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medical friends did not think there was any danger of water on the chest which was supposed to be his complaint, while he could lie down in bed (which he did to the last) and could breathe freely. At seven on the morning of his death, having slept from eleven on the previous night, he awoke; Mrs. Pope, perceiving an alteration in his countenance, declined leaving him, which she otherwise would have done, it being her day to make professional visits as a drawing-mistres. He had his breakfast in bed, and said he did not feel that he was worse, and laid down; at eleven he said to his wife—“ Come nearer to me.” When she approached him he bowed his head in silence, clasped her hands, and breathed his last without a sigh or a struggle.
On him who bade her go,
That glance of voiceless woe;
His mercy to implore,
And there was seen no more.
Received her as she went,
With thirst and sorrow spent.
She rais'd her voice on high,
“Let me not see him die!”
Her all of hope below!
And yet from him the blow!
And watch his sinking breath,
Of the destroyer, Death!
The messenger of peace:
Once more her sorrows cease.
With mighty power, to one
And he-the outcast's son.
When some uplook'd for blight
To joys we fancied bright.
And seek the Almighty's care,
A desert angel there!
PAPERS OF A
EDITED BY HENRY BROWNRIGG, ESQ.
Arma virumque cano!
From the Rev. Dr. Undercrust, Mousehole, Cornwall, lo Gustavus
Nibs, Gentleman-at-Arms and F.S.A., Pimlico. My dear Pupil,-With all your sensibility, with the highest flight of your imagination, it will be impossible for you to conceive the terror and dismay which the printed report of the conduct of a part of your hitherto illustrious corps, at the coronation, occasioned throughout the loyal and enlightened district of Mousehole. Who shall portray the countenance of Squabpie when he rushed into the grey parlour of the parsonage, and, having vainly endeavoured to give utterance to his feelings, sank with a gurgling in his throat into my mulberry-coloured chair, holding in his trembling right hand a copy of “The Globe" newspaper of the 29th of June ?“ Nibs! Nibs !” he exclaimed; and we one and all concluded that the banquet had really taken place—that your hard practice with the beef-steak pie had enabled you to distinguish yourself with a cover at the coronation dinner, and that, as Sir Jeffrey Hudson, once for sport at a royal junketing, emerged from a marrow pudding, a Sir Gustavus Nibs had arisen from a toad-in-a-hole ! * Knighted !" we all exclaimed. “Read, read," answered, in sepulchral tones, the agitated Squabpie. Clarissa, your own Clarissa, with the nerve of an Amazon, took the paper, and, her eye following the finger of Squabpie, she read to our dismay the subjoined paragraph :
“When her Majesty ascended the throne, the Gentlemen-at-Arms (very wrongly so called we think, if we are to take their conduct of yesterday into account when forming an estimate of what does constitute a gentleman) wanted to rush up the steps at the bottom of the entrance of the choir; and when, with some difficulty, they were restrained from going beyond the place assigned to them, they kept up a noisy gabble, which was highly disgraceful (we shall not mince the word) to them.” -Globe, June 29, 1838.
You are of course prepared to learn, that, having read the above, Clarissa immediately fainted. However, thanks to salts and burnt feathers, the wretched girl was at length restored to consciousness, and I give the opinion of Bluebottle, the apothecary—may now be considered out of danger. Notwithstanding, her condition requires the constant exertion of all our reasoning powers to convince her that nothing beyond drumming out of the corps can happen to the ringleaders : ever and anon she drops dark hints about decapitation, and once incoherently inquired of Bluebottle if any one had ever been known to survive quartering ? Certain it is, there ran a report at Mousehole that the whole body of Gentlemen-at-Arms were for their conduct at the coronation to be immediately decimated, and it was considered an extraordinary instance of the mercy of our Queen, that one of the band had been suffered to outlive the illuminations. Another report informed us that five Gentlemen-at-Arms—the greatest offenders—had been demolished at the artillery review at Plumstead Marsh by Congreve rockets, for the especial
gratification of the Duke de Nemours, Marshal Soult, and other noblemen and warriors, all of whom expressed their highest admiration at the precision of the firing. These rumours we have carefully kept from the ears of Clarissa, for, though not even the most sanguine of us can hope that full pardon will be awarded to all the delinquents, we nevertheless trust, from the known clemency of her Majesty, that the punishment will be confined to drumming out, with, perhaps, a little branding. Birdcage Walk will present an awful sight on the day of execution.
