thing with you. Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be iny luck, so ; if not, happy man be his dole I They can tell you how things go, better than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes. Enter Page and Mistress Page. Page. Now, master Slender:—love him, daughter Anne.— Why, how now! what does master Fenton here? You wrong rae, sir, thus still to haunt my house: 1 told you, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of. Few. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. Mrs. Page. Good master Fenton, come not to my Page. She is no match for you. [child. Petit. Sir, will you hear ine! Page. No, good master Fenton.— Come, master Shallow;—come, soiiSlender: in.— | Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Quick. Speak to mistress Page. Pent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your In sbch a righteous fashion as I do, [daughter Perforce, against all checks, rebnkes, and manners, I must advance the colours of my love. And not retire: let me have your good-will. Anne. Good mother, do not marry ine to yond" fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better hus Qnick. That's my master, master doctor. (band. Anne. Alas! I had rather be set quick i' tlie earth. And bowl'd to death with turnipsi Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself. — Good I will not l>e your friend, nor enemy: ("master Fenton. My daughter will I question how she loves you. And as I mid her. so ara I affected. 'Till then, farewell, sir: she. must needs go in; Her father will be angry. Pent. Farewell, gentle mistress:—farewell, Nan. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Quick. Thisismydoing. now:—" Nay,"said I, "will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? look on master Fentonthis is my doing. Pent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night Give my sweet Nan this ring. There's for thy pains. Quick. Now, heaven send thee good fortune 1 [Exit Fenton.] A kind heart he hath: a woman would run; through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I would my master had mistress Anne; or 1 would master Slender had her; or, in sooth. I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so 1 have promised, and IH be as good as my word; but speciously for master Fenton. well, 1 must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: what a beast am 1 to slack it 1 [Exit. SCENE V.—A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. Exit Bard.] Have 1 lived fo be carried in a basket, ike a barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Wen, if 1 be served such another trick, 1*11 have my brains ta'en out, and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a hitch's blind puppies, fifteen i" the litter: and you may know by iny size, that I have A kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but tliat the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter Bardolph, with the Wine. Eard. He re's mi stress Quickly, sir, to speak with you. Pal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for iny l>elly*s as cold ;is if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool ttie reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman. Enter Mrs. Quickly. Quick. By your leave; 1 cry you mercy;—give your Wots! il p goo a-morrow. Fal. Takeaway these chalices. Go brew me a pottle Bard. With eggs, sir! [of sack finely. Fat. Simple of itself; IH no pullet-spcrni in my brewage.—[Exit Bardolph.]—How now! f^tress Forcl. Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from mis Fal. Mistress Ford I I have had ford enough; I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford. Quick. Alas the day 1 good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection. (promise. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding: she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, 1 warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou t Quick. Eight and nine, sir. Fal. Well, be gone; 1 will not miss her. Quick. Peace be with you, sir. [Exit. Fat. I marvel I hear not of master Brook: he sent me word to stay within. I like his money welL—01 here he comes. Enter Ford. Ford. Bless you, sJr. FaL Now, master Brook,—you come to know what hath passed between ine and FoTd's wife? Ford. That, indeed. Sir John, is iny business. Pal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her liousettie hour she appointed rue. Ford. And sped you, sir! Fal. Very dl-favonredly, master Brook. {tionl Ford. How so, sir 1 did she change her determinaFal. No, master Brook ; but the peaking cornuto her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual lam in of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rablile of his companions, thither provoked ami instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love. Ford. What 1 while you were there? Fal. While I was there. [findyouT Ford. And did he search for you, and could not Fal. You shall hear. As good nick would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford s approach; and in her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a huckFord. A buck-basketf (basket. Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket 1—rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended Ford. And how lorn* lay you there? [nostriL Fal. Nay, you shallliear, master Brook, what 1 have suffered, to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchetlane: they took me on theirshoulders; metthe jealous knave their master in the door, who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would Iiave searched it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a search, and away went I forfoul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolerable frignt. to l>e detected with a jealous rotten l>ell-wether: next, to l>e compassed, like a good billio, in thectrcumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then to l>e stopped in. like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that,—a man of my kidney,—think of ihat.—that am as subject to heat, as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw ; it was a miracle, to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed m grease, like a Dutch dish, to I«thrown into the Thames, and cooled, slowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that,—hissing hot, —think of that, master Brook! Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit, then, is desperate: you 11 undertake her no more? Fal. Master Brook, 1 will be thrown into ^itna. as I have lieen into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: 1 have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. "lis past eight already, air. Fal. Is It 11 will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and {he conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu. You shall have her. master Brook: master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Exit. Ford. H"m,—hat is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake I awake, master Ford I there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets 1—Well, I will pioclaini myself what 1 am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house: lie cannot "scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep intoahalf-penny purse, nor into a pepperbox: hut. lest the devil that guides him should aid hhn, I wilt search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall . not make me tame: if I have horns to make me mad, let the proverb go with me, I'D be horn mad, [Exit. ACT IV. SCENE L—The Street. