even in its mildest forms. The passing mont, to visit a sister living in this town,

and died after a lingering illness, August 17, 1812, aged 25, appeared to me to be worthy of a place in the Christian Magazine. I send you the narrative as written by himself, with some correc

JABEZ CHADWICK. Pompey, August 1, 1815.

of expresses, the firing of alarm guns, the march of armies, the transportation of provisions, clothing, and all the munitions of war, upon the Sabbath, as much as on any other day, must, una voidably divert the attention of multi-tions. Yours, &c. tudes from the appropriate duties of holy time, and weaken the sense of obligation to perform these duties. At the "I was favored with pious parents, same time, many are ready to take ad- who gave me up to God in baptism, in vantage of these things: and, under pre-my infancy, upon the plan of his evertence of public service, or without any lasting covenant. I was early taught pretence at all, to pursue their own pri to read the bible, and to consider it to vale interest. The lamentable effects be the word of God. I recollect that I of our revolutionary war, in this partic-used to stand between my father's knees ular, must be distinctly remembered by to say the catechism with the other all the aged now living. I have my-small children. After we had done, he self heard numbers of them speak of it used to ask us a number of questions. I with the deepest regret. recollect that I thought it was a long and Thirdly; the unexampled increase crooked story, and that I was glad when of wealth and luxury in New-England, he got through.

since the close of the war just mention- When I was quite young, one of my ed, bas had a demoralizing influence up-sisters was seriously impressed and be on the people, and has, in this way, contributed largely to multiply profanations of the Lord's day. The natural consequence of a sudden influx of wealth is, that men forget the God that made them and trample upon his authority.

came hopefully pious. She conversed with me, and told me that she hoped I would not five so long in sin as she had done. This affected me considerably; and I thought I was a great sinner. I knew that I had done many things which were wrong. But my impressions soon wore off.

But whether the causes, at which have merely hinted in passing, be, or be not, the true and principal causes of I recollect that about this time, I the gradual and mournful prostration of heard my parents talk of the certainty our sabbatical institutions, is not very of death, and of the necessity of preper material. It is vastly more important, ing for it. Then, for the first time, acto point out the extent and perpetuity cording to my recollection, the impres of the divine precept, on which they sion was made upon my mind that I are founded; to awaken public atten- must die. This led me think that relition to a subject, which involves thegion was of some importance After highest temporal and eternal interest of the present, and of future generations; to enquire whether or not an effectual measure can be devised, to preserve what is left, and to regain what has been lost and, if so, to produce one grand and united effort, in this sacred cause, the cause of the church, the cause of our country, and the cause of posterity. Z. X. Y.

For the Utica Christian Magazine.

MR. EDITOR,

this, nothing important took place in my mind that I recollect, till I was in my 13th year. At this time there was an awaking in Middlebury, where our family attended meeting. Numbers came forward and professed to be on the Lord's side. I concluded that I was in a state of iminent danger, and was under a considerable degree of fear of everlasting punishment, which lasted a

bout six months.

But I had read the bible and prayed, The following narrative of the trials as I thought, a great deal: I, therefore, and religious experience of an amiable finally concluded that I was a christian. young man by the name of Wm. James, But through fear that I should not who came from Weybridge, in Ver-hold out to the end, and lest people

should talk with me, I kept the knowl-ken away my gods, and what have I edge of any situation entirely to myself. more." Which way to turn I could not Thus I settled down upon a hope of tell: for I viewed myself to be in the my own building, and thought that I enjoyed the smiles of the Prince of Peace. Such is the inclination of the human heart to run to their own doings instead of the righteousness of Christ, which alone is able to justify.

In this situation, I remained between two and three years; in which time I attended almost constantly upon secret prayer twice a day. Yet I never spake a word with any person about vital or practical religion. During this time I had two distressing scenes of sickness. But my fears were not much awakened. I thought that I should get well, and if I did not that I was safe. Let me remember this with gratitude? What a mercy it was that I was not then cut off from the earth, while relying entirely on my own works for justification, and pouring contempt upon the blood of an infinite atonement!

hands of a sovereign God who would do all his pleasure. I believed that he had decreed every thing, and that my bounds were set, which I could not pass. Yet I continued to pray in secret; but viewing myself as ripening for destruction, I earnestly entreated the Lord that he would not leave me to continue longer in this course; but, if it was not in his eternal plan to make me happy, that he would cut me off, and send me to the grave before I had ripened for a more aggravated destruction.