Relieve us, my dear Gustavus, from the awful suspense in which your silence has placed us, and believe me, my dear boy, that, whether destiny calls you to knighthood or to death, to St. James's or to Tower Hill—that, whether you win your spurs or lose your head-you will ever find an affectionate friend in your late pastor and master,
MelancTHON UNDERCRUST. P.S. I wish not to oppress you with too heavy a sense of your misfortunes, but I perceive that “ The Morning Post” of the 29th of June has a withering notice of your “gabbling" corps in “ Westminster's old Abbey.” I pray that you may not be all drafted off to Sierra Leone.
I had almost forgotten to state that, let the worst come to the worst, I have a bran new funeral sermon, never yet used upon any subject, quite at the service of any of your body.
Have you quite forgotten to look out for a publisher for my epic “The Saucepan?"
From Adam Pongo, Esq., Mousehole, to Gustavus Nibs, Pimlico. Dear Sir,—As a student of human nature, and as a friend of Dr. Undercrust, you will, I am sure, excuse the liberty of this self-introduction; but a passage in one of your recent delightful letters to Miss Dorothy Nibs—a passage which she very kindly read to me-respecting a new society about to be established in our wonderful metropolis, impels me to request of your courtesy a more minute description of the purposes of the institution in question.
When such ceaseless labours are undertaken—when so much money is spent—to gather together the various specimens of the lower animals -- when we have established agencies in Upper Egypt for the importation of giraffes, and have rival cruisers to intercept rhinoceroses on their way to the docks, when we subscribe thousands in shillings to see a wild man of the woods, and leave Shakspeare without a monument,when a Committee of lords and ladies sit upon emews' eggs,and members of the Royal and Antiquarian Societies inquire into the nutritious properties of horseflesh for leonine stomachs,* it is, perhaps, full time that a body of philosophers should resolve to show how poor and insignificant are the claims of birds and beasts
even in all their beautiful and curious variety, on the attention of man, in comparison with the demands of the human animal himself on the consideration of his fellow in all his endless peculiarities of colour, habit, taste, and opinion. Let the Biped Gardens—or whatever name the exhibi
* Mr. Pongo evidently alludes to the last report of the Zoological Society. HENRY B.
tion of the genus homo spoken of in your last shall be shown under -be once opened, and the bears may impignorate their skins for food, the Brahmin ox let himself out for a common beast of burden, and the elephant hire himself for a stock actor at Mr. Bubbleton's theatre.*
I own that I contemplate with a kind of enthusiasm the great advantages to be derived from the new society. How delightful to take in, almost at a glance, the whole family of man! to have in separate cages, but all under one hospitable roof-the gigantic Patagonian, and the diminutive Esquimaux-the pale and delicate Circassian, and the swarthy Malay! To delight our phrenological faculties with the globular skull of the Georgian and the flat skull of the Carib! To have the Hottentot next door to the Turk--the brown man of Asia a friendly neighbour with the red man of the American woods—to have a Lapland witch a near gossip with a sorceress from the Philippine Islands—and see a Dutchman cheek-by-jowl with a chief from New South Wales ! To have specimens from the Friendly Islands in coutrast with natives of Senegal! In one cage a fakir from Hindostan, with nails a foot long, and an iron ring of a few pounds weight through his nose-in another a Nova Zemblan priest, with trinkets of fish-bones and teeth of wild beasts.
