pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. yet 'tis a woman: but what woman, I will not Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will tell myself and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not, I will; for good things should be praised. not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a Speed. Item, She is too liberal. maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for Laun. Of her tongue, she cannot; for that's wages. She hath more qualities than a water-writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall spaniel,-which is much in a bare Christian. Here is the cate-log [Pulling out a paper] of her condition. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.

Enter Speed.

Speed. How now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership?

Laun. With my master's ship? why it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still, mistake the word:

What news then in your paper?

Laun. The blackest news that ever thou

heard'st.

Speed. Why, man, how black?

Laun. Why, as black as ink.
Speed. Let me read them.

not; for that I'll keep shut; now of another thing she may; and that cannot I help. Well, proceed. Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.

Laun. Stop there; I'll have her; she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Rehearse that once more.

Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit.Laun. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. And more faults than hairs.Laun. That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

Speed. And more wealth than faults.

Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her: and if it be a match,

Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not as nothing is impossible,

read.

Speed. Thou liest, I can.

Laun. I will try thee: Tell me this: Who begot thee?

Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read.

Speed. Come, fool, come: try me in thy paper.
Laun. There: and saint Nicholas be thy speed!
Speed. Imprimis, She can milk.
Laun. Ay, that she can.

Speed. Item, She brews good ale.
Laun. And therefore comes the proverb,-
Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.
Speed. Item, She can sew.

Laun. That's as much as to say, can she so?
Speed. Item, She can knit.

Laun. What need a man care for a stock with
a wench, when she can knit him a stock.
Speed. Item, She can wash and scour.

Speed. What then

Laun. Why, then will I tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north-gate. Speed. For me?

Laun. For thee! ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! Erit.

Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit.

SCENE II.

The same. A Room in the Duke's Palace. Enter Duke and Thurio; Proteus behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love you,

Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not Now Valentine is banished from her sight. be washed and scoured.

Speed. Item, She can spin. Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.

Speed. Item, She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say,bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.

Speed. Here follow her vices.

Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues. Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath.

Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: Read on.

Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth.
Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath.
Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep.
Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not
in her talk.

Speed. Item, She is slow in words.

Laun. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue I pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue.

Speed. Item, She is proud.

Thu. Since his exile she hath despised me most,
Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me,
That I am desperate of obtaining her.
Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figura
Trench'd in ice; which with an hour's heat
Dissolves to water, and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.-
How now, Sir Proteus? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?
Pro. Gone, my good lord.

Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously
Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.-
Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee,
(For thou hast shown some sign of good desert)
Makes me the better to confer with thee.
Pro. Longer than 1 prove loyal to your grace,
Let me not live to look upon your grace.
Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would
effect

The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter.
Pro. I do, my lord.

Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant
How she opposes her against my will.

Laun. Out with that too, it was Eve's legacy, Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was

and cannot be ta'en from her.

Speed. Item, She hath no teeth.

here.

Duke. Ay, and perversely she perseveres so.

Laun. I care not for that neither, because I What might we do, to make the girl forget

love crusts.

Speed. Item, She is curst.

The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio
Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine

Laun. Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent; bite Three things that women highly hold in hate.

Duke. Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in 2 Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down bate.

Such as the fury of ungovern'd youth Thrust from the company of awful men: Myself was from Verona banish'd, For practising to steal away a lady, An heir, and near allied unto the duke. 2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Duke. This discipline sh ws, thou hast been in Whom, in my mood, I stabbed unto the heart.

1 Out. And I, for such like petty crimes as these.

Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in prac-But to the purpose,- (for we cite our faults,

Val. I take your offer, and will live with you; Host. How? out of tune on the strings?
Provided that you do no outrages
On silly women, er poor passengers.

3 Out. No, we detest such vile, base practices.
Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews,
And show thee all the treasure we have got;
Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II. Milan. Court of the Palace.
Enter Proteus.

Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine,
And now I must be as unjust to Thurio.
Under the colour of commending him,
I have access my own love to prefer;
But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy,
To be corrupted with my worthless gifts.
When I protest true loyalty to her,

She twits me with my falsehood to my friend;
When to her beauty I commend my vows,
She bids me think, how I have been forsworn,
In breaking faith with Julia whom I lov'd:
And, notwithstanding all her sudden quips,
The least whereof would quell a lover's hope,
Yet, spaniel-like, the more she spurns my love,
The more it grows and fawneth on her still.
But here comes Thurio; now must we to her
window,

And give some evening musick to her ear.

