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efforts to impress upon the sentinels the absolute necessity of complying, with due solemnity, with all the formula of their stations - frequently visiting them in the night, trying them, rehearsing the challenges, etc. On one occasion, Lieutenant P being officer of the guard, was making the usual nocturnal visits, when he nearly succeeded in crossing the line without, as he supposed, being observed. But the sentinel had his eye on him, suddenly sprung before him, and challenged: “Where the h-1 are you going? Get off, or by G - D I'll run my bayonet through you!' The officer did n't stay to give the countersign. Another time, Captain S. being officer of the day, was making the grand rounds' after mid-night. Coming upon a sentinel, he was duly challenged: 'Who comes there ?' "Grand rounds.' The sentinel quietly brought bis piece to a shoulder, and remained silent. The 'rounds,' not getting their 'cue,' were rather nonplussed; but, after a considerable and somewhat embarrassing silence, continued: Well, what shall we do? Stand here?' 'I do n't care a d - n,' was the cool response. A few evenings ago, the sentinels were instructed to call the hours of the night. Half-past seven came, and number one sung out: “Number one — half-past seven o'clock, and all 's well.' So numbers two, three, four; and number five was just commencing, when one of the boys ‘scooted' across his beat, when, with a rising inclination of voice, reaching at the last a perfect yell, he concluded as follows: 'Number five, half-past seven o'clock, and - a man broke guard — DOUBLE-QUICK — BY G-D!'
'If these make you laugh, say so, and I'll write some more. Write again, O soldier !
Our esteemed friend, K. N. PEPPER, is not dead yet, as the following will certify:
DEER SUR: i am a reg'lar bard-shell Baptist, an' no misstaic — i aint gott no koll'j larnin', butt i hev gott whot fillosophurs coll a intootiv persepshun uv Rite an' Rong. Thair hes bin fur sum time pass a considdabul deel uv dancin' goin' on ammung thee memburs uv mi kongregaishun, boath mail an' feemail, fur thee lass fyou weaks, an' noin', on accownt uv mi intootiv persepshun uv rite an' rong, that dancin' wus morrallee rong, i kinder thort i wood preech a sarmun on 2 mi heerurs The nex sabuth. on Thee Grate immorrallitee uv dancin', an' i didd preech it, an' the efec wus sartingly Wundiful. An' airnistlee hoapin' That Thee sarmun wood doo sum uv Yoor reedurs a Grate deel uv Good, i maid upp mi mind 2 cend yoo a koppi uv mi sarmun fur you 2 poot in 2 Yoor maggazeen. An' hear it iz.
• Is dancin' morrally Rong ?
'Mi deerly beluvved Brethering, i'm a goin' 2 Preech 2 you 2 dai on 2 thee Grate Cweschun, 'Is dancin' morrallee Rong?' you needunt oapin Yoor boocs 2 find Thee tex', Caus it aint thar - this iz a tex’ yoo can't find in Enni uv Thee boocs, fur it aint thar, Caus its an oarijinell tex' wich aroas in mi mind frum The intootiv persepshun uv Rite an' Rong wich iz Naterelly givun on 2 ole men, but on 2 mee in purtickler. Deerly beluvved Brethering, yoo no i aint gott mutch booc-larnin', nary bitt hordlee, but Es i ced befoar, mi internell Sens uv Rite an’ Rong iz so Grate that i ken Verree well despens with oll sich karnel vannatees. Now, deerly beluvved Brethering, you must oll no, yoo CAN'T HELP noin' in yoor oan harts, that Dancin' air morrallee Rong, but fur feer that Grate Temptur, the Devull, shood Get in 2 yoor harts, an' tri 2 pusswaid you that it iz Rite, i amm a goin' 2 argyoo the P'int with yoo, an' in awrdur 2 doo so 2 mi Oan sattusfacshun, an' 2 yoor cunvicshun, i Will devide the Tex' in 2 foar partz, an'end with a fyoo practekel remarcs on the tex' in ginerel.
Fust - Whot iz dancin'? "Sekund -- do do morrallitee?
Thurd - do do Rong?
