
P. Hen. Hath not the boy profited ? P. Hen. It shall serve among wits of no higher Bard. Away, you whoreson upright rabbit; breeding than thine.
away! Poins. Go to : I stand the push of your one Page. Away, you rascally Althea's dream; thing that you will tell.
away! P. Hen. Why, I tell thee, it is not meet that P. Hen. Instruct us, boy: what dream, boy? I should be sad now my father is sick: albeit I Page, Marry, my lord, Althea dreamed she could tell to thee (as to one it pleases me, for | was delivered of a firebrand : and therefore I call fault of a better, to call my friend), I could be him her dream. sad, and sad indeed too.
P. Hen. A crown's worth of good interpretaPoins. Very hardly, upon such a subject. tion.—There it is, boy. [Gives him money.
P. Hen. By this hand, thou think’st me as far Poins. O that this good blossom could be kept in the devil's book as thou and Falstaff, for obdu from cankers!—Well, there is sixpence to preracy and persistency: let the end try the man. serve thee. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that | Bard. An you do not make bim be hanged my father is so sick: and keeping such vile com | among you, the gallows shall have wrong. pany as thou art, hath in reason taken from me P. Hen. And how doth thy master, Bardolph? all ostentation of sorrow.
Bard. Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's Poins. The reason ?
coming to town: there's a letter for you. P. Hen. What wouldst thou think of me if I Poins. Delivered with good respect. And how should weep?
doth the martlemas, your master ? Poins. I would think thee a most princely hy- Bard. In bodily health, sir. pocrite.
Poins. Marry, the immortal part needs a phyP. Hen. It would be every man's thought; sician: but that moves not him : though that be and thou art a blessed fellow to think as every sick, it dies not. man thinks : never a man's thought in the world P. Hen. I do allow this wen to be as familiar keeps the road-way better than thine. Every with me as my dog: and he holds his place; for man would think me an hypocrite, indeed. And look you how he writes. what accites your most worshipful thought to think so ?
Poins reads. Poins. Why, because you have been so lewd "John Falstaff, knight," — and so much engraffed to Falstaff.
Every man must know that, as oft as he has ocP. Hen. And to thee.
casion to name himself. Even like those that Poins. By this light, I am well spoken of: I are kin to the King; for they never prick their can hear it with my own ears. The worst that finger but they say, “There is some of the King's they can say of me is, that I am a second brother, | blood spilt.” “How comes that?" says he that and that I am a proper fellow of my hands : and takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is those two things I confess I cannot help.--By as ready as a borrower's cap: “I am the King's the mass, here comes Bardolph.
poor cousin, sir." P. Hen. And the boy that I gave Falstaff: he P. Hen. Nay, they will be kin to us, or they had him from me christian, and look if the fat will fetch it from Japhet. But the letter :villain have not transformed him ape.
“Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the King, Bard. 'Save your grace!
nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales; greeting." P. Hen. And yours, most noble Bardolph !
Why, this is a certificate. Bard. Come, you virtuous ass [to the Page),
P. Hen. Peace! you bashful fool, must you be blushing: where
Poins reads. fore blush you now? What a maidenly man at
“I will imitate the honourable Roman in brevity." arms are you become! Is it such a matter to get
He sure means brevity in breath; short-winded. a pottlepot's maidenhead ? Page. He called me even now, my lord,
Reads. through a red lattice, and I could discern no | “I commend me to thee; I commend thee; and I part of his face from the window: at last I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins; for he spied bia eyes; and methought he had made misuses thy favours so much that he swears thou art