Notwithstanding these daring requests, my days were still lengthened out, and concluded that my prayers were not heard; and that it would be my portion to realize these awful lines,

"Behold the aged sinner goes,

"Laden with guilt and heavy woes "Down to the regions of the dead "With endless curses on his head." Notwithstanding the whole bent of It gave me less pain to think of evermy inclination was of a self-righteous lasting destruction, which I thought nature, I was not left in this situation was my certain doom, than of the mer"forever. I was brought to see that Icy of God in which I conceived I had was not what 1 proudly supposed my-no interest. self to be.

As I could do nothing towards my The means made use of for my con- own justification, I concluded, at length, viction, was a sermon delivered by the it was best for me to know as little as Rev. B. W. from these wards, "Watch possible, and, (seeing I was not at all at and pray; lest ye enter into tempta- my own disposal) to make the best of tion." He was very particular in des- my unfortunate situation. Every mean cribing the duty of watchfulness, and of instruction became a source of torproved from scripture and reason that ment, and life itself, at times, appeared true religion was something which a burden too heavy to bear. Willingwas conscious I knew nothing of. Here,ly would I have exchanged my existhen, I begin to relate the darkest part tence for that of the meanest insect. I of my life. even looked with envy on inanimate nature. I envied the seeming happiness of all around me.

My situation at this time can be real ized only by those who have been in a similar case—who, like me, have had their expectations cut off.

My parents who were often conversing on the doctrines of the bible, beFor several years, I had flattered my-came the objects of my aversion, and self with the pleasing prospect of future in my own view, I was without a friend happiness, which was now completely in this, or the other world. swept away. And 1 was brought to feel Sometimes I would say to myself, in some small degree, my awful situa-why need I be troubled about this mattion, without God, and without hope in ter? The bible is nothing but paper and the world. ink, and it is impossible for it to hurt me.

In this state of mind, my life became a burden to me, and I could cry out in the language of Micah, You have ta

But I found that eternal truth stood on a firmer foundation thau mere asser

tion; and that if almighty power didings, so that tedious time was not so

not prevent, I should inevitably go down to endless destruction. This I concluded would soon be my lot.

In the fall of 1805, at which time I was in the nineteenth year of my age, the recollection of my past life, the time which I had already spent in heaping up wrath against the day of wrath, together with the prospect of years to come, which, in all probability would be spent in the same manner, crouded up on my mind to such a degree that I concluded it was better for me to die than to live. In this situation I could say in the morning, "Would God it were evening, and, in the evening, would God it were morning."

Instances of death left rather a pleasing, than a gloomy impression on my mind; for I considered that their state was then fixed, never to be altered for the worse.

much of a burthen to me as it had been. In the course of the winter I went a journey; in which time I had some conversation with a universalist. I found that he with others supposed there would be an end to everlasting punishment, which I hoped was true. But I could find nothing in the bible to support it; and it appeared vain for me to flatter myself with hopes of happiness, when I already had a hell in my own breast.

In the spring, there was a time of general attention to religion in Weybridge, Cornwall and Middlebury ; and as is usually the case at such seasons, there was much conversation about religion. I became very uneasy. I had not the least idea but that the work made those happy who had a share in it. But I had no part in the matter. The summer looked to me like a dreary wilderness, and there appeared no hope of an alteration for the better.

