MMEDIATELY after the death of my father, I appropriated the houfe in which my father lived to the worship of God, and tho' it was fome lofs to me, I have never yet repented of what I did. I likewife invited Meffrs. Pefcod and Phillips, who were in the Northampton circuit, to preach in it. Mr. Phillips was the firft Methodist Preacher that ever attempted to preach at Rugby, but the mob interrupted him in the middle of his difcourfe, fo that he was obliged to defift. The whole town was in an uproar, and in particular, about one hundred fcholars affaulted us in a very outrageous manner. But fome of my former acquaintances interfered; and the mob, confifting of feveral hundred perfons, divided; fome crying out,-"Let us hear what the man has to fay;" but were oppofed by others. Presently they went from words to blows. During the engagement, we made our escape, covered with dirt from head to foot. The love and pity I felt for them was unutterable, and I thought I could have fuffered them to have trampled me to death, if that would have been a means of their falvation.

That day month, we made another attempt, but being informed that it was the intention of the young gentlemen to difturb us again, I waited on the head mafter of the school, and reafoned the cafe with him. He heard us very candidly; and. from that time the scholars gave us no interruption; and I hope the feed fown by the Preachers of the Gospel in Rugby will not be entirely loft.

All my spare time, while I lived in Coventry, I devoted to vifiting hofpitals, prifons, and fick-beds; praying with the poor and needy, and instructing and relieving them to the best of my abilities. I accidently got into an intimacy with the Rev. Mr. D. a Socinian minifter, whofe fophiftical arguments, together with VOL. XXIV. March, 1801. N

the

the books he put into my hands, infenfibly involved me in reasonings about the Divinity of Chrift; but the more I reafoned, the more I was perplexed; however, reading the fcriptures, with other books written in favour of the Divinity of Chrift, together with fervent prayer, and my own experience, established me more firmly than ever on the Rock of Ages.

About this

time, I was likewife much perplexed with the doctrines of Calvinifin. I heard Mr. B. a popular Calvinist minifter, once or twice a week, for fome confiderable time, and was much edified by his miniftry; but altho' I ftrove to believe in unconditional election and reprobation, as well as in the final perfeverance of the faints, I could never reconcile them with God's being loving to every man, with man's refponfibility, or with the various exhortations and threatenings, addreffed to believers throughout the fcriptures. One night, while Mr. B. was warmly ftriving to establish his own doctrines, I was more than ever convinced of the truths of Methodism: But the works of that great and good man, the Rev. Mr. Fletcher, have fo fully confirmed my principles, that I have been long settled in those points.

A circumftance, of a very painful and trying nature, respecting one of my fifters, who died fingle, may not be improper to mention here. She being entirely ignorant of herself, and of religion, I converfed with her frequently about falvation; but I could prevail on her to attend the preaching only once. She was feized with a confumption, which threatened a fpeedy diffolution; and as fhe had fome concern for her foul, I had good hopes of her obtaining mercy. But a perfon who adminiftered the Lord's fupper to her, fo effectually prejudiced her against me, that he would hardly ever fuffer me to fpeak to her again. She asked him, whether it were poffible for her to know her fins forgiven in this world? to which he answered, There was no fuch thing to be known, and that fome, Methodift, either out of ignorance or ill-will, had been troubling her mind about it. The next time I faw her after she had received the facrament, she told me what had paffed, and added, That I might take all my books away, that he would never more read a Methodist book, that I was her greatest enemy, and that the hoped I would never come any more to torment her. This affected me much, as we had always been in the greatest harmony, and I was very much diftreffed on account of her state. I ftrove to convince her that she was in an error, but all I faid, feemed as idle tales. I attempted to pray with her as ufual, but if her strength of body had been equal to the enmity of her mind, I believe the would have put me out of the house. The following day I spent in fafting and prayer on her account. The morning after, she fent for me, and informed me, that she had had a remarkable dream, which made her very uneafy. In her dream, the imagined the was dead, and that her fpirit entered into a dark and difmal

valley,

valley, in company with a multitude of people; that on the right hand was a delightful hill, on which the now and then faw a person paffing in white; that as the continued to look, the faw me in raiment white as fnow, advancing fwift as lightning; that she cried several times," Brother, brother, where are you going?” That I answered her, pointing with my finger," Thro' yonder gate into heaven :" upon which the cried," Take me with you;" but that I answered with a voice ferious as death, Time was when you might have gone, but now it is for ever too late! This, the faid, the dreamed over and over again. I informed her, that I believed the Lord had anfwered my prayer, and fent that dream to awaken her to a fenfe of her danger. But what astonished me more than any thing I ever met with, was, that in less than a month, the fame perfon, with another or two, fo filled her mind with prejudice against me, that the not only made a will, and gave a house which she had promifed me, to another perfon, but would never fuffer me either to converse, or pray with her any more. My diftrefs was further increased by this circumftance, that tho' before, I had great power to wrestle with the Lord in her behalf, I had now entirely loft the fpirit of prayer for her, and felt that if the were loft, I had nothing to accufe myself of.