Enter Thurio, and Musicians.

Thu. How now, Sir Proteus? are you crept

before us?

Pro. Ay,gentle Thurio; for, you know that love
Will creep in service where it cannot go.

Thu. Ay, but, I hope, sir, that you love not here.
Pro. Sir, but I do; or else I would be hence.
Thu. Who? Silvia?

Pro. Ay, Silvia,-for your sake.

Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings.

Host. You have a quick ear.

Jul Ay, I would, I were deaf! it makes me have a slow heart.

Host. I perceive, you delight not in musick.
Jul. Not a whit, when it jars so.

Host. Hark, what fine change is in the musick!
Jul. Ay! that change is the spite.

Host. You would have them always play but one thing?

Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this Sir Proteus, that we talk on, often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, tol me, he loved her out of all nick..

Jul. Where is Launce?

Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow by his master's command, he must carry for present to his lady.

Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts.
Pro. Sir Thurio, fear not you! I will so plead,
That you shall say, my cunning drift excels.
Thu. Where meet we?

Pro. At Saint Gregory's well.
Thu. Farewell. [Exeunt Thu. and Musicians.

Silvia appears above, at her window.
Pro. Madam, good even to your ladyship.
Sil. I thank you for your musick, gentlemen:
Who is that, that spake ?

Pro. One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's
truth,

You'd quickly learn to know him by his voice.
Sil. Sir Proteus, as I take it.

Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant-
Sil. What is your will?

Pro. That I may compass yours.

Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentle- Sil. You have your wish; my will is even this,

men,

Let's tune, and to it lustily a while.
Enter Host, at a distance; and Julia, in boy's

clothes.

Host. Now, my young guest! methinks, you're allycholly; I pray you, why is it? Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be

merry.

Host. Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring you where you shall hear musick, and see the gentleman that you ask'd for.

Jul. But shall I hear him speak?
Host. Ay, that you shall.
Jul. That will be musick.

Host. Hark! hark!

Jul. Is he among these?

That presently you hie you home to bed,
Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal man!
To be seduced by thy flattery,
Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,

That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows?
Return, return, and make thy love amends.
For me,-by this pale queen of night I swear,
I am so far from granting thy request,
That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit;
And by and by intend to chide myself,
Even for this time I spend in talking to thee.
Pro. I grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady;
But she is dead.

Jul. 'Twere false, if I should speak it;
[Musick plays. For, I am sure, she is not buried. [Aside.
Sil. Say, that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend,
Survives; to whom, thyself art witness,
I am betroth'd: And art thou not asham'd
To wrong him with thy importunacy?
Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead.
Sil. And so suppose am 1; for in his grave,
Assure thyself, my love is buried.

Host. Ay: but peace, let's hear 'em.

Song.

Who is Silvia? What is she,

That all our swains commend her? Holy, fair, and wise, is she;

The heavens such grace did lend her, That she might admired be.

Is she kind as she is fair?

For beauty lives with kindness: Love doth to her eyes repair,

To help him of his blindness: And, being help'd, inhabits there. Then to Silvia let us sing,

That Silvia is excelling; She excels each mortal thing,

Upon the dull earth dwelling: To her let us garlands bring.

Host. How now ? are you sadder than you were
before?

How do you, man? the musick likes you not.
Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not.
Host. Why, my pretty youth?
Jul. He plays false, father..

Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave, and call hers thence;

[Aside

Or, at the least, in hers sepulchre thine.
Jul. He heard not that.
Pro. Madam, if your heart be so obdurate,
Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love,"
The picture that is hanging in your chamber;
To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep:
For, since the substance of your perfect self
Is else devoted, I am but a shadow;
And to your shadow will I me ke true love.
Jul. If 'twere a substance, you would, sure
deceive it,

Pro.

As wretches have o'ernight, That wait for execution in the morn.

[Exeunt Proteus: and Silvia from above. Jul. Host, will you go?

Host. By my hallidom, I was fast asleep.
Jul. 'Pray you, where lies Sir Proteus?
Host. Marry, at my house: Trust rae, I think,
'tis almost day.

Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night
That e'er 1 watch'd, and the most heaviest.
Exeunt.

SCENE III. The same.
Enter Eglamour.

Egl. This is the hour that Madam Silvia
Entreated me to call and know her mind:
There's some great matter she'd employ me in.-
Madam, madam!

Silvia appears above, at her window.

Sil. Who calls?

