no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so.-Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made as his vloutingstog.-I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray yon, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II. The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. Page and Robin. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a courtier. Enter Ford. Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go you? Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were Idead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock! Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he: I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he!-Is your wife at home, indeed ? Ford. Indeed, she is. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must 1, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have linger'd about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender, I stand wholly for you:-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: No, he shall not knit a I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth that way. with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt Shal, and Slen. All. Have with you to see this monster. [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (withRobert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; out any pause or staggering), take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: begone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter Robin. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master, sir John, is come in at your backdoor, mistress Ford; and requests your company. Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn my master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so-Go tell thy master I am alone. Mrs. Page, remember you your cue. [Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss [Exit. Mrs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion ;-we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. Enter Falstaff. me. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; I see how thine eyes would emulate the diamond; thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, E that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so thou wouldst make an absolute courtier: and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: come, thou canst not hide it. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and that, like at many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple-time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you love mistress Page. Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [Within] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford ! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling [Falstaff hides himself. woman. Enter Mistress Page and Robin. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of enspicion ?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside]-'Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you if you. know yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. Mrs. Ford. What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance in the house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or it is whiting-time, send him by your men to Datchet Mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall 1 do? Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: call your men, mistress Ford :-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit Robin; re-enter Servants] Go take up these clothes here, quickly where's the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble; carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; quickly, come. Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? you were best meddle with backwashing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the back! Buck, buck, buck! ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the Basket] Gentlemen, I have dreamhere be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, ed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, find out: I'll warrant, we'll unkennel the fox :-Let me stop this way first:-So, now, uncape. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt Evans, Page, and Caius. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket!" washing; so throwing him into the water will do Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of him a benefit. all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would, Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace :-You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen. Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment ! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a 'omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well;-I promised you a dinner:-Come, come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; 1 will hereafter make known to you, why 1 have done this.-Come, wife;-come, mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Page, Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de turd. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Eva. I pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on the lousy knave, mine host. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. Eva. A lousy knave; to have his gibes and his mockeries! [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A Room in Page's House. I should love thee, but as a property. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come! Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't; slid, but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. 'tis Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year! [Aside. Quick. And how does good master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. hadst a father! O boy, thou Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any womau in Glocestershire. Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it, I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. Slen. Now, good mistress Anne. Anne. What is your will? Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise, Anne, I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so: if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes. Enter Page and Mistress Page. Page. Now, master Slender :-Love him, daughter Why, how now! what does master Fenton here! Anne.You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house: I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of. Fent. Nay, master Page, be not impatient. Mrs. Page. Good master Fenton, come not to my Page. She is no match for you. [child. Fent. Sir, will you hear me? Page. No, good master Fenton, Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master Fenton. Come, master Shallow come, son Slender; in :[Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Quick. Speak to mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do, Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husQuick. That's my master, master doctor. (band. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i'the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: good masI will not be your friend, nor enemy [ter Fenton, My daughter will I question how she loves you, And as I find her, so am I affected; "Till then, farewell, sir:-She must needs go in; Her father will be angry. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing now;-Nay, said I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician! Look on, master Fenton :-this is my doing. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains. [Exit. kind heart he hath a woman would run through Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A would my master had mistress Anne; or I would fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I ter Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would masall three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as Well, I must of another errand to sir John Falstaff good as my word; but speciously for master Fenton. it! from my two mistresses; what a beast am I to slack (Exit. SCENE V. A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. Bardolph, I say, Bar. Here, sir. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served. such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i'the litter and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; should down. I had been drowned, but that the I have been, when I had been swelled! I should for the water swells a man ; and what a thing should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter Bardolph, with the Wine. Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you. Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman. Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full of ford. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault; she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou ? Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her. Enter Ford. Ford. Bless you, sir! Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding I have received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. "Tis past eight already, sir. Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her: adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Exit. Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets-Well, I will proclaim myself what I am I will now take the lecher; he is at my house he cannot scape me; 'tis impossi ble he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame if I have horns to make one mad, let the [Exit. Pal. Now, master Brook; you come to know what proverb go with me, I'll be horn mad. hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, sir John, is my business. at her house the hour she appointed me." Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. nation? Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornuto, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love. Ford. What, while you were there? Fal. While I was there. Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you? ACT IV. SCENE 1. The Street. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William. Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, think'st thou? Quick. Sure he is by this; or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. bring my young man here to school: look, where Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, sir Hugh? no school to-day? Eva. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quick. Blessing of his heart! Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence of Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-you, ask him some questions in his accidence. basket. Ford. A buck-basket! Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rank est compound of villanous smell, that ever offended nostril. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in a basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door; who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket. I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he for Ia search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney,-think of that; that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that;-hissing hot,-think of that, master Brook. Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her no more. Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head; come. Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your master, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ? Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one number more; because they say, od's nouns. Eva. Peace your tattlings. What is fair, William ? Quick. Poulcats! there are fairer things than poulcats, sure. Eva. You are a very simplicity 'oman; I pray Eva. And what is a stone, William ? Eva. No, it is lapis; I pray you, remember in your prain. Will. Lapis. Eva. That is good, William. What is he, William, that does lend articles? Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, Will. Genitive,-horum, harum, horum. Mrs. Ford. He will seek there on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such Quick. 'Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her places, and goes to them by his note: there is no never name her child, if she be a whore. Eva. For shame, 'oman. Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves; and to call horum:fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns. Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, ke, kod; if you forget your kies, your kes, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. SCENE II. A Room in Ford's House. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not only, mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now ? Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet sir John. what hoa Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John. [Exit Falstaff. Enter Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at home beside yourself? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Mrs. Ford. No, certainly ;--speak louder. [Aside. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here. Mrs. Ford. Why? Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, Peer out, peer out! that any madness I ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion but I am glad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon. Mrs. Ford. I am undone!-the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then yon are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you! -Away with him, away with him; better shame than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again? Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. No, I'll come no more i'the basket: may I not go out, ere he come? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none should issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? Fal. What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always use to discharge their birding-pieces: creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? so escape. Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: run up, sir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John: mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight; put on the gown the while. [Exit Fal. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford: he swears she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford.. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: We do not act, that often jest and laugh: 'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. [Exit. Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with two Servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. [Exit. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain:-Somebody call my wife:-You, youth in a basket, come out here!-O, you pander to rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy, against me: now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes; Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed. Enter Mrs. Ford. Ford. So say I too, sir.-Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest fool to her husband!-I suspect without cause, miswife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous tress, do I? Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my wituess, you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty. Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. Come forth, sirrah. [Pulls the Clothes out of the Basket. Page. This passes! Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone. Ford, I shall find you anon. Eva. "Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away. |