THE METHODIST MAGAZINE, For FEBRUARY, 1801. EXPERIENCE of Mr. ROBERT MILLER. [Continued from page 10.] OT long after, I left my father and went to Coventry. Being NOT in a miserable state of mind, I neither knew nor cared what became of me. I was afhamed to be seen by the merchants in that city, with whom my father had traded for upwards of thirty years, feveral of whom knew me very well. I was beyond defcription unhappy, and had many temptations to put an end to my existence. Had I believed, with fome modern infidels, that death is an eternal fleep, I fhould, I believe, have perpetrated the horrid crime; but the full perfuafion I had of a Refurrection, and general Judgment, deterred me from my wicked purpofe. I believed there was a GOD, and felt enmity in my heart against him; but how to execute my malice, I could not tell. On the following Lord's-day, I retired to a private room, threw myself on the floor, and in my heart curfed him! I was even prefumptuous enough to think, if I had it in my power, to have made a race of intelligent refponfible creatures, I could have created them. happier, than God had created the human race; not then knowing that he had originally created them holy and happy, and that mifery was the effect of original contamination and actual transgreffion. In this prefumptuous alarming ftate, I remained all that day, and part of the following night; and my mifery increafed when I could find no way to be revenged on the Deity, who, I foolishly imagined, had made me in the state I then was. At laft, I thought,If I could but hide myself from his angry Eye, which I fee continually frowning upon me, I fhall be happy:" But refuge failed me. I felt fomething in my mind, at times, exciting me to pray to God, but my ignorance and enmity were fo great, that I did not think I was under any obliga tion to him, or that he was a being worthy of asking a favour from. The next morning, John Cheny came to see me, and enquired, Why I had left my father; advifing me to return to him again : Upon which, I fell into a violent paffion. He then asked me, What I thought of doing with myfelf? I anfwered, that I neither knew nor cared. He then advised me, if I would not return home, to learn the Prince's Stuff bufinefs, (which is made of Mohair and Silk,) at which I might, get great wages; and if my father would fet me up in it, I fhould foon become rich. The hope of acquiring money, induced me to afk him, if he knew any perfon, who for a few pounds would give me an infight into the bufinefs. He answered that he knew a Mr. H. the New Buildings; but he was a poor curfed Methodist. At the name of Methodist, my foul was all in agitation, for I had often heard that they were hypocrites, their preachers falfe prophets, the dregs of fociety, ignorant enthufiafts, and the worst people in the world; all which I believed, tho' I was not acquainted with them. John feeing me all in confufion, advifed me to learn the bufiness, but not to mind a word they faid about religion. Accordingly I agreed with Mr. H-.; and with great perfuafion I got him to a public-houfe, with a full determination to make him drunk; but to my great aftonishment, after fome conversation about the trade, he prudently withdrew. I then began to fay all manner of bad things of the Methodifts, not one of which I could prove. I got behind a chair, and began to mimick the Methodist Preachers, making use of such horrid blafphemous nonfenfe; that even the wicked company cried fhame on me; and John Cheny faid, notwithstanding my mocking them, he fhould not wonder if fome time or other I became a Methodist Preacher; at which I was fo exafperated, that I leaped from my chair, and fell upon him like tiger, but was glad to treat him with half a guinea, to pay no attention to my outrageous behaviour. Next morning my mind was as full of prejudice as ever, and I spent the first three or four days watching over Mr. H. with an evil eye. However, I could find no flaw in his conduct; but imagined that his feriousness was fourness of temper, and that his not talking much, arofe from his pride and haughtiness. About the fifth day, he asked me, if I knew one Mr. Welch, a schoolmafter, who came from Rugby? I answered, That I went to school with him feveral years, that he was once much refpected, but now that he was turned Methodist, almost every body hated him. Mr. H. afked me, What they hated him for? I replied, because he was a Methodist, a fanatic, and as fuch, was not fit for any company. Mr. H. then faid, he did not believe there was a better man in the world, and that if I would go and hear him pray, I fhould think fo too. I promised to go with him the next Sunday evening, but did not for fear of being made a Methodist. However, I ventured to go the Sunday following; but my dislike to to the appearance of the congregation was extreme. I was afraid they would pick my pocket of my watch and money, or iteal my hat; all which I fecured by holding them in iny hands. I watched their motions, at which I was much difgusted, tho' I liked their finging. On returning home, Mr. H. afked, How I liked them? I anfwered, that as I had not heard a preacher, (for they were that night disappointed of one,) I was not a competent judge. This I faid, thinking if I told him my real fentiments, he would not have taught me the bufinefs. Understanding that Mr. Welch was to pray the next Tuesday evening, at a prayer-meeting, my curiofity was fo great, that I was determined to hear him. While I was confidering, whether I thould go or not, it was darted into my mind, that perhaps. this was a trap to get people into the house, in order to rob and kill them, and then fell them to the doctors: But this was over-ruled by recollecting, that they published feveral prayer-meetings on Sunday night, which convinced me they could not have done, if this had been their defign. It was then fuggefted to me, That the Methodists were the falfe Chrifts and falfe prophets, which the Scriptures spoke of; and I was just upon the point of turning back, when one of them coming down the yard at that moment, I could not tell where to run, and therefore with much fufpicion entered in. Mr. Welch and two or three more, prayed, but I received no benefit from them. Mr. John Reynolds, (who is now a travelling preacher,) prayed next, and under his prayer the Lord truly awakened my foul. My fins were all brought to my remeinbrance, and I was convinced, that if God had that night fent me to hell, I justly deferved it. But how Mr. Reynolds knew of all the fins I had committed, (which at that time I imagined he did,) I could not tell, but thought