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Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day; Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me.

Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.

SCENE I. Before Page's House.

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Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
[Exit.

Quick. Farewell to your worship. - Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I [Exit. know Anne's mind as well as another does: - Out upon't! what have I forgot?

ACT II.

Enter Mistress PAGE, with a Letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scap'd love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a [Reads. subject for them? Let me see:

Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisian, he admits him not for his counsellor: You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; Ha ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the I will love of a soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase ; but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight,

By day or night,

Or any kind of light,

With all his might,

John Falstaff.

For thee to fight,

What a Herod of Jewry is this?-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him?- I was then frugal of my mirth: heaven forgive me! - Why I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Enter Mistress FORD.

1

Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house!

Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you.
You look ill.

very

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to
show to the contrary.

Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind.
Mrs. Ford. Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could
show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give
me some counsel!

Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman?

Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour!

Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour: What is it? dispense with trifles; what is it?

Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted.

Mrs. Page. What? thou liest!-Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shou'st not alter the article of thy gentry.

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-here, read Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light:1 read; -perceive how I might be knighted. shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yer he would not swear; praised women's modesty And gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his dispo sition would have gone to the truth of his words but they do no more adhere and keep place togethe than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Gree sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whal with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore a Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? think the best way were to entertain him with hope till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in hi own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the nam
of Page and Ford differs! - To thy great comfor
in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-bro
ther of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for,
I warrant he hath
protest, mine never shall.
thousand of these letters, writ with blank space fo
different names, (sure more,) and these are of th
second edition: He will print them out of doubt
for he cares not what he puts into the press whe
he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, an
Well, I will find yo
lie under mount Pelion.

twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man.
Mrs. Ford. Why this is the very same; the ver
hand, the very words: What doth he think of us

I

Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: It makes me a most ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. entertain myself like one that I am not acquainte withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in m that I know not myself, he would never have boar ed me in this fury.

Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be su to keep him above deck.

Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under m hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be reveng on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on wi a fine baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses mine Host of the Garter.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any vi lainy against him, that may not sully the charine of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this le ter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; a my good man too; he's as far from jealousy, as am from giving him tause; and that, I hope, is unmeasurable distance.

Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against th [They reti greasy knight: Come hither.

Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and NYM. Ford. Well, I hope, it be not so.

Pit. Hope is a curtail dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife.

Fard. Why, sir, my wife is not young.

Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,

Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
He loves thy gally-mawfry; Ford, perpend.
Ford. Love my wife?

Pist. With liver burning hot: Prevent, or go thou, Like sir Acteon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels:0, odious is the name!

Ford. What name, sir?

Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell.

Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night:

Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo birds do sing.

Away, sir corporal Nym.-
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.

[Exit PISTOL. Ferd. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nya. And this is true; [to PAGE.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some bumours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon thy necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. "Tis true:-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's the humour of it. Adieu. [Erit NYM. Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fellow frights humour out of his wits.

Ford I will seek out Falstaff.

Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting jugate.

Ford. If I do find it, well.

Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true

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Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Mr. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll kti.

Mra. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne?

Quick. Ay, forsooth; And, I pray, how does good mistress Anne?

Mr. Page. Go in with us, and see; we have an bour's talk with you.

[Exeunt Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Mrs. QUICKLY.

Page. How now, master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did you not?

Page. Yes; And you heard what the other told

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Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves; I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men: very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men?

Page. Marry, were they.

Ford. I like it never the better for that. - Does he lie at the Garter?

Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets of her more than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.

Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily. - How now, mine host?

Enter Host and SHALLOW.

Host. How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman: cavalero-justice, I say.

Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even, and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.

Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully

rook.

Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welch priest, and Caius the French doctor.

Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.

Host. What say'st thou, bully-mok?

[They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE.] go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport

shall be.

Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier?

Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight. — Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host.

Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.

Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more: In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you:- I had rather hear them scold than fight.

[Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: She was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I

lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour
well bestowed.
[Exit.

SCENE II.A Room in the Garter Inn.

Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL.

Fal. I will not lend thee a penny.
Pist Why, then the world's mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
I will retort the sum in equipage.

Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow, Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell, for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you:-go.-A short knife and a throng;-to your manor of Pickthatch, go. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! You stand upon your honour! - Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cata-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you?