Fust -- Whot iz dancin' ? — Whi, deerly beluvved Brethering, i haint skairslee no need 2 ax yoo The cweschun, caus yoo must oll no whot it iz, caus yoo hev oll bin practessin so mutch laitlee - Whi, how doo yoo spel dancin'? - D-a-n, dan, c-i-n, cin, dancin'— Whi, thee last sillebul uv The wurd iz enuff 2 tell yoo whot dancin'iz ? Whi, itz a cin an'a Grate wun 2, an' no misstaic — that's jest whot it iz-i doan't kair a hill uv Beens whethur yoo wolz, ur poker, ur Dans a jigg, ur a cwintillyun, ur a frensh Fore ur a ate han real, it ’z oll Thee saim, an' doa n't ammount 2 shuks nohow, fur it’z a reglur cin a reglur dounrite sbaim 2 Thee commyoonitee that Endulljes in Thee awbnockshus praktes -- an' now, deerly beluvved Brethering, ez i hev fooly ecksplan'd whot danein’ Reely iz, We cum 2 Thee sekund pawrt, wich iz:
'Whot iz Morrallitee? -Whi, deerly beluvved Brethering, whot morrallitee iz is Thee doin' whot 's Rite, an' Thee knot dooin' whot's Rong, that 's jest whot it iz; but 2 bring this Trooth uv sich Treemenjoous importens 2 us oll hoam 2 Yoor minds, i will taic Thee libburtee uv illustratin' it with 2 ur 3 eckzampuls, wich air jest 2 Thee p'int. Now, JERREMIAR TITEMAN, wen yoo traided hosses with Jon TROOMAN, last foll, an' yoo toald him tḥatt yoor Hoss wus sownd an’ in Good Cundish'n, wen it Wus a’most blind an' hadd Thee heevs in 2 Thee bargin, that wa n’t morrallitee, an' i'll Tell yoo whi caus yoo did n't Doo Rite, an' caus yoo didd doo Rong, an' no mistaic an' Sall I BRITE wen yoo went 2 Toun last summur, withowt yoor huzbend noin', an' bawt a lott uv noo dressus, 2 maic peepul thinc yoo wus mitee Rich, an' ollmoast Rooin'd yoor huzbend in konsecwens, that wa n't morrallitee, an' yoo no it Now, an' yoo didd no it then mitee well, an’ no misstaic. An’ SILAS SMOLSOAL, wen yoo cent mee That big Turkee, and that Pail uv appilsass, last thanсsgivin', an' hoaped We wood find a cunsiddabul deel uv plaishur in Eatin' them, thar Wa n't mutch morrallitee in That nuther
caus whi caus Thee turkee wus so plaguy tuff Wee coad n't kut it in 2, aftur it wus oll stuffed an b'iled up nice, an' caus Thee appilsass wus so sowur Wee cood n't eet it Nohow. SILAS SMOLSOAL! aint yoo ashaim'd uv yoorself fur treetin' thee Pasture uv this flawc, thee sheppurd hoo taics kair uv Oll uv yoo, in sich a wai? Ef yoo aint, yoo orter bee, an' that 's oll i hev 2 sai 2 Yoo, SILAS SMOLSOAL, an' No misstaic. Butt Missus FREEHART, wen yoo cent mee that cwartur uv Beef an' kroc uv Buttur, lass Krismus, that wus reel Troo morrallitee, an' caus whi? — Caus it wus a reel kind akshun, caus Thee beef wus tendur an' caus Thee buttur wus nise an' fresh. An', Missus FREEHART, yoo deesurv A wundifool
ite uv Praiz fur it, an' i am jest as mutch obbleejed 2 yoo now Fur it as i wus wen yoo cent it, an' i hoap yoo will doo Thee saim thing nex' krismus, an' i hoap oll thee kongregaishun will Doo jest Thee saim thing. An' now, as i hev disscusst morrallitee, an' proovid 2 yoo jest whot it iz an' whot it izent, i Will prosede 2 Thee 3d pawrt.
Whot iz Rong?- mi deerly beluvved Brethering, Rong iz Thee dooin' whot izen't Rite, an' Thee knot doin' whot izen't Rong; butt ez i Hev disstingwish'd betwene Rite an' Rong in Thee preeseedin' pawrt, it Wood bee a Grate waist uv time 2 sai it oll ovur aigin, an' so i Will prosede 2 Thee 4th pawrt.
