this is a work which I undertake for a purely religious object, I shall make no scruple of devoting to it a great part of every Sunday, in which my habitual indisposition may prevent my going to church. May God purify my intentions, and prevent the most remote and indistinct human views from mixing with those of which I am conscious, and which I wish to make exclusively my motives.

Jan. 24, 1818.

My health has been very fair to-day. I wish most gratefully to thank my heavenly Father for the respite. I have, however, felt that mean, slavish feeling which seems to have been common among the heathen-a secret, indistinct fear that the Deity is jealous of our happiness—a dread of too much giving oneself up to the enjoyment of an incipient blessing, or acknowledging it openly, for fear of having the cup dashed from your lips. I have prayed against it. I wish gratefully to acknowledge every abatement or respite of my sufferings (which after all are not like the severe trials which much better people than myself endure), and to feel ready either to submit to a relapse, or to improve a recovery to the glory of my Saviour. I humbly implore his grace, to behave in that temper of mind.

Jan. 30, 1818.`

Though not quite so well as the two preceding days, I have been in very tolerable good health. I have finished my day's reading with Bishop Watson's first sermon against Atheism and Infidelity. It has moved me to tears! He was a man of a very powerful understanding,

and evidently of very sound piety, though not of that devotional cast which is commonly called seriousness. He was, however, serious indeed, in the true sense of that word. It is in books of that kind that I find the greatest satisfaction. My faith is strengthened by them, and my devotional feelings increase, I humbly hope, with the assurance and certainty of my belief.

(Vol. I. p. 336.)

Feb. 14, 1818.

In the account of my studies, I find I have this week employed no more than fourteen hours and a half. So many little things are to be settled in my new lodgings, that my mind is quite abroad, and I even miss that patient and quiet disposition which is necessary for any serious literary pursuit. Were I to engage in the business of active life, I fear I should find it difficult to sit down quietly to any dry and laborious sort of study.

Feb. 16, 1818.

The supply of money which I have received from Spain has made me relapse into the habits of expense beyond my means. I have this day spent a pound in books, without which I might do perfectly well. I have sent others to be bound, which might have gone on in boards. The expense of furnishing my rooms will be greater than what I expected. Thank God, I do not think that I am in immediate danger of running into debt; but still I ought to exert myself more than I do in favour of the indigent. May God enlighten and support me to do my duty.

Feb. 21st, 1818.

Mr. B. called this morning. I requested him to take part of my translation of Paley, in order to correct it, as he

had offered to do. This led into a conversation on the Evidences of Religion, in which he appeared to me in a very favourable light. I had taken him to be a conceited unbeliever; and one who absolutely despised Religion as a fable not worth a moment's attention. But I had done him great injustice. He is what I should call a devout Deist. His unshaken belief in the existence of a benevolent God, his intimate persuasion that the Deity hears the prayers that are addressed to him by his creatures; his earnest desire, accompanied by prayer, of finding a sufficient ground for embracing Christianity; produced a strong effect upon my mind. I said to him, in the words of our Saviour, thou art not far from the kingdom of God." I might have added; "Ye believe in God, believe also in me." I trust, however, that he will do so. of God appears visibly in his state of mind. God was to me a matter of deep humiliation. He spoke of the existence and Providence of God with all the marks of the deepest conviction, wondering (and certainly with great reason), what madness could drive men into the absurdities of Atheism.

66

The hand His faith in

How can I lift up my eyes to heaven! O God, merciful Father, have mercy on me for the sake of Jesus Christ, thy Son !

Sunday, March 1st, 1818.

It has pleased God to turn into a source of suffering what I anxiously longed for as a spring of consolation. I

ventured to St. James's just at the beginning of the Sacrament service. My complaint was troublesome, as it will always be whenever my mind is agitated with the fear of its symptoms. I was a long time walking up and down till the sermon was over; and the conflict between my fears of being taken ill, and my desire of receiving the Sacrament, worked me into a miserable state of nervousness. When I entered the church I was extremely agitated; every word filled my eyes with convulsive tears, and my whole body was in constant motion. The affecting nature of the service, and my efforts to fix my mind on what I was doing, reduced me to such a miserable state, that when I came home I was almost distracted. My ideas have been confused the whole evening, and I feel quite exhausted at this moment.

(Vol. 1. p. 343-7.)

July 30, 1818.

Religion seems to me to stand in the system of Providence as the greatest of all trials. My mind is agitated with doubts on every side. I cannot relish the Scriptures. Yet, I thank God, I feel not the most remote desire of setting my understanding above them, or casting away my faith in Christ.-God forbid. I am perfectly blind—but I know that the Sun of Righteousness is shining in full blaze before me. I shall see it and rejoice in its light, as soon as it shall please God to open my eyes.

The occasion of opening this book has been this. I met the Rev. Mr. Mitchel, who told me he intended to call upon me, and engaged to meet me at my lodgings in the course of the afternoon. I prayed to God that this inter

view might be for the good of my soul, as was that which I had with him at Brighton.

A few hints and expressions of Mr. Mitchel affected my heart in such a way as to induce me to fall upon my knees, as soon as he left the room. I have humbly implored the assistance of God's grace, that I may not be cast away. May the divine spirit dispel the clouds that darken my soul !

Aug. 10, 1818.

I thank God my prayers were not rejected. I have been much more easy in my mind. I hope my love to God is sincere. Though my doubts on several points are not dispelled, I feel a very strong assurance that through the grace of God, no argument, no doubt, can separate me from the love of Christ.

Blessed be God who has given such goodness to men! My friend C. has melted my heart. He told me he had just finished Taylor on Atonement with great pleasure: that he had misunderstood me. We entered freely upon the subject; but without the least spirit of contention, and in the way that Christian inquiry should be carried on. He at last took my hand and kissed it, as if he had been unfair to me in the course of this unfortunate misunderstanding, and he wished in that way to express his sorrow for any pain he had given me. Thanks be to God, who has not allowed me to indulge a single harsh thought against my excellent friend. I should at this moment feel miserable if