Ther. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but, I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book. 55 Thou canst strike, canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!

Ajax. Toads-stool, learn me the proclamation, Ther. Dost thou think, I have no sense, thou strik'st me thus?

Ajax. The proclamation, ' i. e. the lot.

Ther. Thou art proclaim'd a fool, I think. Ajax. Do not, porcupine; do not; my fingersitch. Ther. I would, thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strik'st as slow as another.

Ajax. I say, the proclamation,

Ther. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full of envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou bark'st at him.

Ajax. Mistress Thersites!

Ther. Thou should'st strike him,
Ajax. Cobloaf*!

Ther. He would pun' thee into shivers with
his fist, as a sailor breaks a bisket.
Ajax. You whoreson cur!

Ther. Do, do,

Ajax. Thou stool for a witch "!

[Beating him.

Ther. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in my elbows; an assinego' may tutor thee: Thou scurvy valiant ass! thou art here put to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me; I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by 60 inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! Ajax. You dog!

Unsalted

Tarre is an old English word, signifying to provoke or urge on. leaven, means sour without salt; metaphorically, malignity without wit A crusty uneven loaf is in some counties called by this name. "Pun is, in the midland counties, the vulgar and colloquial word for pound. In one way of trying a witch, they used to place her on a chair or stool, with her legs tied across, that all the weight of her body might rest upon her seat; and by that means, after some time, the circulation of the blood would be much stopped, and her sitting would be as painful Assinego seems to have been a cant term for a foolish fellow.-Assinego

as the wooden horse. 7 is Portuguese for a little ass.

Ther. You scurvy lord!

Ajax. You cur!

[Beating him.

Ther. Mars his ideot! do, rudeness; do, camel;|

do, do.

Enter Achilles, and Patroclus.
Achil. Why, how now, Ajax? wherefore do
you thus?

How now, Thersites ? what's the matter, man?
Ther. You see him there, do you?
Achil. Ay; What's the matter?

Ther. Nay, look upon him.

Achil. So I do; What's the matter?

Ther. Nay, but regard him well.

Achil. Well, why I do so.

their toes, yoke you like draft oxen, and make you plough up the war.

5 to!

10

Achil. What, what?

Ther. Yes, good sooth; To, Achilles ! to, Ajax!

Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue.

Ther. 'Tis no matter; Ishall speak as much as thou afterwards.

Patr. No more words, Thersites; peace. Ther. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me', shall I?

Achil. There's for you, Patroclus.

Ther. I will see you hang'd, like clodpoles, ere I come any more to your tents; I will keep where

Ther. But yet you look not well upon him: for, 15 there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools.

whosoever you take him to be, he is Ajax.

Achil. I know that, fool.

Ther. Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
Ajax. Therefore I beat thee.

Ther. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he 20
utters! his evasions have ears thus long. I have
bobb'd his brain, more than he has beat my bones:
I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia
mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow.
This lord, Achilles, Ajax,-who wears his wit in 25
his belly, and his guts in his head,—I'll tell you
what I say of him.

Achil. What?

Ther. I say, this Ajax

Achil. Nay, good Ajax.

[Ajax offers to strike him, Achilles interposes. Ther. Has not so much wit

Achil. Nay, I must hold you.

Ther. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle,] for whom he comes to fight.

Achil. Peace, fool!

Ther. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there; that he; look you

Patr. Good words, Thersites.

Achil. What's the quarrel?

Ajax. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour of the proclamation; and he rails upon me. Ther. I serve thee not.

Ajax. Well, go to, go to.

Ther. I serve here voluntary.

Achil. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.

30

35

Patr. A good riddance.

[Exit.

Achil. Marry this, sir, is proclaim'd through
all our host:

That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun,
Will, with a trumpet, 'twixt our tents and Troy,
To-morrow morning call some knight to arms,
That hath a stomach; and such a one, that dare
Maintain-I know not what; 'tis trash: Farewell.
Ajax. Farewell. Who shall answer him?
Achil. I know not, it is put to lottery; otherwise,
He knew his man.

Ajax. O, meaning you :-I'll go learn more
[Exeunt.

of it.

SCENE II.

TROY.

Priam's Palace.

Enter Priam, Hector,Troilus, Paris,and Helenus.
Pri. After so many hours, lives, speeches spent,
Thus once again says Nestor from the Greeks;
Deliver Helen; and all damage else

As honour, loss of time, travel, expence,
Wounds,friends,and what else dear that is consum'd
40 In hot digestion of this cormorant war,-

Shall be struck off:-Hector, what say you to't? Hect. Though no man lesser fears the Greeks than I,

As far as toucheth my particular, yet,
45 Dread Priam,

There is no lady of more softer bowels,
More spungy to suck in the sense of fear,
More ready to cry out-Who knows what follows?
Than Hector is: The wound of peace is surety,
50 Surety secure; but modest doubt is call'd

Ther. Even so?-a great deal of your wit too 55 lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains; 'a were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.

Achil. What, with me too, Thersites ? Ther. There's Ulysses and old Nestor,-whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires had nails on

60

He calls Patroclus, in contempt, Achilles' dog.