Egl. Your servant, and your friend;
One that attends your ladyship's command.
Sil. Sir Eglamour, a thousand times good mor-

row.

Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself.
According to your ladyship's impose,
I am thus early come, to know what service
It is your pleasure to command ine in.

Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman,
(Think not, I flatter, for I swear, I do not,)
Valiant, wise, remorseful, well accomplish'd.
Thou art not ignorant, what dear good-will
I bear unto the banish'd Valentine;

to her trencher, and steals her capon's leg. 0,
'tis a foul thing, when a cur cannot keep himself
in all companies! I would have, as one should
say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed,
to be, as it were, a dog at all things. "If I had
not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon
me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged
for't: sure as I live, he had suffer'd tor't; you
shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the com-
pany of three or four gentleman-like dogs, under
the duke's table; he had not been there (bless
the mark) a pissing while; but all the chamber
sm.elt him. Out with the dog, says one; What
cur is that? says another; Whip him out, says
the third; Hang him up, says the duke. I,
having been acquainted with the smell before,
knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow
that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean
to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do I, quoth he.
You do him the more wrong, quoth 1; 'twas I
did the thing you wot of. He makes me no more
ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How
many masters would do this for their servants ?
Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for
puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been
executed: have stood on the pillory for geese
he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't;
thou think'st not of this now!-Nay, I remem-
ber the trick you served ine, when I took my
leave of madam Silvia: did not I bid thee still
mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou sce
me heave up my leg, and make water against a
gentlewoman's farthingale 7 didst thou ever see
me do such a trick?

Nor how my father would enforce me marry
Vain Thurio, whom my very soul abhorr'd.
Thyself hast lov'd; and I have heard thee say,
No grief did ever come so near thy heart,
As when thy lady and thy truelove died,"
Upon whose grave thon vow'dst pure chastity.
Sir Eglamour, I would to Valentine,
To Mantua, where, I hear, he makes abode;
And, for the ways are dangerous to pass,
I do desire thy worthy company,
Upon whose faith and honour I repose.
Urge not my father's anger, Eglamour,
But think upon my grief, a lady's grief;
And on the justice of my flying hence,
To keep me from a most unholy match,
Which heaven and fortune still reward with Pro. But she received my dog?

Enter Proteus and Julia.

Pro. Sebastian is thy name 7 I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently, Jul. In what you please:-1 will do what l can.

plagues.

I do desire thee, even from a heart
As full of sorrows as the sea of sands,
To bear me company, and go with me:
If not, to hide what I have said to thee,
That I may venture to depart alone.

Egl. Madam, I pity much your grievances;
Which since I know they virtuously are placed,
I give consent to go along with you;
Recking as little what betideth me,

As much I wish all good befortune you.
When will you go?

Sil. This evening coming.

Egl. Where shall I meet you?

Sil. At friar Patrick's cell,

Where I intend holy confession.

Egl. I will not fail your ladyship:

Good-morrow, gentle lady.

Sil. Good-morrow, kind Sir Eglamour.

SCENE IV. The same.
Enter Launce, with his dog.

[Exeunt.

When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning, when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it! I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from my master; and 1 came no sooner into the dining-chamber, but he steps me

Pro. I hope thou wilt-How now, you whoreson peasant! [To Launce. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.

Pro. And what says she to my little Jewel? Laun Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present.

Laun. No, indeed, did she not: here have 1 brought him back again.

Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Laun. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the marketplace: and then I offered her mine own; who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.

Pro. Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Or ne'er return again into my sight
Away, I say; Stay'st thou to vex me here?
A slave, that, still an end turns me to shame.
Erit Launce.

Sebastian, I have entertained thee,
Partly, that I have need of such a youth,
That can with some discretion do my business,
For 'tis no trusting to yon foolish lowt;
But chiefly for thy face and thy behaviour:
Which (if my augury deceive me not)
Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth:
Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.
Go presently and take this ring with thee,
Deliver it to madam Silvia:

She loved me well deliver'd it to me.
Jul. It seems you loved her not, to leave her
token:
She's dead, belike.

Pro. Not so; I think, she lives.
Jul. Alas!

Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas?
Jul. I cannot choose but pity her.
Pro. Wherefore should'st thou pity her 7

Jul. Because, methinks, that she lov'd you as But since she did neglect her looking-glass, well

As you do love your lady Silvia:

She dreams on him that has forgot her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
"Tis pity, love should be so contrary:
And thinking on it, makes me cry, alas!
Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
This letter; that's her chamber.-Tell my lady,
1 claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.
[Exit Proteus.
Jul. How many women would do such a mes-
sage?

Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
A fox, to be the shepherd of thy lambs:
Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him
That with his very heart despiseth me?
Because he loves her, he despiseth me:
Because I love him, I must pity him.

And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
The air hath starv'd the roses in her cheeks,
And pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face,
That now she is become as black as I.
Sil. How tall was she?

Jul. About my stature: for, at Pentecost,
When all our pageants of delight were play'd,
Our youth got me to play the woman's part,
And I was trimm'd in madam Julia's gown,
Which serv'd me as fit, by all men's judgment,
As if the garment had been made for me;
Therefore, I know, she is about my height.
And, at that time, I made her weep a good,
For I did play a lamentable part:
Madam, 'twas Ariadne, passioning.
For Theseus' perjury, and unjust flight;
Which I so lively acted with my tears,
That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
Wept bitterly; and, would I might be dead,
If I in thought felt not her very sorrow!

This ring I gave him, when he parted from me, Sil. She is beholden to thee, gentle youth!

To bind him to remember my good-will:
And now am I (unhappy messenger!)
To plead for that, which I would not obtain;
To carry that, which I would have refus'd;"
To praise his faith, which I would have disprais'd.
I am my master's true confirmed love;
But cannot be true servant to my master,
Unless 1 prove false traitor to myself.
Yet I will woo for him: but yet so coldly,
As, heaven, it knows, I would not have him
speed.

Enter Silvia, attended.

Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you be my mean
To bring me where to speak with madam Silvia.
Sil. What would you with her, if that I be she?
Jul. If you be she, I do entreat your patience
To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
Sil. From whom?

Jul. From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
Sil. O-he sends you for a picture?

Jul. Ay, madam.

Sil. Ursula, bring my picture there.

[Picture brought.
Go, give your master this: tell him from me,
One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
Jul. Madam, please you peruse this letter.-
Pardon me, madam; I have unadvis'd
Deliver'd you a paper that I should not;
This is the letter to your ladyship.

Sil. I pray thee let me look on that again.
Jul. It may not be; good madam, pardon me.
Sil. There, hold.

I will not look upon your master's lines:
I know, they are stuff'd with protestations,
And full of new-found oaths; which he will break
As easily as I do tear his paper.

Jul. Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
Sil. The more shame for him that he sends it me;
For, I have heard him say a thousand times,
His Julia gave it him at his departure:
Though his false finger hath profan'd the ring,
Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
Jul. She thanks you.

Alas, poor lady! desolate and left!

I weep myself, to think upon thy words.
Here, youth, there is my purse; I give thee this
For thy sweet mistress' sake, because thou lov'st
her.
[Exit Silvia.
Jul. And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you

Farewell.

know her.

A virtuons gentlewoman, mild, and beautiful.
I hope my master's suit will be but cold,
Since she respects my mistress' love so much.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Here is her picture: Let me see; I think,
If I had such a tire, this face of mine
Were full as lovely as is this of hers:
And yet the painter flatter'd her a little,
Unless I flatter with myself too much.
Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow :
If that be all the difference in his love,
I'll get me such a colour'd periwig.
Her eyes are gray as glass; and so are mine:
Ay, but her forehead's low, and mine's as high.
What should it be, that he respects in her,
But I can make respective in myself,
If this fond love were not a blinded god?
Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up
For 'tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,
Thou shalt be worshipp'd, kiss'd, lov'd, and
ador'd;

And, were there sense in this idolatry,
My substance should be statue in thy stead.
I'll use thee kindly for thy mistress' sake,
That us'd me so; or else, by Jove I vow,

I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes
To make my master out of love with thee.

And now it is about the very hour
Egl. The sun begins to gild the western sky;

That Silvia,at friar Patrick's cell should meet nie
She will not fail; for lovers break not hours,
So much they spur their expedition.
Unless it be to come before their time;

Enter Silvia.

See, where she comes: Lady, a happy evening!
Sil. Amen, amen! go on, good Eglamour!
Out at the postern by the abbey wall;

I fear I am attended by some spies.
Egl. Fear not the forest is not three leagues off;
If we recover that, we are sure enough. [Exeunt
SCENE II. The same. A Room in the Duke's
Palace.

Enter Thurio, Proteus, and Julia.
Thu. Sir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit?