Oh!

your reverence," said crispin, “I have not taken from, but added to their fame. Pope and Dryden, Milton and Cowley, and I know not who, are read in me, where even their names would else be never heard." "Ah!" said Swift, "and how comes that?" "I'll tell your reverence. if you could but put on the invisible cap, and take an hour at Tom's, or Jack's, or Jonathan's within the walls, I could point out some characters for your masterly pen, that would richly pay you for the visit." "As how?" said the dean. Why, if it were only to see one of my poor stamp make them gape and stare, with their vacant faces, and wager their rumps, and dozens upon absúrdities that outrival the Gothamites themselves." "Come, let us have a specimen," said the dean. 66 Why, I do not know that 'tis quite moral to expose one's neighbours." "Phoo! man, are we not free sawyers? Have I not come all this way to pick acquaintance with you? Come, empty your budget, man, you may trust me; we know how to be merry and wise."

"Well, your reverence, you must take the sin upon your own shoulders." "Never fear, said the dean, eager to hear more from the satirical gossip, 66 never fear; we slay not-we break no bones-we lacerate no fine-strung nerves; so proceed, master crispin this is no deadly sin, and we may hope for pardon."

:

"Well sir," said crispin, emboldened by this license," I will give you a specimen of the philosophy of the shades.*

"One old warm one, he shall be nameless, gravely asks, his eyes half shut, his pipe in his mouth-' Do you think the world can be actually round, master crispin.' Round as-round as -a-plum pudding,' said I. He nodded assent. (Let me premise, I am an authority with most of them, and I will inform your reverence why, just now). I shook my head-incredulous.

said I. ·

on

There now,' said he, clapping his hands with satisfaction, 'there now, I'm glad you are of my opinion. How could men, women, and children stand t'other side o' the world, antedeluvians they call them, if I am right.' I nodded assent. 6 Well, how could these said antedeluvians stand with their feet to ours, unless men were flies, do you see, roosting with their feet to the ceiling?" Very good,' Well,' said he, that's what I argue; but my obstinate partner, who is one of your readers, lays me a wager upon it. Now, said I, how are you to prove it, master?' The dean, here, could not forbear laughing. "You rogue, crispin, you have no lack of invention." " 'Pon honour, sir, it is all gospel-every word." "Well, well, proceed," said the dean, "I wish Pope and Arbuthnot were here." "Fie, sir!" said crispin, " mister Pope would never have patience to hear me run on in this way." "You are mistaken," said the dean, "Pope is the wittiest of the whole bunch, when he is in spirits; but this between ourselves, master crispin, so proceed."

Well, sir, then now for a touch

at the old citizen's logic. Now,' said he, how are you to prove it, master; that puzzled my partner.' Let me see,' said he. 'Yes,' said I, remember this, old boy, when you are no longer here, and then-how the devil do you know where you are? That was a poser for my partner, master crispin, and so it is a drawn bet.'

"Now, perhaps, you would condescend to hear a specimen of historical knowledge, within the walls.

But I fear I shall exhaust your patience." "Go on, you rouge, said the dean, "I am attentive; this is all new to me -quite original, trust me. I'll stop you when you grow dull."

"Well' your reverence, know then, it was but lately I heard a topping hop factor, up the Thames, in the lord mayor's the lord mayor's barge, make a bet with-"- On a swan-hopping, I guess," said the dean. "Just so," said crispin; "make a bet with a brother alderman, that Windsor castle, which they saw out of the inn window with a telescope, was built by Ben Jonson ; ' and why I am positive,' said the hop-factor, 'is by this token-Ben was a bricklayer, and it was here that Nell Gwyn said to him

By line and rule Works many a fool.

Good morrow, Ben.'

