Nor can I think fuch Zeal you'll difcommend,
Since Poetry has been fo much your Friend:
Onthat thou'ft liv'dand flourish'dall thy Time;
Nay more, maintain'd a Family by Rhime;
And that's a Mark that Dryden ne'er could hit.
He lives upon his Penfion, not his Wit:
E'engentleGeorge(flux'dboth intongue&purse)
Shunning one Snare, yet fell into a worse.
A Man may be reliev'd once in his Life,
But who can be reliev'd that has a Wife?
Otway can hardly Guts from Gaol preferve,
And, tho' he's very fat, he's like to starve:
And Sing-fong Durfey (plac'd beneath abuses)
Lives by his Impudence, and not the Muses:
Poor Crown too has his third days mix'd with
Gall,

He lives fo ill, he hardly lives at all.

Shadwell and Settle both with Rhimes are fraught,

But can't between 'em mufter up a Groat:
Nay, Lee in Bethlem now fees better Days,
Than when applauded for his bombaft Plays;
Heknows noCare,norfeelsfharpWant nomore,
And that is what he ne'er could fay before:
Thus while our Bards are famifh'd by their Wit,
Thou who haft none at all, yet thriv'st by it.
Were't poffible that Wit could turn a Penny,
Poets might then grow rich as well as any:
For 'tis not Wit to have a great Estate,
The blind Effect of Fortune and of Fate:
Since oft we fee a Coxcomb dull and vain,
Brim-full of Cafh, yet empty in his Brain:

Nor

Nor is it Wit that makes the Lawyer prize
His dagled Gown: it's Knavery in Disguise:
Nor is it Wit that makes the Tradefman great,
'Tis the Compendious Art to Lye and Cheat.
The base Strumpet ftill may rant and rail,
'Tis not her Wit fhe lives by, but her Tail:
Nor is it Wit that drills the Statesman on
To waste the Sweets of Life, fo quickly gone:
For 'tis not Wit that brings a Man to hanging,
That goes no farther than a harmlefs banging.
How juftly then doft thou our Praise deserve,
That got'ft thy Bread where all Men elfe did
ftarve ?

But whats more strange, the Miracle was wrought

Byone that ha'nt the leaft pretence to Thought:
And he that had no meaning to do Wrong,
Can't fuffer fure, for his no meaning, long.
And that's the Confolation that I bring;
Thou art too Dull, to think a treacherous
thing,
The thoughtfulTraytor 'tis offends theKing.

A Character of an Ugly Woman: Or, A
Hue and Cry after Beauty.

Written by the late Duke of Buckingham, in the Year 1678.

T

Here being lately loft, while the Devil was removing Housholdstuff at St. James's, a certain She-Animal of prodigious Quality, and unknown Virtue; 'tis thought fit

to

to give the World a Defcription, and Ear mark of the Beast, that if any fortunate Bully, or doughty Efquire, in Town or Country, happen to stumble, or tumble upon fuch a Bargain, he may be furnished with a particular Inventory of his Purchase. It should have been an Advertisement in the Gazette, but that of late few People regard it.

Imprimis, As to her Defcent, fome Heralds derive her Pedigree from that of the Scotch Barnacles, and say, that she dropt from fome teeming Gallows, or fprung up like Mandrakes from the Sof fome gibbited Raggamuffian; others averr, fhe was begot by a Glifter-pipe; because, she calls Sir Sauney De' Muckle, her Sire, a foolish Quack, who by the Recommendations of his Country-men, of mighty Logger-fconce, is become Knight of the SouthSaying Pifs-pot; nor is it any Wonder that an Epidemical Plague fhould bring a Doctor to Preferment. This whifling Scabbado has long been famous at Court, for much practice, and no Succefs, except of curing Ladies of

with Sack-poffets, and affifting old Ones past buman Sport, with well try'd D-The fubtleft Act he ever did, was begetting this Madam Pandora, thereby caufing an infallible Plot for future Bufineffes; for where-ever the comes, Difeafes do as naturally follow her, as Debauchery does the Court; and she alone is able to make Work for a whole College of Phyfians. She takes upon her the venerable

Name

Name of a Widow, but was never Married; for fure, the Churchmen that prohibit unequal zacking, could never be guilty of linking any Christian with fuch a Succuba; yet to prove her Marriage, the Hagg conjures for the Ghoft of a good Bishop departed, and wou'd scandalize that pious Man, as Pander Canonical to her Letchery: Her Husband, the pretends, dy'd at Sea: Indeed, 'tis no Wonder he should be caft away in fuch a filthy leaky Bottom; for all those must needs be Shipwrack'd, that caft Anchor in her Embraces. She is Old, and has nothing of Woman left in her, but Luft and Tongue; and the latter brings in Contribution for the former. She has quite ruin'd the Daubers, and Bawdy Occupations, pretending a Patent to Monopolize both those Mysteries. Her Chamber is the Common-fhore of the Town: The long Cellar of Amfterdam is not more frequented, and fhe has an Allowance of five or fix Dishes for Supper, to bring Young Ones together; fhe is there the other of the aids, riding Admiral of a Squadron of Privateers, and holding forth in the Conventicle of the Family of Love: Marriages are there promoted, that were never made in HEAVEN, nor, does Doctors Commons in a Twelve Month determine half so many smutty Controverfies as are here dispatch'd in an Evening; all the Amorous Intrigues are grave. ly decided in the Divan, and the Punctual Quota for all Keepers of all Qualities to al

low

low their Mistresses. 'Tis the Supream Council, next to that of White-ball,for regulatingVenereal Affairs, and there is not a Harlot of Quality that walks the Park, but thence takes her Measures for Price and Choice of her Cullies,

To give a more particular Character of her Perfon, we may call her the Epitome of Ugliness, an Original drawn by Natures Pencil, whereof Granny Shipton, Mother Loufe, and Gammer Damnable were but imperfect Copies; Her plaiftred Face drops against ill Weather, and when The laughs, it looks like a Ruffled Boot, and her folitary Tooth like an old Candle in the middle of it, he is Beetle brow'd, Wood-cock-nos'd, as crooked in Body as in Mind, her Skin Peafeporrige Tawny, or fomewhat inclining to the oriental Complexion of Rufty Bacon, befet with natural Rubies, and Carbuncles, yet always bare almoft down to the Centre, and two or three buge black Patches to turn the Efflorescences of her Hide into Beauty-fpots; as for the other infernal Parts, the Devil deals there altogether: For they lie under the Torrid Zone, and therefore utterly uninhabitable, only fome bold Travellers that have ventur'd, represent them much like the Defarts of Arabia, horrible Wild and Barren,not so much as a Bush to be met with, nor any thing but venomous Gulfs, like the Lacus Afphaltites, or Concave of Mount Strombulo, belching out continually fulfurons Flames, enough to destroy all that approach them. Indeed, her Breath wou'd rout an Army sooner

K

than