During these trials, I kept the knowl edge of my situation entirely to myself, and I resolved to attend as few meet

taken of my absence. When my parents asked me how I liked the preach

I came to a conclusion that it was best for me to put an end to my own life. Sometimes, however, I was afraid that I should, and at others, that I should not do it. But I could not de-ings as I could, without having notice termine on the best method, although I thought much on the subject. One Sabbath, after I had heard a faithing, if I knew they liked it, I used to ful sermon by the Rev. J. S. in which he stated that he and his hearers must appear at the bar of God, and give a solemn account of all their actions, I determined that I would refrain no longer, came home, took my pen and paper, and went into the field, with a full pur-hard that I, an unfortunate creature, pose, as I thought, to write the reasons of my conduct, leave them where they might be found, and then to put an end to my wretched mortal existence. I began to write as follows:

The reasons of the abandoned wretch for his conduct.

say, it was pretty good, but, if not, that it was not very good. But troubles grew on every side. The awakening still continued. And while praise employed the breath of others, I was persuing the road to death. It appeared

should be left to perish while others were made trophies of sovereign grace.

I had a considerably clear idea of my sins. I thought at times that it was a wonder the earth did not open her mouth, and swallow me up. I viewed myself as an enemy to God and my own good, and knew that as long as I remained in my present state, I must be miserable; for I was opposed to that system of events which was to take place. My heart was opposed to every thing that took place, and said it was not right.

Reason 1st. It is better to die than to live. But here my fears arose, and I could not write, and although my heart was as hard as adamant, nature recoiled at the horrid prospect. I returned to the house, burnt up my paper, and concluded that although it was best, I could not do it. Soon after this, the ordinary My parents were very anxious to business of life diverted my attention have me attend the religious conferenmore than usual, and I began, with my ces. I reluctantly went. They were older brother to cypher and study even-places of horror to me. They tended

to bring my situation more clearly to light, and this increased my load of sorrow so that I could have no more peace at home or abroad.

and at other times, that all my convictions were gone, and that I had become stupid and insensible. I said to myself, why am I easy? I labored to recover About this time I heard the parable my convictions; but could not. For of the unjust judge and the importunate God appeared to be just and good, and widow read, and resolved that I would I could see no cause for uneasiness. try once more to pray and become a The next day I found that there was christian: and I thought that if I could a great alteration in my feelings, but I not succeed, I should have a good ex-could not determine whether it was for cuse. But I found no disposition for the better or for the worse.

this. It appeared that I was made for destruction, and, that it was in vain for me to try to avoid it. I found that I was fighting against God with all my might. I was disposed to say that every thing was wrong, and that I could not help it. I thought that as my blessings were to become curses to me, I ought not to be thankful for them, nor deem them as the least favors.

July 13th. I heard a sermon by Rev. T. A. M. from these words, "Now is the accepted time; behold now is the day of salvation." I heard him with much uneasiness, and thought that his sermon was by no means applicable to

my case.

I returned home with a determination to get rid of all these things; that I would throw off my concern, and retire to bed. I accordingly retired before the rest of the family, threw off all my trouble and fell asleep.

I enquired of my father what it was to be born again. He told me that it was turning from hatred and opposition, to the love and service of God-laying down the weapons of our rebellion; owning that God is just, and that he has a right to do what he will with his own.

But I soon found that my heart was in a great measure, if not wholly opposed to this. How, therefore, thought I, can I be born again? But if I did not deceive myself, my troubles were altered; my sins now became my great burden instead of my own safety.

The Lord knows my heart, whether it is in some measure bowed to him, or whether I have run unto my own doings for safety as I had done before.

I had thought much on the subject of the new birth. If this was the change, I was much disappointed about it. I used to think that christians knew they were such, and that they had nothing to In the morning I rose and went to trouble them: which was not the case my labor. Just as the sun was setting, with me. The change which I had exI looked at it, and thus reflected, "Toperienced consisted in taking up arms day is gone like the days beyond the against myself, the world and the tempflood." I had not the least remem-tations of satan, and in fighting with all. brance of it: my work was done: but my might. After many serious trials I had lost the day entirely. I set out to respecting the subject of my being a real return home (being alone.) I reflected, christian, I offered myself to the church, "Now is the accepted time; behold and was received to communion in now is the day of salvation." After I January 1807. had gone some distance, I resolved that If I am not deceived the doctrines I would attempt to pray. Prayer ap-which I once so much hated, are now peared different to me from what it had my only place of safety. It is because done before. My mind turned upon God will have mercy on whom he will this passage, "Whom have I in heaven have mercy, that any are saved. Othat but thee, and there is none upon earth I had a heart never to forget his merthat I desire beside thee." I had no cies." particular views of Christ, or of myself; only all things appeared right.