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William. Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford s already, thinkest thou? Quick. Sure, he is by this, or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous inad about Ins throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. Mrs. Page. lH bewithher byand by: IH but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his lnas^ ter comes; lis a playing-day, 1 see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now. Sir Hugh! no school to-dayf Eva. No; master Slender is get the boys leave to Quick. Blessing of his heart! | play. Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son .profits nothing in the world at his book: I pray you, ask him some questions in his accidence. (come. Eva. Come hither, William: hold up your head • Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah: hold up your head; answer your master, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? ma. Two. Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say, od's nouns. Eva. Peace your tatth'ngs.—What is fair, William? Will. Puhher. Jcats, sure. Quick. Pole-cats I there are fairer things than pole Eva. You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray you peace.—What is lapis, Wilham r Wtlt, A stone. Eva. And what is a stone. William f Eva. No, it is lapis: I pray you remember In your Wilt. Lapis. |t«ain. Eva. That Is a (food William. What is he, William, that does lend articles? Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined. Singulariter, nominative, hie, here, hoc. Eva. Xomiuatrvo, hig, hag, hog:—prayyou. mark: genitizo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case? Will. Accusative*, hine. Eva. 1 pray you, have your remembrance, child; Eva. Remember. William; focative is, caret. Eva. What is your genitive case plural, William? Will. Genitivo,—horum, harttm, horum. Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words.— He teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves: and to call horum?—fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thoa no under standings for thy cases, and the numbers, and the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of Will. Forsooth, 1 have forgot. (your pronouns. Eva. It is qui. qua-, quod; if you forget your quis, your gluts, and your quods, you must be.preeches. Go your ways, and play; go. J he was, Mrs. Page. He is a belter scholar than I thought Eva. He is a good sprig memory. Farewell, mistress Page. Mrs. Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. \Exit Sir Hugh.] Get you home, boy.—Come, we stay too long. [Exeunt. SCENE II.—A Room im Ford's House. Enter Falstaff <mrf Mrs. Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance. 1 see you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; noi only, Mrs. Ford, 111 the simple office of love, but in all ihe accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now? Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet Sir John. Jho 1 Mrs. Page. [Within.\ What ho. gossip Ford! what Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, Sirjohn. \Exit Falstaff. Enter Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Mrs. Page. Indeed? [louder, Mrs. Ford. No, certainly.—[Aside to her.] Speak Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody Mrs. Ford. Why? Jherc. Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again : he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Fve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, "Peer out. Peer out!" that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears he was carried out. the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from r sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion. But I am glad the knight is not here: now he shall see his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Tnnon. Mrsi Page. Hard by ; at street end: he will be here Mrs. Ford. I am undone !—the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why then, you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you! Away with him. away with him ! better shame, than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I pm him into the Ivisket again * Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. No. Ill come no more i' the basket. May I not go out ere he come? Mrs. Page. Alas! three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do?—111 creep up into the chimney, Mrs. Ford. There they always use to dischaige their birding pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole. Fat. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word. Neither ■ess, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an >stract for the remembrance of such p aces, and goes ■ them liy his note: there is no hiding you in the house. Fal. l"fl go out, then. Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own fern bin nee, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised.— Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day! I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for hint: otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape, Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extre . .'rs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as biff as he is: and there's her thrummed hat, and her Be not as extreme in submission As in otfence. 'But let our plot go forward: let our wives Yet once again, to make us public sport. Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow. Where we may take him and disgrace him for it. [of. Ford. There is no better way than that they spoke Page. How I to send him won! they'll meet him in the park at midnight f fie, fie! he'll never come. Diuffler too.—Run up. Sir John. ■ Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir John: mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while. [Exit Falstaff. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears she's a witch; forbade her my house, and jiath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coining? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence. Mrs. Ford. We '11 try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he '11 be here presently: let's Ifo dress him like the witch of Brentford. Mrs. Ford. I '11 first direct my men what they shall Aio with the basket. Go up; ill bring linen for him Straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet I we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: We do not act, that often jest and laugh; 'Tis old, but true,—" Still swine eat all the draff." [Exit, Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with tivo Servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your Shoulders: your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Exit. i Ser*v. Come, come, take it up. a-Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of knight again. i Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter Ford, Page, Shallow. Caius, and Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?—Set down the basket, villains !—Somebody call my wife.—Youth in a basket!—O you panderly rascals 1 there's a knot, ■* JfmX' a pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil be shamed,—What, wife, I say 1 — Come, come forth I—Behold what honest clothes you send fortli to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes I Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned, [dog I Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad Shai. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed. Ford. So say I too, sir. — [Re-enter Mrs. Ford.) Come hither, mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband 1—I suspect without cause, mistress, do I? Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty. Ford. Well said, brazen-face 1 hold it out,—Come forth, sirrah. [Pttiis the clothes out of the casket. Page. This passes! Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes Ford. I shall find you anon. (alone. Eva. "Tis unreasonable I Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I say I Mrs. Ford, why, man, why,— Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure lie is; my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.—Pluck me out all the linen. Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. Shat. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well he's nut here I seek for. Page. No, nor nowhere else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; 'let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, "As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for nis wife's leman." Satisfy me once more; once more search with me. Mrs. Ford. What ho, mistress Page 1 come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Old woman! what old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean I Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? Wc are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing.—Come down, you witch, you hag, you; come down, I say I Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband,—good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter Falstaff in women's clothes led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Pratt; come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll "prat" her. — \ Beats him. \ Out of my door, you witch, you rag, you t>aggage, you polecat, you ronyonl out, out 1 I'll conjure you. I'll fortunetell you. [Exit Falstaff. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the poor woman. [for you. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it.—'Tis a goodly credit Ford. Hang her, witch! Eta. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow: see but the issue of liiy jealousy. If 1 cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when 1 open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little farther: come, gentlemen. [Exeunt Ford, Page, Shatlow, Cains, and Evans. Mrs, Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he aid not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any farther revenge i Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him: if the devil have him not in feesimple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. [served him? Mrs. Ford. Shalbwe tell our husbands now we have Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband s brains. I f they can find m their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any farther afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs. Ford. Ill warrant, they'll have him publicly shamed; and metlunks there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly shamed. Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it, then ; shape it: I would not have things cool. | Exeunt. SCENE III.—A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Bardolph. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly? hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; 111 call them to you. Host. They shall have my horses; but 111 make them pay; I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them. Come. | Exeunt. SCENE IV.—A Room in Ford's House. Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans. Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. I instant? Page. And did he send you both these letters at an Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. Ford. Pantonine, wife. Henceforth do what thou [ rather will suspect the sun with cold [ wilt; Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour In him that was of late a heretic,' As firm as faith. Page. Tis well, 'tis well; no more Eva. You say, he has been thrown into the rivers, and lias been grievously peaten as an old 'oman: ine thinks there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; niethinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires. * Page. So think I too. Mrs. Ford. Devise but how youH use him when he And let us two devise to bring him thither. jcomes, Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Heme the Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, [hunter. Doth all the winter time, at still midnight. Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns; And there he blasts the trees, arid takes the cattle, And makes niilch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain In a most hideous and dreadful manner. You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know The superstitious idle-headed eld Receiv d, and did deliver to our age. This tale of Heme the hunter for a truth. Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come. And m (his shape: when you have brought him thither. What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That like wise have we thought upon, and Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, (thus And three or four more of their growth, we'll dress Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and white, With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads. And rattles in their hands. Upon a sudden. As Falstatf, she, and 1, are newly met, Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once With some diffused song: upon their sight. We two in great amazedtiess will fly: Then, let them all encircle him about. And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight« And ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel. In their so sacred paths he dares to tread In shape profane. Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound. And bum nun with their tapers. Mrs. Page. The truth beinglcnown Well all present ourselves, dis-hom the spirit. Ford. The children must Be practis'd well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. kva. I will teach the children their l»ehaviours . I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber. [vizards. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the Finely attired in a robe of white. [fairies. Page. That silk will I go buy:—[Aside] and in that Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, |thne And marry her at Eton.—{To M«h.] Go, send to Falstair straight. Ford. Nay. I'll to him again in name of Brook: Hell tel! me all his purpose. Sure, he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that. Go, get us properties. And tricking for our fairies. Ft>a. Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt Pace,'Ford, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford. Send Quickly to Sir John, to know hU mind. (F.xit Mrs. Ford. Ill to the doctor: he hath my good will. And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot J And him my husband best of all affects. The doctor is well money'd, and his friends Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her, Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. [Exit. SCENE V—A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Simple. Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thickskin T speak, breathe, discuss ; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John FalstarT from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed : 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh ana new. Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir. till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeetl. Host. Ha 1 a fat woman T the knight may be robbed: III call.—Bully knight! Bully Sir John ! speak from thy lungs military : art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephestan, calls. Fat. [Above.] How now, mine host I Host. Here's a Bohemian Tartar tarries the cominjr down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, iet her descend; my chambers are honourable: fie 1 privacy t fie I Enter FalstarT. Fat. There was. mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone. [Brentford I Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Fat. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: what would you with tier T Sim. My master, sir, master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no. Fat. I spake with the old woman about it Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir? Fat. Marry, she says that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her, too, from him. Fat. What are theyf let us know. Host. Ay, come; quick. Sim. [ may not conceal them, sir. Host. Conceal them, or thou diest. Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my master's fortune to have tier, or no. Fat. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir? Fat. To have her,—or no. Go; say the woman Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir? [told me so. Fat. Ay, Sir Tike, who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. I Exit, Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee? Fat. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in iny life; and 1 paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolph. Bard. Out, alas, sir I cozenage, mere cozenage! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto. Bard. Run away, with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, theythrewme off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire: and set spursand away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustiises. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say they be fled: Germans are honest men. Fn/er Sir Hugh Kvans. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What isthe matter, sir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans. that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look yon: you are wise, and full oi gibes and vlouting-stogs. and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well. [Exit. Filter Doctor Cains. Caius. Vere is mine host de yarretiere t Host. Here, master doctor, In perplexity, and doubt* ful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke dejarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat de court is know to come. I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain ! go.—Assist me, knight. —I am undone!—Fly, run, hue and cry, villain I—I am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bardotph. /•al. I would all the world might be cozened; for 1 i have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the enr of the court how 1 have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, tftey would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me: I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till 1 were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore niyseif at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mistress Quickly. Now, whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fat. The devil take one party, and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villainous inconstancy of man s disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them: mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a ■white spot about her. FaJ. What tellest thou me of black and blue! I was beaten myself into all*the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit. my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable bad set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: yon shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. \ Exeunt. SCENE VI.—Another Room in the Garter Inn. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pound in gold more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, master Fenton; and I will, al the least, keep your counsel. Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you [ Pointing to the Letter. which disguise. Her mother, even strong against that match, To pinch her by the liand, and on that token, The maid hath given consent to go with him. Host. Which means she to deceive, father or mother? Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device: I'll to the vicar: Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, 111 make a present recompense. [Exeunt. ACT V. SCENE I.— A Roo*n tn the Garter Inn. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling;—go:—111 hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.—Awiy. Quick. I ll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns, Fal. Away, 1 say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs. (Juickly. Enter Ford. How now. master Brook 1 Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, at Heme s oak, and you shall see wonders, Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir. as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her. master Brook, as you see. like a poor old man: but I came from her. master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, bath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him. master Bmok, that ever governed frenzy :—I will tell you:—he beat me grievously, in the shapo of u woman; for in the shape of a man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me: I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford; on whom to-ntght I will ne revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.—Follow: — Strange things in hand, master Brook;—follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.—Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Page. Come, come: we'll couch i* the castle-ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.—Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her. and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come lo her in white, and cry, " Mum ;" she cries " Budgc-t ;'* and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your "mum," or her "budget?' the white will decipher her well enough.—It hath struck ten o'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.— T/te Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Or. Caius. Mrs. Page. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green! when you sec your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it luickly. (jo before into the park: we two must go together. Cains. 1 know vat I have to do. Adieu. My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor s marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Heme's oak, with obscured lights ; which, at the very instant of FalstafTs and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page, If he be not amazed, he will be |