Now Nell was Charles the First's concubine-she was a Catholic. Ben, as I said before, was a bricklayer, and I've been told helped to write Shakespear's plays, and is buried in Westminister Abbey, with a silver trowel. I've seen the stone0 rare Ben Jonson.' • That part is true, no doubt,' said the

alderman, but I've read in an old book, that Windsor castle was built by one WilliamWilliam of what's his name? 'Of Malmsbury,' said I, in a whisper. "You mischievous rogue," said the dean, shaking his sides. By one William of Malmsbury; and,' raising his voice, 'I further remember what he cut upon the castle, this made Wickham! and the king, it was either old straddling Harry the eighth, or crooked-back Richard, that threatened to have his head cut off for that treason,' When another grave citizen wittily exclaimed, Ah! these were crooked times, your lordship, when a builder like Ben Jonson, or William of Malmsbury, should have his head cut off his shoulders for merely cutting a rhyme on a stone wall. So, by permission, here's to the health of his majesty king George, and thank God we do not live under a popish government.'

6

"What huns!" said the dean, "but I see you are a joker."

"On my conscience, these are facts," said crispin, "I have too much respect for your reverence. But the best of it is yet to come. The next day, one of this grave old gentleman's grand daughters, hearing him relate the exploit to some guests at his own table, had the boldness to rectify her grandрара. You must mean William of Wykeham, sir.' 'What! heigh!' said the old gentleman in wrath, Don't-you-learn to -contra-dict-your-seniors, miss, (making a pause between each word), this comes of sending girls to boarding-schools. And, how do you know, forward minx, that William of Malmsbury and William of Wyckham

may not be one and the same thing in history!"

"And how do you manage to get admitted among these rich dons, for I've heard 'tis no easy matter to be on a fire-footing with your purse-proud citizens; excuse me, brother crispin,' looking round upon his humble premises, "not that I value a man for his wealth." "No, your reverence, all the world knows that. And as you have condescended to visit one so insignificant to outward appearance, it is my duty to let you into the secret. Us wits," pluming himself with mock consequence, 66 overawe the dull dogs, for all their money-bags, when we once get them in a saw-pit; 'tis then we prove ourselves free sawyers. You take me, sir." "I'faith! I do, brother crispin; you have said a volume upon the subject. You are one after my own heart; so let us have it; I will not interrupt; out with it, and mind, no reserve!"

Faith, your reverence, I shall carry my head a little higher after this; well, let me see, I am almost beside myself by your bearing with me; know, then, sir, you were right in your observation; I was overawed at first by the weight of their metal, and was a long time before I joined discourse. I only ventured to call for yesterday's papers, snuffed the candle for my next door neighbour, and set in the farthest box from the fire, until I sometimes was honoured

with an how d'ye do' in the street. Then I got forward by serving for overseer and churchwarden; these offices gave me an opportunity now and then, of showing off at our vestry meetings. The fellow has got a good head-piece,' said old sir Thomas Dunk, and is a civil, honest man enough, and a bit of a scholar to boot.' Thus I was advancing."

"Good!" said the dean, “I see you know the world; we have a saying for that, too—

"First you must creep along, then up and go,

The proudest old pope was a cardinal low:

First be a courtier, and next be a king, The more the hoop's bent, so much higher the spring.”

"But I mounted for the lower part of fame's ladder, up to the top, all at once, your reverence, as you shall hear, if it be your pleasure." "Proceed," said the dean.

66

'Well, sir, know then-faith I am almost ashamed to tell your reverence of my audacity and presumption with my superficial jargon; but these are times when a man had better go hang himself than altogether hide his talent under"-" Under a closestool pan," said the dean. * "Out upon your affectation! go straight forward, like an honest man; I abominate your digressions; what you mean to say, I suppose is simply, that that capricious, hood-winked beldame gave her wheel a turn, and

whirled you up before you could 'Jack Robinson..' say, Aye, something like it," said crispin. "Never dawdle over a story, man," said the dean, "but go on; have I not said I like to listen?"

"But I am no scholar," said crispin, "no more than Stevey Duck." "So much the better,' said the dean, "then much learning hath not made thee mad, like some pernicious coxcombs, who make other people as crazy as themselves; and a Winchester bushel of wit and common sense, is better than a Bristol barrel of Latin and Greek (laughing all the while), aye, measured out by your honest fellowship-porters, master crispin, so let's have no more of this mawkishness."