Mr. Welch had informed him, at which I was very angry: But I was most astonished at circumftances being brought to my recollection, with all their aggravated guilt, with which no one was acquainted but God and myself. As I returned, the words in his prayer rang thro' my foul, which were as follows: "Oh God, thou who knoweft the hearts of "all men, if there fhould be a prayerlefs, carelefs, chriftlefs foul "in thy prefence, who is living without thee in the world; one "who is ignorant of the blood that bought his seace, and a 'ftranger to the covenant of promife, if ever I found grace in "thy fight, do thou convince that foul." 66 I then took a retrofpective view of my paft conduct, as well as of the Divine Attributes which I felt myfelf furrounded with, and for the first time in my life was convinced of the fovereign right that JEHOVAH has over all his creatures, and that to damn them for breaking his laws was no injuftice. I was likewife convinced that all my mifery was the effect of fin, and that if I did not obtain the divine favour, I fhould foon be plunged into the lake burning with fire and brimfione. My fins incompaffed me round G 2 round like mighty mountains, and I faw no way to escape the vengeance of an incenfed Deity. I then began to pray in earnest, and promised the Lord that I would pray four or five times a day, if he would forgive my fins; that I would read fo many chapters in the Bible daily; that I would join myself to the Methodist Society, if they would receive me; that I would write to my father, acknowledge my unfaithfulness, and beg his pardon; and likewife, to my former companions, and warn them of the danger I faw they were in; that I would go twelve miles and make reparation to a poor man whom I had injured in one of my mad frolics, by breaking his windows, fome years before; all of which I did. But I was worse and worse in my mind, and almost without hopes of finding mercy. The following verfes were fo powerfully applied to my foul, that all my hopes of mercy, from the merit of any thing I could do, were entirely cut off;— "What tho' my life henceforth be thine, My glory fwallow'd up in fhame." In reading the Scriptures, and hearing the word preached, I was foon convinced that Jefus Chrift made an atonement for the fins of the whole world, and that he never caft out any that came to him; but I was aftonished that I never faw these things before, not confidering that there was a veil upon my heart, as there is upon every unconverted man. The New Teftament convinced me that I was an unbeliever, and this alarmed me beyond defcription, as I never had the leaft fufpicion that I did not believe in Jefus Chrift. And I was fully perfuaded, at the fame time, that God would never damn me for what was past, if I could only believe in his Son. I then ftrove to believe that Jefus Chrift died for me: But oh how powerfully was I affaulted by the accufer of the brethren? It was fuggefted, That I might have been faved at fuch and fuch a time, when the Lord was ftriving with me, but that now it was too late ;-that my fins were greater than God's mercy ;that it was prefumption for fuch a finner to expect pardon; that at leaft I ought not to expect it till death;-that it was too great a favour to enjoy in this world;-and that people would laugh at me for being fo very religious. None but thofe who have felt the fame horror, can tell the anguish of foul I laboured under, from a fear that I had finned away my day of grace. For near a month, I again and again came to the refolution of cafting myself on the mercy of God thro' Chrift, but unbelief and the powers of dark. nefs, repeatedly funk me into despair. However, However, I fafted and prayed, read and heard, and attended one or other of the Clafs-meetings almost every night. When I heard the poor defpifed Methodifts fay, that they had redemption in the blood of Chrift, how they were tempted to unbelief, and how they overcame the tempter, I was all on fire to be fet at liberty, and could hardly refrain from crying aloud for mercy. I can truly fay, that I hungered and thirfted after Chrift, for I faw him, tho' at a distance, the fairest among ten thousand, and altogether lovely. My much efteemed friends, Mr. Reynolds, and Mr. Welch, were very useful to me; they inftructed me, prayed with me; lent me books, and exhorted me to prefs forward, affuring me at the fame time, that the Lord never faid to the feed of Jacob, "feek ye my face, in vain." They also introduced me to a number of religious friends, which was the greatest favour they could confer upon a poor perithing finner; a favour, which I hope never to forget. The fcriptures were my study night and day; and notwithstanding my unutterable diftrefs of mind, and load of fins which conftantly preffed upon me, fome rays of light fhone into my foul, and I had at times, hopes of mercy. The fcales being in part removed from my mental eye, the word of God became an unfealed book, and I was more convinced of the neceffity of a prefent falvation. One night, while my friends were praying with me, my distress became unutterable, and infupportable; I expected every moment that the sentence would be paffed, and that `my eternal damnation would be fealed. I fpent all that night, and the next day, without either food or fleep, wrestling with the Lord for mercy. I prayed till I could not utter a word, and thought my heart was fo hard that it was incapable of feeling, and in this ftate I remained till I had not the leaft hope of mercy. In the evening Mrs. H. came to me, and asked,-If I had murdered any perfon? Adding, that the never faw or read of any one in such distress as I feemed to be in. I anfwered her with great commotion,"I have by my fins murdered my own foul! And what is still worfe, I have murdered the Son of God." The damned fouls in hell, cannot feel much more torment than I did at that time. I expected the wrath of God would fall upon me, and crush me in a moment. I faw, as I imagined, my juftly offended Creator angry with me, and his hand lifted up ready to cut me down I acknowledged that I deferved it ;-but in that inftant I faw by faith the Lord Jefus Chrift claiming me as the purchafe of his blood; I cried out, "Mercy! mercy! for the fake of thy dear and beloved Son!" and in the twinkling of an eye that paffage of fcripture was applied to my mind,-" thy fins are forgiven thee; go in peace, and fin no more.". Whether I heard this voice with the ear of my body or mind, I know not, but this I know, it brought fuch peace and heavenly tranquility to my foul as I cannot defcribe; and I have felt more or lefs of its |