attributes; and a sweet calmness of mind succeeded. This happy frame continued until the 25th. In this time, I had much spiritual enjoyment. I thought I experimentally knew what it was to have my will wholly bowed to the divine will, that I could rejoice that the Lord omnipotent reigneth, that myself and every thing was at his disposal, and felt that I was in infinitely better hands than my own.

But on the 25th, the gloom began again to overshadow my mind like a cloud. I found so many remaining sinful imaginations in my heart, and so much propensity to think and do wrong, that my doubts began to supersede my better hopes, until I was much distressed, lest I was yet under the reigning power and tyranny of satan. At the close of the day, my fears were again dissipated, in a good degree, by a conversation with a very lively Christian.

June 26. My mind was again agitated with fear that I should lose a sense of divine things, and be left of God to live so as to dishonour his holy religion. The burden of my distress was not a fear of misery, but of dishonouring the name of Christ. I resolved therefore, in future, to forget those things which are behind, and to reach forth to those which are before; for I found so much sin in my heart, that I dare not depend at all on what was past for the foundation of my hope.

June 27. Rose very early this morning, and retired into a solitary place, (according to my usual practice,) for serious meditations on

heavenly and divine things; and to converse. with my own heart before secret devotion. I had a refreshing season; discovering in a peculiar manner, the glory of God in the works of creation, providence and grace. His pow er and justice in the damnation of impenitent sinners, appeared in a distinguishing light. Adverting to the character of Christ separately, he appeared every way glorious, "the chief among ten thousand, and altogether lovely." Immediately, all the powers of my soul were drawn out after Christ: I longed to be freed from all sin, and to be perfectly conformed to his blessed image. The more I saw of the beauty of holiness, the more burdensome sin appeared to me.

July 4. The greater part of this week was spent in what I call a Laodicean frame of mind. But I never was so thoughtless, but what the concern of my soul was on my mind, first in the morning, and last at night. Yet I did not feel that zeal in the duties of religion that I could wish. Still at times my mind was so enveloped in spiritual things, that the study of the dead languages was dull and insipid. A thunder storm arose this afternoon; and there having been a great drought, it suggested to my mind many reflections upon upon the goodness of God to his guilty creatures, in all the dispensations of his p ovidence, as well as in blessing the earth with the present rain: also, how easy it was for him to destroy, or preserve, according to his pleasure: and of his

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forbearance and mercy, in withholding his wrath against such rebellious creatures; who, to the most ungrateful forgetfulness of all his mercies, add the heinous guilt of open hostility. A pungent sense of my own guilty ingratitude, disobedience and rebellion, succeeded; and a special loathing of myself on account of it.

Lord's day, July 5. Arose this morning, in a cold, lifeless frame of mind, and in the same guilty manner, entered the house of God. It being our stated time for the administration of the Lord's Supper, I strove earnestly to have my heart affected with suitable subjects for the occasion. But alas! though not entirely insensible to the sufferings of Christ for sinful man, and of my own unworthiness; yet how cold were my affections, how languid my faith, and how inactive was every grace! As I retired, I fixed my mind in solemn meditation on what I had been doing; and the inconsistent frame of mind, in which I had commemorated the dying love of Jesus. My heart began to melt with. in me; and the tears of penitential sorrow flowed. I cried unto the Lord, and he appeared for me. In the afternoon, my heart was warmed and animated in the duties of the Sanctuary; and I had a most ardent longing for a clearer sight of Christ, a fresh view of his glorious perfections. I was abashed and confounded, under a sense of my unworthiness, and the aggravated sins I had committed

against the dear Redeemer, who had done and suffered so much for guilty man; and who was every day loading me with innumerable mercies and blessings. When I reflected that all my sins were cast, as it were, in the very face of this blessed Redeemer of mankind, it cut me to the heart. I was not grieved be-* cause my sins exposed me to punishment, but because they were committed against so much goodness and compassion. In the evening, while at conference, I felt as though my whole 'soul was drawn out after God; I had an inexpressible sense of that eternal state of existence, in which mankind are all to be placed; and of the dreadful horror of being sentenced to the infernal abodes of hell. Oh, how shocking appeared to me, the condition of souls, who were constantly exposed to this awful catastrophe! How striking, that the mass of mankind can be so regardless of the infinite concerns of eternity, when the very word eternity is enough to strike sinners with astonishment, if they had not benumbed senses, and adamantine hearts! My apprehension of those things was so great at this time, that if it had not been for the secret hope within my breast, it seemed as though I should instantly run into delirium. And as I was on my way home, I resolved still more firmly, that I would give no rest to my soul, until I was satisfied of being ready, at any time, for the solemn transition from time to eternity.

July 6.

This day, my mind has been in a

calm, quiescent frame, and my thoughts engrossed in the things of religion. But I unwittingly fell into company, when I was necessitated to hear much worldly, light and trifling conversation, which was grating to my ears, and irksome to my mind. As soon as decency would permit, I quit their society, greatly elated with the idea of escaping temptation. This gave me a higher sense of the excellence and dignity of religion; and the divine "character appeared more lovely than ever, and I felt renewed zeal for his glorious cause.

July 7. Enjoyed the same calmness and composure of mind, as yesterday; and as a good Providence would have it, fell into company, entirely of a different description from that of yesterday. I had a most delightful interview with some experimental Christians; and took great delight and satisfaction in conversing with them on vital religion. This pleasing theme seemed inexhaustible. And I felt grieved to the heart, for those that could live contented without knowing and tasting the sweets of true religion; that any should be content to feed upon husks, when there is such rich provision offered them in the gospel of Jesus. My exercises arose to a flame of zeal for God and his cause, and the most ardent longing to see more of his glorious attributes. Sin appeared to me the most odious thing in the universe; directly opposed to the moral government of God, affronting to his pure and holy majesty, and calculated to destroy all good, and effect all evil.