66

Well, if your reverence will have it, a certain alderman was drawn into a dilemma, touching poetry, one night, at the Mitre. Poetry-good Lord!" exclaimed the dean, "old sir Francis Childe, † I suppose." "No, sir, you have not hit upon him." "Then old sir Felix Feast,"† said the dean crispin shook his head. "Was it sir Humphry Parsons?"† "No; I'll mention no names,' said crispin. "One guess more," said the dean, "old sir John Bull."† "I'll mention no names, nor have

any digressions," said crispin, laughing in his turn. Very fair," said the dean, clapping him on the shoulder, " you are an honest fellow, master crispin,

now we are quits again. Well, go on."

"This said alderman, then, who has no small weight in the ward, was rudely attacked by an impudent, pragmatical, purseproud, ignoramus, of one of the courts in Guildhall, who had feathered his nest, and cared for nobody. The over-bearing. wrangler, what with his law and scraps of Latin, out-argued all the neighbouring ward, ruled the roast, and interrupted conviviality at half the taverns round about. His manner was terrific to these peaceable cits. The alderman had advanced something concerning Milton, and quoted a few lines correctly enough.' 'Where the devil did you read that?' said the lawyer ;

that's a book above your cut, I'd be sworn.' 'Better not swear at all,' said the worthy alderman, turning his back upon him. 'One thing I'd swear,' said the lawyer, highly affronted, that you don't quote six lines more for all the gold in Threadneedlestreet,' accompanying his assertion with an oath and boisterous laugh, looked round for applause; 'neither you nor any one present.' That's more than you can take upon yourself to say, said I. Coblers stick to their stalls,' said he, sneeringly; 'who the devil do you think would argue with such a penny chandler as you.' That's not honourable, sir,' said I, 'you challenged the company.'

.

'Bravo! master Tucker,' exclaimed all voices. 'What do you know about Milton,' said the lawyer; I'd bet you fifty pounds you know no more of poetry, than a coster-monger, nor of rhetoric, than his jackass.' 'I have no money to fool away,' said I, but I'll prove before this worthy company, I know more of the matter than you, for all your law, and Latin to boot.' He could not flinch from the match, and we set too like fighting cocks ;-" Ding-dong, hammer and tongs," said the dean; "Pellmell," said crispin ; "Hip and thigh," said the dean, laughing, "carrying on the war againt the Philistine, with the same weapon too, heigh, master crispin?" "Yes, if you will have it so," answered the merry bookseller, "till he turned, all shame and confusion, as white as your reverence's hand. Oh how I made him fume and shake, the impudent gogmagog, as I gallopped over him upon tropes and figures, flourishing to the astonishment of all beholders, long words, such as allegorically, metaphorically, metonymically, and synecdochealy.' Yes, sir, I laid about him with personification, antithesis, interrogation, exclamation, amplification,' and winded him SO close with ' iambics, dactyls, amphibrachs, and spondees,' for all his quirks and quibbles, and doubling, the hardmouthed sophist, before I reached my climax, that the bigwings shook the ashes out of

Cibber, poet lauret.

their pipes, one by one in silent admiration, gazing and staring at my wonderous learning, attentive as a crowded clod-hopping jury-box to the long spun charge of a new-made judge. But the best on't is, your reverence, I riddid the house of the nuisance, hunted him fair out of the field, out of the parish, and out of the ward; and I am now an authority on every learned question, and crispin Tucker would be backed, right or wrong, for any sum, against both the universities."

"Thou art verily the merriest rogue I have yet encountered in all my perigrinations, master crispin," said the dean, “and I have tickled some comical trout from their holes in my time too. When I am sworn lord mayor, you shall be dubbed city laureat, that's certain, master crispin, for ȧ but of sack would be better bestowed on you, than on that ungodly,* scapegrace, odemaking owl in the west. Faith, man, you are right; I should like to change my wig for a conjuring cap, and seat myself amidst these wagering gormagons; though they seem cold, phlegmatic, sour wights, what I have seen of them in their shops and counting houses." "Yes, your

reverence, but completely metamorphosed at night; gruff and grumpy, with the pen stuck in his ear: frank and free, with a napkin tucked under the chin. That's the time for a needy poet to beg or borrow. Blessed be