'Is dancin' morrallee Rong ? - Mi deerly beluvved Brethering, this iz Thee Grate cweschun wich wee hev cum hear this Dai 2 diskus. Mi Brethering, dancin' iz Rong in koars it iz, fur it kan't bee no uthurwyz, caus it iz a Grate waist uv time, caus wen yoo mite bee 2 hum, huskin korn ur pairin Appils, ur dooin' suthin' els that Wus yoosf'), yoo waist oll yoor preshus time a dancin', an' that aint thee wust uv it, Yoo gett ded drunc on Pisend whiskee, an' gett a fitin' with Sum Fellur, an' cum hum in Thee mornin' with a Pare uv blak iz, an'a sweld Fais, an' Yoor hed aikin', an' hev 2 lai in Bedd oll Thee nex' dai, afoar Yoo ken doo enni moar wurc. Yess, mi deer Brethering, thee Grate eevil connektid with dancin'iz, drinkin' whiskee an' gettin' in 2 cwarilis. Yoo
kan't help it Nobow, caus ef yoo go 2 danciz yoor shoor 2 doo it. Sumboddee hands rownd Thee licker, an' Yoo hev 2 drinc, caus Thee uthurs doo, an' then, pr'apps sumboddee triz 2 taic awai yoor gall, ur sais suthin' desparijin 2 yoor pryd, an' then Yoo flair Up an' kick Rite strate in 2 him, an' 1 uv yoo gits lick'd oll 2 thundur, an' kan't doo nuthin' fur a weak afftur. Thatt's jest how it iz, an' Yoo kan't deeni it, nary 1 uv Yoo. Butt now, deerly beluvved Brethering, jest lissun 2 mee an'i Will giv' yoo a fyoo rools fur Konduktin' yoorcelv's, wich i Wood addvys Yoo ollwais 2 bair in mind, an' yoo mai rest assyoord that You will nevur Go Rong, nary time.
“Fust - Nevur Go 2 a danc.
Foller Theas rools, an' Yoo will ollwais Bee saif, an' now, deerly beluvved Brethering, i end mi diskoars, hoapin' Yoo will deeriv kunsiddabul proffit out uv it.'
To one who writes from the city of ROGER WILLIAMS, we are indebted for certain and diverse anecdotes which pass current among the Rhodians of the Island, the first of which treating of Billy Smith his answer, has made us smile aforetimes, though we know not if it has ever before been 'imprinted :' ‘Every body in the town of Smithfield, R. I., has heard of BILLY S -, a poor, simple fellow, whom it would be injustice to call a half-idiot, although his stock of knowledge and common sense were very limited. Finding one of the opposite sex almost as simple as himself, Billy, after a short acquaintance, proposed, and they were married. This he considered the acme of human attainments, and his face wore a continual smile of self-complacency, over what he deemed his remarkably good fortune. One evening, a few days after his union, he was returning home from work, with a large bundle of household necessities on his shoulder, when he met a waggish acquaintance who mischievously desiring to quiz him, eyed his burthen with curiosity for some moments, and imagining from former experience that he would be favored with a detailed inventory of its contents, he familiarly accosted him with : ‘Hullo, BILLY, what have you got?' 'Oh! I've got married,' he replied, the smile on his face ripening into a broad grin.'
A correspondent writes us that the following instance of a summary sentence was related to him for truth, and there can be but little doubt as to its authenticity, for it is in keeping (according to universally received tradition) with the character of all of 'Squire Brown's judicial decisions : ‘Old Josiah BROWN was for a long term of years a justice of the peace in one of the county-towns of central Rhode Island. He was an inveterate drunkard, almost always in a state of intoxication, and especially so if called to the exercise of his office. He was once presiding at the trial of a negro charged with stealing poultry. When he arose to call the court to order, he was the only person present who could be said to be out of order, for he was so far gone with liquor that he was barely able to hold his head up. The sheriff brought in the prisoner, the preliminaries were gone through with, and the first witness was called. A few questions were put and answered, which elicited nothing direct, but on the contrary the evidence was obtusely remote and circumstantial to the case, when Justice Brown arose and exclaimed with his usual abruptness: 'Guilty ; Mr. Sheriff, take the nigger to
jail; the court is adjourned.''
The following is strictly true: “When the cattle-disease made its appearance in Massachusetts last spring, the RhodeIsland Legislature passed an act to prevent its introduction into that State, delegating the matter to a Board of Commissioners appointed by the Governor. The Board subsequently sent one of their number, a distinguished lawyer, to Massachusetts, to collect information and investigate the disease, and on his return he made a written report to his coädjutors. This report was published in a daily paper in Providence, and afterward reprinted into the Transactions of the R. I. Society for the Encouragement of Domestic Industry. In it I observe the following passage, which, though not exactly a 'bull,' is decidedly ambiguous: ‘June 29th, 1859, CHENERY sold three calves to Curtis STODDARD, of North-Brookfield. One of them being sick, it was taken to LEONARD STODDARD, his father, to be attended to, etc.''
