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AT our first Refort hither an old Woman brought her Son to the Club Room, defiring he might be Educated in this School, becaufe fhe faw here were finer Boys than ordinary. However, this Accident no way difcouraged our Designs. We began with fending Invi⚫tations to thofe of a Stature not exceeding five Foot, to repair to our Affembly; but the greater part returned Excufes, or pretended they were not qualified.

ONE faid he was indeed but five Foot at prefent, but reprefented that he fhould foon exceed that Propor⚫tion, his Perriwig-maker and Shoe maker having lately promised him three Inches more betwixt them.

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ANOTHER alledged he was fo unfortunate as to have one Leg fhorter than the other, and whoever had determined his Stature to five Foot, had taken him at a Difadvantage; for when he was mounted on the other Leg he was at leaft five Foot two Inches and a half.

THERE were fome who queftioned the exactness ⚫ of our Meafures, and others, instead of complying, returned us Informations of People yet fhorter than themfelves. In a Word, almost every one recommended ⚫ fome Neighbour or Acquaintance, whom he was willing we fhould look upon to be less than he. We were not a little afhamed that those, who are paft the Years of Growth, and whofe Beards pronounce them Men, fhould be guilty of as many unfair Tricks, in this Point, as the most afpiring Children when they are measured.

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WE therefore proceeded to fit up the Club-Room, and provide Conveniencies for our Accommodation. In the firft Place we caus'd a total Removal of all the Chairs, Stools, and Tables, which had ferved the grofs of • Mankind for many Years. The Disadvantages we had undergone, while we made use of thefe, were unfpeakable. The Prefident's whole Body was funk in the Elbow-Chair, and when his Arms were fpread over it, he appeared (to the great deffening of his Dignity) like a Child in a Go-cart: It was alfo fo wide in the Seat, as to give a Wag occafion of faying, that notwithstanding the Prefident late in it there was a Sede Vacante. The Table was fo high that one, who came by chance to the Door, feeing our Chins juft above the Pewter Dishes,

⚫ took

took us for a Circle of Men that fate ready to be shaved, ' and fent in half a dozen Barbers. Another time one of the Club fpoke contumeliously of the Prefident, imagining he had been abfent, when he was only eclypfed by a Flask of Florence which flood on the Table in a Parallel Line before his Face. We therefore new furnifhed the Room in all Refpects proportionably to us, and had the Door made lower, fo as to admit no Man of above five Foot high, without brufhing his Foretop, < which whoever does is utterly unqualified to fit among

us.

Some of the Statutes of the Club are as follow:

I. IF it be proved upon any Member, tho' never fo duly qualified, that he strives as much as poffible to get above his Size, by Stretching, Cocking, or the like, or ⚫ that he hath ftood on Tiptoe in a Crowd, with defign to be taken for as tall a Man as the reft; or hath privi ly conveyed any large Book, Cricket, or other Device under him, to exalt him on his Seat: Every fuch Of• fender fhall be sentenced Walk in Pumps for a whole ! Month.

II. IF any Member hall take Advantage from the Fulness or Length of his Wig, or any part of his Dress, or the immoderate Extent of his Hat, or otherwise, to feem larger or higher than he is; it is ordered, he fhall · wear Red Heels to his Shoes, and a Red Feather in his • Hat, which may apparently mark and fet Bounds to the Extremities of his fmall Dimenfion, that all People may * readily find him out between his Hat and his Shoes.

III. IF any Member fhall purchace a Horfe for his own Riding, above fourteen Hands and a half in height, ⚫ that Horfe Thall forthwith be Sold, a Scotch Galloway bought in its ftead for him, and the Overplus of the • Mony fhall treat the Club.

IV. IF any Member, in direct Contradiction to the Fundamental Laws of the Society, fhall wear the Heels of his Shoes exceeding one Inch and half, it shall be interpreted as an open Renunciation of Littleness, and the : Criminal fhall inftantly be expell'd. Note, The Form

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to be used in expelling a Member fhall be in these Words; Go from among us, and be tall if you can!

IT is the unanimous Opinion of our whole Society, that fince the Race of Mankind is granted to have decreas'd in Stature from the beginning to this prefent, it is the Intent of Nature it felf, that Men should be little; and we believe, that all Human Kind fhall at laft grow down to Perfection, that is to fay, be reduced to our own Measure.

I am, very Litterally,

Your Humble Servant,`

BOB SHORT.

N° 92.

Friday, June 26.

HE Club rifing early this Evening, I have time to

'T 'finish my Account of it. You are already ac

quainted with the Nature and Defign of our Inftitution; the Characters of the Members, and the Topicks of our Conversation, are what remain for the Subject of this Epistle.