At this time I was much alive to God, but fome told me with a very angry tone, that tho' I were then up, I fhould foon be down. Their speeches pained me much, as I knew the fincerity of my heart; however they wrought together for my good, as they made me more watchful and circumfpect. I now felt the neceffity of having a clean heart, and Mr. Wesley's Treatife on Christian Perfection, with that Sermon on,-By grace ye are faved,-were of peculiar fervice to me. I fought the bleffing in the ufe of all the means of grace; but not rightly understanding, that I must receive it by faith, I was near three quarters of a year before I durft believe, that God would give it me if I asked him. One night at a public prayer-meeting, I had fuch a difcovery of my ignorance, vilenefs, and unworthiness, that I was afraid I had loft all my religion, but while I was giving out averse of a hymn, these words were applied to my mind with uncommon power," I will, be thou clean." What I then felt cannot be defcribed: I was all in rapture, my cup ran over; I felt myself furrounded and filled with the love of God. I cried out in the meeting, "O help me to praife the Lord, for the wonders he doth to the children of men." But I was much mistaken in the notion I had formed of fanctification. I now faw that it was the deftruction of fin; conftant power over my felf, accompanied with humility, patience, love, zeal, and communion with the Father, and with his Son Jefus Chrift. And although it is more than a dozen years fince I experienced this, my fentiments are ftill the fame.

Soon after I obtained this great mercy, as I was returning one evening from visiting the fick, it was suggested to my mind, that the preachers, leaders, and people, were all in a lukewarm ftate; and that Methodifm would fall thro' in that city, but for me. Self-esteem and felf-applaufe, were the immediate confe quences of hearkening to this fuggeftion. I had not the leaft fufpicion that it was a temptation. As ufual, I attempted to pray in my clofet, but was fo full of vanity, that I imagined myfelf of great confequence. I found but little accefs to God, but this did not at first disturb me, tho' I felt a little unhappy: How ever this made me pray a fecond time, and examine myfelf more clofely than I had done for fome weeks. Indeed, for fome time paft, I had been fo happy that I had neglected the duty of felfexamination: While I was fearching my thoughts, words, and ac tions, I found that I had given place to vanity and fpiritual pride the moment that I faw this, I cried earnestly to the Lord for par don and deliverance, which I continued to do for fome hours; till he graciously restored my foul, and at the fame time clearly convinced me that he was neither dependent on me, nor on any other creature, to carry on his work. This temptation, tho' a very fubtle one, to a young convert, and one that has destroyed thousands of profeffors, has been, thro' grace, beneficial to me, for many years, and I hope will be fo thro' life. Spiritual comforts are good companions, but fatan will make use of them to puff us up, without great watchfulness over our thoughts; He works within us when we little think of it, and fecretly under mines our peace, with an intention to overthrow our faith, planting his engines, and laying his trains to pull down all that spiri tual building, which the Holy Spirit has erected in the soul.

I met with a circumftance foon after, which gave me great pain of mind, and had it not been for the teftimony of a good confcience, and the continual affiftance I experienced from heaven, it would have overthrown me. A young man robbed me of fome clothes, for which he was fent to prifon. But fuch a cloud of reproach and calumny was poured upon me, as I cannot defcribe. They faid, my motives were bad, that I was one of the worst of men, and that all my high pretenfions to religion, were only the coverings of a hypocrite. I felt much on this occafion, and fhould have been glad for him to have been releafed from prifon; but he had broken the laws of the land, and was fent and kept there by them; and it was not in my power to help him. I wrote two letters to his father, informing him, that if he would pay the ten pounds for the recognizance, I would not appear against his fon. But his father knew him better than I did, and never anfwered my letters. When the affizes came, numbers were in expectation that I fhould empty a malicious heart, which, they faid, I poffeffed against the prifoner. But when I came before the grand jury, I foon convinced them that

I had no wifh for a bill to be found against him. However, a bill was found on the evidence of the high constable. When I came before the court, and crowded affembly of fpectators, hun→ dreds of whom were my enemies, I was determined to convince them, that they had both thought and spoken wrong of me. I had made up my mind, after a good deal of uneafinefs, and much prayer to God for direction, to speak as little as poffible, and only to fpeak when I was afked a queftion. This rule I adhered to, till the judge informed the court, that he should not wonder if my pockets were filled with money, not to profecute the prisoner at the bar. My enemies knew that this was not the cafe; and hung down their heads with fhame. I was forry to pain Lord Kenyon; but if he had known, or ever fhould know my critical fituation, I think he would forgive me. The prifoner, after a curious de fence, was acquitted; at which I felt thankful, as a great burden was removed from my mind. I thought it was the first crime that he had ever committed, and hoped, that four months imprifonment in irons, and in the winter season, would have brought him to repentance. My conduct appeared fo ftrange to the Mayor and Aldermen of the city, as well as to the King's council, that they fent for me the next day, to examine whether I had been bribed to act in the manner I had done,

From the time of my converfion, I saw that the greatest part of mankind are enveloped in fin, ignorance, and unbelief, and were in danger of being loft; and I felt great love and pity for them, ceafing not day nor night, to pour out my foul to God in their behalf. I conftantly felt a conviction, that it was my duty, as far as in my power, to warn them of their danger, as well as to point the broken-hearted to the Lamb of God, who taketh away the fins of the world. But I was afraid left I fhould run before I was fent; and ftroye for near three years to stifle the conviction, while my own unfitnefs for the work, made me, many times, form the refolution of not mentioning my thoughts to any creature, left they fhould think me prefumptuous. But when I ftrove to ftifle the conviction, refpecting my call to preach, I could not approach my Maker with that humble confidence which I experienced at other times, when I thought I would follow the light I had. I read Dr. Watts's Humble Attempt; Baxter's Reformed Paftor; Blackwell on Preaching; Dr. Cotton Mather, Mr. Edwards, and indeed all the books I could lay my hands on, which treated on the motives, method, and duty of a gospel minifter. But the more I read, the more I was difcouraged; until I met with the experience of the Methodift Preachers, and their call to the miniftry was fo fimilar to what I felt, that I many times refolved to open my mind to them, but was again and again overcome, with a sense of the importance of the work, and my own infufficiency. I wifhed Bow, above every thing, to know the will of the Lord on this

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