The beacon of the wise, the tent that searches
To the bottom of the worst. Let Helen go:
Since the first sword was drawnabout this question,
Every tithe soul, 'mongst many thousand dismes',
Hath been as dear as Helen; I mean, of ours:
If we have lost so many tenths of ours,
To guard a thing not ours; not worth to us,
Had it our name, the value of one ten;
What merit's in that reason, which denies
The yielding of her up?

Troi. Fie, fie, my brother!
Weigh you the worth and honour of a king,

Hect. It is Cassandra.

Enter Cassandra, racing.

Cas. Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand
And I will fill them with prophetic tears. [eyes,
Hect. Peace, sister, peace.
[elders,

Cas. Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled
Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry,
Add to my clamours! let us pay betimes

A moiety of that mass of moan to come.
Cry, Trojans, cry! practise your eyes with tears!
Troy must not be, nor goodly Ilion stand;
Our fire-brand brother, Paris, burns us all.
30 Cry, Trojans, cry! a Helen, and a woe:
Cry, cry! Troy burns, or else let Helen go.[Exit.
Lect. Now, youthful Troilus, do not these high

Of divination in our sister work

35 Some touches of remorse? or is your blood
So madly hot, that no discourse of reason,
Nor fear of bad success in a bad cause,
Can qualify the same?

Troi. Why, brother Hector,

40 We may not think the justness of each act
Such and no other than event doth form it;
Nor once deject the courage of our minds,
Because Cassandra's mad; her brain-sick ruptures
Cannot distaste the goodness of a quarrel,
Which hath our several honours all engag'd
To make it gracious. For my private part,
I am no more touch'd than all Priam's sons:
And Jove forbid, there should be done amongst us
Such things as would offend the weakest spleen
50 To fight for and maintain!

Par. Else might the world convince of levity
As well my undertakings, as your counsels:
But I attest the gods, your full consent
Gave wings to my propension, and cut off
All fears attending on so dire a project.
For what, alas, can these my single arms?
What

propugnation is in one man's valour,
To stand the push and enmity of those
This quarrel would excite? Yet, I protest,
60 Were I alone to pass the difficulties,

And had as ample power as I have will,
Paris should ne'er retract what he hath done,

The meaning is, that greatness to which no measure bears any proportion. That is, into a common oider.

1. e. corrupt; change to a worse state.

Nor faint in the pursuit.

Pri. Paris, you speak

Like one besotted on your sweet delights:
You have the honey still, but these the gall;
So to be valiant, is no praise at all.

Par. Sir, I propose not merely to myself
The pleasures such a beauty brings with it;
But I would have the soil of her fair rape
Wip'd off, in honourable keeping her.
What treason were it to the ransack'd queen,
Disgrace to your great worths, and shame to me,
Now to deliver her possession up,

On terms of base compulsion? Can it be,
That so degenerate a strain as this,

Should once set footing in your generous bosoms? 15
There's not the meanest spirit on our party,
Without a heart to dare, or sword to draw,
When Helen is defended; nor none so noble,
Whose life were ill bestow'd, or death unfam'd,
Where Helen is the subject: then, I say,
Well may we fight for her, whom, we know well,
The world's large spaces cannot parallel.

Hect. Paris, and Troilus, you have both said well;
And on the cause and question now in hand
Have gloz'd, but superficially; not much
Unlike young men, whom Aristotle thought
Unfit to hear moral philosophy:
The reasons you alledge, do more conduce
To the hot passion of distemper'd blood,
Than to make up a free determination
"Twixt right and wrong; Forpleasure,and revenge,
Have ears more deaf than adders to the voice
Of any true decision. Nature craves,
All dues be render'd to their owners; Now
What nearer debt in all humanity,
Than wife is to the husband? If this law
Of nature be corrupted through affection;
And that great minds, of partial indulgence
To their benummed wills, resist the same;
There is a law in each well-order'd nation,
To curb those raging appetites that are
Most disobedient and refractory.
If Helen then be wife to Sparta's king,-
As it is known she is, these moral laws
Of nature, and of nations, speak aloud
To have her back return'd: Thus to persist
In doing wrong, extenuates not wrong,
But makes it much more heavy. Hector's opinion
Is this, in way of truth: yet, ne'ertheless,
My sprightly brethren, I propend to you
In resolution to keep Helen still;
For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependence
Upon our joint and several dignities.

[sign:
Troi.Why, there you touch'd the life of our de-
Were it not glory that we more affected
Than the performance of our heaving spleens2,
I would not wish a drop of Trojan blood
Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector,
She is a theme of honour and renown;
A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds;
Whose present courage may beat down our foes,

'i. e. inflexible, immoveable. envy, factious contention.

20

SCENE III.
The Grecian Camp.
Achilles' Tent.
Enter Thersites.

[Exeunt:

How now, Thersites? what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats ine, and I rail at him: O worthy sati: faction! 'would it were otherwise, that I could beat him, whilst he rail'd at me : 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue 25 of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles,

-a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken 'till these two undermine it, the walls will stand 'till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove the king of 30 gods; and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy Caduceus; if ye take not that little little less-than-little wit from them that they have! which short-arm'd ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deli35 vera fly from a spider, without drawing the massy iron, and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the boneache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have said my 40 prayers; and devil envy, say Amen, What, ho‍f iny lord Achilles !

145

Enter Patroclus. Patr. Who's there? Thersites? Good Thersites, come in and rail.

Ther. If I could have remember'd a gilt counterfeit, thou would'st not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter, Thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless 50thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction 'till thy death! then if she that lays thee out, says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't, she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen, 55 Where's Achilles?

60

Patr. What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer?

Ther. Ay; The heavens hear me !
Enter Achilles.

Achil. Who's there!

Patr. Thersites, my lord.

Achil. Where, where? -Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not serv'd thyself in to my table so many meals Come, what's Agamemnon?

Ther. Thy commander, Achilles;-Then tell 5 me, Patroclus, what's Achilles?

Patr. Thy lord, Thersites; Then tell me, I pray thee, what's thyself?

Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus; Then tell me,
Patroclus, what art thou?

Putr. Thou may'st tell, that know'st.
Achil. O, tell, tell.

Ther. I'll decline the whole question'. Aga-
meninon commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord;
I am Patroclus' knower; and Patroclus is a fool.
Patr. You rascal!

10

15

Ther. Peace, fool; I have not done. [sites. Achil. He is a privileg'd man.-Proceed, TherTher. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is 20 a fool.

Achil. Derive this; come.

Ther. Agamemnon is a fool, to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded] of Agamemnon; Thersites is a fool, to serve such. 25 a fool; and Patroclus is a fool positive.

Patr. Why am I a fool?

Ther. Make that demand of the prover.It suffices me, thou art. Look you, who comes here: Enter Agamemnon, Ulysses, Nestor, Diomedes, 30 and Ajax.

Achil. Patroclus, I'll speak with no body:Come in with me, Thersites.

[Exit.

Ther. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery! all the argument is a cuckold, 35 and a whore; A good quarrel, to draw emulous factions, and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serpigo on the subject! and war, and lechery, confound all!

Agam. Where is Achilles?

[Exit.

Patr. Within his tent; but ill-dispos'd, my lord.
Agam. Let it be known to him, that we are here.
He shent' our messengers; and we lay by
Our appertainments, visiting of him:
Let him be told so; lest, perchance, he think
We dare not move the question of our place,
Or know not what we are.

[Exit.

Patr. I shall so say to him.
Ulyss. We saw him at the opening of his tent;
He is not sick.

art:

40

Ulyss. No; you see, he is his argument, that has his argument; Achilles.

Nest. All the better; their fraction is more our wish, than their faction: But it was a strong composure, a fool could disunite.

Ulyss. The amity, that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untye.-Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter Patroclus.

Nest. No Achilles with him.

Ulyss. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy ;

His legs are for necessity, not for flexure.

Patr. Achilles bids ine say-he is much sorry,
If any thing more than your sport and pleasure.
Did move your greatness, and this noble state',
To call on him; he hopes, it is no other,
But, for your health and your digestion sake,
An after-dinner's breath.

Agam. Hear you, Patroclus ;

We are too well acquainted with these answers:
But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
Cannot out-fly our apprehensions.

Much attribute he hath and much the reason
Why we ascribe it to him: yet all his virtues,-
Not virtuously on his own part beheld,—
Do, in our eyes, begin to lose their gloss;
Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,
Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him,
We come to speak to him: And you shall not sin,
If you do say-we think him over-proud,
And under-honest; in self-assumption greater,
Than in the note of judgement; and worthier than
himself,

Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on;
Disguise the holy strength of their command,
And under-write in an observing kind
His humorous predominance; yea, watch
His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if
The passage and whole carriage of this action
Rode on his tide. Go, tell him this; and add,
That, if he over-hold his price so much,
We'll none of him; but let him, like an engine
Not portable, lie under this report————
Bring action hither, this cannot go to war:
45 A stirring dwarf we do allowance' give
Before a sleeping giant:-Tell him so.
Putr. I shall; and bring his answer presently.

[Exit. Agam. In second voice we'll not be satisfied, 50We come to speak with him.-Ulysses, enter you. [Exit Ulysses.

Ajax. Yes, lion-sick, sick of a proud you may call it melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, 'tis pride: But why, why? let him shew us a cause.-A word, my lord. [To Agamemnon.55 Nest. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? Ulyss.Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him. Nest. Who? Thersites?

Ulyss. He.

Ajax. What is he more than another?
gam. No more than what he thinks he is.
Ajax. Is he so much? Do you not think, he
thinks himself

A better man than I? .
Agum. No question.

he is?

Ajax. Will you subscribe his thought, and say, [valiant, Nest. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have 60 Agam. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as lost his argument. As wise, and no less noble; much more gentle,

'i. e. I will deduce the question from the first case to the last. the stately train of attending nobles whom you bring with you. Allowance is approbation.

obey.

3 K 3

i. e. rebuked, rated. 'i. e. To subscribe, in Shakspeare, is to

And