There be quaint conceits in the following poemlets' by our HOLLAND, in whom, however, there is nothing Dutch, which may please many a friendly reader:
AOLAIA, (SPLENDOR ;) EUPHROSYNE, (JOY ;) AND THALIA, (PLEASURE.)
• To the Ocean this nymph did ever belong:
‘Long time ago,' there came unto ye sanctum a letter from lands ayant the sea ;' 'bearing the hieroglyphs of foreign travel,' as Herr TEUFELSDRÖCKH said of a variously post-marked epistle – for 't was from California. ACcording to the Cabalists, there is a demon named “ ZIRGALPA,' or 'Girzalf,' or something of the kind, who is cause of all the mislayings and misplacings of objects — and he mislaid the letter most effectually. Now it cometh once more
* This plant is common to the West-Indies and other tropical regions. It so imbricates its leaves as to leave the centre capable of holding a small quantity of water, which the plant distils from itself, and in times of drought saves the numerous tribes of monkeys from perishing of thirst.
to light, and we cheerfully give it 'type-life,' with a greeting to the writer thereof:
« Knick' and Mace' in Washoe. * DROPPING in at our little book and periodical store, yesterday; looking over a late arrival of papers and magazines from the States,' I espied 'Old KNICK,' in his bright coat, perfectly at home in this wild, rocky region, wherein bearded miners, fierce Pah-Utes, brazing burros, and immense shoals of such smaller fry, as lizards, horned toads, scorpions, and tarantulas, do roam.
“Halloo, KNICK! old boy,'I cried, 'where is it that you do n't come ?' " And lo! the book spake:'
"Ha, ha, ha!' laughed he, 'why, I'm just at home here! What brought you into this region, Dan?'
"Come to see the ephilant,' KNICK, and seek my fortin'. But really, Knick, I can't see what brings you here?'
"Just as I tell you, Dan. I'm all right; fact is, all the people here are fast friends and old acquaintances of Old Knick; you might have known you 'd meet me here. I hold the northern entrance to the town — you have observed my gate - to speak plain, the Devil's Gate ?' You could have sworn I was about!' This is my darling region; my 'latest born, in whom I have much joy!''
“Glad to meet you, Knick, even op the very threshold of your much-to-be-dreaded "Gate!' But, I pray you, unfold to me your budget; I am eager to know if you carry aught from those I once loved to meet and linger with. Bravo ! whoop, hurrah ! 'MACE!' by all that is the opposite to 'cute! Give me room, ‘keynde’ Sirs, to swing
- as I live, here’s ‘MACE SLOPER,' in Washoe. Hurrah for MACE! Say, Mr. Peddleum NEWSPAPERABUS, how much for 'Old KNICK' and 'MACE'?
"One dollar only. Cheap as 'Comstock,' at four bits per running foot- trot 'em out!'
'Having thus cheaply ransomed two old friends from the clutches of the ferocious PEDDLEUM, I seized them with firm but friendly grasp, and bore them off to the security of my granite-walled casa. Now, amigos, here we are, altogether again! KNICK, old boy, take that stool ; MACE, 'squar' yourself on that trunk ! This is but a miner's cabin, no ceremony here; make yourselves comfortable, even though you should find it necessary to thrust your legs out at the roof, or up the chimney. Mace, I am well aware that you disclaim all pretension to being one of the 'cute sort ; 'I hope for your own sake, for your greater ease and comfort, that you are not one of the particular, stuck-up sort ; for, en verité, this is a rugged 'neck o' woods' you have landed in, Gentlemen, I am sorry to be obliged to inform you, but my chef de cuisine just started yesterday on a visit to his uncle — the shiftless villain is always off when I need him, es muy provocativo estoy ecsasperado!
* But we will do the best we can; there is bread, butter, and pickles, and I am 'heavy' on making coffee, and frying steaks ; then here is some excellent fruit — “preserved in a perfectly fresh state,' quoting the label — put up away back in Gotham, “and warranted to keep in any climate,' (label again,) by Thomas KENSETT, whoever he may be; I'll venture the rim of his hat is on the wide.' So, ‘fall to,' KNICK ! pitch in,' Mace!' Look about you, and you will observe that I dwell in a brown stone mansion, in some parts very brown - I built it myself. In one part you see my sleepingfixtures, my 'bunk ;' in another, my table; and here, near the window, is my
cabi. net of minerals. Here are specimens of native silver, from the Ophir mine ; and here are other ores of silver, sulphurets, seleniurets, arseniurets, tellurets, and their numerous progeny of 'species.' Here, too, is argentiferous galena, molybdate of lead,