Every country must be made to contribute its human specimens, the society to be under the control of those enviable ladies and gentlemen who, having throughout their long and useful lives—for no member should be eligible under sixty-distinguished themselves in their various circles by a lack of prejudice, violence, and uncharitableness of every kind, should be deemed worthy of the high authority involved in the government of their fellow-creatures. It is most essential that the council of elders be carefully selected, that intelligent and temperate persons be chosen, and zealots, however excellent their intentions, be shut out. Otherwise, the Universal Biped Society—for I submit that such would not be an inapplicable title for the scheme—will share the fate of other institutions, which, originating in worthy motives, have become organized fraternities of folly and error. For instance, some well-meaning member might insist on feeding the Chinese with shin of beef instead of rats, and compel the Gentoo to take leg of mutton with his turnips. The Hottentot might be put upon an oatmeal diet, and the Laplander, because it might be considered a more seemly beverage, be cut off his whale-oil, and forced to tipple thin small beer. Some enthusiasts might even go so far as to oblige the Brahmin to swallow the patent British brandy! All such wild and reckless experiments on the health of the human animals must be vigorously discouraged: surely we have before us the fruits of rashness or ignorance in the deaths of so many of the noble carnivora of what must henceforth be considered the rival society, not to consider the selection of the council of paramount importance. I would certainly suggest that there be as few attorneys as possible in the body (though, by the way, if the conditions before named, of election, be insisted upon, I do not see how very many can get in), for, as their profession makes them great experimentalists on powers of human endurance, they may be apt to indulge their peculiar disposition to the manifest injury of the objects of the society. It has, I understand, been observed,
* It would seem that Mr. Pongo was admitted by the family circle at Mousehole to the full enjoyment of Nibs' correspondence.-H.B.
that none of the hyenas have done well in the Park, since so many lawyers become members. Whether there be any sympathy between the parties I. leave to the better understandings of the animal magnetists.
Pray, is it yet determined where the society intend to set up their cages? Has any piece of ground been granted for a building, --or, what is better still, is there any building already erected that, with trifling cost, might be adapted to the lodging of the human exotics? From what I have heard of your New National Gallery, I should think that to be the very place for the reception of the Hottentots, Caribs, &c. It may be, however, that I do but anticipate the liberal intentions of the government.
Touching the appointment of keepers of the animals : it is impossible that too great care can be exercised on this head. I would suggest this as a rule never to be dissented from, namely, that no man who had ever served as member of parliament should be eligible as keeper; the custom of making laws, as I have remarked, sometimes rendering people less and less informed of the real habits and dearest wants of the governed. I would not expose even the cannibal to what some people would make the rigours of an English Sabbath,—no; even the New Zealander should now and then have his Sunday out.
May I hope, Sir, for the favour of a line on the prospects of what I must call the Universal Biped Society? I have ventured to throw together a few of my ideas upon the subject, but trust that I shall be enabled to explain my views more in detail should I be sufficiently fortunate to obtain admission into the erudite body.
And here, Sir, let me for a moment dwell in anticipation upon the great good to be derived from the institution! Here let me ponder upon the quantum of prejudice to be removed by a contemplation of all the brotherhood of man, feeding, discoursing, sleeping under the same roof. There the Chinese may take his leg of dog—there the Hottentot chew “ the sweet and bitter cud” of bovine viscera—there the Tartar bolt his raw horse-flesh-and there the mild Gentoo consume his bloodless pulse!
And can it be thought, Sir, that such a spectacle will fail to extend the charities of the beholders—to render them less arrogant in their notions of exclusive excellence, seeing that, compared to the great mass of the human race, they may be left in a most contemptible minority, whenever the rest of the world may choose to divide against them ?
Again, Sir-consider the lessons of temperance, of contentment, of humility, to be gathered from a visit to the society at feeding-time! Will not the Alderman blush all up his ears—no matter how long they may be-to think of that Noah's Ark, his corporation stomach, seeing the placid Brahmin taking his one course of lettuce-leaves or cress ?
Will not the Minister, seeing the Hindoo at his dinner, forswear Cabinet puddings, smitten-strange as it may seem- with the sweet simplicity of rice?
Will not the "curious in wine” be struck with compunction that he discharged his butler-his old fifteen-years' servant, for one
“ corked” bottle of port-observing with what a smacking of the lips the Cossack or the Laplander quaffs his prime whale-oil ?
Lady Proudflesh, who has a chicken cooked every day for her spaniel -varied with pheasant and partridge when in season--may stop