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Shut the Door.

The wooden guardian of our privacy

Quick on its axle turn.

Bring my Cloaths.

Bring me what Nature, taylor to the Bear,
To Man himself deny'd: She gave me Cold,
But would not give me Cloaths.

Light the Fire.

Bring forth fome remnant of Promethean theft,
Quick to expand th' inclement air congeal'd
By Boreas' rude breath.-

Snuff the Candle.

Yon' Luminary amputation needs,
Thus fhall you fave its half-extinguish'd life.

Open the Letter.

* Wax! render up thy trust.

Uncork the Bottle, and chip the Bread.

Apply thine engine to the fpungy door,
Set Bacchus from his glassy prison free,
And trip white Ceres of her nut-brown coat,

Theob. Double Falfhood.

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СНА Р.

CHAP. XIII.

A Project for the Advancement of the Bathos.

have I (my dear Countrymen) with

Tincredible pains and diligence, difcovered the

hidden fources of the Bathes, or, as I may fay, broke open the Abyffes of this Great Deep. And having now established good and wholefome Laws, what remains but that all true moderns with their utmost might do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I fhall in the fecond place highly deferve of my Country, by propofing fuch a Scheme, as may facilitate this great end.

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As our Number is confeffedly far fuperior to that of the enemy, there feems nothing wanting but Unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm affociation, and incorporate into One regular Body, whereof every member, even the meaneft, will fome way contribute to the fupport of the whole; in like manner, as the weakeft reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our Art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other Arts of this age. The vaft improvement of modern manufactures arifeth from their being divided into feveral branches, and parcelled out to feveral trades For inftance, in Clock-making one artist makes the balance, another the fpring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal workman puts all together: To this oeconomy we owe the perfection of our modern watches, and doubtlefs we alfo might that of our modern Poetry and Rhetoric, were the feveral parts branched out in the like manner.

Nothing

Nothing is more evident than that divers perfons, no other way remarkable, have each a ftrong difpofition to the formation of fome particular Trope or Figure. Ariftotle faith, that the Hyperbole is an ornament fit for young Men of Quality; accordingly we find in thofe Gentlemen a wonderful propensity toward it, which is marvelloufly improved by Travelling: Soldiers alfo and Seamen are very happy in the fame Figure. The Periphrafis or Circumlocution is the peculiar talent of Country Farmers; the Proverb and Apologue of old Men at their clubs; the Ellipfis or Speech by half words, of Minifters and Politicians, the Apo-; fiopefis of Courtiers, the Litotes or Diminution of Ladies, Whisperers and Backbiters, and the Ana-. diplofis of common Cryers and Hawkers, who, by redoubling the fame words, perfuade people to buy their oyfters, green haftings, or new ballads. Epithets may be found in great plenty at Billinfgate, Sarcafm and Irony learned upon the Water, and the Epiphonema or Exclamation frequently from the Beargarden, and as frequently from the Hear him of the Houfe of Commons.

Now each man applying his whole time and ge-: nius upon his particular Figure, would doubtlefs attain to perfection; and when each became incorporated and fworn into the Society (as hath been proposed) a Poet or Orator would have no more to do but to fend to the particular Traders in each Kind, to the Metaphorift for his Allegories, to the Simile-maker for his Comparisons, to the Ironift for his Sarcafms, to the Apothegmatist for his Sentences, etc. whereby a Dedication or Speech would be compofed in a moment, the fuperior artift having nothing to do but to put together all the Materials.

I therefore propofe that there be contrived with all convenient difpatch, at the publick expence, a IP 2

Rheto

Rhetorical Chest of Drawers, confifting of three Stories, the highest for the Deliberative, the middle for the Demonftrative, and the lowest for the Judicial. Thefe fhall be divided into Loci, or Places, being repofitories for Matter and Argument in the feveral kinds of oration or writing; and every Drawer fhall again be fub-divided into Cells, refembling those of Cabinets for Rarities. The apartment for Peace or War, and that of the Liberty of the Prefs, may in a very few days be filled with feveral arguments perfectly new; and the Vituperative Partition will as easily be replenished with a moft choice collection, entirely of the growth and manufacture of the prefent age. Every compofer will foon be taught the use of this Cabinet, and how to manage all the Regifters of it, which will be drawn out much in the manner of thofe in an Organ.

The Keys of it must be kept in honeft hands, by fome Reverend Prelate, or Valiant Officer, of unqueftioned Loyalty and Affection to every prefent Establishment in Church and State; which. will fufficiently guard against any mischief which might otherwise be apprehended from it.

And being lodged in fuch hands, it may be at difcretion let out by the Day, to feveral great Orators in both Houfes; from whence it is to be hoped much Profit and Gain will alfo accrue to our Society.

СНАР.

CHAP. XIV.

How to make Dedications, Panegyrics, or Satires, and of the Colours of Honourable and Dishonourable.

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OW of what neceffity the foregoing Project may prove, will appear from this fingle confideration, that nothing is of equal confequence to the fuccefs of our Works, as Speed and Difpatch. Great pity it is, that folid brains are not like other folid bodies, conftantly endowed with a velocity in finking, proportioned to their heavinefs: For it is with the Flowers of the Bathos as with thofe of Nature, which if the careful gardener brings not haftily to market in the Morning, must unprofitably perifh and wither before Night. And of all our Productions none is so fhort-lived as the Dedication and Panegyric, which are often but the Praife of a Day, and become by the next, utterly ufelefs, improper, indecent; and falfe. This is the more to be lamented, inafmuch as these two are the forts whereon in a manner depends that Profit, which muft ftill be remembered to be the main end of our Writers and Speakers.

We shall therefore employ this chapter in fhewing the quickest method of compofing them; after which we will teach a fort Way to Epic Poetry. And these being confeffedly the works of moft Importance and Difficulty, it is prefumed we may leave the reft to each author's own learning or practice.

First of Panegyric: Every man is honourable, who is fo by Law, Cuftom, or Title. The Publick are better judges of what is honourable than

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