• THE moft eminent Perfons of our Affembly are a little Poet, a little Lover, a little Politician, and a little Heroe. The first of these, Dick Diftick by Name, we ⚫ have elected Prefident, not only as he is the fhorteft of us all, but because he has entertain'd so just a Sense of the Stature, as to go generally in Black that he may appear yet lefs. Nay, to that Perfection is he arrived, that he ftoops as he walks. The Figure of the Man is odd enough; he is a lively little Creature, with long Arms and Legs: A Spider is no ill Emblem of him. He has ⚫ been taken at a distance for a fmall Windmill. But in* deed what principally moved us in his Favour was his

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⚫ Talent

Talent in Poetry, for he hath promised to undertake a long Work in fhort Verfe to celebrate the Heroes of our Size. He has entertained fo great a Respect for Statius, on the Score of that Line,

Major in exiguo regnabat corpore virtus,

that he once defigned to tranflate the whole Thebaid for the fake of little Tydeus.

'TOM. TIPTOE, a dapper black Fellow, is the most gallant Lover of the Age. He is particularly nice in his Habiliments; and to the end Juftice may be done him that way, conftantly employs the fame Artift wha makes Attire for the neighb'ring Princes and Ladies of Quality at Mr. Powel's. The Vivacity of his Temper inclines him fometimes to boaft of the Favours of the Fair. He was, t'other Night, excufing his Abfence from the Club on Account of an Affignation with a Lady, (and, as he had the Vanity to tell us, a Tall one too) who had confented to the full Accomplishment of his 'Defires that Evening. But one of the Company, who was his Confident, affured us fhe was a Woman of Humour, and made the Agreement on this Condition, That his Toe fhould be tied to hers.

This

OUR Politician is a Perfon of real Gravity, and profeffed Wisdom. Gravity in a Man of this Size, compared with that of one of ordinary Bulk, appears like the Gra vity of a Cat compared with that of a Lion. Gentleman is accustomed to talk to himself, and was once over-heard to compare his own Perfon to a little Cabinet, wherein are locked up all the Secrets of State and refined Schemes of Princes. His Face is pale and meager, which proceeds from much watching and ftudying for the Welfare of Europe, which is alfo thought to have ftinted his Growth: For he hath deftroyed his own Constitution with taking care of that of the Nation. He is what Monf. Balzac calls a great Diftiller of the Maxims of Tacitus: When he Speaks, it is flowly and Word by Word, as one that is loth to enrich you too faft with his Obfervations; ke a Limbeck that gives you, Drop by Drop, an Extract of the Simples in it.

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THE laft I fhall mention is Tim. Tuck, the Hero. He is particularly remarkable for the length of his Sword, ⚫ which interfects his Perfon in a crofs Line, and makes him appear not unlike a Fly, that the Boys have run a Pin thro', and fet a walking. He once challenged a tall Fellow, for giving him a blow on the Pate with his Elbow as he paffed along the Street. But what he especially values himself upon is, that in all the Campaigns he has made, he never once Duck'd at the whizz ⚫ of a Cannon Ball. Tim. was full as large at fourteen Years old as he is now. This we are tender of mentioning, your little Heroes being generally Cholerick.

THESE are the Gentlemen that moft enliven our Converfation: The Difcourfe generally turns upon fuch Accidents, whether Fortunate or Unfortunate, as are daily occafioned by our Size: Thefe we faithfully communicate, either as Matter of Mirth, or of Confolation to each other. The Prefident had lately an unlucky Fall, being unable to keep his Legs on a Stormy Day, where· upon he informed us it was no new Difafter, but the fame a ⚫ certain Ancient Poet had been fubject to; who is re⚫corded to have been fo light, that he was obliged to poize himself against the Wind with Lead on one fide, and his own Works on the other. The Lover confeft the other Night that he had been cured of Love to a tall Woman, by reading over the Legend of Ragotine in Scarron, with his Tea, three Mornings fucceffively. Our Hero rarely acquaints us with any of his unfuccefs ful Adventures: And as for the Politician, he declares him⚫ felf an utter Enemy to all kind of Burlefque, fo will never difcompofe the Aufterity of his Afpect by laughing at our Adventures, much lefs difcover any of his own in this ludicrous Light. Whatever he tells of any Acci⚫dents that befal him is by way of Complaint, nor is he ⚫ ever laughed at but in his Abfence.

WE are likewife particularly careful to communicate in the Club all fuch Paffages of Hiftory, or Characters of Illuftrious Perfonages, as any way reflect Honour on little Men. Tim. Tuck having but juft Reading enough for a Military Man, perpetually entertains us with the fame Stories, of little David that conquered the mighty

Goliah,