1 soon began to inquire and to reflect upon what had taken place, and at times, I thought that I was born again,

Here, the history which this young man left of God's wonderful dealings, towards him ends.

I will add, that during some part of the long sickness which fermine led his

life, his mind was filled with distressing of the tenth year over the ninth of 10, darkness, which led him to utter the 7611. 5s. 9d. The total net payments most fervent and importunate prayer.of the past year were 84,652/. 1s. 5d. But for some considerable time previous The report, having been read, the noto his departure, his views became ex-ble President addressed a few observaceedingly clear and happifying. He tions to the Meeting. He expressed conversed to the admiration of all who the lively satisfaction which it had crecame in to see him. His mind seemed ated in his own breast, and which, he to be in almost continual transport. But conceived, it must create in the breast few appear to have had such lively man-of every one who had any real love to ifestations of the divine presence, and God or affection for man. No part of such a happy peace in death as he en-it gave him more pleasure than the tenjoyed. "O that men would praise the dency of the Institution to unite Chris Lord for his goodness and for his won-tians of every name, throughout the derful works to the children of men."

BRITISH AND FOREIGN BIBLE SOCIETY. On Wednesday, May 4, the tenth anniversary of this Institution was held. At ten o'clock in the morning, the great hall of the Freemasons was overflowing with persons from all parts of the kingdom, who came to witness this scene.

world, in one golden chain of harmony and love. And the zeal shewn by the Society, he trusted, would prove durable and substantial. He trusted it was a holy flame, kindled at the alter of the Lord; and that it would continue to shed around its benign influence, until all the ends of the earth should see the salvation of God.

In

At twelve o'clock, the Right Hon. His Royal Highness the Duke of Kent Lord Teignmouth, President of the So-moved, that the report be read and ciety, took the chair. He commenced adopted. This was seconded by the the business of the day by reading the Honourable and Very Rev. the Dean Report of the Committee. It appear-of Wells, who congratulated the Meeted from the Report that the exertions, ing on the various grounds of encour patronage, and influence of the society agement furnished in the Report. On had been greatly extended during the some of these he dwelt with great effect. past year, more particularly in Russia The opening prospects of the Society and Holland. Since the commence-also showed the necessity of further lament of the Institution, there have been bours; and this he considered as an adissued 390,323 Bibles and 595,002 Tes-ditional motive for congratulation. taments; to which may be added, 17,- this view, he would especially direct 585 Bibles and 23,940 Testaments, their attention to France, where the purchased and issued for the Society bloodless resignation of the tyrant openon the Continent of Europe. In addi-ed the way for the most enlarged ention to these, 73,000 Bibles and 49,000 deavours of Christians to benefit that Testaments have been printed and cir- oppressed country. Let us send them culated on the Continent, by societies in his stead the Bible! The name of aided by the British and Foreign Bible France had often kindled in the breasts Society making, in ore total amount, ofEnglishmen many painful associations. one million, one hundred and forty-eight Would to God that our desires might thousand, eight hundred and fifty copies. now be exerted to benefit their souls.The total net receipts, exclusive of There was an article in the basis of the sales, has amounted to 62,4417. 8s. 10d. new French constitution, which gave reduring the past year, being 4,4387. 7s. ligious liberty to its subjects, which he 3d. less than the receipts of the ninth could not fail to notice with pleasure. year. The receipts for Bibles and Tes- Let us remember, that in the neighbourtaments (the greater part of which has ing country there are thirty millions of been paid by Bible Associations) persons involved in ignorance and sin→ amounts to 24,7667. 2s. 10d. being 15, before, our enemies, but now, our frends 2411. 48. 7d. more than in the ninth year.-Let us endeavour to bring them to the making an excess in the total receipts knowledge of the truth as it is in Jesus.