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SCENE II.-Rousillon. A Room in the COUNTESS's Palace.
Enter COUNTESS and CLOWN. Count. Come on, Sir; I shall now put you to the height of your breeding
Clo. I will show myself highly fed, and lowly taught; I know my business is but to the court.
Count. To the court! why, what place make you special, when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!"
Clo. Truly, Madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and, indeed, such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court: but for me, I have an answer will serve all men.
Count. Marry, that's a bountiful answer, that fits all questions.
Clo. It is like a barber's chair, that fits all buttocks; the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock.
Count. Will your answer serve fit to all questions ?
Clo. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your French crown for your taffata punk, as Tib's rush* for Tom's forefinger, as a pan-cake for Shrove-Tuesday, a morris for May. day, as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's mouth; nay, as the pudding to his skin. .. Count. Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
Clo. From below your duke, to beneath your constable, it will fit any question.
Count. It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all demands.
Clo. But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that belongs to’t: Ask me if I am a courtier; it shall do you no harm to learn..
Count.-to be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, Sir, are you a courtier ?
Clo. O Lord, Sir! There's a simple putting off;-more, more, a hundred of them.
Count. Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
Count. Do you cry, O Lord, Sir, at your whipping, and spare not me? Indeed, your O Lord, Sir, is very sequent to your
* 1. e. the rush wedding-ring, used by those who could not buy a better.
whipping; you would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.
Clo. I ne'er had worse luck in my life, in my-0 Lord, Sir : I see, things may serve long, but not serve ever.
Count. I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily with a fool.
Clo. O Lord, Sir,- Why, there't serves well again.
Count. An end, Sir, to your business: Give Helen this,
Clo. Not much commendation to them.
[Exeunt severally. SCENE III.-Paris. A Room in the King's Palace.
Enter BERTRAM, LAFEU, and PAROLLES. Laf. They say, miracles are past; and we have our philosophical persons to make modern* and familiar things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors ; ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge, when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear.
Par. Why, 'tis the rarest argument of wonder that hath shot out in our latter times.
Ber. And so 'tis.
Par. It is, indeed; if you will have it in showing, you shall read it in,- What do you call there?
Laf. A showing of a heavenly effect in an earthly actor.
Laf. Why, your dolphint is not lustier; 'fore me, I speak in respect
Par. Nay, 'tis strange, 'tis very strange; that is the brief and the tedious of it; and he is of a most facinoriousI spirit that will not acknowledge it to be the
Laf. Very hand of heaven.
+ The dauphin.
Par. And debile minister, great power, great transcendance; which should, indeed, give us a further use to be made, than alone the recovery of the king, as to be Laf. Generally thankful.
Enter KING, HELENA, and Attendants. Par. I would have said it; you say well. Here comes the king.
Laf. Lustic,* as the Dutchman says: I'll like a maid the better, whilst I have a tooth in my head: Why, he's able to lead her a coranto.
Par. Mort du Vinaigre! Is not this Helen ?
[Exit an Attendant,
Enter several LORDS.
Hel. To each of you one fair and virtuous mistress
Laf. I'd give bay Curtal, and his furniture,
King. Peruse them well:
Hel. Gentlemen, .
All. We understand it, and thank heaven for you.
Hel. I am a simple maid; and therein wealthiest,
King. Make choice; and, see,
Hel. Now, Dian, from thy altar do I fly;
i Lord. And grant it.
* Lusty, cheerful. # As to the teeth.
Hel. Thanks, Sir; all the rest is mute.*
Laf. I had rather be in this choice, than throw anes-ace for my life.
Hel. The honour, Sir, that flames in your fair eyes,
2 Lord. No better, if you please.
Hel. My wish receive,
Laf. Do all they deny her? An they were sons of mine, I'd have them whipped; or I would send them to the Turk, to make eunuchs of.
Hel. Be not afraid [To a LORD] that I your hand should take; I'll never do you wrong for your own sake: Blessing upon your vows! and in your bed Find fairer fortune, if you ever wed!
Laf. These boys are boys of ice, they'll none have her: sure, they are bastards to the English; the French ne'er got them.
Hel. You are too young, too happy, and too good, To make yourself a son out of my blood.
4 Lord. Fair one, I think not so.
Laf. There's one grape yet, -I am sure thy father drank wine. But if thou be'st not an ass, I am a youth of fourteen: I have known thee already.
Hel. I dare not say, I take you [T. BERTRAM]; but I give Me, and my service, ever whilst I live, Into your guiding power. This is the man.
King. Why then, young Bertram, take her, she's thy wife.
Ber. My wife, my liege? I shall beseech your highness,
King. Know'st thou not, Bertram,
Ber. Yes, my good lord;
King. Thou know'st she has raised me from my sickly bed.
Ber. But follows it, my lord, to bring me down
King. 'Tis only titlet thou disdain'st in her, the which
* 1. e. I have no more to say to you. † I. e. the want of title.
From lowest place when virtuous things proceed,
Ber. I cannot love her, nor will strive to doʻt.
Hel. That you are well restored, my lord, I am glad;
King. My honour's at the stake; which to defeat,
Ber. Pardon, my gracious lord; for 1 submit
I Child. $ If we put ourselves into her scale, we shall throw your scale up to the beam.