Pist. I do relent; What would'st thou more of man?

Enter ROBIN.

Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.
Fal. Let her approach.

Enter Mistress QUICKLY.

Quick. Give your worship good-morrow.
Fal. Good-morrow, good wife.

Quick. Not so, an't please your worship.

Fal. Good maid, then.

Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born

Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

Fal. Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing.

Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir; - I pray, come a little nearer this ways:- I myself dwell with master doctor Caius.

Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say, Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways.

Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears; -mine own people, mine own people.

Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long it; you have brought her into such a canaries, 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, whe the court lay at Windsor, could never have brough her to such a canary. Yet there has been knight and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; warrant you, coach after coach, letter after lette gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, (all musk) an so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; an in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sug of the best, and the fairest, that would have wo any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they coul never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twent angels given me this morning; but I defy all an gels, (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the wa of honesty: - and, I warrant you, they could neve get her so much as sip on a cup with the proude of them all and yet there has been earls, nay which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, a is one with her.

Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my goo she Mercury.

Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; fo the which she thanks you a thousand times: an she gives you to notify, that her husband will be ab sence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven?

Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may com and see the picture, she says, that you wot of;master Ford, her husband, will be from home Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him he's a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampol life with him, good heart.

Fa. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me t her; I will not fail her.

Quick. Why you say well: But I have anothe messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath he hearty commendations to you too; — and let me tel you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wif and one (I tell you) that will not miss you mornin nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'e be the other and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but, sh hopes, there will come a time. I never knew woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think yo have charms, la; yes, in truth.

Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't!

Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this has Ford' wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other hov they love me?

Quick. That were a jest, indeed! - they have no so little grace, I hope : :- that were a trick, indeed But mistress Page would desire you to send he your little page, of all loves; her husband has marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly master Page is an honest man. Never a wife i Windsor leads a better life than she does; do wha she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, got bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as sh will; and, truly, she deserves it for if there be kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must sen

Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and her your page; no remedy. make them his servants!

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Fal. Why, I will.

Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, may come and go between you both; and, in an case, have a nay-word, that you may know one ar other's mind, and the boy never need to understan any thing; for 'tis not good that children shoul

know any wickedness: : old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

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F. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. ———————— This news distracts me! [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN. Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers: Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [Exit PISTOL. Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expence of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.

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Fel Call him in; [Exit BARDOLPH.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liqur. Ah! ha! mistress Ford and mistress Page, have I encompassed you? go to; via!

Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised. Ford. Bless

you, sir.

Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparstion upon you.

Fal You're welcome; What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.

Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintince of you.

Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this anseasoned intrusion: for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.

Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir Jolin, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. F. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be

your porter.

Far I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant.. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, I will be brief with you, and you have been a man long ktown to me, though I had never so good means, desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is

to be such an offender.

Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford.

Fal. Well, sir.

Ford. I have long loved her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this:

Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.

Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

Ford. Never.

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Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentick in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

Fal. O, sir!

Ford. Believe it, for you know it: - There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any.

Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly em

battled against me: What say you to't, sir John?

Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

Ford. O good sir!

Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall.

Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want

none.

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Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her, (I may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. know Ford, sir?

Do you

Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-fa- | voured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home.

Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him.

Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel : it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night: Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold: :-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms' names! - - Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittolcuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass! he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous; I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welchman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour;- I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Erit.

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Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
Caius. Villainy, take your rapier.
Rug. Forbear; here's company.

Enter Host, SHAllow, Slender, and Page.
Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor.
Shal. Save you, master doctor Caius.
Page. Now, good master doctor!
Slen. Give you good-morrow, sir.
Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come
for?

Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead?

Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face.

Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hec tor of Greece, my boy?

Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no

come.

Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, master Page?

Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page.

Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow.

Master

Shal. It will be found so, master Page. doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor.

Host. Pardon, guest justice: - A word, mon sieur Muck-water.

Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat?

Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is va lour, bully.

Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vate as de Englishman : —— - Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat ?

Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-de claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag
Caius. Me tank you for dat.
Host. And moreover, bully,

But first, maste

guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Host. He is there: see what humour he is in and I will bring the doctor about by the fields; wi it do well?

Shal. We will do it.

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