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Ant. S. Well, Sir, learn to jest in good time; There's a time for all things.
Dro. S. I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric. Ant. S. By what rule, Sir ?
Dro. S. Marry, Sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself,
Ant. S. Let's hear it.
Dro. S. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature.
Ant. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery?
Dro. S. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the lost hair of another man.
Ant. S. Why is time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
Dro. S. Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts: and what he bath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.
Ant. S. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
Dro. S. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
Ant. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
Dro. S. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity
Ant. S. For what reason ?
Dro. S. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
Ant. S. You would all this time have proved, there is no time for all things.
Dro. S. Marry, and did, Sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.
Ant. S. But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
Dro. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore, to the world's end, will have bald followers.
Ant. S. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
That never touch well-welcome to thy hand,
Ant. S. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you: When were you wont to use my sister thus ? She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
Ant. S. By Dromio ? Dro. S. By me? Adr. By thee: and this thou didst return from him,That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Ant. S. Did you converse, Sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drist of your compact ?
Dro. S. I, Sir ? I never saw her till this time.
Ant. S. Villain, thou liest ; for even her very words Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life.
Ant. S. How can she thus then call us by our names, Unless it be by inspiration ?
* Let fall.
Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity,
Ant. S. To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner,
Luc. Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer'st not?
Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I?
Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me, and I long for grass.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell ?
* Above my authority.
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
SCENE I.-The same.
Dro. E. Say what you will, Sir, but I know what I know
Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass.
Dro. E. Marry, so it doth appear
Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar: 'Pray God, our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, Sir, and your welcome dear.
Ant. E. O, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
Bal. Good meat, Sir, is common; that every churl affords.
Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest :
Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen'!
patch ! Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch: Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store When one is one too many ? Go, get thee from the door * A necklace.
+ Dishes of meat. # Dull blockhead.
Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold
on's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, Sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me where
fóre. Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not dined to-day. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you
may. Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I Dro. 8. The porter for this time, Sir, and my name is Dromio. Dro. E. O, villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my
name; The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name for Luce. [Within.] What a coil t is there? Dromio, who are
those at the gate ? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce.
Lice. Faith no; he comes too late: And so tell your master.
Dro. E. O Lord, I must laugh:Have at you with a proverb.—Shall I set in my staff? Luce. Have at you with another : that's, –When ? can you
tell ? Dro. S. If thy name be call'd Luce, Luce, thou hast answerd
him well. Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion ? you'll let us in, I hope ? Luce. I thought to have ask'd you. Dro. S. And you said, no. Dro. E. So, come, help; well struck; there was blow for blow. Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in. Luce. Can you tell for whose sake ? Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard. Luce. Let him knock till it ake. Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? Adr. [Within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all this
noise ? Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys. Ant. E. Are you there, wife ? you might have come before. Adr. Your wife, Sir knave! go, get you from the door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave would go Ang. Here is neither cheer, Sir, nor welcome; we would fain
have either. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part I with neither.
* I own.
+ Bustle, tumult.